Kids in your bed

The poll pretty much speaks for itself.

We are having some night waking issues with Derek. He has decided that he wants to get up in the middle of the night and sleep in our bed. We have "no kids in bed rule" that we are trying to keep. But, as soon as he comes in I walk him back to his room where he screams bloody murder and wakes Tyler and his sister. So then everyone has to go to the potty and then go back to bed and then I am wide awake. I mentioned to my DH today about just letting him come to bed at 2am with us and DH says absolutely not. It is a rule we agreed on, but I am thinking that maybe its just easier to let it slide. But then I wonder what a bad habit that is and how hard it is to break.

Any opinions?

 

Well, with my first there was an absolutely no kids allowed in our bed rule. Then, with my second, once in awhile she would need me in the middle of the night (she was a crummy sleeper)...and I was pregnant with #3, so my lazy butt just let her come sleep with me. That turned into a "special bed" which is a sleeping bag, on the floor right beside me.

Well, #2 and #3 had the "special bed"s. Then, these two became crappy sleepers (all mine have been horrible sleepers). I tried CIO for weeks, and nobody EVER made it through the night. So, with these two, I was so sleep deprived, they would eventually end up in our bed. And, now that they are in big kid beds, they just come and crawl in. My husband doesn't care because then he doesn't have to get up or hear me complain about it. That doesn't mean he agrees, he just doesn't complain. Now, they never start out in our bed, and they are both usually up before we are (that's what older siblings are for), so we still get our snuggle together time anyway.

 

My kids don't sleep with us, but I didn't answer the poll because you have to answer every question and they don't all apply.

 

I said Yes, part of the night, and yes.

We also have a "no kids in the bed rule". We never put them in bed with us at their bedtime. And we never bring them in with us even in the middle of the night. The only reason I said yes, is because Hailey can be an early riser ... she's been knowing to wake as early as 4am. If I leave her in her crib, she will just scream and yell until the whole family is awake. So if 10 minutes goes by, and she isn't quieting down, I will get her and bring her into bed with me. 9 out of 10 times, she will then go back to sleep until later in the morning.

Right now, DH and I aren't sharing a bed, because I'm sleeping so crappy being pregnant. So by me taking her, he can sleep better since he has to go to work and I'm on maternity leave.

But if any of hte kids wake at like 2 or 3am, I will not bring them into my bed. In their entire lives, I did it ONCE because Hailey was sick and just wouldn't sleep.

I really really don't like the idea of kids coming in our bed, or getting used to us allowing it. But honestly, it's tough being pregnant and I don't want to fight it ... I just want to sleep.

 

I couldn't vote because it wouldn't let me vote no on the first question and submit it, it told me I had to vote on all the questions. ardon:

Anyway...we have a no kids in bed rule and we plan on sticking with it. But...I've never been faced with your situation. I would hope I could still stick to it.

Can you lay on his floor for a minute so he doesn't scream? I know that is still waking you, but it would prevent everyone else from waking, potty breaks, etc.

 

I needed an "other" option. Generally they do not sleep with us. But, if they were sick or something it would be an exception. They did come crawl in bed with us this morning, but just to cuddle. I couldn't tell you the last time that happened.

 

Oh man do I feel for you. :hug: We are going through this right now. :gah:

We have a no kids in bed rule and did so well until this past month. <_< My son has become so very afraid of rain and/or any noise outside. :grr: Last year I could go in and settle him down quickly, this year not so much and a few weeks ago it was raining EVERY night and I just couldn't sit in his room until the rain ended. It was hours and his screaming was waking up my daughter and it was just too much. So we have started bringing him in bed ONLY when it's raining. I'm not used to that and I sleep horribly and Dh doesn't care really because he won't go sit with him for hours in his room.

Good luck. :hug:

 

We have had a no kids in the bed rule since Megan was born almost 12 years ago. That is OUR space! lol If they scream bloody murder in the middle of the night, so be it. There have been a few hours of the night here and there for each child if they were really sick or had a horrible dream but we're talking half an hour to maybe two hours max. There have even been a few times I've wanted them to sleep beside me for a little while (high fevers or something) and they just wanted to go back to their own bed! This is one battle I refused to even begin. That meant some nights hung over the crib edge soothing rather than bringing them to bed with me. It has paid off in that I have five children and only once a month at most are we woken up during the night.

