My 3 and 1/2 yr olds are killing me!

Yes. I admit it. I haven't loved the whole baby/toddler thing much but WHOAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH it truly truly truly has not gotten "easier" over here. If one thing gets "better" another thing takes it's place! I'm TIRED. I'm 21 weeks pregnant and pretty much parent alone since DH is always at our pizzeria!

I've always done it basically alone so it's not that. And I don't even think, altho I could be wrong, that it's because I'm pregnant!

My kids are CONSTANT work! Is that normal? "I need this, I need that, look for that, get me this..." I swear to GOD it goes on and on and around and around for 14 hours straight!

Yelling, fighting, pi**sing and moaning you name it. Right now they're rolling on each other cuz one says "it IS a grim reaper doll" and the other one says.. "NO it's not it's just a guy!" So, it's that CRAP all.day.long!

And then they want to dress up as this or that and then as soon as we fINALLY find that whole costume-- it's on to the NEXT one!

GRRRRRRRR! I'm realllly not kidding here. I do not like this. I take them somewhere for about 3 hours EVERY SINGLE MORNING so the do keep busy but MAN ALIVE!

They drive me nuts. And I feel MEAN! "Mommy.. are you mad?" And I usually just say "Well, I AM frustrated because you did this."

Ok so they've been up for ten minutes and Nicolas is throwing himself on the floor because he NEEDS more Ovaltine in his milk RIGHT NOw!!!!!

You guys. How do you do this?? Stay at home moms.. what am I doing wrong?? Can ANYONE commiserate???????????????????????????? I cannot believe Im having another kid!!!!!!!

 

Yeah that sounds familiar. The only thing that keeps me sane is their preschool twice a week (I wish it lasted longer than 1.5 hour though), and week ends when we do something fun together (with dh). I go nuts during the week. They get into everything, don't listen, nag, say 'no' to everything, tantrums, and whine, whine, whine. I'm just grateful that they don't fight that much, all things considered. We don't really have much to do in the area either so it doesn't help. Long days. Dh helps but he's gone from 8.30am to 6pm or later (except this week he's gone from 7 to 8.30pm so I don't even know if he will see them).

Not too fond of this SAHM thing. I got to say you're courageous to have a third, lol!

 

:hug:

I remember thinking back when I just had my oldest DS that the age 3 was a breeze. I didn't understand why people said that 2 was nothing compared to 3. Enter the addition of my little guys. Now I get it. I think it has something to do with the twin dynamics. They love each other, they drive each other crazy, they think they are the funniest things in the world, they can't get close enough, suddenly they are in each other's personal space and yell, "GO AWAY!!!" and so on. I don't care how easy your kids are when there are two of them, competing for the same attention from the same person, trying to play with the same toys, and expected to get along with each other better than is almost possible, life is CRAZY!

 

:hug: Meredith! I cannot imagine dealing with 3 year olds and being pregnant on top of it all!
My DH works 12 hour days 3 days a week and 10 hour days 2 days a week and some days are just really hard. I say when my kids are bad, they are really bad and when they are good, they are excellent. No in betweens here!
I find it very hard to deal with the moodiness, especially in DD, who will cry over the stupidest thing in a NY minute (i.e. she leaves her stuffed kitty downstairs and one of us goes down to get it and she cries because she wanted to get it. But she never said that she wanted to get it and we are not mind readers.) and my DS who talks NON STOP and has a memory like an elephant.
Though I will say today, DD is under the weather, DS is making funny faces and giving her hugs and kisses to cheer her up. I love those moments! I wish we had more of them!

 

I feel your pain. I had to start doing things like pre making their chocolate milk, I put pre made sip cups in the fridge, I rarely help them find any toy, I tell them that if they want it, go find it. I do let mine watch movies ( rarely tv shows because of the commercials they will usually sit and watch a movie for at least longer than the segments between commercials lol!!) My kids all know that I do not respond to demands very well and that tantrums will land them sitting alone on my bed ( no toys around) or on the steps. I do let them dress themselves if they want to and have gotten over the fact that Ava's favorite candy corn colored tights and princess purple pj shorts with her favorite hot pink shirt with the iceskating dog do NOT match and make her look homeless we still go grocery shopping. Addison may wear her bike helmet all day but that's ok. I completely agree that things are NOT easier, they have just changed. I also have older boys who are a help at times but are also a HUGE pain and have made my twins seem like a breeze. I would rather have 10 little ones than 1 teenager thank God for school that is all I know!! Well that and that they are the reason I have very little patience anymore!!!!!


And did you say pizzeria!!!!, mmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!! Now I want pizza LOL!!!!!!

