Kindergarten: Separate or Together??

MODS: PLEASE LINK THIS TO THE 1-5 and 6-12 BORADS TOO!! THANKS!!!!!

I know this question has been posed before, but I really need some help in deciding this. I have been going thru the pros and cons of each in my head but cannot seem to decide what I want to do.

We just enrolled W&I into Kindergarten, but I forgot to write on their registration wether I wanted them together or in separate classrooms. We are going tonight to "Kindergarten Roundup" (open house to meet the teachers) and would like to give a letter to the principal within the next week or two stating my concerns and what my decision is. PLEASE HELP!! I need halp from those of you that already have kids in school and those of you in my same boat that are starting them in school this year.

 

I linked this to 6-12, you will get more responses there and here in PC. Most of the people in 1-5 aren't looking at this issue yet, or if they are, will look in 6-12. There are also a couple of discussions in 6-12 about this issue.

My boys are separated, and will continue to be. While I haven't had anyone tell me whether or not I should separate them, the overwhelming response that I have gotten from teachers when I said my plan is to separate, is that I am making the correct choice.

I look at it this way: If they were siblings born 11 months apart, one in October and the other in Sept, they would be "allowed" to go to the same grade, but in that case I would bet 99% of people would "hold" the Sept. b-day child for an extra year to give the children their "own" grades. So why should my boys have to be together simply because they were born on the same day--no one else in the K gets to go with a sibling--why does them being twins make them "special".

Also, my boys together would be torture for the teacher!

 

My kids are currently in kindergarten and I put them in the same class. My choice was simple though because they only have one class in the morning and one class in the afternoon. If I'd separated them, I would have been going back and forth to school all day long! I really didn't have a preference though. My twins are very fraternal and very independent, and don't seem to derive much comfort from each other. I think they would have been fine in different classes. I will probably seperate them in grade one though as I think my less dominant twin will probably thrive without his brother around.

 

My girls are together and I think for us it has been the best thing for them, even our teachers agree I made the right decision , I do not plan to keep them together forever but for the first year it worked out great for us , there is another set of twin boys in the girls class also that their mom put in class together, I think alot depends on your childrens personality, KWIM? Best of luck in your decision

 

I&I are currently together at pre-school. Schools here tend to separate twins, but all the principals I talked to said, if we wanted to, we could keep them together. Our K-Roundup is not for another 2 months, but since we are going to send them to another school then their friends will be attending, we decided to separate them. If they were to go to the same school as their neighborhood friends, we would request that they stay together, b/c it would not be fair for one of them not to be in the same class as everyone else.

It's a very hard and difficult decision, IMO. Good luck no your decision.

 

We are not there yet, but unless things change I intend on seperating them. Currently Nathan is a very dominant twin, but doesn't get new concepts down very fast (he is still way behind William on speech). He is also the more athlectic of the two. William on the other hand is very quiet and reserved and seems to pick up on new stuff a lot faster. He is definitely not my jock. I don't want to have them in the same class and constantly compared by a teacher. I hope that William being alone will make him blossom some and become more independent. I want Nathan to have a chance to bloom academically without direct comparsion to what his brother can already do (he gets it enough from his family). I really think the decision has to be made on the personality of the twins.

 

I think seperate would be better. I think my girls would be quite the handful together for a teacher with 15-18 more kids in the class! I also am thinking about having one go to morning and one go to afternoon because if I had one in the morning and one in the afternoon then the girls could have more one on one time with me. Both girls are very active(more so now with Jessy walking) and I think in the same class they would be disruptive. Jessy is also very bossy of Jazzy and I don't want that carrying over into school.

 

It really depends on the kids.

If I had the choice, I would have separated them. The school K&D are going to is small, though, with only one class per grade K-8. They will be staying together.

They do alright together. Danny is in a couple of pull out classes, so he isn't really there half the time. Also, the teachers tend to keep them apart when they split off in pairs or groups. There has only been one or two sibling issues between them so far in Kindergarten.

Good luck making your decision!