 

Same here.


No, we have never let any of the kids sleep in our bed. It's just something we decided we did not want to start. It's never come up with Emilie and Trevor and if Caroline has woken up in the middle of the night and asked, we have just told her she has to go back to sleep in her bed and one of us walks her back.


I am sorry you are having issues with Derek. :hug: But honestly, if this is a rule you and DH have, I would stick with it. I personally think that if you give in you are setting yourself up for him and possibly others being in your bed for a long time. I have seen it happen with my SIL, she gives in because it's easier and she always has kids in bed with her. Stick to your guns. Hang in there. :hug:

 

Rachel, I messed with your poll a bit! Sorry...couldn't answer without some Other's in there!! I kinda messed it up, so maybe the people who couldn't vote (like me) can now vote!

 

No kids in our bed, ever -- which is no problem with Nadia and Karina, as they're both great sleepers.

But, Kevan has had some epic bad nights, and has gone through phases where he wakes frequently. My solution is to throw a pillow and blanket on the floor next to his crib, and sleep there. Sometimes he'll go back to sleep in his crib if he knows I'm in there...and other times, he needs to be on the floor next to me. Depends on what the problem is. K&K are in separate rooms, so there are no issues with my doing this.

It's not ideal, of course, but I just consider it survival -- no way can I have him screaming and waking up the rest of the house.

 

They never start out in bed with us but we have gone through phases where they come in, in the middle of the night. Usually we let it slide for a few nights but then I get annoyed about getting kicked in the head and not having enough room to sleep, so then we go into operation back in bed mode and anytime they come in we take them back to their beds. Usually have to do that two or three nights and then we are good to go. DH and I are on the same page. Sometimes we are just too exhausted to fight it each night. So we let it go and then get annoyed and try to fix it! lol

 

Thanks Di. Sorry about the poll issues. :blush:

This morning it was 6am and he wanted to get in bed with us. I let him. DH was mad about it. I am sick and tired of sitting in his room when I could be sleeping. But I soooo dont want to make it a habit. So we will see what tomorrow brings. <_<

 

BIG BIG :hug: Rachel! Some of you may know how terrible my two are at sleeping. We started out with this but slowly went down hill. I even have to lay down with them at night for them to fall asleep. Then around 2; Lauren will come into our room and I have to go lay with her. She won't sleep in our bed, she just wants to watch TV.

My suggestion is to NOT start this habit, but then I would be calling the kettle black or whatever that saying is. I know all too well about being sleep deprived and doing the easiest thing. However I am still paying for it. :argh:

 

We always said we would NEVER let our kids come in our bed. For me, it's a matter of would I rather sit next to their bed in their room and not sleep, or sleep in my bed with a child next to me. The child in the bed wins. I would be one very tired mom if I had to sit next to each kid when they woke up during the night. We do have our times when we try to "correct" the issue...then I get tired again.

For me, I guess it's one battle I choose not to fight.

 

This is what you left out of your poll.

My girls are approaching 5. They almost never come into my bed anymore.

For the first 12 months of their lives they slept with me. Frankly I don't understand how people manage to night nurse without sleeping with them. You can ACTUALLY NURSE THEM IN YOUR SLEEP!!! My girls weren't STTN at 12 months, but I didn't care because I was!
At a year they got their own bed. I put them to sleep there. It was twin size so I could lay down with them. If they woke up at night I'd go back and lay down with them again. Around 20 months we started leaving the bed's gate down and they could get out. Then if they woke up at night they came in with me (and DH if he was home). At first when ever they got up a night, to get a drink or to go potty, they'd come in with me after that. Around 3 they started getting up and going back to their own bed. Now they only come in if they had a bad dream. I never did anything to discourage their desire to sleep with me. So in my expeirence. It's not a bad habit at all and no it's not hard to break. You will not be sleeping with Teenagers!

 

It's funny how different everyone's experience is! I nursed Nadia exclusively, but she woke to eat every three hours at night as a newborn, so it was really no big deal to pop into the nursery right next to our bedroom to nurse her. I loved sitting in the recliner, listening to lullabies and watching her nurse.

And, she stopped nursing at night at 8 weeks on her own...I'd nurse her at 10pm and put her down, and she'd wake to nurse at 6am, and then go back to sleep until 10am. When we started solids, she started sleeping the 12 hours straight.

