need some food help please...

Discussion in 'Childhood and Beyond (4+)' started by kim01, Jul 22, 2014.

  1. kim01

    kim01 Well-Known Member

    so we are adopting a little girl. she is 5 and has major food issues. we already have apt set with the dr and with the councelors (sp?). She stayed with us from fri-Sunday night. She doesn't like anything hardly.
    where she is now she has to finish her plate and then she gets a treat.
    At first I didn't like that idea THe finish your plate I've heard a lot of negative things about and a treat every night just doesn't really work here.
    She only like a handful of things- pizza, carrots, peaches (in a can) strawberries with sugar only) cereal with no milk, fruit bites (hello kitty only), and pancakes.
    We were going to do what I called a compermize(sp) I would pick the main thing and then have her pick things to go with it. My husband said maybe she doesn't have any ideas, so I said I would make pics of things she could pick from if she couldn't come up with any herself. But she doesn't like anything to have with anything and then we were still at having a treat at the end!! I am at a loss her. I have Jessica Seinfeld cookbook on order from the library. If I remember correctly it has quite a bit of sweet things with the veggies mixed in.
    I don't know how I'm going to get this girl to eat. Help please with idea... My boys are 12 and have yet to have soda. we were at the store the other day and she asked if she could have a soda. Ummm no you may not!! omg how insane to give a kiddo that young soda. Anyway please give me some suggestions to get her to eat. I had thought I would put stuff on her pizza. She only like sausage (sometimes). ugg the list of her don't and won't eat is so long.
  2. rissakaye

    rissakaye Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I don't agree with the finish your plate thing either.  My son was a pickier eater and it's turned out that he has some pretty good food allergies that he was instinctively avoiding some foods because of.  But things like just Hello Kitty fruit bites are probably just plain pickiness. 
    You are honestly going to have to prioritize and pick your battles.  Food is probably the only thing she's had control of in her little life.  Most kids in stressful situations figure out that the only things they have control over are food and going the bathroom/accidents.  So, in some ways I would be happy she's chosen the food.  You have to realize that she's already figured out (by getting treats) that she can negotiate and control the adults with food.  You are going to have to keep your reactions to her eating/not eating completely neutral.  My son became a pickier eater for a time because grandma kept giving him extra attention for not eating.  If he didn't eat, she'd spoon feed him, interact only with him.  So, he quit eating as much for grandma's attention.  He was 4 and had her figured out.  When I just put the food out and made very few comments about it and acted like it didn't bother me, he got back to eating.
    I would probably let her have her cereal for breakfast.  It doesn't hurt anything and will give her a full stomach for school  It's an easy compromise. I would also pack a lunch with things she'll eat.  Since she'll be at school, I would assume she'll get snack being so young.  It's rather amazing how many kids will try things at school because everyone is trying it.  She might come home asking for some snacks that she tried at school.  Same with eating in a lunch room.  She'll see new/different foods being eaten.  Peer pressure isn't always a bad thing.
    Dinner is where I would draw the line.  You do not need to be a short order cook.  I would insist she try whatever you are having.  I tell my kids "you have to try it, you don't have to like it."  We'll also try new foods as a family and I'll make a point to tell them that me and dh are trying it also.  Now if the kids make rude comments about the food, then they have to eat it and/or get extra of it.  If they don't like it after trying, they have to be polite.  If she chooses to sample the food at dinner and be pouty while the rest of you all are having a good time, she'll probably at first try to make you miserable.  Then she'll probably decided to get with the program and start eating a little bit here and there. Since she would be eating 2 meals a day her way, she'll do okay if she skimps on the third.  
    Just remember, the bigger deal you make out if, the bigger deal she'll make out of it.  Also, a child needs to try a new food between 20-30 times for them to decide to like it sometimes.  If she's never had that exposure, it's going to take a while.
    And a tip on the Jessica Seinfield cookbook, you can use stage 1 babyfood instead of making your own purees to shortcut.  I personally didn't care for the cookbook, but I did try it.  
    2 people like this.
  3. Rollergiraffe

    Rollergiraffe Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    From the sounds of it I, she's been through a lot of turmoil and probably hasn't been exposed to a lot of healthy options in her lifetime. I say just do what you do with your other kids; serve a range of healthy options, and she'll come around. You could also meet her halfway by giving her "healthier" cereals, pancakes, home made pizzas etc so it's sort of accommodating what she likes, but in a healthier way. One thing I also do is take the boys grocery shopping with me and ask them to pick out a new vegetable to try, and then we find recipes together.. that might help make her feel like she's in charge of what she eats too.
    1 person likes this.
  4. kim01

    kim01 Well-Known Member

    Thank you both!! I knew i was over looking things and missing stuff. We don't have many "rules" I guess we don't really call them rules really. But like Marissa we have a you have to try it, and not be rude. You don't have to like it but you have to try it. I think that we will just what we have been doing. And I had forgotten about school,since we homeschool. At the school shes going to they do a new fruit a day for a while. The boys likes some of what was made. And also about the peer pressure. They go to my friends and come home wanting some things that I would have never guessed. Thanks so much ladies..  
  5. miss_bossy18

