offending singleton moms...

Discussion in 'The First Year' started by foppa2102, Sep 7, 2008.

  1. foppa2102

    foppa2102 Well-Known Member

    i am sure that for a mom who's only had singletons, it's really hard cuz that's all they know. but i've only had twins and this is really hard, and let me tell you, when my mother takes one of the girls out somewhere and i'm home with the other one, it's like a vacation! i find it pretty dang easy to take care of just 1. i'm not saying it's EASY easy, but you gals know what i mean. how do you discuss this with your friends with singletons without them getting offended? i've already made the mistake once... lol.
     
  2. megan smith

    megan smith Well-Known Member

    Youve got to say it sometimes hey? My best friend calls and tells me how hard it is with a toddler who gets into everything most of the time I say you poor thing but then sometimes you just have to say imagine him with A sister the same age egging him on! I dont know I also have Two more boys and they have had their moments too. but when your twins are running in opposite directions or fighting over one thing when you have another one the same its something only someone else with twins would understand. :D
     
  3. Astrid

    Astrid Well-Known Member

    DH told his friend, "No offense but I can totally see how having 1 baby at a time is easy." She said, "You are so right. I would have drowned myself in alcohol if I had to deal w/ 3 babies at once." The way I look at it is God intended me to have 3 babies b/c I could handle it. Sometimes I question his sanity by doing so but I wouldn't have it any other way.
     
  4. sullivanre

    sullivanre Well-Known Member

    We went to visit friends who just had a baby this weekend, and my husband and I both had a discussion about how easy this couple has it.

    But I'm really glad I didn't overhear all of the conversation. Apparently when I was nursing one of the babies, my husband asked his guy friend if he got up during the night with the baby. He said, "Oh no, I have to work." And his wife chimed in to agree with him. I'm sooooooo happy I didn't hear that because I have to get up in the night with two babies and go to work the next day.
     
  5. mommymauro

    mommymauro Well-Known Member

    Ok ok don’t throw anything at me, BUT my older ds was WAY harder then my twins… he didn’t stop crying for the first 3 m (these guys never cry), didn’t sttn until 9m (BOTH my guys were sleeping 10 hr by 10w)… he was running (not walking… RUNNING) at 10m… I mean I went from wanting 4 children to spending the last 10 years trying to convince dh to get a vasectomy…these two are a vacation compared to him… BUT if I had them first and then only had one for a day… I could really see why you would think that…
     
  6. slr814

    slr814 Well-Known Member

    I think a lot of it must depend on the baby(ies) Having one for me has been easy. I find it hard to relate to moms who think having a newborn is the hardest thing ever. I loved it with my DD, and I have a funny suspicion I will get payed back for my easy baby with my twins :p
     
  7. Stephanie1074

    Stephanie1074 Well-Known Member

    I have an older singleton, and I have 10 month old twins so I feel I can pretty easily compare having one to having 2... Let me just say 1 is a walk in the park! Chasing 2 mobile babies is soooo much harder than chasing one.... Don't even get me started on breastfeeding 1 vs. brestfeeding 2! So, when people tell me how hard it is taking care of their 1 baby I too say imagine haveing 2 of them!
     
  8. sbcowell

    sbcowell Well-Known Member

    I know I find it hard too when singleton moms say how hard it is. I try to just bite my tongue. My favorite comment is "well we had 2 babies in the span of 1.5 yrs so it's just like we have twins". I keep thinking in my head, it is NOTHING like having twins, bfing twins, running around after two walkers/crawlers, trying to soothe two babies to sleep at once, having 2 screaming babies.
    I just try to listen when singleton parents complain, because I can't muster enough energy to have much empathy, but I can listen and try to relate in my own way. Then I come here and vent, because you girls understand!
     
