My kid's the biter.

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by Katheros, Mar 4, 2015.

  1. Katheros

    Katheros Well-Known Member

    My 3 year old son is in preschool 2 days a week.  (The greatest 2 days of my week.)  Today he had his second biting incident and they are telling me if it happens again, he's out.   The incident today and the last one was over a toy, another kid had it and he wanted it.  
    I've talked to him about not hitting, biting, etc.  They put him in a time out when it happens.  I don't really know what else to do.   Anyone have any 'been there, done that' advice?
  2. cheezewhiz24

    cheezewhiz24 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Teeth are not for biting book and time is what helped my biter.
  3. miss_bossy18

    miss_bossy18 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    It always boggles my mind when daycares/preschools get their knickers in a twist about this. It's very normal developmental behavior. They should have tools to mitigate or mediate the situation.

    Sorry, I know that's not actually helpful in any way, I just really find it kind boggling.
    1 person likes this.
  4. ECUBitzy

    ECUBitzy Well-Known Member

    I was going to say the same thing that Rachel did. :/
  5. MrsWright

    MrsWright Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    While it is normal behavior I think during preschool with more structure they should be mature enough to not bite for the few hours--daycare is different because more playtime available.
    I work very strongly at home that we share with others and take turns doing things. The book is an excellent suggestion too:)
  6. kingeomer

    kingeomer Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Rachel is right.  You would think for this age group they'd have some solutions on hand to deal with biting because it is common at this age.  I'd say to the teacher we are working on it at home, do you have suggestions that we can implement and can be used at home and school? If every kid that bit got kicked out of preschool, preschool enrollment would be very low.
  7. Katheros

    Katheros Well-Known Member

    I have the same thought; it's just a normal kid phase so I was kinda taken aback when they said that they wouldn't allow him to come back after another incident.  I guess since it's a preschool and not a daycare, they can be more picky?  Held more liable for things?
    I'll try the book.
  8. mama_dragon

    mama_dragon Well-Known Member

    It can actually be a liability.  Some places even require both kids get tested for disease (Hep B, Hep C and HIV) if a child bites and draws blood.  Yes sad that they would have to be tested but it involves body fluid when the skin is broken to the point of bleeding.  Plus some parents completely freak out if their kid is bitten. 
    That being said I would ask what the school is doing to promote positive interactions. I would think they would understand you can't just stop such behavior over night and that you and the school need to work together to find a solution.  Both my kids were bitten at school but I didn't get upset over it.  Its such normal behavior.  In fact just after getting bitten one of mine tried it out at home by biting his twin. 
    How is his language?  I know sometimes kids bite out of frustration when they don't have the words to verbally express themselves.  Even if they are talking some kids (I have one) can struggle to find the words in the moment and act out instead. 
  9. sharongl

    sharongl Well-Known Member

    I had a biter.  One thing that we had to do was be extra vigilant, and watch him all the time in social situations.  We did teach "kiss, no bite", because it gave him an alternative response, and it did work sometimes.  It also turned out that he had a severe Verbal Expression Delay.  This meant, while he had words, and could talk, when frustrated, he couldn't retrieve the words he needed, so he would act out, and sometimes that included biting. (it also included hitting, kicking, etc.).  It turned out that since the delay was causing behavioral issued, he qualified for the Pre-school disabled program, which was 5 days a week, and free :)  He really benefited from the program, and was released to K without any services.
  10. Katheros

    Katheros Well-Known Member

    As far as I know, he's on track for speech.  He was in speech therapy for about 9 months starting after his 2nd birthday.  He tells me why he's angry at home, things like "sister took my toy"  "I (don't) wanna go outside/upstairs"  "I don't wanna take a bath"   Stuff like that.   I don't stay at the school so I don't know how he's behaving or interacting there. 
  11. megkc03

    megkc03 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I agree with Rachel. I was a preschool teacher, and many things were done PRIOR to just kicking a biter out. I remember there was one in the toddler room, and he eventually had a shadow. He had an aide to watch him and help prevent(?) the biting. I would think the school would work with you on it-coming up with ways to help in the classroom. Surely the teacher(s) have had biters before. While you can work on it at home, read books, role play, etc, the school should be a bit more helpful than "three strikes you are out."
  12. rrodman

    rrodman Well-Known Member

    Two bites and they are threatening to boot him? I only know of one kid ever kicked out of our daycare, and she bit other kids three times a day. For weeks. Usually on the face like a tiny Hannibal Lecter. And I still thought it was harsh.

    The way our daycare addresses it is looking at it as their challenge to teach the kids through. They try to proactively monitor those trigger situations and heavily teach the "teeth are not for biting."
  13. Katheros

    Katheros Well-Known Member

    Well it's a tiny school in a small town so I guess they can do whatever the heck they want.  It's not a full daycare, it's only a preschool.  It's a military town, too, so I'm sure the phrase "this is beyond my pay-grade" has been uttered once or twice.
  14. FGMH

    FGMH Well-Known Member

    I agree with PPs that this is normal for the age. One thing that helped us when one of my twins was in a biting phase was to have a designated pillow, toy etc. at hand and whenever we saw a situation coming that might trigger biting to remind him or her (I honestly don't remember which twin any more): "No biting, it hurts. But you may bite/punch this pillow." The alternative outlet for the bite helped a lot.
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