    miss_bossy18 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    My girls are very picky eaters. We've had success with the ideas from It's Not About Nutrition ( They're still pretty picky but I've seen enough steps in the right direction to keep with it. I feel at this point, what they need most is time.
  6. cheezewhiz24

    cheezewhiz24 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I'm your worst nightmare. My kids eat sweets and pop.  :girl_devil: Lol.
    I was also one of the pickiest eaters out there, growing up. My advice is:
    -Be patient with her. She needs to feel your love for her just as she is RIGHT NOW, today. You are all new to her and it doesn't sound like stability is something she's had a lot of. 
    -Involve her in the cooking & the shopping. Next year, even garden with her to have her grow a veggie.
    -Tell her what the food tastes like so she gets a sense of the food without the pressure of trying it initially.
    - Build on what she likes and explain this tastes kind of like that and she *may* like it. 
    -Try to narrow down if it's taste or texture. It turns out texture is a bigger problem for me than taste. Therefore, if I change the texture of a food I could like, like carrots, from raw to cooked very soft in stew for example, I then like it. 
    1 person likes this.
  7. mom2gc

    mom2gc Well-Known Member

    [SIZE=medium]Firstly I admire you for adopting. It is such a challenging choice.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=medium]You have  received great advice and I agree it is important that she settles in her new home and feels safe and loved.  Adjusting will take a while.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=medium] As far as any rules in your home are concerned I will say things like, “In our home we don’t drink fizzy drinks, we drink water, it is healthy. Praise her when she does make a good choice. “ I can see you are enjoying that glass of water.  You are so thirsty”.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=medium]I would also make her repeat the rules to me when she is relaxed, “ What is the rule about fizzy drinks?” and praise her if she remembers, even if is just a hint in the right direction.  [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=medium]I am sure she will soon surprise you with her choices.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=medium]All of the best.[/SIZE]
  8. Fran27

    Fran27 Well-Known Member

    I strongly suggest that you go to and ask there. It's a whole other matter when you adopt a child with eating issues, as opposed to having a child with eating issues that you've bonded with since birth. You don't want huge battles over food when you're trying to bond. It's a tough situation. But yeah I wouldn't make anything different for her at dinner either. I'd ask her what she wants for breakfast and lunch, but dinner would have to be what you're making for everyone else.
  9. AmynTony

    AmynTony Well-Known Member

    one thing about the "try everything" rule - we tried that with Ian.  Up until last year he would gag and cry at almost every meal .  He's finally outgrown most of that aversion and will try just about everything once but it took a loooooong time.
    I'm amazed that your kids are 12 and have never had soda...don't they go to birthday parties?
    1 person likes this.
  10. Rollergiraffe

    Rollergiraffe Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    That's a good spinoff I think. Mine don't drink pop either.
  11. kim01

    kim01 Well-Known Member

    Thanks ladies for all the great ideas. She is actually our baby girls older sister.  We are adopting both girls. Weve had baby since she was born. :) And been doing visits since baby 7 mo was tiny. So she knows us a little bit but not much. My boys have been to lots of parties. They just say we don't drink that,can I have water or juice. Once we were out and one of my boys needed ibprofuen all I had was soda. I asked if he wanted a tiny sip to take it. He freaked out and was like no no. We really haven't had any questions about it. They drink water and milk. Juice in the am on the rare occasions that I have picked up.
  12. mummy2two

    mummy2two Well-Known Member

    I think your idea of putting things on pizza is great.  My kids love making their own pizzas.  You could put out a range of toppings (sausage, pepperoni, grilled chicken, cheeses, broccoli, spinach, mushrooms, tomatoes, basil, etc.) and let her put sauce on and the toppings she chooses.  Also, you could place the healthy toppings inside yourself, fold it over, bake it and call it calzone! She may never know that she is trying something new.  Pizza dough is usually available in supermarkets and in pizzerias so you don't have to make the dough yourself unless you want to. 
    I think the advice you have received and your instincts are right not to put too much pressure on her.  I have a "picky eater" too and I appreciate all the ideas.  GL!
    Also, my kids don't like soda.  I don't like banning or limiting things for them to eat or drink unless I have to (my picky eater again), so when they asked to try soda, I let them.  They hated it!  Now if one of them had alredy acquired a taste for it, I would pick my battles.  Fran is right, you probably don't want too many battles when you are trying to bond.  I would probably use something similar to mom2gc's advice and explain "I can see you are thirsty.  in our house, (water, milk or whatever) is what we usually drink when we are thirsty.  Which one of those choices can I get for you?"  I would also not ban it completely and tell her that instead soda is a special occasion treat (like candy, or juice, or desserts if you allow such things) that is not eaten very often and tell her when you will allow her to have a small soda.  Unless you are really, really opposed to it (diabetic, obesity issues, etc.)  To tell a 5 year old who is used to having it, that she will never be allowed to have such a thing again might not be something you want to deal with now.
    And congratulations!  I think your new family sounds wonderful.
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