Need to vent to people who might understand

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by Debbiemichelle, Jan 28, 2014.

  1. Debbiemichelle

    Debbiemichelle Well-Known Member

    Hi twin mamas,
    I just needed to vent to other twin mamas of toddlers who are walking and getting into everything and not really listening yet and also need their few minutes or so to warm up to a new environment.
    I just went to a La Leche meeting at a member's house and felt like the most frazzled mom there. I got there, saw the wad of cords and delicate CD stands and lamps and just inwardly groaned. I have one who will not leave stuff like that alone. I managed to block it off, sort of, but the entire time was a redirection battle with that area. Also, I feel like my kids need some time when we arrive somewhere new to be a little needy as they sort of figure out the environment. I am not sure if they are more needy than most, but I felt like I never really sunk into the adult conversation until 45 minutes in. And then everyone needed lunch. And I had to go away into the kitchen alone with them because that is where our booster seats were that I lugged from home and we need them because I need a way to contain them when we eat. 
    Then everyone else came into the kitchen to eat (no one else had booster seats, toddlers ate on laps) and my kids were done and back into everything in the living room. By then they had sort of settled down and were more independent and less into the wrong things, but soon enough I needed to start diaper changes so we would be done before they melted down before their naps on the way home. And trying to pack up booster seats at the same time. 
    I feel like with twins, you always need to be anticipating one step of where everyone else is! I have accepted that fact and I am really proud when we make it through an outing like this, but every now and then I wonder, is it me? Am I making things more complicated? Is it normal to not be able to relax on an outing with two toddlers? These are our first, so I am sure some of it is just learning how to parent but boy they seem like a very tough stage to go out and about! I wonder if it takes longer to adjust to new places because I am dividing my time between two? I am so confused…did the other adults really focus and take part in the conversation, or were they all just nodding and smiling and not processing anything at all, just like me? Is it a twin thing? A new mom thing? A thing with kids in general? I called my close friend for support and she sympathized but said her kids weren't clingy and talked about how fly by the seat of her pants she is and it just made me feel worse…like I am being uptight about all this and I just need to relax and let loose. I've found when I do that, all hell breaks loose. 
    Anyway, sort for the long rambley vent. I made peace with the fact that things are just really tough with twins and that is very much like having multiple kids of different ages and I wouldn't want it any other way. I love them both so much and love our life. I am hoping we are just in a really tough mobile, needy, non-listening stage that will pass. 
    Thanks for listening!
  2. miss_bossy18

    miss_bossy18 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    It's not you! It's definitely part and parcel of having twin toddlers. :hug: I tended to gravitate to groups with at least one other twin parent for this reason - I found it helpful to know I wasn't the only one losing her mind. ;)
    1 person likes this.
  3. weegus

    weegus Well-Known Member

    I absolutely felt the same way with my twins from about 8 months until 2.5 years old.  I had serious singleton envy.   It was extremely frustrating to travel with them anywhere, even with my husband there because, of course, the kids only wanted me.  I could never be engaged in adult conversation because my attention was always with the kids... I never learned to multi-task in that way!!!  I did have singletons after the twins and they can be a struggle, but no where near as difficult as it was with young toddler twins (one baby/toddler is WAY easier than 2)!!!  My twins are older now, but I can definitely relate to your frustration!!!  Hang in there!
  4. eagleswings216

    eagleswings216 Well-Known Member

    I totally get how you feel and honestly, I rarely went anywhere with both my kids at that age unless another adult was with me.  It was just too frazzling and exhausting!  It will get better as they get older, but my kids are still more high maintenance than most.  They don't get into things as much anymore, but now it's not sharing with each other, fighting, etc.  We don't have the warm-up time - my kids are totally social ALL the time, but that comes with its own problems.
    Hang in there - we've been there, so you came to the right place!
  5. rayceryin12

    rayceryin12 Well-Known Member

    I'm there! Mine are 17 months. It's a circus to get anywhere. We still do it and it usually turns out ok.
  6. Mom2VLS

    Mom2VLS Well-Known Member

    We're right there with you. On Christmas Day, my ILs told me to go take a break because I was following the twins around the kitchen. They said they would watch the kids, no problem. They've raised 7 kids and I was tired so I gaved it a shot. Not 5 minutes later, Sophie brought me a box of carpet deodorizer. It's just different with twins. It's pretty much gotten to the point that I don't socialize much when we go to other people's houses because I am dealing with the kids. So if it's not something that I feel the kids should be at, we just don't go.
  7. ECUBitzy