 

I believe that parents usually have a feeling about what will be the best placement for their kids, and should try to trust it.
My boys are in kindergarten this year, and they are in separate classes. They were together all the way through preschool, and for them it was time ( in my opinion) to start being in different classes in K. They were super comfortable at school already, since their preschool was in the same building. We were able to place a request for the boys to be with certain teachers, according with each child's personality and teacher's style. It worked out really well for both of them so far. They will be swiching the schools next year because of our move, and I asked them if they would like to be together or separate in the 1st grade at the new school, and they both chose separate - another reason for me to think that we made a right decision to put them in different classes.
Good luck with your decision.

 

quote:
Originally posted by kdmom:
It really depends on the kids.

If I had the choice, I would have separated them. The school K&D are going to is small, though, with only one class per grade K-8. They will be staying together.

They do alright together. Danny is in a couple of pull out classes, so he isn't really there half the time. Also, the teachers tend to keep them apart when they split off in pairs or groups. There has only been one or two sibling issues between them so far in Kindergarten.

Good luck making your decision!
I agree with Sandy that it really depends upon your kids. My boys have been separated since kindergarten (together in preschool) and it was the best thing for them. They are identical and had gotten so tired of everyone getting them mixed up all the time. They were ready for some individual attention. Yes, they were a bit apprehensive at first, but we had a wonderful school that worked with us on ensuring that they got the best possible placement so they would be able to interact a bit throughout the day. I strongly suggest when you talk to the school, if you do decide to separate, ask them how they will address the separation issues that twins often have and if they are willing to help ease that transition. Most years my boys were either in adjoining classrooms or, as in first grade, in a team teaching situation. I also was afraid of "sibling" issues coming into the classroom. My boys are quite competitive and I didn't want this to become a problem behaviorally within the classroom. My best advice is to voice your specific concerns with the school staff and administration and ask for their help in placement. Either way, together or separate, the school needs to work with you in this decision. We were blessed with a terrific principal and teachers in this regard. They were more than willing to accomodate my boys' needs. We have never regretted separating them in K. As they have gotten older, they have had more and more classes together as they start to group them by ability for math and reading, and this year in middle school we put them on the same team so they have all the same teachers and three classes together. It's working well now since they have a built in study buddy!

Good luck with your decision! I think they'll be fine no matter how you place them.

 

I didn't vote, since I'm not there yet, and I don't feel comfortable telling you what you should do with your children.

I can tell you what's going to happen here.

Brody is delayed. He's starting preschool (the special program that follows EI) on his 3rd birthday. I strongly feel that he'll do a much better job there and will advance at a quicker rate since he doesn't have to compete with his brother. The one that tells him where to put the blocks, or what matches what, or takes the one thing that he wants to play with.

Because of this delay, there isn't any other way for us to go. I know they rely on each other to a point, but for their education, I think mine need to be apart.

I've heard of so many keeping them together because the children rely on each other. When they were born, there wasn't an issue, I'd fight any body who stood in my path to keep them together. Now, I can see that they'll do better separately.

I hope that helps you with your decision.

 

Just wanted to bump to get more responses...

 

quote:
My boys are separated, and will continue to be. While I haven't had anyone tell me whether or not I should separate them, the overwhelming response that I have gotten from teachers when I said my plan is to separate, is that I am making the correct choice.



I have taught first grade for 6 years. Almost every year, I have had a twin in my class. They ALL adjusted just fine. They make their own friends and what is so neat is that they can all play together at recess. I think MOST (I am not saying all) kids do better adjusting then parents think. My experience has been that if a parent makes a big deal over an issue then it will filter down to the child. If the parent is postive about the issue, the child is more likely to trust their parent and overcome it themselves.

Now, being a teacher and a mom of twins, there is no doubt that I would separate them. I want them to be known for who they are as an individual rather than a twin. I want them to be able to learn how to make friends on their own. I also think there would be way less comparing academically if they were in separate classes.

I know this is a hot issue so please dont take any of my remarks the wrong way. I know you know your children the best and would do what you feel is best for your children.