  9. andrew/kaitlyn/smom

    andrew/kaitlyn/smom Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(e mauro @ Sep 7 2008, 09:46 PM) [snapback]968465[/snapback]
    Ok ok don’t throw anything at me, BUT my older ds was WAY harder then my twins… he didn’t stop crying for the first 3 m (these guys never cry), didn’t sttn until 9m (BOTH my guys were sleeping 10 hr by 10w)… he was running (not walking… RUNNING) at 10m… I mean I went from wanting 4 children to spending the last 10 years trying to convince dh to get a vasectomy…these two are a vacation compared to him… BUT if I had them first and then only had one for a day… I could really see why you would think that…


    This sounds an awful lot like my DS :) Actually, some days he's STILL the neediest. Compared to him, my independent girls (for the most part) are a joy :) So now when a mother says she's having a hard time (no matter how many children she has) I take it at face value, and sympathize that ALL children can be hard.
     
  10. ejradcliffe

    ejradcliffe Well-Known Member

    I think it's all relative. When most of us have our first (1 or 2) it is an adjustment and, for that person, a very big deal. I had two singletons first and my second was a much easier baby but a harder adjustment b/c I was also taking care of a needy 2-year-old. I was so exhausted... I couldn't just rest when she did b/c I needed to spend time with him. Flash forward a few years... I thought adding a third to the mix would be easy, then ended up with twins! And I think it is SOOO hard... our schedules often revolve around them, bf'ing two is a whole different ball game, and my older two definitely get the short end of the stick many days. And exhaustion doesn't even begin to describe how tired I am most days!

    So I agree that having two is much harder, but I wouldn't hold it against friends with singletons who are having a hard time... it is what they know and for them, especially if they have a difficult baby, it is tough. When I hear complaints now from friends who had a tough night with one I add in my own story..."I know, Colin was up twice to eat and then Claire screamed from 1a-230a..." They ususally then say how much harder two must be without my having to point it out! :lol:
     
  11. ladybenz

    ladybenz Well-Known Member

    Many of my friends have babies close in age to my twins, and they frequently say things like "I don't know how you do it with two." And I remind them that whether you have one child or 12, they take all of your attention. We just have different methodologies for coping with the trials of infancy than people with only one baby. Being woken up at 4 in the morning sucks no matter how many babies need to be fed.
     
  12. chocomilko

    chocomilko Well-Known Member

    well, I have an older DD, and it was the hardest thing when it was happening. However, I had no friends or family to help and had barely ever even held a baby. All my friends were single and still in party mode. Its all relative. You may think one is easy because you have two. I bet out wonderful triplet mommy on here (Astrid) would think 2 was a piece of cake since she has three. Now that I have twins, I think one would be like eating my favorite chocolate cake!!! ;) but really, it is hard. Children are hard. One, two, three or more. Imagine Jon and Kate + 8!!! YIKES, I can't even imagine how hard it was to take care of 6 babies at a time.

    I have to admit though I can't stand my friends complaining about their singletons. I try to just remember how I felt with mine. But now I look back and MAN, having one child was SOOOOOOOOOOOO easy.
     
  13. MyCrazyLife

    MyCrazyLife Active Member

    I think everyone's situation is different... It's going to completely depend on the types of babies you have, their health conditions, your personal & financial situation, personal health, and people's varying abilities to cope with stress.

    If another mom is complaining to you, she may be in need of support... Or trying to relate to you. I wouldn't shut her down.

    She may already admire what you're doing and be looking for words of encouragement. I would really try to avoid one-upping her with stories of how much harder you've got it.

    LOL, you can THINK these thoughts. Of course. :)
     
  14. Mum2TwinBoys

    Mum2TwinBoys Well-Known Member

    As infants my twins were easy, once we got the sleeping down and reflux figured out. By 5 months they were a joy and so easy. Once they hit 2 1/2, watch out. The easy life is shot and you are truly chasing them around. What one doesn't think of the other will, I have had more excitement in this house because of the things they figure out or maneuvre. I can tell people that now that I have a singleton it IS like a vacation.
     
