not wanting what's for dinner

Ok..I'm so sick of this. For the last couple of nights I make something for dinner that I know Noah has eaten before. When I give him choices of things I keep getting "no" so I just decide to make something which is half the problem. Even when I ask him and he says yes to whatever I make he does this so I can't win. Well just now I made fish sticks, mac n cheese (homemade ..what was I thinking????) and some tomatoes for a veggie that I know he doesn't eat but this is exposure number 10 I guess so maybe exposure 15 will be the lucky one..sense the sarcasm) He sits in his chair and I give him a fork thinking this will encourage him to eat and he gets frustrated at attempting to spear, doesn't want help and then the screaming begins. I try putting it on the fork, help him put it on the fork when he says, "help" but then he will say, "no" to whatever I spear for him. Then he will request, "cookie" or "cake" so I know he's hungry but won't eat dinner. I've tried telling him first this( fish stick or mac n cheese) then cookie but he only cries. Then he pushes the plate away, throws his cup, his fork...I want to scream. I give Aiden his cookie b/c he eats his whole dinner and that makes things worse. I take him out of his chair and tell him he's all done and then he screams b/c of that. He acts like he will try eating dinner and when I try to help him spear again or he tries it happens all over again.
So today I put him down and told him all done. I'll try sneaking some of it into him while he's playing but I can't keep doing this.....what do you do????????????? I want to rip my hair out!!!!!!!!!!!

 

My best results have come from giving positive feedback when they eat healthy things. "good job", "wow, you ate all your carrots!", high fives, etc

We don't give cookies or treats unless it's a party or special event so these things aren't really options and they don't ask for them.

We do have frustrations with them wanting to do things themselves (that they can't always physically do), like pick up certain things with a fork. I don't care if they use their fingers. I don't care if I have to help. But if food and things get thrown on the floor, they are required to help clean up before bedtime. They pick up all the "droppings". This has greatly reduced the amount of food on the floor.

I typically give my kids 2 veggies, 2 fruits, 1 protein and 1 carb at dinner. So if they don't eat the carrot, maybe they'll eat the peas. If they don't want the plum, maybe they'll eat the strawberries. etc. I don't make it complicated. I microwave veggies (frozen or fresh), cut up fruit, usually give them protein (like chicken or steak leftover from the night before adult dinner). We rarely eat with them because they've pretty much given up naps, so i'm putting them to bed earlier and we ate after they go to bed.

 

If I gave Noah fruit with his dinner he'd eat that and nothing else. They rarely get cookies or cake so I still don't get why they requested it tonight. Noah usually asks for strawberries but I think since the pantry was open he saw the cookies. I usually only offer one veggies with their meals b/c I'm sick of wasting food as well.

 

We have always made only one supper. There have never been second chances. And yes, we hand out dessert only if they ate their supper, which has resulted in huge tantrums and lots of tears. But it has paid off in the long run.

I say stick to your guns. Try to serve something they like at every meal. It's ok if they eat only the carb or fruit. Just keep the rules consistent. Eventually they will accept that supper is supper...and you get to stop being a short order cook.

 

The advice I got when I was in that situation was that it will never hurt a healthy kid to miss a meal. If he doesn't want what's for dinner, that's it. I realize there are certain things my girls don't care to eat, so I make sure there's at least something they like at every dinner. I require them to taste everything, but they don't have to have a helping of something they don't like. And my rule is, this is what's for dinner, if you don't eat, you will be hungry.

Pretty much everything kids do is a phase. Wait it out, things change. The only compromise I would make is I would save his plate and later if he decides he is indeed hungry, I would offer what he didn't eat for dinner. But I wouldn't make that a habit.

 

Just set it down in front of him and no fussing over him. Don't plead and beg for him to eat it, just take one bite, etc. Don't make a big deal. If he does it, praise him, but don't give negative behavior a whole lot of attention (throwing food, cup, etc) except for a stern warning and a time out if necessary. Don't try to help too much either. I know this might sound wrong, but I have gone ahead and given the fruit (which is our dessert), even if they didn't eat. Sometimes it encourages them to eat, and then they start eating the rest of the dinner. Sometimes all they end up eating for dinner is fruit and bread. Really, try not to stress. Mine got incredibly picky around 18-24 months, and they are just now starting to come out of it. They would eat no meat and barely any veggies, even stuff they used to like. Dinner was always the worst meal of the day. Hang in there.

