need a little encouragement

Discussion in 'The First Year' started by buddhababybelly, Dec 2, 2009.

  1. buddhababybelly

    buddhababybelly Well-Known Member

    I havent been on since right before my inlaws came out, sorry for the absence, but I really need some encouragement, advice, someone to read my tears, or help with my worry.

    So, I was on the pill, started the pill in September, I was breastfeeding so that was the reason for the wait. The pill was really messing with me, would have severe cramps 2 weeks before AF was due, threw my cycle all off, I hated it but it was for the greater good.
    DH and myself were really active, like getting busy, over the past month, especially like right before the inlaws came out at the end of OCT, when they left which was right before my parents came up.
    My last AF was OCT 23rd, I was feeling odd the middle of NOV, so I started researching ectopic pregnancy, bc I felt something was off. Lo and behold I didnt start my cycle. 2 Tuesday's ago, I took a test, it was negative. This Sunday I took a test, and there was a line, a faint line but a line. I took another one yesterday, and the same faint line was there. Im pregnant. Again. WTH, WTF, all the expletives I can think of. Ive cried so today, my ears have popped bc I dont want to sob out loud. I mean JESUS, Im still struggling with getting the girls to sleep without feedings at night..

    I told DH Sunday-he was sick in bed, and I was in tears. He was like why are you crying, there's nothing to cry about until we get it all confirmed. Im like I can handle one, I SAH now with the girls who arent even 6 MONTHS old YET (oh dear), but 2, I dont know, 3 Id need a drink. I didnt think Id end up pregnant with twins in the first place, we werent even wanting kids for a few more years when I got pregnant.

    Financially, we are struggling, DH is now out of the military the only thing that has helped us out is he made good financial decisions while he was in, and I dont want him to feel like he has to go back bc of this. His job pays 24grand a year but he works like 65hrs a week with no lunch. He bought me a house, would give me anything I want, I know this. But I worry,about the fiances mainly, not so much about me and how Im going to deal with this. Im worried about him, and us, and I know he hates his job or about him having to get a 2nd or 3rd job.
    It is finally starting to sink in, last night, I was laying with the girls, and I just cried myself to sleep. I dont know what to think, do. I mean I know I could handle it, Ive been through worse in my life, and the joy of the girls has been amazing and I wouldnt trade it for anything. Getting up and going to work is alot easier than being home dealing with their tirades and tempers-yes already at almost 6mos, but their smiles and laughs and how excited they get, learning new things makes up for everything that I want to pull the hair I have left out.

    Ive terminated 2 pregnancies when I was younger, and I vowed to never do it again. I tried talking to DH about it last night,and he said all we have to do is make choices. I dont know what he meant by that.
    I go to the doc Friday, I cant sleep for wanting to know how many it is, yet keep praying it's only just one...I dont care if it is a little blimp that looks like a loogey on the screen, I want to see and know.. Honestly this just sunk in last night, I dont know what to feel, think, so forgive me pouring my thoughts out on here in no particular order. Part of me,says the test was wrong, but I feel pregnant, even with a lil nausea this time around. And part of me, is ashamed, have no idea why bc we've done all this on our own, without asking family for anything. But I hate to put a bigger burden on DH, when he's working his *** off to provide for us now. Its where Ive tried to talk him into maybe me getting something part time to help out, but he'd rather me stay with the girls.
    So, here I am.. Maybe Friday morning after my appt and when he gets home that eve I will feel better. I dont know.. Thanks for listening ladies..
  2. emp59

    emp59 Well-Known Member

    I can't even imagine how you feel! You do have options! I can't imagine getting pregnant right now. I know I would be freaking out too. I am a BIG advocate for adoption, but I know that is a very difficult decision to make. What people don't know, is that most infants are placed by families who already have a child/children. You just need to sit down and make the best decision for you and your family. Good luck! You will be in my prayers
  3. nateandbrig

    nateandbrig Well-Known Member


    :hug: :youcandoit: I hope you get the news you want but you're not alone. I've been there!! I found out I was pregnant with my youngest when I think the twins were 5 months. I think I lived in shock the first couple months but I had to think positive. We were pretty certain it was only one baby however we knew that we have everything we could ever need for two. You will too!
    My youngest is a piece of cake!! He just molded himself right into the twins schedule and sleeps better then they do half the time! They all sleep in the same room and have since he was 5 months.
    If you ever need to talk please feel free to pm me anytime, I know what you're feeling! It is scary but think about the positives :hug:
  4. 4lilmonkeys

    4lilmonkeys Well-Known Member

    I had a three month old when I got pregnant. That alone was shock enough, but to find out that there were two was just beyond anything I could even comprehend. It was scary and I probably cried every night until I was about six months along. We were struggling, too. The house was barely big for four of us, let alone six. DH was already working non-stop and it was more than I thought we'd ever be able to handle. I went through the entire range of emotions and thoughts and even still two years later I wonder if we're ever going to make it.

