Nearly 5 and biting incident at school

We have had a lot of changes lately (moving countries, moving houses, changing from nursery to school), so I know it was a lot lately, but this was all about a month ago.
Anyway, my kids have started in a school here abut 3wks ago, and I have been getting a few report that DD has been on the thinking chair because she has raised her hand to a few children, and then today I got a report that she bit another child. My DD has attended nursery school for 2 years, and has rarely had a bad day in all that time, and has probably been on a timeout chair about 3 times in 2.5yrs!
I feel just terrible, she hasn't bitten anyone other then her brother - EVER! And the last time she bit her brother was about 2yrs ago! So, because this little girl took her chair, she bit her! She knows very well how to use her words, and is quite bright, so I am kind of at a loss as to what to do. She used to always get reports about how kind and polite she was.

the teacher also told me that another little girl went home upset that my DD told her that she didn't like her drawing (apparently they said my DD said this girl's picture was rubbish - which can't be ALL true, because my DD doesn't use the word rubbish, but she may very well have said that she didn't like the girls drawing). So, I am thinking this is pretty petty, I do work with my DD to be kind and ask her how that little girl would feel. I mean, I kind of feel like DD is being targeted a bit. My DD is so smart, but if you start being negative and punitive with her, she can go into a negative spiral, and I worried this is what is going on.

i hope she is just have a bad week...any suggestions?

 

Several of my friends with daughters says that the little girls can be pretty mean to one another and that the drama started around the 4th birthday. So the painting episode may be quite normal, although I totally agree with your approach of talking to her about hurt feelings, how she would feel etc.

With the biting episode I would be at a loss too and I would suspect something more happened before the actual biting, maybe even over several days, something that the teachers did not notice or that has been building or that the connection was not made.

My biggest fear would be that she is labelled as "difficult" right now at the beginning of the school year and will carry this around with her for the rest of the year. And that is the surest way to start a negative spiral. So I think I would ask to talk to the teacher to find out a bit more of what is going on in school apart from these incidents and to fill the teacher in on all the changes your DD is having to process in addition to beginning school because I think it is quite normal that changes or other difficult issues seem fine with the kids initially and only start showing in their behaviour after they have filtered into the child's reality (if you know what I mean). Some teachers do better if they know what is going on in a child's home life. GL!

 

I think June's point about your daughter being labeled as difficult is right on. Talk to the teachers, come in and observe, bring them cookies, tell them about everything going on at home, to ensure that the teachers are supporting her and believing in her. And at home, I wouldn't focus as much on what she's doing wrong. She's smart and she knows she's not supposed to bite or hit. Instead, I'd give her ten million hugs, spend extra time with her, and talk a lot about all of her good qualities. Hitting/biting/lashing out in times of transition is a sign of insecurity and over tiredness. Help her get extra sleep (weekend naps?) and spend time talking about all the changes and how now life is going to get back to "normal". She'll get back on track. You just need to help her regain her footing.

 

I'd ask for them to be seperated in the room. They may just be having power struggles