Motivation and Concentration

Today one of DS' teachers spoke to me after school and said that they are worried about DS:
 
He is great at concentrating and paying attention and doing a task well if it is an activity he choose. But if it is an activity that the teacher asks/requires him to do his attention wanders, he needs constant reminders to stay on track, he takes a long time to finish and the results are way below what they know him to be capable of.
 
I have noticed something similar: For example: If he chooses to draw or paint, his paintings are great - detailed, creative, loving and he will sit for an hour or more without talking or looking up from his task. But if I ask him to draw a birthday card or thank you note or when he is asked to draw at a well-child check-up, he either refuses or I get scrawl or sloppy picture done without love or attention in no more than 5 minutes.
 
They moved to the equivalent of K in their pre-school where they have been for 2 years and it is still a rather sheltered and loving environment compared to the elementary school that they will have to move to next year. The pressure on the kids is high in elementary schools here, so his teachers are concerned that we need to work on this issue now to prepare him for 1st grade.
 
I would prefer him to enjoy his work and to take pride in it. How can we help him without pressure to do well even at tasks he does not enjoy, does not want to do at that moment, thinks are boring etc.?
 

 

This is a Sharon question.  Hopefully she'll see this.
 
I would definitely make some inquiries about resources available.  If there are special ed. services where they could come and observe, he would probably benefit from any suggestions they might make.  They would also be helpful in ruling out things.
 
Also, you will probably need to find a motivating factor.  I work in special ed.  Some of our kids work for play money where they can purchase things like fun ipad time.  Some of our kids work for just getting a simple smiley face or a sticker.  Then when they bring home their smiley faces or stickers, their parents have a reward for them.  It's also possible that he will need the tough love approach of just redoing it until he does it the right way.  I have worked with kids that refused to write neatly, when I know they could, and until I erased it and made them do it over 5-6 times, they weren't going to do it.  
 
You might start looking at control/choice issues for home.  When you're going to the dr's office, pick 2 or 3 acceptable things and give him the choice of what to take to do.  If he needs to make a card, give him the choice of before or after dinner, markers or crayons, etc.  
 
I would also start having a conversion with him about it.  Ask him why it isn't drawn or done very well.  He'll probably answer something to the effect of "I don't know" or "I didn't want to".  I would ask him if he thinks I like washing his dirty underwear or mopping floors or some boring chore.  He'll probably look a bit startled.  I know some of the kids I talk to, it honestly doesn't occur to them that adults don't like everything we have to do.  We just have to do it. You might talk about how you still do things even if you don't want to and you try to do a nice job on them.  Hopefully it will at least get the wheels turning in his head.
 
Marissa 

 

I would second Marissa's suggestion of having an evaluation.  Behaviors that occur in more than one setting are usually a red flag that something other than pure stubbornness is going on.  Not having met your son, his behavior does seem typical of a child who has ADD.  Most people think that kids with ADD have the attention span of a knat, and there is no way that child can focus on something for literally hours, but actually, that is typical of a child who does have ADD.  Keep in mind, that an ADD diagnosis does not mean automatic medication.  My son is diagnosed with ADD, but has never been medicated for it--all the diagnosis does is allow him to have a 504 plan which gives him certain accommodations in the classroom--keep in mind that this is a kid in Honors classes in 7th grade.
 
Anyway, I always look at an evaluation as a win-win situation.  Either they find that your child is fine, they just need to mature, or they find out what is going on and now you can look at strategies to help.  The fact that the school is concerned is another reason to look into it--they usually don't say anything unless they feel it is truly serious.
 
As for a short term solution.  I have been pretty successful using a timer.  They have to work for x number of minutes, they they get a break for y minutes.  Initially, I did 10 min, and 10 min of break.  Over time, I lengthened the work time and shortened the break.  Usually, if a child knows they can have a break in a time period that they can see--like a timer, they are more willing to work for that time.
 
Good luck!

 

Thank you for your replies and suggestions. Where we live, an evaluation and services will not be available until he is in 1st grade.
 
In the mean time, I have spoken to our pediatrician who has known all our kids from birth and her perspective was quite different: She said this kind of behaviour is still normal for five year olds, especially for boys. She also said that DS is a very bright child and that it is up to his teachers - and to us at home - to present him with interesting work and material, to avoid busy work (in her experience there is too much of that in the early school years) and to challenge him. This would motivate him and help him to learn concentrated work and enjoy school.

 

I didn't realize you don't live in the US.  Yes, his behavior isn't totally off for a 5 year old, BUT, the fact that the same behavior is shown at home and school is usually an indicator.  I am always one that is proactive regarding my kids, because I would rather check and have it looked into and be nothing, then have missed out on "something".  My pediatrician is laid back as well, and I love that about him, but I also trust my gut and listen to my kids teachers regarding school things.

 

Sharon, I am the same about rather being proactive with regard to the kids. That is why i thought the pedi would be a good address as no other services are available through school at the moment.
 
I am trying a new approach at home which seems to be helping - giving him more of a choice but expecting him to finish the work he chooses well, I am also introducing a timer to keep him on track and let him know when he is due for a break.

 

June, pedi's are good about medical stuff--schooling stuff, not so much unless they are specialists.  Some are too quick to diagnose and put kids on meds and some are the total opposite!  I don't know if you have available, but a pediatric neurodevelopmentalist ( I know a mouthful), but they are the doctors who look into this stuff.  For example, when Jon saw one for the first time at age 3.5, she said that by reading his paperwork, he "looked" like an autistic child, but upon meeting him in the first few minutes, she knew he wasn't. Out of that visit, he was considered to be extremely bright, with a severe expressive speech delay, and i was told to come back when he was 6 to look at ADD.  That said, he was doing fine until 4th grade, when he would come home "swearing" that topics were never taught, and his twin assured me they were (they had the same teachers, but at different times).  So back we went.  He didn't qualify, but was boarderline ADD--but below the line.  In 6th grade, I was concerned about his writing being affected--I something that was always a struggle, so we went again.  This time, he crossed the line into an ADD diagnosis.  He is unmedicated, and has very minor adaptations in school.
 
I tell you this because despite receiving special ed preschool, he has never qualified for services since then.  But he did and does show some of the same behaviors that you have described.  For me, it was probably easier to pick up on because he brother has always been "typical", so I have that to compare against.  Oh yeah, and the child with all the issues, he is the one who was reading at age 3