    There are a lot of things that come with having three children so close in age. It's been really hard (in fact, today has been a really difficult day) and it's been really wonderful and well, that's life, right? Through it all, I've discovered that I'm capable of more than I ever thought I would be. It's not a cake walk for sure, but it's been so wonderful to watch these boys grow and change and it's something I wouldn't change. I know it's really scary right now, and it's okay to think about things and wonder about all of the "what if's." But, give it a little bit of time, talk to your DH and just let things sink in.

    I'd love to tell you that it will be alright, but like anything else there are no promises. Just know that you've got people here who have been in your shoes (and I'm sure others will weigh in with their experiences) and that you've got people to lean on, no matter what you decide. Good luck, I'll be thinking of you as well.
  5. MrsWright

    MrsWright Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I couldn't have said it better! please keep us updated and good luck with your decisions!!!
  6. AimeeThomp

    AimeeThomp Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    :hug: I can't even imagine what you are going through! :hug: I hope it all works out.
  7. tinalb

    tinalb Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    :hug: Whatever happens, just know that we are hear to support you. Let us know what you find out on Friday!
  8. MarchI

    MarchI Well-Known Member

    I can't imagine being in your shoes but I want to say that it sounds like you might have made up your mind when you vowed never to terminate another pregnancy. In 9 months, your babies will be completely different and your financial situation may straighten out. I hope you and your husband figure out what you want to do and you have peace with your decision.
  9. swilhite25

    swilhite25 Well-Known Member

    My lo's turned 6 months old when I was 6 weeks pregnant. Which means I conceived this little girl before my lo's were 5 months old. You are right, it is overwhelming. Talking through it all right now is the best thing you can do and we are all here to listen and support you. This pregnancy sure was a surprise for us but now I can't see our family any other way. Three babies (literally...3 babies) at once and the joy that will bring. I know there will be more long nights, days and challenges but we've done it with two at once, we can do it with one! When I get a little scared or nervous I remind myself that my lo's will be 3 months older than they are now when Sullivan is born and doing different things, communicating better and a little more independent. This was such a helpful thought to me in the beginning of this pregnancy. I kept thinking of having a newborn while having two 6 months old and of course that won't be the case. Hang in there and just take it one day at a time, one moment at a time if need be. Let us know what the doctor says on Friday. Sending a big :hug: your way.
  10. vtlakey

    vtlakey Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure what to say other than you are in my thoughts and prayers! You sound like a very strong woman and with a little courage and a lot of support from your husband and family you WILL get through this, whatever you decide! :hug:
  11. kingeomer

    kingeomer Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I just want to send a lot of hugs :hug: and good thoughts your way. Please keep us posted with how you are doing :hug:
  12. chellebelle

    chellebelle Well-Known Member

    :hug: I have 3 month old twins (today!) and a 17.5 month old and when I found out I was pregnant I was shocked, scared and went through the whole range of emtions too. Then I found out it was twins and I don't think we will ever get over the shock of that lol but we are still alive and kicking 3 months into this chaos haha! It IS doable, although its beyond hard but so worht it. The strength you need comes to you and you make it through. And the new little one will be such a part of your family that you will never be able to imagine life without them. Try not to worry. I hope you can make your decision and be at peace with it. Good luck on friday, keep us posted!
  13. buddhababybelly

    buddhababybelly Well-Known Member

    Thanks ladies for all the words of encouragement, time to put the girls down for a short nap. But I sincerely appreciate everything. I will come back tomorrow and let you all know the status, I think Ive gotten over the initial shock, now just time to make decisions. DH told me today he's hoping Im not, we have yet to talk about if I am fully. He doesnt want me stressing over it, but it's easier said than done.
  14. mollyjm

    mollyjm Well-Known Member

    The other posters have said some very nice, wonderful things! I second all of it.

    Milo was 10 months when I got pregnant with the twins. We were taking strong action to NOT get pregnant, so it was a total shock for us and then to find out twins?! So Ella and Milo are 22 months apart, Milo and the twins are 18 months apart. We had 4 kids in 3 years! WOW, LOL! We now have 5 kids all together. I had many of the same worries and questions as you. So many "hows" to answer. We have takin it one day at a time and things have worked out. I would not give any of them back! Just telling a brief version of our story so you know your not alone!
  15. meganguttman

    meganguttman Well-Known Member

    Checking in on you and hoping you are doing okay today :grouphug:
  16. chellebelle

    chellebelle Well-Known Member

    thinking about you today and hoping all is well!
  17. acjb2004

    acjb2004 Well-Known Member

    Just checking in and let you know we are thinking of you!
  18. buddhababybelly

    buddhababybelly Well-Known Member

    Hi Ladies, Sorry for the delay in checking in, just finally sitting at the computer. I cleaned house to take my mind off of things. Well, Im most def pregnant. The ladies at the doc office let me watch it turn, at first it didnt turn, and she told me I wasnt pregnant. Then she turned to write something, looked back down, and said oh, sorry. Doc says I have a 20% chance of having twins again. With my luck, Ill be in that 20%.

    December 18th, I get an ultrasound, sooner depending on what my blood results say. So, will find out for sure everything this week or the next. DH and myself had a small talk last night, and all he kept saying was I keep thinking about the room, we have 4 kids combined already, we do live in small house, we bought a van-and have just enough room for the kids we have now. He kept talking about space, and Im like thats material crap. Like seriously. We are struggling as it is, we arent in this perfect world or economy where you can just go get a better paying job, and I dont want to give it up.
    If it wasnt for the fact that we have the girls, I see their smiles,think about what they will be, who they will be, the old ME would be more open to abortion. But theyre here, and I dont want to regret a decision. My Family supports me, but I dont feel like DH supports me that much. I feel like Im just putting more pressure on him. Because he came at me with, I need to know if I need to look for another job or 2 now. I said, then Ill get a job. He's like why?
    WHY? Then dont make me feel guilty for feeling the way I do about this.
    I dont know, I know how he feels somewhat, I understand, but I feel bad, and part of me feels hopeless or helpless. But I told him, I need your support through this, if Im alone in it, then let me know now bc that's how I feel. So, that's my weekend. I want to be excited, not like this will be a burden for us, no child deserves for its parents to feel those thoughts.
  19. cheezewhiz24

    cheezewhiz24 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I may not write this the way I want to, but from your posts, it really seems like your DH is very willing to do whatever it takes for you to stay with the babies. Rest easy in that. Don't feel bad about this- it's not your, or his fault. It sounds like neither party was behaving irresponsibility. Which means this is a miracle.

    It does not sound like you want to do an abortion. Many people have had children they were not expecting including myself. We were taking rigorous precautions, but I got pregnant. Then it was twins. It's a shock, you are quite right. You are also right to mourn what you thought you wanted- the twins you have + any previous kids. However, you are going to get to know this child & love it as well. If you decide you cannot take care of it as you'd like, a pp is correct- pursue adoption. There is no shame in that decision.

    I will be thinking of you.
  20. chellebelle

    chellebelle Well-Known Member

    :hug: I know that feeling of holy cow how are we going to do this, but you'll find a way. I hope your DH starts to come to terms with the situation and supports you and you go through this together. As Michelle above said you have a right to mourn for what you wanted and had before but you will also love this child and the fact that you only wanted a certain number won't matter. We would have never chosen 4 but would also never trade any one of our children for the world!

    Good luck with your decisions!
  21. Eribour

    Eribour Well-Known Member

    I know how yoi feel!! My oldest daughter was only 3 1/2 months when I found out about my twins. I cried for two months straight then decided that God did this for a reason and I could do it. The twins are two weeks today and my oldest will be one next Sunday. These last two weeks have been hard, but managable. I have surprised myself innwhat i can handle and you will too. Know that you are not alone and this board is a huge support. People are willing to give advice, encouragement, and sometimes even a good laugh.
  22. Eribour

    Eribour Well-Known Member

  23. heathertwins

    heathertwins Well-Known Member

    Every persons situation is different and I think you will make the best decision for you. As you can see from my signature I have 3 under 2.5 yrs old. My heart goes out to you and the decision you have ahead of you.

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