My boys are out of control!

My boys will be 4 in September. Please Help! They have turned into uncontrollable toddlers. Everything is a battle, they don't follow directions and the days I am home with them are not pleasant. I try to be firm, but there are times I feel my blood pressure is through the roof. I feel like they are constantly testing me and taking them anywhere is a huge challenge. They won't nap anymore either. I hate feeling this way! My house is a wreck and I am overwhelmed. Is this normal behavior?! I need to get some type of control. If you have any book recommendations, books, etc.. I will take them!

 

I really liked "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk". It focuses on relationships and developing tools to engage your children's cooperation. I've found it helpful in avoiding battles in the first place.

The thing that has made the biggest difference for us has been learning to simply acknowledge my children's feelings "I know, it really sucks that we have to leave the park. You'd rather stay and play. You're mad at me right now because I said we have to go." That sort of thing. I would say that probably 80% of the time just knowing they've been heard and understood and acknowledged diffuses the battle without the need to do anything else.

 

Ok, don't take this the wrong way but I laughed to myself when I read your title! Mine are turning 4 in September as well and are NUTS. DH and I take turns being 'down' about their rambunctious disregard for others for a particularly trying time then they go through a sweet phase and I'm in love again. Kids.


So as to your thread, this year I've done a few things which may help you.

-I'm starting to have expectations about behavior and starting with baby steps toward them being productive members of the house. For example, yesterday they dumped out 3 boxes of toys and books. DH and I are fine to pick up toys at night usually, but since they dumped everything out I was not ok with this. So before dinner I had them pick up stuff- I laid a blanket out separating the room and made it a contest: "Do you think we can pick up this side of the room together in 1 minute?" Largely it worked as they were able to pick the room up. It was highly supervised and I had to kind of goad them into it, but once they started they finished it nicely.

Basically where they can I'm trying to remember they can help. They can carry their cups in the house from the van and put them in the kitchen. They can put their shoes away nicely in the closet when we get home (oh and my sandals, too... I *may* struggle with that myself...)

-Structure is your friend. Mine seem to do better when I plan the day with them and get them to take an active role in accomplishing the activity. For example, on library day they have to go get ready. I try to leave enough time so they can help me and I'm not yelling to hurry up, let's go, etc.

-Cook with them. It takes up time, is something you have to do anyway and it imparts a skill onto them. I usually do 1 boy at a time as it's too overwhelming for me to have both in the kitchen at the same time.

-Preschool games this year are a hit. I sit down and play either "The Ladybug Game" or "Uno" now with them and they love it. Plus it works on numbers, turn taking and sportsmanship.

-Remember they are boys and need to be outside. Sometimes I'm guilty of forgetting this and am inside too much. It's way better for everybody if mine are out in the cool mornings and usually after dinner with Daddy. Frisbees and scooters are a hit this year.

When all else fails: divide and conquer. Mine will push and push buttons together but if you can divide them up and deal with the behavior it usually stops around here.

Good luck!