Mom Hates the Names

Hi all, I am scheduled for a c-section this Wednesday and my mom just arrived from out of town today. I have been withholding the names until right before their births so she finally asked what they were and I told her Ava & Elise. She immediately said she didn't like either one of the names. She called them "old woman" names. She even went as far as to say that she won't call them that, but will make up her own nicknames Sun and Sky. She's supposed to stay with me for a month, but I don't think I can do it. We've already started off terribly just with her insensitive comments. I just need some encouragement please. This is supposed to be a happy time for my husband and my other three kids. And now she's trying to ask the kids if they even like the names. WHY ME! OH GOD! WHY ME!

 

the names are lovely. Maybe state to your mom these are the names and we would prefer if u call them by their names. Oh my goodness u don't need this stress right now. Not sure what else to tell u, do u normally get along with your mom? Hugs to you

 

I love the names! If the twins had both been girls one would have been Ava, I've always loved that name. I'm sorry your mom is being difficult, they are your babies & you have the right to name them whatever you want. :hug:

 

I have two things to say - They are YOUR kids, she had her chance, this is YOURS. Name them what you want.

I know - its hard to do, and I for one did NOT follow that advice and regret it to this day.

All you can do is be firm - tell her that their names are Ava and Elise. (wait til they are born, because when you see them its possible you MAY change your mind - no need to rock the boat sooner if that ends up the case).

IF, when the girls arrive they ARE Ava and Elise, just tell her calmly what their names are as if you've never had this previous discussion. If she then repeats her opinion, just tell her I'm sorry you don't like them - I hope you'll be able to come to accept them over time as this is what we've decided. If she then makes up nicknames that bother you just calmly repeat - her name is Ava, I'd appreciate it if you could respect our wishes and call her by her rightful name.

Stay calm, don't get into a shouting match and just be strong. if the nickname is acceptable, then go with it.

 

omg this is ridiculous. i cannot imagine my mother acting like that. those are gorgeous names!! i honestly dont know what to do but she honestly cant be serious, can she???

 

Thanks sooooo much ladies. I really needed to hear this from you all. I honestly feel like I'm about to cry and explode with anger. I've completley lost my appetite. My DH said those (Ava & Elise) are the names and we are keeping them PERIOD!

In only a few short hours she's been here, she's gotten on the phone telling other family members how much she dislikes the names and which names she wants to name them. She had the nerve to say that she and others will call them everything but the names DH and I have picked and she laughed about it. I couldn't take it any longer and I said, "Well that's why they will continue to live hundreds of miles away from you all, too!" Right now she's being impossible. What a way to welcome your two new granddaughters into the world. It's sickening to me. Totally sickening.

 

Mom will be okay once she sees those beautiful babies!

 

We live hundreds of miles away, which is what I like. She has always been an overbearing mother...the type that never wanted her children to leave home. When my DH was born 2 years ago, we had a huge falling out over me not being available enough when she calls and as a result, she was not there for his birth. Honestly, it was the most stress free time for me. The only reason why I chose to reconcile was for the kids. They love her dearly as does she. She's been there for the birth of the first two and now for the twins.

What can I learn from this? The kind of mom not to be for my girls when they are grown.

 

:hug: How dare her add more stress to your life!!! Maybe she needs to find herself a nice hotel room to stay at or send her home? I figure no help is better then additional stress and tension! :hug: so many hugs to you! I'm so sorry that you have to deal with that! I think the names are very cute!

 

You really need to tell her how you feel.

Something like "I'm upset/sad that you don't like the names we've picked. We thought long and hard to find names that will fit these babies as they grown into beautiful adults."

 

Your names are beautiful. Maybe you could explain to her the evolution of name popularity? That Ava is actually a moderately popular to popular baby name right now? Not old lady at all. Really, I think you just need to have a sit down with her and politely lay down the law. I.e. these are your girls. These are their names. Calling them anything else is not acceptable. Continuing to complain and be insensitive is not acceptable. For bonus points, lay on the guilt - you are my mother, and you are supposed to be supportive. You got to name your kids, and I get to name mine.

 

You could say you want to name them Berta and Myrna maybe then shed lay off. But anyways everyone is right. My now xgrandma in law said the girls names were "black" names and not that nicely. I was really put out because I have African american friends(one is a recent immagrant too). I just stuck to my guns.

 

I've heard of this sort of thing before. Pretty insensitive!

I actually don't think there is much point in trying to tell her how you feel---it doesnt sound like she give a hoot what your feelings are on the subject.

Honestly? I think I would summon up every bit of self-control I had left and then I would laugh---yes laugh out loud---at her every time she starts up with the name thing. I would laugh as though she was making a great joke-- not unkindly or maliciously, but like you might laugh at any cockamamie, outrageous thing someone else does. Simply refuse to take it seriously---because -seriously- her opinion on this question does not count! Try not to treat it as if it does. I think if you can keep laughing about it, she will soon drop the subject--what choice will she have? She can hardly get angry and say that you MUST do what she says!

 

Yeah, I've been there - although not to that degree. MIL saw babies, fell in love, and I never heard another word!
Stick to your guns!

 

My mom did not like Seamus' name at all. She had the whole pregnancy to get used to it and every once in awhile would say, "What about James?". Once he was born, he was nothing but a 'Seamus' and she loved it. I think that once the babies come, hopefully she will not give you a hard time.

I love your names so much!!!

 

Are you serious? Thats just ridiculous and so uncalled for I love your names they are so beautiful :wub: she had her chance now its yours. name them what you love, if you dont you'll regret. :hug: I hope she forgets about it once your beautiful girls come along. :hug:

 

Well, I've had the entire day to think about this and read all of your supportive comments and suggestion. I cannot thank you all enough. I feel a little bit better.

Now here is what I've come up with. I realize why she may not like the names. All three of my children have family names. My son is named after his dad, my daughter's first name is my middle name, and my baby boy has my maiden name. She never complained one bit with those. But now that we, DH and I, have chosen something totally different, she is opposed to it. Our girls will be here in two days and we want to see if Ava and Elise fit them and if so, that's what we will stick with...no matter who is against it.

By the way, she never needs to speak. If I wanted to fight fire with fire, I could talk about how she gave one of my brothers the middle name Hannibal. He refuses to use the name to this day.

 

Name your babies what you want, they are YOUR babies and by the way those names are adorable!! I know it's frustrating when somebody says they don't like the names you have picked out, but unless specifically asked they should keep their opinions to themselves. My MIL begged us not to name one of the twins Alicia and when DH called to tell her they were born she let him know she was not happy that we used that name, thankfully he wasn't bashful about letting her know that he could care less because they were our kids. She doesn't really bring it up anymore.

 

Been There!

My mom is usually the least judgmental person on the planet. Until it came to my babies. When she found out that we wanted Sebastian for a boy, she said he'd be called Bast*** on the playground. RIIIGGGGHHHHHTTTTT. She didn't mind Orion, so much, weirdly, as it's much less common. However, I told her calmly when she voiced her opinion:

a. That is the name.
b. I'm sure you'll grow to love your grandsons anyway, with or without without a name you don't like.

Now, they are 4 months old. She has not mentioned it since they were born.

You need to refocus- you have children right now who need you, both born and unborn. Rest, eat, drink water and ignore this woman (I know, easier said than done). You will only have this time with your older kids once as well as with your twins inside for a short time.

:youcandoit:

Side note: Your names are great & she's out of touch as to what people are naming their kids these days. Linda is passe, Ava is IN. :acute:

 

Oh my. Hannibal?? That's just torture for the poor boy (and no disrespect to anyone out there with a Hannibal!) :laughing: I love both Ava and Elise. They are beautiful, classy names that they won't outgrow and won't embarrass them in the future. Just lovely! Sorry you have to deal with her. :aggressive:

 

They are beautiful names!!!!! Love them!
My best friend has an Ava and we are thinking of calling one of our girls Alyce (similar name)!

Like other pp have said, these are YOUR babies. She has had her turn. If she can't be suportive, then perhaps she shouldn't be there?

P.S. I have never told anyone - family or friends - what names my husband & I like or have decided on. It's our decision and I don't want the inevitable comments about such and such has that name, etc.

Good luck!

 

So...Sun, Sky, and Grandma Mud it is!! Sorry, that wasn't very nice. :diablo: But seriously, I can't believe she's putting you thru this right now! I am truly sorry for you! Well, don't let her get to you. It sounds like her issues go well beyond names and she's looking to bring you down with her. Misery loves company. But you, momma, have an important task ahead of you that needs all of your focus and positive energy. Don't give it away to her!!! She doesn't deserve it.

And for the record, Ava is not just popular...it is currently ranked as the fifth most popular name for girls of ALL girls' names. So :blbl: ! Apparently a LOT of other people have no taste, either, huh. :nea: And Elise? That has a special place in my heart. That would've been what I named my baby *if* I'd had any girls. But I didn't and we're done. So I love seeing someone else that has excellent taste in names! :good:

Good luck and :hug: !!

Eve (...now THAT is an old name!)

 

Thanks Again! We went with Ava and Elise. The names really fit the girls and since their birth, no one has complained a bit. Love you all!!!! Seriously!!! :grouphug: