Need some advice

My oldest, Donevan, is in Junior Kindergarten. I drop him and the twins off at daycare in the morning, the bus picks him up there and drops him off there. He is in a all day, full day program. Here is where I am having problems. Donevan has been having issues on the bus. At first he wouldnt keep his seat belt on and was jumping around, I have talked to him about this and he is now wearing it. Now he is acting out by hitting other kids, mainly the little boy he sits with. I got a letter from the bus company today stating that if he does not stop his conduct he will be suspended indefinately from the bus. Apprently the latest incident on on Monday. I asked Donevan in 5 different ways, one of them being, "Did you hit so and so on the bus?" He keeps saying he didnt do it. Now it's his word, against an adults. My issues is this, IF he gets kicked off the bus, I am going ot have to pull him out of school and just have him go to daycare fulltime. I am single, I can't take him to school and pick him up, nor do I have someone who can do it for me. I go to school full time. I need him in daycare at this point more then school, however I dont think pulling him out of school is going to solve anything. I have already spoken to the school and the bus company. Anyone have any input?

 

Have they tried moving him to a different seat? The child maybe doin something to provoke him

 

I suggested that they should sit the JK'ers with an older kid. I was told that that was no doable. No clue why. Personally I think, like you said, it's the other kid, and I do not think that putting two 3 yr old together in one seat is the smartest idea. I just dont know what else to suggest at this point. I feel like I am stuck.

 

I agree totally, not smart to put two 3 year oldx together. Have no suggestions other than seeing if an olde1r kid could "keep an eye" on him for you on the bus, see if you csn meet some of the other parents maybe if possible in order for Donovan to have another buddy on the bus? (sorry for the typos - playing on my new hp touchpad

:hug:

 

If it has to be a three year old, they can't move him to sit with a different three yr? I doubt the other child is completely innocent in all this.

ETA: could they maybe put him in the front seat?

 

Don't worrt about the typos! Do you like the HP touchpad?

There is an older boy that helps Donevan on and off the bus, I dont understand why they dont just sit them together.

 

They already have him in the front seat, and I totally agree, I don't think Donevan is completely to blame. I in no way think that Donevan is innocent, he is far from it, but I feel like he is getting all the blame and the other boy isn't getting all the heat that my son is getting. The fact that they are 3, soon to be 4 and on a bus, the school and bus company should know that at that age they really dont have the maturity or reasoning skills to NOT become upset and start hitting and such.

 

Can you talk with the school? If there is an older kid, it would make sense to sit him with that child because little kids LOVE to interact with older kids, especially when the big kids are helpful.

 

I contacted the school to set up a meeting with the principal. I am just waiting for a call back.

 

Does his school have an extended day program (that was one of the promises in the whole "full day for everyone" said the potentially deposed ECE) What hours do you need him in day care? Maybe you could find someone to watch him for that bit?

As for the bus, I would ask to move him with another child. A girl maybe.

 

I am having the same type issues with Mitchell. He has been accused of doing things on the bus and when I asked him he told me a different story. I feel so lost. I mean I know Mitchell is not innocent as well but I truly think the other child is to blame as well. We have a video on the bus and I asked the principal to pull it and view it so at least we can have an idea of what happened...turns out..it wasn't Mitchell. It was the other child (who was bright enough to make up an entirely different story making Mitchell sound guilty). Do you know if they have a video system on the bus?

 

He goes to school from 9-3:30 and daycare he is at frm 7:30-8:15 and from 4:30 till about 5:30ish. I need to keep him in the daycare as it is subsidized and because of my income, I don't pay for it. It is also a French program, so I really dont want to loose his spot. I am trying to see if they School will switch who he sits with.

 

As far as I know there is no video system on the bus. I really feel like Donevan is being blamed for everything, I just have no way to prove it, as it is his word against and adult.

 

Does he like going to school? If that is the case then you could tell him the consequences of the bus situation. My son is the same age and we are having problems with him acting out towards other kids in class. We told him that they would suspend him (kick him out) if he continued to behave in such a way. He straightened right up the next week. Now if he didn't like school we would need a different approach.

 

He does, and I have told him that if can't take the bus anymore, he cant go to school, and he wont be able to see his friends. He gets it, but it hasnt helped which leads me to believe it is not just him.

 

It sounds like changing who he sits next to would really be the best thing, I hope the school/bus company are willing to work with you when you speak to them.
In the meantime (and just in case they refuse to switch him) I would work with him on how he has to behave on the bus using role play. I agree that it's unlikely he deserves all the blame, so I would run through a few different situations (which you think might be leading him to hit), with you playing the part of the other child. Coach him on what he needs to do (keep his hands to himself, ask the other child to stop, tell the driver).
Also I would not ask him if he hit the other child, most 3 year olds will say they didn't do things they know they're not supposed to because they don't want to get in trouble, I would just state it as a fact and then ask why; "I know you hit so and so on the bus because the driver told me. What happened/Why did you hit him?" That way you're more likely to get a useful answer.

 

I didn't say "Who did you hit?" I asked "Why are you hitting So and So" If he was, he'll tell you why. If asked a different way, like Why are you hitting, Who did you hit, he'll always deny it. I'll try the role playing, thanks for the suggestion.

 

Yes, I love it! Wish I had some of the apps that the Ipad has though - I'm keeping a sleep log at the moment and it's great for that, also if I just want to check me emails and such when I'm busy with the bubs, I can - wish I had more time to spend playing on it!

When is your meeting with the principal? I hope it goes well and you get some resolution soon about this, I know how excited you were about getting them all into daycare and school and it must be stressful to have this hanging over you.

 

Hmm Sleep log. I never did that with the twins, but I should have! I have yet to hear from him. I do know the he was off sick a few days this week, so hopefully I'll have an answer from him tomorrow. I was excited as everything seemed to fall into place. This whole bus issue is extremely frustrating

 

I have not additional ideas but did want to send an encouraging hug. I hope you will hear from the principal early next week.
School bus issues are so common and so difficult to solve without more adult supervision than the busdriver. I have heard of seniors or high school kids volunteering as bus guardians for the youngest age group, just as an additional "adult" on the bus to help and supervise. Maybe it is worth enquiring whether there is something like that in your area? The children are just too small and immature to deal with personality clashes and other conflicts all on their own at that age. No-one would expect 3-4 year olds to do so in the classroom.

 

Thanks. He was suspended and is not allowed to ride the bus on the 31st. I decided to pull him off for 2 more additional days to hopefully have it sink in. There isn't a HS around his school so I am not sure if it would be logistically possible to have a HS student sit with the younger kids. At the moment he is sitting with a 12 yr old. I honestly don't understand, and neither does the principal for that matter, how he isn't able to get Donevan to listen. I guess I'll see how it goes as of Thursday this week. Hopefully he'll clue in.