 

My twins are together in kindergarten per my request. Being a SAHM and this being the first time they're away from me, for almost 7 hours, I knew being together is what would work best for us. And, it has worked out great. They both have separate friends, usually eat lunch together, but out on the playground also play with their separate friends. For first grade I will not be requesting them to be together again and I think this first year being together has helped them with the adjustment to starting kindergarten and being away. Good Luck with your decision!

 

my boys are in PreK still and they are together.

at the moment i'd like to keep them together in K. i'm worried about the social dynamics that will develop when they start meeting separate friends (bday parties and all that). my boys are both bright and i'm also concerned when they get separated if one will have an advantage due to the class or the teacher.

as PP's have said i think you have to address all your concerns with the school.

 

My boys are not at that age yet but they are together now in preschool. They tend to stick together or be loners. As a teacher and a parent of twins I think seperating them is best. Every child deserves the chance to grow into their own skin. Being a twin they have ALWAYS had someone right there...seperating will give them a sense of freedom and individuality to grow. Just my opinion

 

Next year Noam and Sapir will be in different preschools. Last year and this year they were/are together and that has been nice.

Being boy/girl twins is different than boy/boy or girl/girl or identical because they are already different. Some people don't even realise that they are twins or siblings.

But... from what I've heard and read, I want them to have their own separate experiences. They will continue with half-day preschool next year.

 

I think it depends on the children and the situation. I teach third grade and the girls will be coming to school with me. It is a long way off, but as things stand there is one K teacher I would really prefer for my girls and would hate to choose who would go to someone else. This K teacher is now the mom of 6 week old twins, so I'm hoping she'll be agreeable to having K&J together. Of course, our staffing could change before they get there and there may be another great K teacher to choose from, in which case the girls' needs will be the driving factor for our choice.

Angela

 

quote:
So why should my boys have to be together simply because they were born on the same day--no one else in the K gets to go with a sibling--why does them being twins make them "special".


I agree with Sharon. My boys will start K in the fall, and our district's policy is to separate twins. That's fine with me. I want them to be appreciated by friends and graded by teachers on their own merit as individuals, not as one "haydenandbrady." I try as much as possible to treat them as siblings rather than twins. I want them to have their own friends, activities, and experiences as individuals, just like all other siblings do.

 

I'm not anywhere near time for this, but my oldest will start PreK next fall so we have been talking to people about "big" school. Anyway I was surprised to find out that our private school always seperates twins. Here we won't really have a choice, but to seperate them. I do plan on keeping them together at mother's morning out next year. Good Luck with your decision!

Kimberly

 

I requested them to be together. They have been side by side for years. Why would you want to seperate them??

Kindergarten here is full day and that is a huge transition. I want them to feel secure. The bus comes at 8:15 am and doesn't drop them off til 3:45 in the afternoon. Long day.

 

quote:
It really depends on the kids


I strongly agree with this statement. As their parents, you are the ones who know those two the best and are the best to make the decision. If there is an option that is.

I could have had my girls in separate classes for kindergarten but it would have been a hassle for both me and them to try to get them to and from the school. Especially since I am now working full time. They would have been, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. My girls have very different personalities and are able to have separate friends and activities while in the same class. That said, our family has been through a great deal of upheaval this past year (daddy moving out and divorce) so I wanted to keep them together for that reason as well. Next year there may or may not be two classes for first grade. I will take into account their teachers opinion of whether or not to separate them if its an option. She has been teaching for well over 30 years (actually she was my first grade teacher ) and I value her opinion. She has also had MANY sets of twins both together and separately in her classes.

I really believe some will do better together and some apart. At this stage for you, its up to you to know if your children would benefit more from being together and their own support system or apart to learn more independence.

 

Molly, I would have done the same thing in your shoes, especially considering they would have been in two separate morning/afternoon classes.

 

I really think it depends on the kids. Nicole and Danielle are in the same daycare class and it works out great for them but now that they are getting older and starting preschool next year they are going to be separated. They are getting too dependent on each other and not having any individuality. So hopefully separating them will help them to realize they are two separate people and not just twins.

 

I also agree that it depends on the kids!

Abby and Lilly are in the same kindergarten class this year. There is a boy/girl set in their class as well! The girls actually wanted to be in separate classes but their school went to year-round this year....so my options were to have them together, on separate tracks, or one in AM and the other in PM. We thought the best choice was together. They have done VERY well. They are close but very much able to interact independently. They have their own friends and also share friends. From what I’ve seen they seem to do their own thing but check in on each other occasionally. I also like how they are doing the same work at the same time. Good luck on your decision!!

 

WEll, DH and I have decided to separate them. We will see how they do this year, and re-evaluate again before they go into first grade. We figured it would be a good idea if they are apart to develop thier own friendships and have some time away from each other. They have been doing alot more fighting lately and alot more blaming eachother, so they need some time apart.

Thanks to all of you for your responses and input!! I appreciate your opinions!

 

Christa, I am sure they will be fine apart. Be prepared for a period of adjustment, when they are getting used to the separation, but play up the good things about it. You'll be surprised at the end of their day how much they have to share with each other. I'm also certain your children's teachers will help if there are any special issues you have with the separation. Best of luck to you and them!!

 

I think communication between you and the teachers is a huge key to success. I know alot of parents choose to keep their children together for their own benefit (the parents I mean) because it makes things easier in terms of parent-teacher relationships. So far K&K's teachers have always worked together to help me with scheduling especially when things like conference time comes up. They make sure to schedule me for times immediately following each other which I repeatedly thank them for. K&K do see each other periodically during the day and I love the moments Kim talks about when they are sharing what happened during their day and talking about what they did. Every now and then we do get a little sadness because one will be doing something the other wants to do but it is easily handled and then get excited for their sibling.

I would start talking it up during the summer or maybe even before if you take them sometime to visit the school, not sure how it is handled in your area. I have already been preparing K&K for Kindergarten because they will be going 5 days, right now they just go 4 and they will be taking the school bus where as now I drive them. My two, especially Kyle, are huge creatures of habit. If we even change our schedule by 5 minutes without warning I could have one having a meltdown!

 

quote:
Be prepared for a period of adjustment, when they are getting used to the separation, but play up the good things about it. You'll be surprised at the end of their day how much they have to share with each other. I'm also certain your children's teachers will help if there are any special issues you have with the separation. Best of luck to you and them!!


quote:
So far K&K's teachers have always worked together to help me with scheduling especially when things like conference time comes up. They make sure to schedule me for times immediately following each other which I repeatedly thank them for. K&K do see each other periodically during the day and I love the moments Kim talks about when they are sharing what happened during their day and talking about what they did. Every now and then we do get a little sadness because one will be doing something the other wants to do but it is easily handled and then get excited for their sibling.


Kim and Diane...Thanks for those additional thoughts.

I didn't think abt the teacher conference thing. I will be sure to talk to thier teachers abt that and make sure they work with me to get the conferences back-to-back.

THat will be neat when they can tell eachother abt thier day and "compare notes." But I do hope they have some chances to see eachother during the day, too!

quote:
I would start talking it up during the summer or maybe even before if you take them sometime to visit the school, not sure how it is handled in your area. I have already been preparing K&K for Kindergarten because they will be going 5 days, right now they just go 4 and they will be taking the school bus where as now I drive them. My two, especially Kyle, are huge creatures of habit. If we even change our schedule by 5 minutes without warning I could have one having a meltdown!


We went to K-round-up last week and they got to see all 3 K classrooms. We will not know until May which teachers they will have. I have heard GREAT things abt 2 of the teachers taht will be there in the fall (the other one was only on a 1-year contract, so they are hiring 2 new teachers for the fall, too). My only fear is taht one will get a teacher taht is already there (with many years experience) and the other will get a new-hire (possibly straight out of college with no previous experience other than student teching and internships). I am sure they are all qualified...I guess now I am just being paranoid!

 

Christa, I understand that fear. For what it's worth, I always wrote a letter to the principal every spring requesting teachers for the next year with similar teaching styles/experience. We weren't allowed to request specific teachers, but I knew out of the 6 or 7 teachers per grade level, which ones were most likely to be chosen and we were never disappointed. So perhaps you can do something like this?

 

quote:
Originally posted by Mama_Kim:
Christa, I understand that fear. For what it's worth, I always wrote a letter to the principal every spring requesting teachers for the next year with similar teaching styles/experience. We weren't allowed to request specific teachers, but I knew out of the 6 or 7 teachers per grade level, which ones were most likely to be chosen and we were never disappointed. So perhaps you can do something like this?


Same here...we are not allowed to request teachers but I didn't think abt requesting ones with similar style and experience. I will definately type out a letter to the principal. Thanks!!

 

Christa,

Also, having worked in schools, K is one of those grades that many want, so usually you will get a more experienced teacher there. It is actually rare to get a first year teacher in K--it may be their first year in K, but not as a teacher--do you know what I mean?

I have a different situation, in that we CAN request Jon's teacher--since he is coming out of the special ed program, but not Marc's. There is one teacher who is very scheduled, and I want her for Jon--partially because he does much better when he knows what is going to happen when, and because Marc needs more warm and fuzzies, so he won't get the scheduled teacher!

 

Mine are starting K this fall, I never thought I would separate them since they are Boy / girl. A few nights ago they were bickering in the car after being together at grandmas house for the weekend and DH and I thought maybe we should separate them to give them some alone time and their own experiences. So we decided to ask them thinking they would want to stay together .
Well I was shocked when they didnt hesitate and yelled out "Separate teachers " when I asked why , Luke said he didnt want Mila to interupt ( she is more dominant) and Mila said she didnt want Luke to bully her friends. Mmmm so now we had to think about it.
When I went to the K registration I shared my story with the Principal ( who has twin boys graduating from High school this year) anyway I requested seperate classes BUT not one in am and one in pm , so I won't know till August when they figure out how many of each session they will have . Here it depends on how many kids are being bussed and live in the same neighborhoods.
So we'll have to see , I think I am going to ask them their opinion each year and then see what me and DH think to

Good luck
Mo

 

Congrats on your decision. I am entering this thread late, but we separated our guys this year in Kindergarten too (although we're in a big school with nine Kindergarten classrooms this year!) and it's worked out very well for both guys. In fact, our typical morning routine is that the boys might be a little grumpy when waking up (not today, probably, as it's the last day of spring break) and by the time we get in the car to drive to school one is already saying to his brother 'don't talk to me...'

Usually they love telling each other at the end of the day which work stations they were at, or whether they earned a 'wow' and trip to the treasure box, or which chapter books they were readiing or how their outclasses went, etc. They each have new and different friends who they'll ask to invite over for play-dates. And they'll share stories with us and with one another on who's been "bad" in class.

They see each other each day at recess and eat fairly close to one another at lunch, but at different tables. They'll also see each other in the hallway during the day but once the bell rings,t hey are in their own learning environments. I really think it would have detrimental to one another's development in our case and a distraction for the teacher (if they had been in the same room). That's certainly not going to be the case for every set of twins, but that's how my wife and I saw it for our guys who have inherited their tendency to fight with their twin from their dad and not their mom.

Another thing is that I feel that especially with identical twins (like mine) teachers just naturally group the two of them together. I personally don't mind when teachers say Brady and Colby are twins, but when an out-teacher calls them "the twins" (which happens with several of the out-class teachers I've met), that shows me that they might not know the differences between the two of them yet.

And if I can brag for a second, when I had parent/teacher conferences a couple of weeks ago (which the teachers were smart enough to schedule one after another), I heard from each teacher that Brady and Colby were the only ones in each class to get a perfect score or be ranked at the highest-possible level in all 25 questions on their skill-assessment tests!

Anyway, it's a grand adventure and it sounds like you've throught a lot about this and I'm sure it will go very smoothly for you!

 

quote:
by the time we get in the car to drive to school one is already saying to his brother 'don't talk to me...'



My girls do the exact same thing