So, that's how I managed to night nurse without co-sleeping. (ducking)

 

We've always had a "No kids in bed" rule and so far we've stuck to it. I've wanted to give in once or twice but my DH always stands firm on this!

I nursed the girls too and in the beginning I had them in a cosleeper next to the bed and then I just got up after that! They ended up sleeping through the night by 5 months.

 

I love having my kids in bed with me. I never fell asleep in bed with the kids, I always put them down in their cribs before I went to bed, but they have always ended up in bed with us. We still sleep with our youngest who generally ends up in bed with us between 2 and 3 in the morning, but my older two sleep in their own beds and only come to bed with us when they have a nightmare. I did no sleep training or any type of 'get out of our bed' training. It just kinda happened. Co-sleeping rocks! LOL

 

Ours sleep in their own cots (haven't got around to beds yet). Many mornings Maia wakes early, 5 ish, and I'll usually bring her back to our bed so I can continue to sleep (DH is already up by then). If she wakes earlier, I insist she goes back in her own bed. We had to do some start charting on this, but now she's pretty good. I just have to lie on the floor by her bed for a while so she can put a hand where my cleavage would be were I better endowed - her equivalent of a comfort blanket. So I have a comfortable rug, pillow and cover kept by their beds.

Maybe you could try a start chart for your little one? PM me if you'd like me to tell you in more detail how ours worked.

 

Well, we always said no kids in the bed. Then I had Chole and the twins were only 16 months old. Chloe bf and didn't sleep all night until about 1 year. So, she ended up co-sleeping with us. In the last few months, P and P have started to wake and come into our room (almost daily). Most night I end up just letting them sleep with us because I need my sleep and returning them to their room usually wakes everyone! DH and I really don't like the situation, but hope that they will grow out of the behavior.

 

We have a no kids in our bed rule too. While I love snuggling with my girlies, I don't sleep well with them in our bed. When we were going thru a lot of rough nights with Meara's nightmares, we set up a pnp in our room and she could sleep there. I've heard of people setting up a little sleeping bag on the floor too. So if Derek wants to come in, he can, but he won't be IN your bed, just in your room. GL!

 

Maybe I will try the sleeping bag on the floor and see if that works. I know if it were me, I would turn around and march right back to my room. I HATE sleeping on the floor. :laughing:

 

Yes I let them sleep with us on occasion, like if they've had a bad dream or when they are sick. They never start the night out with us and don't ever ask to, but if they wake from a nightmare (which isn't too often) or also if they wake early and I want more sleep then they come into our bed. DH doesn't mind at all, I actually think he likes it.

:hug: I hope you guys get it all worked out.

 

I'm OK with a nursing infant but after that stage then NO kids. I do not sleep well with kids in my bed. We have a pillow and blanket on the floor next to my side of the bed and kids come there and I can reach them, rub head or back to comfort them.

Cindy

 

We have had the no sleeping with us rule. However, there are exceptions. Like a very bad dream and won't go back to sleep afterwards. Or if one is sick and if they'll sleep better with us.(as babies/toddlers) I've never been a sleep with the baby type of mom. I couldn't get good enough sleep with a baby in the bed, so they were in their cribs pretty early on.

Lately we have done something different. From August of last year to February to this year, DH was here in Iowa with a new job and the kids and I were still in Virigina waiting for our house to sell. The big kids did not deal well with the transition. So, I let them sleep on my floor beside the bed. At first it was if they were scared thing, but eventually it was an every night thing. After 6 months without Dad there, I was pretty lax on lots of stuff! Anyway, now that we're in together in the new state, they are usually in their own beds unless they had a bad dream. Then they know they can sleep on the floor next to us. It seems to work well for us! :good:

 

Mine all coslept for a while. My oldest slept with us till she was about 2-2.5. I just got used to it. Then my next one didn't enjoy it, wanted his space so I put him in his bed early around 6 mos (when I was done nursing) and he has always stayed in his own bed. The twins....were tough. I had both of them in our room (the crib right next to our bed) until they were like 9 mos old, but bc of breathing issues and other things, they have both slept on and off with us. I totally feel for you as far as waking the others. I got so sleep deprived I did whatever it was that meant I would get sleep. My dh traveled so much that I was on my own mostly and just so dang tired I didn't care where anyone slept. Now that my dh and I are separated my oldest sleeps in my bed every night. Occasionally one of the others will have an off night and try to get into bed with us. I walk them back to the room but if they really put up a fight I just throw them in bed (or I make them bring their covers and let them sleep on the floor in my room).

 

We also have a no kids in our bed rule. We do let them come in and cuddle on Saturday mornings during the school year and it seems to be more frequent now that I'm on summer break. They love to cuddle between me and DH but there's no way this would work for sleeping.

 

9 times out of 10 my kids sleep the entire night in their bed, fortunately I have pretty good sleepers. DH and I gennerally have the no kids in bed rule, but there are some nights when we are just too tired and give in and pull them into bed when they make it all the way to our room. But a lot of the times when they wake up crying, whomever they are crying for, goes in there and will pat and shush until they fall asleep, and some nights DH or I end up falling asleep on the floor in their room. So there is really no set rule or pattern that we follow.

I would think that as long as having a kid in the bed doesn't disturb you or DH (or your alone time/relationship) and you feel comfortable with it then it isn't necessarily a bad thing. Whatever works for you, works for you. Good Luck!!!!!

 

We don't let them sleep in our bed. I need space when I sleep! Josh was having issues with night waking, and I put a sleeping bag on the floor and told him that he had to sleep down there if he woke up during the night. It worked, he stopped waking everyone up, and he eventually just stopped waking up and coming in our room.

 

When my girls get up early in the morning, like 6ish, we will let them sleep with us.
But my girls know that DH is a softie, so if they wake up in the middle of the night, and I put them back in their bed, they have been know to come back into our room and ask DH's help to get into our bed. Depending on how tired he is, depends on if he helps them or makes them go back to their bed.

 

Wow, I guess I"m one of the few who doesn't have that rule. My kids (and I've been the same with all of them) start out in their own beds. Most nights (although not as often in the last week or two) Luke or Lila or sometimes both end up in my bed at some point. Most nights I don't even hear them I just wake up & there they are. Honestly, it isn't worth it to me to try to take them back to their own bed. Plus, having gone through it with the other kids, I know the time is quickly coming where they won't want to be in there & snuggle times will get to be few & far between. So, I'm just enjoying my snuggly little munchkins while I can! Yes, sometimes I don't sleep as well with them there, but they are my last babies so... ardon:

 

This is us to a T! We put them down in their beds, but every night for 4-5 nights now, I wake up in the middle of the night and Matt is there. lol. He's snuggly and I'm tired ... so he stays.

 

I answered "no" but it's not strictly true. If one of the boys is sick he sleeps in our bed, between DH and I. I like to keep a close eye on them and it helps to let the other brother sleep (they share a room). We are expecting a new baby within the next month and we plan to have her sleeping beside or in our bed for the first several weeks to facilitate night-time breastfeeding.

 

Different kids have done different things at different ages.

My eldest never spent a night of his life in a bassinet or crib. He slept with us until his little sister was about 6 months and he was about 3 years old. The two of them made my nights sleepless so he got the boot. He is now 8 and sleeps in his own bed in his own room or on a mattress on the floor in my room.

The next child was a better sleeper. She either slept with me or in a pack and play until she was about 18 months. Then she slept with me until about 2.5/3 years when she moved into her brother's room on the top bunk. She is now 6 and sleeps in her own room in her own bed or on a matress on my floor.

The twins slept with me or in a pack and play until 15 months. After that they slept only in my bed until 20 months. Not having a pack and play or crib during that time was hard and my sleep suffered. They are now 24 months and mostly sleep in their own cribs. I nurse them both several times during the night in a rocking chair in their room, but if I take them back to my bed then I'll never bring them back to the crib. I would say one or the other ends up in my bed about 3 nights a week.

My partner has been supportive of our sleeping arrangements as we both agreed it got us the most sleep while still being respectful of our kids' needs. I would love to have a "no kid" policy (because I do think I would get better sleep) but I know I could never follow through on it. I would also love to share a bed with my whole family every night, but I think everyone's sleep would suffer. What we've come up with is a compromise.

There is something quite lovely about sleeping in a bed in which a child was conceived, born and spent the first few days of his/her life. :wub: