so here's the latest issue that i'm faced with...money. we estimate that it is going to cost about 5k to get everything we need for our twins, furniture, clothes, bouncers, diapers, bedding, high chairs, toys, etc. so naturally we are stressing out over this and are trying to get key items from our parents. my mother committed to the stroller and car seats and my father (who is on social security only) has committed to diapers and a crib. now DH's mother is farely well off financially (no house payment, no car payment, good steady income, etc) and she is only interested in buying clothes, nothing else. in the meantime MIL has helped my sister in law buy a house (payed for her closing costs, 5k) and is paying my brother in law's bills. now, DH is her first born and these are her first grandchildren so you would think that she would be more inclined to help us out to make sure we had what we needed but nooooo she is simply interested in clothes, clearance clothes to be exact. but it gets better......... realizing that we need everything that we can get i went shopping with her yesterday for baby stuff. now i knew that she wanted to buy clothes but i thought that she might buy some bigger stuff like bouncers or high chairs, something that costs more than 4 bucks. nope. we went to babies r us first and she made a bee line straight for the clothing section where we spent a good hour looking through everything. now, we aren't sure what the sexes are yet (doc is thinking girls) so we looked at mostly neutral things yet the majority of the neutral things i liked (with bears and dogs on them) MIL considered to be "too boyish" and refused to even look at them. she picked up every pick item in the store and talked about buying them yet refused to look at anything that was geared towards boys. she also refused to buy anything except onesies and newborn sizes. saying that her children lived in shirts and diapers and that's all that i will need while saying "you can never be too sure on how big the babies will be so i dont' want to buy anything to big"....ummm, they will grow into them. ughhh. so frustrating, my children will have nothing but onesies with ducks on them and will only be clothed for 2-3 months since no one is willing to buy clothing that is for older babies. i finally got her to look at other things than clothes and she just walked buy picking out all the pink bedding, hating everything with primary colors (reds, blues) and complained that things were so much more expensive than they used to be. i took her by the high chairs we are asking for, the bouncers, the winnie the pooh table and chairs, the diapers, she wanted nothing to do with any of it. seriously, this is soooooo frustrating. she even had the nerve to say i would have the best dressed girls in town. not so considering i HATE frilly pink things. if i am having girls they will be non girly girls who like to play and get dirty (hopefully). i don't want cattyness when they get to be teenagers and they have to wear designer jeans and short short skirts. oh and get this, MIL also refused to buy things that didn't match. she said that my children had to be color coordinated and/or matching completely since they were twins. they couldn't be individuals and wear clothes that were different from eachother. so some of the things she bought in doubles, two of the same. why, why, why??????
Wow, you're really upset. :hug: We also didn't have much money. We got $300 from my parents. I bought a used duoglider, a used EZ2Nurse pillow, a bunch of used clothes and some new (but inexpensive) carseats. We also bought one used crib. Someone gave us one bouncy seat (and we never had more than one). We did not get swings. We had a used crib, but ended up using PNPs as cribs until they went into toddler beds. Eventually I bought two used exersaucers (got a deal for buying them both), but not until they were old enough for them. I used those to feed them for quite a while. I believe my mom did give us highchairs, but not until they were 18 months or so. Luckily, you have plenty of time and you can hunt for sales and other bargains. You'd be surprised how much great stuff you can find at garage sales for less (especially if you're not hung up on having everything match). Babies don't care if they have brand new stuff. I agree with you that it is too early to be picking out clothes for one sex or the other. That's one that needs to wait until you know for sure what you're having, or stick with all neutrals. What I can tell you is that whether you get girly-girls or tomboys is all up to the child in question. I have two of each (boys first), and I thought with my first that I would raise him with all neutral toys and avoid stereotyping him. He had other ideas. I am not a girly-girl myself, but both of my girls are girly, one of them very much so. She just came that way. The thing with grandparents is that they get to give what they want to give and feel comfortable with giving, regardless of how much money they do or do not have. I'd steer clear of starting a fight about what your MIL "should" be buying for your kids. It's not worth the bad feelings. PS: Just because she buys matching stuff doesn't mean you have to put them in the same ones on the same days, KWIM?
:hug: My MIL had nothing to do with any pregnancy of ours until the kids were actually born. Then she just gave cash. DH is her only kid so I cant offer any advise but to send hugs. All our kids were born around tax time so we have always used our tax returns to get their stuff. Maybe her whole attitude will change once the babies are born and she sees them. As for what you need, dont worry about the "other" stuff until its needed. High chairs you cant use for months so I'd say wait on those. Same with walkers. We only had the basics with the boys diapers, clothes and formula and bouncies for the first few months. We let them sleep in the sleep and play basinnette part for the first 3 months after their 2 month stints in the hospital. I wish you luck. :hug: I agree with PP. Garage and yard/tag sales are good for getting stuff. When I went to one last summer I told the lady what I was looking for for sizes and she told me that if I could fill a bag with all the sizes I needed I could have the whole bag for a 1.00. DEAL!! edited for very bad spelling mistakes!
don't get me wrong, i am very grateful for everything that she is willing to help out with it's just that the functionality of some of the things she is picking up for us isn't there. i get frustrated that she isn't listening to our needs and is focusing soley on what she deems to be "cute". but what really upsets me the most is the fact that MIL has financially helped both of DH's siblings in the sum of thousands of dollars but is refusing to help us out in the same way. it is my opinion that if you have multiple children you treat each one the same and do not set favorites. it's not fair and i simply don't agree with it.
oh and as for yard sales they are a great idea but a no can do since they don't take credit cards. DH and i live paycheck to paycheck right now and don't have the cash to spend on any items for the babies. so we have to buy from the stores and we have to use our credit card and just pay it off later. that's the really unfortunate thing about our situation. consignment shops and yard sales are an excellent idea but we just don't have the cash to do it. and as for cribs and high chairs, honestly if we don't get them before the babies are born we won't be able to get them at all (unless we charge it so we might as well do it now). once these babies get here all of our money will go towards diapers and formula, we won't have any disposable income for toys and bouncers and things like that.
and since i'm on a roll of venting, MIL hates our name choices for boys and continues to mock them. she's also got my sister in law in on it too. poking fun at the names non stop. i hate to think that if we have boys and name then as we like how she will treat them and if she will even call them by their names or make something up because she doesn't like it.
It's going to be a LONG pregnancy if you continue shopping with her! So don't! You'll have to just get her stuff and return it for the things you like later! :hug: I'm sorry she's being completely unreasonable!! :hug:
The name thing is not cool, but you're the parents and get to pick the names. Don't be bullied into changing them, because you'll always regret it. (However, I would not share any more thoughts on that subject; I would just introduce the babies with their names after they were born.) There are a lot of really cool things for babies that are nice to have, but aren't necessary. We used an ordinary trash can with a lid instead of a diaper genie. Worked fine. Never had swings. Didn't have separate cribs. We just bought 5-50-lb carseats, and did not get the ones with the detachable seats. This meant we didn't have to buy 2 sets of carseats. I bought a changing pad and attached it to the top of their dresser (a hand-me-down from my ILs) instead of buying a separate changing table. Ebay has people selling things used and you can sometimes use credit cards through paypal. Major chain consignment stores often take plastic. However, it doesn't really save any money to start paying interest now instead of when the babies are 1 and can actually really use a high chair. I really would advise against rushing out and charging everything. There is a chance your babies will come early and need NICU time and things like that can really derail when you plan to repay things. I'd recommend visiting a financial advisor (most do free consultations) and having your finances looked over. There may be areas where things could be streamlined. As for your MIL favoring people: sometimes people are just like that. It's not fair, but there's nothing you can do about it. It's better for your babies if you don't stress out over it. Just be aware of it, that's all you can do.
Look on craigs list, I found two high chairs that bru still sells for 25.00. They look brand new. And are you going to have a baby shower? You will probably get some great stuff from that. I am waiting untill after my shower for to buy bouncers etc. And I will be looking on craigs list. Also you may look at your local multiples group, ours is having their big twin garage sale on Feb 28. My mom purchased our bedding and has purchased so many clothes. She loves dresses, and other outfits, but isnt interested in onsies or pajamas or stuff like that and that is great she is having a blast. She has been buying stuff all the way to two years old. I did simply ask her to stop buying newborn stuff because most people like to buy newborn stuff for shower gifts. And I will buy the onesies and jammies. My inlwas have not bought a single thing and I doubt they will. Probably an outfit when they are born and they have plenty of money, but simply are not interested. I think it hurts my husbands feelings. He even asked his mother to come when the babies come and she is not interested at all. THings are very expensive now compared to 12 years ago when I had my son, I was very surprised. Gook luck to you!
:hug: :hug: I understand how you feel my in-laws suck! 2 of them went to our wedding shower, 5 to our wedding, 0 to our baby shower with my son, 1 to my son's christening, and probably 0 to this baby shower. between all of them they have maybe boughten a few outfits for my son when he was born. My husband sticks up for them saying there working which is why they cant make it to things...its just a crock of Sh**. My in-laws in brazil dont have much money so that I can understand and we are all very close....but the ones here greedy selfish pieces of crap that wouldnt help eachother if there life depended on it inless they got paid for it. Luckily my family is awsome! My mom is great she loves being a grammy and is always spoiling my son with everything and has been shopping for the twins since we learned about two. Her and my brother are also the ones throwing us this baby shower. With out her we'd be really struggling. Her friends are also great they are buying the strollers, and we're hoping a large group of the clothes will be taken care of from the shower. Tax time is here now which will be were we get the $ for a lot of the rest of the stuff, I have been doing a lot of ebaying lately and checking in at the childrens consignment shops around.....Both take credit cards. Ebay can be the best place to find really good deals. Good luck, PS. Why hasnt your DH put his mother in her place yet? If he's not going to...you should wash your hands of her all together and maybe she'll get it when she doesnt get a phone call when the babies come! Judging by your other posts she is crazy and doesnt deserve to be involved in this HAPPY time :hug: :hug: :hug:
Check out www.childrensorchard.com and www.ouac.com. These are resale chains that have gently used items. You can get a lot of what you need for much less than you would pay new.
I am gonna lambasted for saying this, and I'll try and say it kindly... (This is all just my opinion) I dont know you at all, so all I can say is how this sounds from the outside. It kind of sounds to me like you have champagne taste on a beer budget and you want someone else to pay for it. A) Babies really truly don't *need* all the things you're mentioning, and some of them, like highchairs and toys can wait until much, much later and certainly don't need to be brand new. Also, for the things you do need: eBay. I snagged my girls swings that convert to highchairs for £30.00 apiece. B) Rubyturquoise is right...gifts from grandparents are just that, gifts. It isn't their responsibility to buy things your babies need, like diapers and cribs. It's yours. Gifts are things they want to buy, and they should get to have fun doing it. The only reason my girls have alot of the extras is becasue my IL's love to buy them and are able and want to. We've spent more time in the last 8 months saying "It's not neccesary, you don't have to do this" than I care to tot up. But they enjoy it, so we let them. As far as the clothes are concerened there's nothing wrong with "clearance" clothes. If your MIL is well off as you think she is, maybe it's because she made those kinds of frugal decisions with her money. Babies outgrow things so fast that it's simply ridiculous to buy everything retail, and brand new unless you have a large disposable income. C) You may think you know you MIL's, SIL's, and BIL's financial agreements and situations, but chances are it's doubtful you do. I know from experience that families and siblings can say that things are happening a certain way, when they really aren't. I'm the youngest and my siblings all remain convinced that both my parents did things for me financially that they simply never, ever did. I can't convince them otherwise, and I'm totally estranged from all of them but one becasue of it. Also, maybe something has happened recently to change your MIL's money situation and you don't know it. She isn't obligated to shre her finances with you. Don't assume. It can cause irreparable family rifts. Maybe your MIL is a little resentful for feeling like she has to keep doing for all her kids financially, and she's starting to feel like an ATM instead of a Mom/Grandma. Maybe she's resentful becasue you seem to think buying things is her responsibility and you're entitled to it, and whatever she does look at doesn't seem to be good enough. Just some food for thought, and I could be totally wrong, but just try to think of things from her point of view.
thanks everyone. i know that paying interest on all this stuff isn't really worth it but we don't have a choice. we have NO disposable income right now. we are only getting 30 bucks back in taxes this year so that's not going to help either. unfortunately i can't work so there is not a whole heck of a lot i can do to help the situation. DH is a fire fighter and works part time at a bicycle shop and we are cutting back in any way that we can. it's just really really tough right now. and believe me, we are not looking at buying the most expensive things, we are looking for quality that is inexpensive. i spend a good bit of my day researching costs and comparing things just to find the deals. as for DH talking to his mother about everything that's going on...unfortunately we need the help from her, financially, and can't afford to severe ties. at least not right now. i would make a bet that once the babies get here and she is in her "helping" phase i will snap at her and we will not talk for some time. believe me i have no problem with severing ties, none what so ever. but for the sake of my children and my husband i am being as nice as possible. it's just that sometimes i have to explode so i vent. it wouldn't be so bad if she didn't assume that the entire world revolves around what is best for her and realize that people need to do things on their own. but she doesn't think that way and everytime you disagree with her or do things that she doesn't agree with she turns around and talks crap about you behind your back, turning the rest of the family against you because they only know one side of the story.