    ECUBitzy Well-Known Member

    I've had my moments when I wondered if it was even worth the attempt! But your efforts will be rewarded because that practice helps you and them figure out how to handle outings. It only gets better, I promise!
  8. rosserj

    rosserj Active Member

    I agree it's all part and parcel of twin toddlers. When we went round to friends then even when DH was there he'd be chatting away and I would manage a 5 second conversation if I was lucky. It does get easier when they play by themselves but then you have the worry of what destruction they are getting up to together...
  9. Rollergiraffe

    Rollergiraffe Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Oh man, does that ever sound familiar. My boys were sooooooo curious and fearless, which has its benefits, but not when you're trying to have an adult conversation in a new environment. Those first years were very isolating for me. And I am with Rachel that finding other twin moms helps tremendously. I went to a twin playgroup that she ran and it was night and day with groups of singleton mamas. Now, the benefit is that I have two boys who play well together and don't need me to entertain them. And adding another kid or two to the mixfor playdates will feel like a breeze. The benefits will come!
  10. FGMH

    FGMH Well-Known Member

    I remember those days. I made a point of still going out and taking them to places alone but I sometimes asked myself if it was worthwhile. 
    One of mine was very shy and one was outgoing and curious and into exploring, so I would be carrying one clingy toddler while following the other one around to make sure that exploring did not turn into danger. Five minutes of adult conversation and a bite or two of my meal felt like a huge achievement.
    It does get better with practice - the kids learn to deal with social settings and I relaxed a bit with every successful outing.
  11. kingeomer

    kingeomer Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Oh yeah, I remember those days.  It's easier for the other moms with one baby to watch while your eyes are in two directions looking after yours.  And there is hardly any relaxing or chatting with adults time.  It does get easier as they get older.
  12. ljcrochet

    ljcrochet Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I remember those days. I mused to get together with 2-3 other moms. I was the only one with twin toddlers ( one had twins who were teenagers). We would do a play date and food. I keep what I brought simple. I never brought in booster seats because it was one more thing to carry.
    The more you do the easier it will be.
  13. Leighann

    Leighann Well-Known Member

    :hug: I totally remember those days and I just want to let you know, it gets better I promise! I also want to give you a big virtual high five for going!!! Even though you were frazzled and it may have felt like a three ring circus, didn't you also feel proud of yourself for going and handling it? Great job momma!
  14. mom2gc

    mom2gc Well-Known Member

    Well done! I was always the one with 2 toddlers and I experienced the same thing.  The other mamas would sit and chat and I was the one checking that they were not getting into things they were not supposed to. Like everybody says it gets easier as they get older. 
  15. starlette

    starlette New Member

    I can totally relate.  I look like a freak show everywhere I go with the boys. I hope it gets easier for us :(
  16. daisies

    daisies Well-Known Member

    You put into words what i have been feeling...
    Part of me knows i am doing an amazing job, the other part feels totally incompetent.  I was just telling my DH that i am socially deprived.  he really can't understand that.  he said, 'you have more social time than you ever have'.  Yeah right..
    Just because i am standing/sitting with an adult doesn't mean i am getting any social.  I am doing a good impression of following the conversation, mean while all my attention is on where the kids are, what they are doing, and how long we can hold out until they need to eat, sleep, or just generally loose it!
    hang in there... i believe there is hope.  
    just recently I took the kids to the play ground and met a twin mom (the first i have actually had a RL conversation with since the kids were born).  her kids are 14 month, mine just turned 2.  I stood with her and actually felt almost normal.. like following the conversation and everything!!  Granted it was only because a kind woman jumped up to spot Hannah, who was climbing up the steep ladder on the equipment..   :search: but i let her and thought, 'hey, a few more months and they will be completely independently on the play equipment and i will be one of those moms who stand and talks while the kids play'.
    A little glimmer into the future.. adult conversation will happen again :)
    You ARE doing an amazing job!  hats off to you for lugging two kids and the chairs (there really is no other way to feed two kids).  for keeping your schedule. for being there! :Clap:
    ETA - at that age i often put one kid in a carrier until we got settled into a new place.. IF the kid in the carrier was good, i could pretend for just a few minutes that i only had one to worry about. lol.  sometimes it worked to make the transition to a new place easier.. sometimes it didn't. :rolleyes:
  17. twinniesmum2013

    twinniesmum2013 New Member

    Getting two babies/tobblers out on your own is an acheivement in itself, well done you! I find it hard getting out so must admit that the majority of the time if I'm on my own I don't bother. I've had a few starngers come up to me in the street to fuss over the boys who have said "I hear twins are much easier than having just 1 baby as they look after each other". Hmmmmm shame they didn't sort each other out during all the night feeds hehehe :winking:
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