 

ok - the philosophy i follow - which you might not agree with, but i'll throw it out there - is that it's your job to offer healthy food, and their job to decide what and how much they are going to eat. that means, for example, that if they only eat their bread, or their fruit, that's fine. and if they ask for more of that one item that they want to eat, i'll give it to them even if they haven't eaten their other items (within reason - i limit some foods to avoid upset stomachs or whatever). it also means that if i have decided it's ok for them to have a cookie or a piece of candy (my kids get a single sweedish fish or gummy worm or hershey's kiss most nights with dinner) they can have it even if they haven't eaten all of their dinner.

i like this approach because it takes ALL the drama and power struggle out of the meal - for me and them. now, i don't short order cook for them, and i don't ask them what they want to eat - i decided WHAT the meal will be (and i make sure it is healthy and balanced and varied) but THEY decide what and how much of it they want to eat. and yes, i serve things i know they don't like, but i make sure there is at least one thing on their plate that they have eaten and liked before. I also think it really helps to eat with them so they see you're eating the same thing.

please try not to get worked up - they can sense that and then it can become a game. good luck!

 

I've stopped fighting over meals. I give them their dinner and they can choose to eat it or they can choose to be hungry. Meal times were very stressful for us and I got to the point that I just had enough. My kids are big kids, so they are obviously getting what they need, so I just stopped worrying about it.

 

I do a lot of the same as mentioned by pp...this is dinner, eat it or not...give a lot on the plate of the things they do like (for one of mine it's veggies and noodles, for the other it's protein)...positive reinforcement for the good behavior...not focusing on negative behavior (take the plate, cup, sippy away without any ackowledgement other than "all done").

One additional thing I do is plop down a handful of Cheerios if they refuse what was given to them for dinner. If they even refuse those, they're done.


Mealtimes are very frustrating at this age. :hug99: I feel your pain.

 

It's still frustrating here. And now they think they get a popsicle every night and are bargaining -- what do I need to eat to get dessert? and eat the bare minimum. And they snack too much beforehand. We're a mess.

 

Yes, mealtimes are a pain here too...I refuse to be a diner as I tell them. They either eat what I make, or oh well. I know I can always get them to eat some yogurt and applesauce before bedtime so I know they had something.

 

QUOTE(ruthjulia @ Jul 15 2008, 10:05 PM) [snapback]878636[/snapback]
ok - the philosophy i follow - which you might not agree with, but i'll throw it out there - is that it's your job to offer healthy food, and their job to decide what and how much they are going to eat. that means, for example, that if they only eat their bread, or their fruit, that's fine. and if they ask for more of that one item that they want to eat, i'll give it to them even if they haven't eaten their other items (within reason - i limit some foods to avoid upset stomachs or whatever). it also means that if i have decided it's ok for them to have a cookie or a piece of candy (my kids get a single sweedish fish or gummy worm or hershey's kiss most nights with dinner) they can have it even if they haven't eaten all of their dinner.

i like this approach because it takes ALL the drama and power struggle out of the meal - for me and them. now, i don't short order cook for them, and i don't ask them what they want to eat - i decided WHAT the meal will be (and i make sure it is healthy and balanced and varied) but THEY decide what and how much of it they want to eat. and yes, i serve things i know they don't like, but i make sure there is at least one thing on their plate that they have eaten and liked before. I also think it really helps to eat with them so they see you're eating the same thing.

please try not to get worked up - they can sense that and then it can become a game. good luck!


I think this is really good advice above. Mine are older, but we started with this about a year ago. Before that meals were an absolute nightmare. They are just recently starting to try new things etc.. I still have to remind DH when he'll say just "two more bites etc.." I"m like don't do it, he just needs reminding haha

 

I have been going with the idea that if he doesn't eat this he doesn't eat but then I see the wasted food. So then I tried keeping that plate for later but it seems like I still end up throwing it away. Him not eating and seeing the amount I'm tossing drives me nuts! I also hate knowing he's crying b/c he's hungry but not giving in..it breaks my heart. I guess I can try giving him some fruit with his dinner since I know he'll eat that with the hopes that it will encourage him to eat the other things on his plate??? Who knows. Thanks for the advice..I keep thinking I'm a bad mommy for doing the things you suggested but don't want to be feeding into a behavior that will be impossible to break when they get older

 

I totally get the wasted food thing. It bothers me too. Try just putting a really small amount on his plate and if he eats that, he can have more. I hate when they don't eat it, but they play with it and make it so you can't even save it for leftovers, ugh.

 

we have this problem too. my problem is that my girls are so skinny that the dr told me i have to feed them, whatever they'll eat. i was in the camp of beleif that i make 1 meal, if you don't want to eat it you don't have to, but that's it. Now I try, then i give them crackers, cheese sticks, fruit - those are pretty much our holy grail of foods that they'll eat. Oh, and graham crackers. It's so frustrating. Not really any help, just an I feel your pain i guess.