QUOTE(Neumsy @ Feb 17 2009, 11:53 AM) [snapback]1193254[/snapback] I am gonna lambasted for saying this, and I'll try and say it kindly... (This is all just my opinion) I dont know you at all, so all I can say is how this sounds from the outside. It kind of sounds to me like you have champagne taste on a beer budget and you want someone else to pay for it. A) Babies really truly don't *need* all the things you're mentioning, and some of them, like highchairs and toys can wait until much, much later and certainly don't need to be brand new. Also, for the things you do need: eBay. I snagged my girls swings that convert to highchairs for £30.00 apiece. B) Rubyturquoise is right...gifts from grandparents are just that, gifts. It isn't their responsibility to buy things your babies need, like diapers and cribs. It's yours. Gifts are things they want to buy, and they should get to have fun doing it. The only reason my girls have alot of the extras is becasue my IL's love to buy them and are able and want to. We've spent more time in the last 8 months saying "It's not neccesary, you don't have to do this" than I care to tot up. But they enjoy it, so we let them. As far as the clothes are concerened there's nothing wrong with "clearance" clothes. If your MIL is well off as you think she is, maybe it's because she made those kinds of frugal decisions with her money. Babies outgrow things so fast that it's simply ridiculous to buy everything retail, and brand new unless you have a large disposable income. C) You may think you know you MIL's, SIL's, and BIL's financial agreements and situations, but chances are it's doubtful you do. I know from experience that families and siblings can say that things are happening a certain way, when they really aren't. I'm the youngest and my siblings all remain convinced that both my parents did things for me financially that they simply never, ever did. I can't convince them otherwise, and I'm totally estranged from all of them but one becasue of it. Also, maybe something has happened recently to change your MIL's money situation and you don't know it. She isn't obligated to shre her finances with you. Don't assume. It can cause irreparable family rifts. Maybe your MIL is a little resentful for feeling like she has to keep doing for all her kids financially, and she's starting to feel like an ATM instead of a Mom/Grandma. Maybe she's resentful becasue you seem to think buying things is her responsibility and you're entitled to it, and whatever she does look at doesn't seem to be good enough. Just some food for thought, and I could be totally wrong, but just try to think of things from her point of view. don't get me wrong, i get what you are saying and where you are coming from BUT you really are off base. i appologize if i made it seem like i expect her to pay for things for these babies, i don't. what i am is frustrated by the fact that she has 3 children and does not treat them equally. DH is considered the black sheep of the family because he is more liberal than his siblings and mother and therefor gets punished for it. i know for a fact that if DH lost his job we would be forced to deal with the consequences whereas if my SIL or BIL lost their jobs their mother would bend over backwards to make sure that they were financially covered. i am not exaggerating the financial help that she has given to her other children because she makes it well known and tends to hang it over everyone's heads. which in some respects i am glad that we haven't needed her help as i don't want her to have anything to hang over me but my children, her first grandchildren, do need the help. and speaking of things that we need to buy, like i said before, i am doing everything i can to get things as cheaply as possible. i've been on ebay for things and once you factor in shipping we simply CANNOT afford to pay for it unless it is on a credit card. the consignment shops in town are fine except that their furniture is THE SAME PRICE as those at the stores if not more and they don't take credit. yard sales and craiglist also only take cash or checks. and unfortunately no one that we know can get rid of or sell us baby furniture because they either don't have it or are still using it. so, for us, there is no way around shopping at the stores. and i'm not trying to get more than what is necessary but i'm also trying not to hold things to chance. i am buying things that they will need not necessarily what they will want. as i have told family members, my children may not have a lot of thigns but they will have a lot of love. so while i get that you are trying to get me to see the other side, please don't judge my situation. what i vent about is not an extension of the truth or a misconception of reality, it is reality. oh and clearance items are fine as long as it's not all the same stuff. what am i going to do with nothing but 100 newborn onesies? nothing, if you are going to buy things for my children at least make it functional. and like i said before, i am grateful for anything and everything that people give us and i don't assume or expect people to pay for things. but if you are going to contribute please do so in a way that is helpful. that's all that i ask and i don't think that it is asking a lot.
Ask you MIL for gift receipts and take the clothes she buys you back (make up an excuse once you know what you are having that you want gender specific colors) and buy the stuff you need. Even if she doesn't give you receipts, if the tags are on it, most places (not all I realize) will take stuff back and give you a merchandise credit which can be used for other items.
Any money that my parents give my brother and SIL is none of my business, and vice versa. Frankly, we don't talk about it. I've never told my brother when my parents have given us money, and he hasn't told me, and my parents don't tell the other child. It's not polite. Tell your MIL (or the other siblings, whoever is doing the blabbing) to stop talking about it, it's causing family strife. The PP's are right, you don't need to buy this stuff now, and you don't need all-new things, and, wait till after your baby shower. You have no idea how much stuff you might get from that, not to mention the gift cards you might get. Also check out Freecycle, you can sometimes find stuff on there too. I agree with the person who said keep the receipts to the clothes. Babies don't need a lot of clothes, I kept mine in onesies and sleepers while they were little. I only recently started dressing Caleb for the day, before that, he was in sleepers most of the time, it's just easier.
Check out www.childrensorchard.com and www.ouac.com. These are resale chains that have gently used items. You can get a lot of what you need for much less than you would pay new.
I had a friend who got her twins everything they needed from freecycle.com (or .org?) It's free - you just have to go pick it up. It would be great if we all had family who purchased exactly what we wanted off our registries. We don't. I got stupid gifts that I will never use from people. I got clothes I hate. I got bouncers that weren't what I registered for. But, the clothes still clothed the babies, the bouncers ended up being better than what I registered for, etc. There's an expression about not looking a gift horse in the mouth. Take whatever she wants to give you or don't, but it's up to her what to give.
I also wanted to say that $5K is really high for an estimate for everything you need for twinfants. Maybe you could post the breakdown and people could help you with particulars? We were blessed to have funds to outfit our nursery pretty much as we wanted, and I don't think we spent $5K - maybe $2500? And we didn't get a lot of the "big stuff" as gifts. We bought the swings and high chairs and such.
When I look back and see what stuff I "had" to have for our first child it makes me laugh! There are so many things marketed out there telling you that you need this and that. When in reality it's just stuff! I wasted sooooo much money! That's a great idea making a list and getting opinions on what you really need.
You will be so surprised at how much stuff you will get from your shower(s) so I would wait and see that before buying anything. Do you know when your shower will be yet? People are very generous to babies and especially twins. I got so much stuff that I took a lot of the unnecessary things back and got store credit which you can use for those items you truly need. BRU is especially good for that. You don't need a ton of everything as far as clothing. I did laundry every day and actually my girls got a lot of use out of all of their clothes. I have very few outfits that didn't get alot of use. I used to hear people say that their kids never even wore half that stuff and I thought that was a waste, which is why I took a lot of the newborn sizes back and exchanged them for bigger sizes. I can understand you and your dh's feelings being hurt because you don't feel he's being treated equally. I would probably feel the same but I agree with others on that you can't expect anyone to fund your expenses for your twins. This is you and dh's responsibility but it is still hurtful when you know what the IL's have done to help out his siblings. Who wouldn't be hurt by that? :hug:
Ok, I havent read all the other posts yet (although I will b/c I'd like to know what others have to say about this) I can understand your feelings, that if your MIL is going to buy something you would like her to buy things that YOU want your babies to have, or at least articles of clothing you would actually put on your children and like them. . . however, She is not obligated to buy anything! I know it is hard not to compare, b/c your mother and father are doing the best they can, and are actually buying larger, necessary items. .but it is really not anyone elses responsibility to buy things for your babies. Please dont take this the wrong way, b/c I am not trying to be mean or rude, but Im just thinking its not something you should really be too upset about, b/c she doesnt really HAVE to buy anything. Again, I can definitely understand that you are frustrated with her on the basis that your own family members are doing as much as they can...and since she is more well-off, you would expect that she would WANT to do more for her first grandbabies. I would be frustrated by that as well. But just try not to let it bother you so much. A lot of things you can get second hand, and there are also some things you wont need right when the babies come home, so you can wait for those. Other things can be substituted for cheaper items.. such as high chairs. My twins never had an actual high chair. We just bought those little boosters that you latch to a regular chair, and it has its own tray...then you could also take the tray off when they get old enough to eat at the table w/ just the booster. I hope you can work out your feelings. I have not read any of your other posts about your MIL, so I might go back and do that..it might help me better understand your feelings towards her.
I know where you are coming from in a small sense. MIL has not bought ONE thing for the twins EVER! At this point I don't expect her to ever buy them a single thing. Now BIL and SIL are fighting with MIL and not talking and moved out and all that but SIL is due any day now I know MIL will forget all that once the baby is born and buy that baby stuff. We have given them so much they only had to buy washclothes so they don't need anything but I am sure she will buy something. I didn't want her to buy things because she was the grandparent but because she was thinking of them. My parents buy them so much stuff they are all set but it hurt like she didn't care. It could have cost a penny or she could have gotten it for free. It wasn't that it was a gift or anything like that, to me it was I was thinking of them. Okay anyway, here is one thing I learned .... MIL is the way she is. She is set in her ways and will not change. You have to learn to accept that and just move on. I know that is super hard to do but honestly I used to get all up in arms about a situation I could not change. Now I just go, make my peace for the kids sakes only and I feel so much better. No longer do I feel enabled or brought down by her. I go and "do my time" and leave. It is not worth the stress especially now while you are pregnant. Really you will have to find a way to accept that she is who she is. Don't expect her to do something and you won't be let down. She is not going to buy them anything you want then you figure out a way to buy it yourself and then she can't have anything over you. Sounds like anything she does comes with a price so why let her have that over you?!
I'm really having a hard time w/ your 5K figure. Even if you did get everything new, there's no way you need that much stuff. And you mentioned that the big-ticket items (crib, stroller, car seats) are already spoken for. What you really need early on is a place (ONE place) for them to sleep, a way to transport them both by car and by foot, some BASIC clothing, some feeding supplies, and some bathing supplies. You don't need to be worrying about those high chairs until they are 5-6 mos old. Pack n play or activity mat? It's called a blanket on the floor. Changing station? A waterproof pad on your bed. Toys? A FEW. Get creative. Lots of safe household items that will amuse babies for hours. Clothes? As mentioned, mostly onesies and sleepers. Diapers are expensive. No way around that, cloth or disposable. Welcome to parenthood. As for the early feeding costs? If you are just barely making it financially, I would strongly suggest giving breastfeeding a try. Formula is INSANELY expensive. Breast milk is FREE and SOOO good for your babies. I know of women that work full time and have nursed for a full year. No, it's not easy, but it can be done. As for buying used, I'm still not understanding why you can't/won't do eBay? Even WITH shipping, I just purchased a twin cosleeper and linens for $125 that would've cost me about $250 new. With a little diligence, you can get ANYTHING waaay cheaper than new, despite shipping. And like mentioned by several PP's, eBay merchants take PayPal (in other words, credit card funding, which sounded like an issue for you). You're a long way from your due date, so you've got time to troll the eBay waters for the best deals. Not to beat a dead horse, but lots of these purchases CAN wait. Consider the fact that you will be getting a sizeable tax refund for 2009 (TWO dependents!!!), so you will have some extra money that you can use when you WILL be needing these supplies. Wait for your shower(s) to be over, listen to the advice of those who have been 1st time parents before and know first hand what you need/don't need, and accept ALL gifts graciously. As previously noted, you're NOT going to get everything you want. When you get worried, keep in mind that lots of people have made it with less than you. Put the family politics (and the measuring stick) away and be grateful that you have family that is willing/able to contribute at all. Many people have no one. Concentrate on having a happy and healthy pregnancy and try not to worry so much about the "stuff." It really will all work out and all those babies really need is love, nourishment, and a safe environment. Eve
Ok, I'm totally not trying to be a b!tch ... but I have to ask. How is the world did you every expect to be able to afford a baby? I see from your siggy that twins were a surprise ... so obviously, that's an additional expense that wasn't expected ... but if you are living pay check to pay check, how did you expect to get the things you need for ONE child?? Are you having a shower? i would say I got the majority of our stuff there ... and NO WAY is it all going to cost $5000 ... unless you are trying to buy all your furniture from Pottery Barn ...
Thought i'd add my two cents since boy do I understand what you're talking about. In my case its my actual parents, not my ILs and in my family its on a very extreme level that money was shoveled to a particular sibling and my whole family has been negative, pointing out how hard its going to be for us instead of lifting us up. I also know what its like not having a dime to spend on a tight budget, as we were financially strapped to begin with, our twins were unplanned, and less than 2 weeks after we found out, my husband was laid off along with half of his company and my ability to work is very limited. We had gotten rid of our baby stuff from our other 2 kids, as originally we weren't planning on having more children at all, so we get to start over again. Be happy you have credit cards to use, as we don't even have that luxury. All that being said, I know that things will work out just fine in the end. Some consigment shops do take credit cards and things are WAY cheaper there. I have asked around if my friends have or know anyone that has any baby stuff and am slowly bit by bit collecting things for our little ones. Like you, I have a lot of time to stretch this out over. I started buying a package of diapers when i do my grocery shopping because so that when the babies are born i don't have to come up with all the money i need. Don't worry about your MIL and what she is or isn't willing to buy. Be thankful for the items you're receiving and the rest will work itself out. Right now you don't need to stress and worry about things that you cant do anything about. Think about your lil ones and keeping them healthy. Smile, ask your DH for a neck rub, and avoid the family drama. I used to let it get to me and all it does is add more stress than u need. Take care haley.
Also not trying to be a biatch, but what are you going to do after all your CC are maxed out? You dont stop buying things for them. Ever.. They continue to need things. I cant for the life of me understand why you would have thought you could have afforded one baby. Ditto on not spending 5k. We bought all brand new furniture a BRU and spent 1500.00 My parents bought a set of cribs for themselves and they spent $200.00 for both on craigs list. It just depends on what you want, but there are deals to be had if you want them. Also ditto on BF.
I had never stepped into a BRU until 4 months after I had my boys... I'm so glad that I didn't, and here's why – those places make you think you have to have everything perfect. Believe me when I tell you that only the basic necessities are truly important. We had very little help from any of our family and we also lived pay-check-to-paycheck, still do. There is sooo much stuff that you perhaps think you need, but in reality its stuff that takes up space and you trip over it. Some of the stuff can have a dual purpose – like get one bouncie chair and one swing. Chances are that one baby will like the swing and the other one will like the bouncie so if you buy two, you’re stuck with two of both… which is not economic. Let go of the MIL stuff - it's truly not worth it. Good luck.
for the record, getting pregnant was a complete surprise to us. we had tried for 2 years prior, when we were financially better off, and things didn't work out. we stopped trying and then whoops, surprise we are pregnant. so it was far from planned. and when we found out we were trying to figure out how we were going to afford just one child and when we found out it was twins, well we really freaked out. which is part of the reason that we are stressing over people helping us out. the 5k estimate is just that, i always go high that's just the way i budget. the furniture alone (and i'll probably get yelled at for it) is going to cost 1200 and that's a changer, dresser and cribs. yes i know they can share a crib at first but the fact of the matter is that they will need to be seperated so we might as well get it done now and have them both ready. the consignment furniture in town is the same price as those at the stores, in the $200+ range so it's not worth it to go consignment. unfortunatley for us we don't live in a huge city with lots of options. this is a rich community where even the consignment prices are large. and believe me i have shopped around. all of the places that have been mentioned in this post i have looked into and unfortnately there are no locations near us. the closest being a 3 hour drive north. i know that i'm over estimating but that's what i do. i prepare for the worst and hope for the best, it's how i get things done. maybe that's a fault of mine who knows. as for the MIL issue, i'm sorry but my feelings get hurt by her on a regular basis and i needed a place to vent my frustrations because DH really doesn't want to hear about it. it's not easy being the spouse to one of her boys. she belittles you and your abilities every chance she gets. and i have bit my tongue with her and i thank her non stop for ANY help that she gives us. i'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth. i am very thankful for anything that she can do to help. it's just hurtful when she makes it well known that she can't help us out because she is too busy helping SIL and BIL with unnecessary things. and if you don't agree with that than i'm sorry. i'm sorry if i came off as ungrateful or that i was looking for thigns that were super expensive and that i expect everyone else to pay for my children. that was certainly NOT my intention. i was simply venting. bottom line, DH and i are pregnant and we are over the moon excited about it but are extremely scared about affording them. things are not great for us, or anyone else for that matter right now. if we had planned this pregnancy we would have waited until we were more prepared, financially. but as my parents always told me if you wait to be fully prepared, mentally and financially, you will never have children.
and i don't really find it necessary to try and make me feel even worse by saying thigns like "i don't know how you could think you could afford one baby". this was not a planned pregnancy. i was not taking fertility treatment. this was a complete and total surprise, accident even. so i don't appreciate the assumption that we planned this pregnancy knowing full well that we didn't have the money. please resist the urge to judge people needlessly. i joined this site for support and i feel like there is a huge backlash towards me for thinking certain things and reacting to certain things. i did not come here to get scolded for over estimating or venting about frustrations during pregnancy. if you can't say something in a constructive way, don't say it at all. if you don't agree with me and can't say thigns nicely than don't say anything at all. it's common courtesy and i would hope that you would respect that.
I think PP have given you an excellent reality check. I know it's not nice to think that you won't have the "best" of everything for your kids. Truth is, they will never know the difference. What your kids need most is a safe and happy home to grown in and a loving relationship with grandma and grandpa. Please don't let anything hurt your relationship with your MIL, it just isn't worth it. Personally, I am horrified at the suggestion a PP gave you to cut off your MIL because she wasn't living up to your expectations. Believe me, she never will. Grandma's aren't always practical and they don't always act the way we'd like them to. If she is going to love your babies then it is your responsability to foster that relationship above everything else. If you took that advice and didn't call her when the babies were born then you will do serious damage to that relationship by robbing her of something she can't ever give back. I don't have my mother or father, they died many years ago. My in-laws are the only family I have to offer my children so I feel very passionately about this. Your kids will never remember that they only wore t shirts or that they had to wear matching outfits for grandma. They will remember if you isolate her and they don't get to know her.
and to the person who asked what if we max out our cards to get the babies needs met, i'm not worried about that because we are not close to maxing them out. our credit is good, fortunately, and have a good bit of credit to spare.
QUOTE(Azmom23 @ Feb 17 2009, 05:02 PM) [snapback]1193770[/snapback] I think PP have given you an excellent reality check. I know it's not nice to think that you won't have the "best" of everything for your kids. Truth is, they will never know the difference. What your kids need most is a safe and happy home to grown in and a loving relationship with grandma and grandpa. Please don't let anything hurt your relationship with your MIL, it just isn't worth it. Personally, I am horrified at the suggestion a PP gave you to cut off your MIL because she wasn't living up to your expectations. Believe me, she never will. Grandma's aren't always practical and they don't always act the way we'd like them to. If she is going to love your babies then it is your responsability to foster that relationship above everything else. If you took that advice and didn't call her when the babies were born then you will do serious damage to that relationship by robbing her of something she can't ever give back. I don't have my mother or father, they died many years ago. My in-laws are the only family I have to offer my children so I feel very passionately about this. Your kids will never remember that they only wore t shirts or that they had to wear matching outfits for grandma. They will remember if you isolate her and they don't get to know her. i already knew that they wouldn't have the best of anything. like i said in an earlier post, my children won't have a lot of "stuff" but they will have a lot of love. and i don't plan on cutting anyone off. i'm well aware that grandparents are very important in childrens lives and i don't want to tarnish that in anyway. when i am with her i am nothing but nice to her. i'm not mean to anyone but things get to me and i do feel the need to vent. it's how i release the frustration. sorry. i will say this though, if she treats my children like she treats me or has treated her own children i will have to do something because negativity is NOT going to fly. i don't care who you are.
QUOTE he 5k estimate is just that, i always go high that's just the way i budget. the furniture alone (and i'll probably get yelled at for it) is going to cost 1200 and that's a changer, dresser and cribs. yes i know they can share a crib at first but the fact of the matter is that they will need to be seperated so we might as well get it done now and have them both ready. the consignment furniture in town is the same price as those at the stores, in the $200+ range so it's not worth it to go consignment. unfortunatley for us we don't live in a huge city with lots of options. this is a rich community where even the consignment prices are large. and believe me i have shopped around. all of the places that have been mentioned in this post i have looked into and unfortnately there are no locations near us. the closest being a 3 hour drive north. i know that i'm over estimating but that's what i do. i prepare for the worst and hope for the best, it's how i get things done. maybe that's a fault of mine who knows. OK, I don't know how else to say this. You really DON'T need this stuff, and there are less expensive options, and PP's gave you tons of suggestions. Have you looked on Craigslist? Ebay? Freecycle? My twins had hand-me-down cribs that didn't match (oh the horror!), a dresser that used to be mine (also didn't match), and we didn't have a changing table in the nursery, just put a pad on top of the dresser. They now have a dresser I got from Freecycle since moving rooms. If you don't have the money for cribs, they can sleep in Pack N Plays for at least a year. You can get a good condition PNP from Craigslist for about $35. Your MIL is who she is, don't expect much. Let her do whatever it is she wants to do for them, smile, and accept it. Who cares if she gives more money to the other kids?