  15. chocomilko

    chocomilko Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(MyCrazyLife @ Sep 8 2008, 08:53 AM) [snapback]968842[/snapback]
    I think everyone's situation is different... It's going to completely depend on the types of babies you have, their health conditions, your personal & financial situation, personal health, and people's varying abilities to cope with stress.

    If another mom is complaining to you, she may be in need of support... Or trying to relate to you. I wouldn't shut her down.

    She may already admire what you're doing and be looking for words of encouragement. I would really try to avoid one-upping her with stories of how much harder you've got it.

    LOL, you can THINK these thoughts. Of course. :)



    You know, this is really true. And another thought. I know someone with a special needs child and she only has one. I know her life is full of doctors apts all the time. Some she has to drive hours for. Tons of financial issues because of the medical bills. She has so many challenges, and I would NEVER say she had it easier than I. In fact I know I have it easier with all three of mine to her one. Then you have mothers who have one but are single moms with no support at all. Or mothers dealing with emotional issues that doesn't allow them to be where they want.

    I think we should all celebrate each other as mothers. One child to 20. We are all doing such a good job. :)
     
  16. Astrid

    Astrid Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(chocomilko @ Sep 8 2008, 07:50 AM) [snapback]968838[/snapback]
    well, I have an older DD, and it was the hardest thing when it was happening. However, I had no friends or family to help and had barely ever even held a baby. All my friends were single and still in party mode. Its all relative. You may think one is easy because you have two. I bet out wonderful triplet mommy on here (Astrid) would think 2 was a piece of cake since she has three. Now that I have twins, I think one would be like eating my favorite chocolate cake!!! ;) but really, it is hard. Children are hard. One, two, three or more. Imagine Jon and Kate + 8!!! YIKES, I can't even imagine how hard it was to take care of 6 babies at a time.

    I have to admit though I can't stand my friends complaining about their singletons. I try to just remember how I felt with mine. But now I look back and MAN, having one child was SOOOOOOOOOOOO easy.


    You are right...dealing w/ only 2 is a walk in the park BUT it is like a PP said, it sucks to wake up at 4 am no matter how many babies there are to feed, it just takes a lot longer for us to get through that feeding than a mommy w/ 1. When I was doing the 11pm & 2am feedings alone, it was hard! I would have to pump after so it would literally take me close to 2 hrs to finish. BLAH! That left an hr to catch some sleep. Not so much w/ a singleton. If I could have latched a baby on & gone back to sleep, life would have been much more pleasant, LOL!
     
  17. kingeomer

    kingeomer Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    QUOTE(Astrid @ Sep 7 2008, 09:57 PM) [snapback]968350[/snapback]
    DH told his friend, "No offense but I can totally see how having 1 baby at a time is easy." She said, "You are so right. I would have drowned myself in alcohol if I had to deal w/ 3 babies at once." The way I look at it is God intended me to have 3 babies b/c I could handle it. Sometimes I question his sanity by doing so but I wouldn't have it any other way.


    Astrid, even though we have twins my DH has said the same thing. I totally agree with you, I question the sanity sometimes but I would not change things at all!
    I've been fortunate that my friends with singletons all have said to me and DH, "I don't know how you guys do it with two..."
    But I can also say that I don't know how my friends managed to deal with 2 different infants at a different time!!!!
     
  18. DATJMom

    DATJMom Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(MyCrazyLife @ Sep 8 2008, 12:53 PM) [snapback]968842[/snapback]
    I think everyone's situation is different... It's going to completely depend on the types of babies you have, their health conditions, your personal & financial situation, personal health, and people's varying abilities to cope with stress.