 

I feel you!! I'm a SAHM to our almost- 2 1/2 year old twins and our 15 month old baby and some days I feel like I just need to cry and I want to bang my head against a wall. As I write this one of my lo's just walked up asking for a band-aid for a non-existent boo-boo and then her brother walked up and started asking for the same thing. Yes, I get A LOT of the "I need, I want, where is, can you get, you do it, etc." during the day and I feel like I'm always jumping just waiting for the next "round" of demands or requests or to-do's. I'm always on-call and I'm really tired. I'm drinking a lot of coffee these days. They are wonderful, sweet children and never in a million years would I change our life; Owen, Kathryn, and Sullivan are my life and my whole world, but some days/weeks I could use a little more time by myself. They do listen 90% of the time, sleep and nap well, communicate very well and love to be outside so we've started making three or four trips a week to the park, go for walks, and usually do one or two errand days a week. But by the end of the week I've changed so many diapers, made so many meals/snacks, refilled so many sippies, been pulled on, fussed at, played referee, etc. that I just need a mental break. I feel like there is always noise - in my head and all around me - and just when I get everyone happy and settled my dog starts in with the whining (we just put him on a diet so he's not a happy camper right now) or DH wants to talk about our budget or our upcoming move at 8 in the evening when my brain has shut down for the day. My DH does so much to help me and I'm very lucky to have him, but I told him this week that to keep us all happy I need to start taking more breaks and getting some alone time in so I have more patience and energy at home.

You are NOT doing anything wrong and you are not alone in the way you feel. I think it's just the way it goes when you have two competing for everything - time, toy, food, attention. I agree, sometimes I think to myself "Isn't this supposed to get easier?" I do know many things about my day are easier, much easier, than they were a year ago, but I'm still just as tired as I was when they were 6 months old - maybe even more tired. Is there any way you can get out alone for even just an hour or two on a regular basis? Yesterday I got out for 1 1/2 hours alone and when I came home I felt like a new woman and I'm going to have to start doing that more often. It's better for all of us! Hang in there!

 

I could NOT agree more with Heather…. When I had my first I wanted 4 kids … I kept waiting for things to “get better” to have another… needless to say 10 years later on two forms of birth control I found out I was having two more boys… and I thank the baby gods for “oops” and “WHAT?!?!?!” coming into our lives… even on those days I get my work out by going up and down the stairs to put them in time out for not listening :gah:

Elizabeth

 

That was the worst stage for us (other than the first 10 weeks). My kids are 5.5, and there have been some tough stages both before and after age 3.5, but that's the only one you couldn't pay me to go back to.

And I don't know how anyone survives being a SAHM without disliking their children intensely -- I'm a "thank goodness it's Monday and I can go back to work" kind of mom -- so I have no suggestions there! But I've heard that preschool is a really good thing. :ibiggrin:

For me at least, mothering is never really easy, but it was like a weight lifted off our backs when they got closer to 4. The contrast in their behavior was just amazing.

 

I feel your pain....I REALLY do. The first thing in the morning out of my one DS's mouth is "I want to eat". Then begins the battle of what exactly he want to eat. Pancakes...no. Waffle...no. Oatmeal....no until I finally tell him "let me know what you want". Then my other DS wants to eat ALL DAY LONG! He has a dairy intolerance and I thought for awhile he did not so I've been giving them cheese. Well, I've stopped cold turkey and every single day for the past two weeks he'll come up to me crying and says " I want a cheese sandwich". I then have to bring him to the fridge and prove to him that we don't have cheese.

He also has days that he stays glued to me. He'll sit on the tub and watch me take a shower. Then he needs to "help" me get ready by taking and then putting on the lid of my contact lenses. Then when it's time to do my hair, he needs some products as well and then of course...needs to wash his hands. I swear all this adds a good 10 minutes to me getting dressed. If was not so sleep deprived, I would get up and shower before they wake up.

And speaking of sleep; they gave up naps right before their 3rd birthday. If they get 13 hours at night they are great and fun to be around. 12 1/2 they're good. Anything less I have two very cranky, crabby boys. The past few weeks I can't get them to sleep more than 12 hours. They NEED that extra 30-60 minutes. I've tried an earlier and later bedtime and nothing seems to work. If we are in the car my one DS will fall asleep but the other will just whine and cry and entire trip.

The fighting drives me :blink: :silly: :drown: My laid back one will take something downstairs and the other one grabs it. I then hear "MOMMY!!!!!!!!" and I know right away what happened.

I wish I could work but with the cost of childcare it would be pointless.

Everyone I know tells me how bad the 3's are. Even my boyfriend told me he would never relive that year with his now 9 year old son (he was a SAHD). It was the worst year of his life. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing we are getting closer to the end. I know this time next year won't be this bad.

 

I'm actually crying reading these. ANOTHER morning from he**.

Seriously. Part of the problem is they ALWAYS, and yes, I DO mean always- have an ear infection. Antibiotics no longer work. We have ENT appt on Thurs for our 2nd round of tubes to be scheduled. The other fun thing is that Gabe has bloody noses that keep us up at least an hour per night. He has bloody noses every day. (Also going to ENT for this.)

So, we ARE tired and they do have ear pain but DAAAANNNNNNNGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's alway something so it's almost stupid to try to justify it!

Before I got pg w/ them, I was a 4 yr old teacher and TRULY that keeps me sane. Just KNOWING that 4 is truly better than 3. I know that in my gut but I'm not holding out any hope for a miracle. My kids are sooooooo annoying and I really do feel like I'm far too short-fused most of the time.

Thank you guys. As I said, none of this has been my "cup of tea", per se, but it's been 3 and 1/2 solid years now of chaos and I think it's catching up w/ me.

I mainly just need to hear that other people know what I'm talking about. That I'm not crazy and that my kids are not terrible/odd.

 

I read a study recently (and I wish I remembered where!) that said that parents are the most stressed out of all age ranges/demographics. I can see that! BUT, we also have the greatest sense of overall happiness and peace. I can see that, too!

I don't think I'm a "natural" parent, but I know that my girls give the greatest sense of accomplishment and love. I know that I love working because it gets me away, but I miss them so much while I'm gone. I think that parenting is the single most challenging thing that you can do.

So all that to say- Hang in there!

 

I often think too bad I don't drink :laughing: , no really I don't have an answer other than trying to stay calm and breath. Sometimes I have to walk out of the room or house for a minute to clear my head.

Most days I am heard saying "what are you doing?" or "have you lost your mind?". This weekend was so bad that DH and I decided toddler/toddler twins in this age bracket are the perfect birth control and they should have MTV do a reality show with all these 16 years wanting to get pregnant spending a weekend in our shoes. I think they would run screaming .

I hate to admit that last week DD was so bad I told her to sit on the couch because mommy couldn't deal with her right now. Approximately 10 minutes later she said "Mommy am I upsetting you? I still like you mommy." and I told her I still loved her, but didn't like her behavior.

I had heard that 3 was much worse than 2 and as we approach 3 they just keep getting worse. DH says he feels like he is living in a frat house most days. I keep thinking it has to get better, try to take it day by day, and remember they are just testing their boundaries while acting their age.

 

3 1/2 was the worst age! Newborns were tough, no sleep...but at 3 1/2 we were having major meltdowns over the littlest things, ignoring me one minute, fighting with each other the next. Your comment on dress up cracked me up because that was so us. I'd sit in one spot and they'd keep their costumes on for maybe a minute and want to change. It was simply rediculous, everytime I turned around they needed me for something! I've never been so stressed out, so no, you are not alone. 4 is so much better now!!! There is such a big change! Hang in there!

 

Thanks girls! Holey Moley it's just SOO not fun! LOL.

 

The thing for me that is sooooo exhusting is them not knowing what they want from one minute to the next. Like this morning, DS seen pineapple cups in the fridge and wanted that with his breakfast; no problem. He ate it and wanted the other one so I open it. He then says "noooooooo, I want eggs". :faint: This also goes on with snacks. Just got home from school. Same DS wanted dried apples and the other pretzels. I give him the dried apples, he sees the pretzels and starts pitching a fit because HE wants pretzels. :grr:

On the way home from school, my other DS asked if we could have popsicles. I told he no because it was cold outside (we eat them outside because of the mess). That resulted in a pouting session and him not wanting to go in the house and take off his coat and shoes.

We are still two months shy of 3 1/2 and I am very afraid of how much worse this is going to get because I don't think I can handle much more. :drown:

 

Oh, I think I have your twins in my house :ibiggrin: . This has become our daily struggle, DD wants a banana and DS wants an apple, and then one of them will start screaming they want what the other one has. We have this situation at least 3 to 4 times per day.

 

Same here with the food stuff. The worst I think is when they ask for something, have a tantrum if I don't have it, yet I KNOW they won't eat it. I've wasted I don't know how many applesauce cups because DS asked for one (because DD wanted one), and he didn't eat it (and DD won't eat it either because it's DD's!).

 

I'm with you. I've always wanted to be a SAHM, but it's so much more emotionally draining than I ever imagined and I sometimes miss the career I gave up and worry I won't be able to go back to it. And then sometimes I feel like I'm so moody and mean to my kids, that they'd actually be better off if I worked and they got a break from me! I don't get too many breaks - but my husband does get home early on a few weeknights, and he's here most weekends. But it's still usually me taking the lead with everything. But knowing that he will be home at a certain time is my saving grace. I could not keep going and going like you do without a break. I would snap and my fuse would break - it often has when I don't get a break for awhile. I also get 3 hours away one night a week (to work), but it totally saves me. Even though I feel guilty leaving, once I'm gone and using my brain it's really been good for me. When I get home I am so rejuevenated. Even if the tantrums and fighting starts all over the next day, it gives me a much needed boost to my spirits to feel like I have another purpose.

This week with us all being sick has been really hard. It sounds like you're going through something similar (actually, worse) and it's just hell. I couldn't imagine how I'd feel being pregnant on top of it.

And I still say it's a ton of work even at 3. Some things are much easier, but others are much more mentally exhausting. I cannot stand the whining, screaming and tantrums and back talking/attitude. I have zero patience for it because now they are old enough to know better. I've been waiting to feel ready to go back for our last 2 embryos. Before my 2 were born, I figured we'd try for a 2 year age difference. But 3+ years later and I still have been putting it off and I still don't feel ready (mainly because we're going for 2, and I can't imagine doing 2 all over again!). But seriously, when I see posts on here from moms in the first year forum who are ready and excited to try again, I think what is wrong with me??? I don't know that I'll ever get there. But ready or not, we are going for it this summer. I can't keep putting it off.

Is there any way at all you can find a way to give yourself a break once in awhile? Even that is not enough to feel completely sane, but it helps a little!

 

My kids sound EXACTLy like yours'!

It is soooooooooooo exhausting! And, Denise, if you're like me.. there will never be a good time to have more.. You just have to wing it! LOL.

They will start full day pre-k in fall (when baby comes) so I'm hoping to God they can become LESS SPOILED there! Thank u!

 

I'm not home with them all day, and right now I can't imagine being home with them all day. This age is impossible and by far the worst "phase" for us. It is a phase right? It really stops at some point ?

In the 45 minutes from the time we get up in the morning until we get to school we had four complete meltdowns. 1) Over not wanting to use Toy Story toothpaste, because they wanted to use the new Spiderman toothpaste, but they won't use the new Spiderman toothpaste because it's too spicy, but they don't want to use the Toy Story toothpaste anymore. 2) Logan picked out a shirt and was happy, Mason picked out a shirt that matched his ballon, Logan then loses it over needing a shirt that matches his ballon. (If he had just asked I would have let him change shirts, but he didn't ask) 3) Mason had the audacity to bring Logans shoes to him. 4) Mason broke his cereal bar in two in the car on the way to school. I'm sure you are aware that the wold comes to an end when a cookie, bar, etc breaks, right?

I'm exhausted from the tantrums, the whining, the back talk and the not minding/listening. We are having no luck with any method to get through to them and are both low on patience, especially with the incessant whining.

 

These stories truly make me feel soo much better. (Misery loves company, right?) LOL.

It's the indecisive, NON STOP drama that drives me UP THE WALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And my kids are absolute FREAKS about things being perfect. "Tape it, it's ALMOST breaking.." you get the idea. (And for the record, it IS NOT even CLOSE to breaking but they're just LIKE THAT!)

So it's THAT kind of exhauting stuff that just KILLS ME.

And then you have the added bonus (yes, many of you mentioned this) of "I WANT WHAT HE HAS INSTEAD!" Good God! Like one 3.5 yr old wouldn't be enough! Ha ha.

Yes. I DO believe it is a phase and 4 yrs old HAS GOT TO BE BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

When I read the stories and I think of our own experiences I have often thought or said "I don't know how Jon & Kate Plus 8 or other shows did it?" Really, can you imagine more than two children going through this phase together. I would definitely look like the mega B**** they portray Kate as being :FIFblush: and I would have to probably need therapy when the phase was done. I know God gave me what I could deal with because two are killing me/us and I can't imagine more. I am sure I would adapt, but boy are there days when I feel like I am losing my mind :umm: so I give credit to moms of twins or higher order multiples that then have more kids or had them before their multiples. I don't know if I could do it.

At least reading the posts I know we are not alone in the phase. I shudder to think of the next phase .

 

Agreed... I would probably have turned like Kate too.

 

WEll.. I AM Kate! I think.. LOL.

I never hated her and TOTALLY understood why she acted the way that she did! I mean.. I'm proud of her! LOL.

 

Do you live my life? I have heard from friends with older kids that 3 is the worst age, and I am counting on it to be true. Three has been very rough for us. Very rough.

 

all i can say is, if things don't get better when mine turn 4, they'll have to commit me. the whining, DEMANDING, tantrums, throwing.... as babies they were able to take their socks off by themselves. as toddlers they took off their own jackets, shoes, socks, clothes, etc. now they don't want to do ANYTHING for themselves. "i caaaan't dooo iiiiit!!!" finally last week i said, "do it yourself. you want to be a big girl? you need to do big girl things." they're getting better at doing things by themselves, but they still DEMAND i go look for their lost toy. i refuse to search for it, and so of course a tantrum happens.
they wake up at the CRACK OF DAWN, so i put them down for an afternoon nap cuz the bags under their eyes are HUGE, then they can't fall asleep at bedtime till like 10pm (bedtime is 7:30!!! )
i tell them to put their toys away and they whine, "but i caaaan't! my legs huurrrtttt! ugh! iiii caaaan't!" OMG. they just leave destruction behind them all over the house and i'm sick of cleaning it all up after them.
they don't want to feed themselves, they want me to feed them all day. i told them finally they can just sit there and watch ME eat, but i'm not going to feed them and let my food get cold at every single meal.
i have no more patience and i feel like a horrible mom, cuz it seems like all i do is yell.

 

Mine are not even 3.5 yet. And this morning DD had such a tantrum outside that I'm shocked my neighbors haven't called CPS yet. All because she refused to get into the car so I *gasp* picked her up to put her in there. And of course every single morning before school (which sadly only starts at 10.15am), they just cry and whine for one hour because they want to get dressed/put shoes on/go outside (if I do either of those they just cry for the next thing anyway). Awful.

Yesterday we went to the zoo and they basically had a 30 minutes tantrum because they wanted ice cream, refusing to follow us etc... so we went home, they napped a bit on the way, then went back to another 30 minutes tantrum when we got home. Uggggggh. I don't know how I'm going to survive the next 10 months. I really don't.

 

Being a SAHM sucks. I have 3.5 yr old twins and a 2 yr old. The 3.5 yr old will have full on screaming matches with the 2 yr old but she is big enough to hold her own. They are all the same size which sucks for buying clothes and shoes !! They have a memory like a "knat" -- I often will repeat " off the couch off the couch off the couch" or "shoes on, shoes on, shoes on, shoes on, shoes on..." Right now they are fighting "my mommy!". They all get dressed and undressed ALL DAY LONG with clothes everywhere but I allow it because it keeps them quiet and I figure it will help them later on with getting themselves dressed. One who hardly eats, one who eats her sisters food. One who can't hear well (like a pp) so I have to yell for her to understand me. I can't take them out on my own because they will really run in different directions and my one twin is a good runner, plus one or more want me to hold them.

Things that have worked :

letting them get at clothes and change all day.
making sure they say "please" with all the "I WANT" hearing a please really helps to make things sound better.
wine.
Not putting the T.V. on until they hit a wall.
Aqua doodles (colour using only water), or mess free colouring makers
The lower shelf of our pantry is cereal and they can easily get bowls and spoons. So if they are hungry they can dig into the cereal.
I know if we can get outside into the backyard more or for walks when my dh is around would really help.
sometimes mommy needs a time out in the bedroom sometimes too just to get a break.
I have locks on ALL doors in our house, second floor patio door is nailed shut, so we have a highly baby proofed house.



Heather

 

Oh and there is another multiples show on T.V. and I can't stand it because they make it look like it is oh so easy ! It makes me angry every time I see the show on.

Heather

 

I bet you're talking about "Quints by Suprise". The preview I just seen is all of them cheering on mom as she runs a race. Yeah, like I would have time to train for a 5k or marathon. :rotflmbo:

 

I am so glad to hear that we aren't alone. I loved the baby phase. I didn't even mind 2. But 3 - I discovered at 3 that I need mommy time outs.

Independance is highly over-rated in my book, though at least I don't have them asking me for something every second (the bright side of that whole independance thing I guess) - they just won't.stop.fighting. It drives me nuts. I recently wondered what makes it better on weekends and I realized that it was simply having them cooped up in their carseat where they couldn't touch each other or anything other than their few toys for an hour or two while I get peace and happy childern who aren't trying to kill or maim one another.

 

I'm dying laughing over here. I have BEGGED my husband to take me to the mental institution on a regular basis over the past six months. I swear to God, I have!

What is it with the looking for stuff? I CANNNNNOOOOOTTT do that anymore!

Thank GOD I waited til they turn 4 to pop this next baby out or I wouldn't survive. I'm not kidding.