    Very well said!! I agree with Elizabeth too. My older DD was and some days still is much harder then the boys are (minus the first 6 months of no sleep). The days that she is in preschool are so nice and peaceful. The boys play together most of the time well. But with that being said, I do say to myself alot "Boy, and you thought Leah was hard." I guess it just depends on the day and my mood. :)
     
  19. swilhite

    swilhite Well-Known Member

    You know, I am one of those people that has not thought twins was so hard. However, I agree with previous posters who have said that your personality, the child, your financial situation, ect. all play into it. I have been blessed with easy going twins. They slept through the night at 3.5 months within days of each other and I think sleep is the answer to most frustrations. Additionally, I have a unique situation.

    QUOTE
    I know someone with a special needs child and she only has one. I know her life is full of doctors apts all the time. Some she has to drive hours for. Tons of financial issues because of the medical bills. She has so many challenges, and I would NEVER say she had it easier than I. In fact I know I have it easier with all three of mine to her one.


    And truthfully my special needs daughter with her 5+ appts a week was so much harder than the twins. I will say a big reason was not her - she also had an easy going personality - but it was her care, the financial stress, the time stress (work vs. home), and most of all the emotional aspect. You'd be shocked how much emotional stress can wear you out.

    But I do get annoyed when people tell me having a toddler and baby is harder. How would YOU know? There are some things that are double as hard (pregnancy, breastfeeding, lack of sleep) and there are some things that aren't. I guess it's all relative, huh?
     
  20. dtomecko

    dtomecko Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(butterflygirl @ Sep 8 2008, 01:09 PM) [snapback]969415[/snapback]
    But I do get annoyed when people tell me having a toddler and baby is harder. How would YOU know? There are some things that are double as hard (pregnancy, breastfeeding, lack of sleep) and there are some things that aren't. I guess it's all relative, huh?


    Good point. When I was complaining about how my two constantly had me up all night in the beginning (doesn't seem so much better these days either though!) someone told me how having a newborn and a 3 year old wasn't easy either. Ok, but your 3.5 year old can walk, talk (tell you what's wrong), go to the bathroom by themself, knows that nighttime means it's time to sleep, doesn't need to be carted around in a carseat carrier (and the double stroller doesn't need to be unpacked with every quick stop and errand), you don't need to push the double stroller in one hand and pull a shopping cart behind you with the other, and so on and so on...I get it is hard too, but I still say there is something so different about having twins - even if they're easygoing babies, that someone who never had them just can't comprehend all the difficult situations there really are.
     
  21. lharrison1

    lharrison1 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I had a singleton first and I thought that was rough-now that I have twins...well that singleton was a piece of cake:) compared to taking care of two infants! Plus I just cant believe how much easier things seem when you take one of the three out of the equation...doesnt matter which one but when one is gone (be it a grandma's or taking a nap) things are so much easier! I guess because with only two my dh and I are not out numbered.
     
  22. Queen of Carrots

    Queen of Carrots Well-Known Member

    You know, I found the transition from having one baby to having a baby and a young toddler (15 m) a lot harder than it is now having two newborns and four kids under 4 total. Maybe I've gotten more used to it, or maybe I've just already lost my mind and don't miss it anymore. :rolleyes: People expecting #2 look at me and say, "I don't know how you do it," but I remember when I was where they are, and it was HARD. I bet I'll find having toddler twins is a lot worse, though. We shall see.

    Anyway, life isn't a contest to see who has it toughest. And sometimes everyone needs a chance to vent. ;) And yes, no matter how many kids you have, one less suddenly seems like a piece of cake!
     
  23. swilhite

    swilhite Well-Known Member

    QUOTE
    Good point. When I was complaining about how my two constantly had me up all night in the beginning (doesn't seem so much better these days either though!) someone told me how having a newborn and a 3 year old wasn't easy either. Ok, but your 3.5 year old can walk, talk (tell you what's wrong), go to the bathroom by themself, knows that nighttime means it's time to sleep, doesn't need to be carted around in a carseat carrier (and the double stroller doesn't need to be unpacked with every quick stop and errand), you don't need to push the double stroller in one hand and pull a shopping cart behind you with the other, and so on and so on...I get it is hard too, but I still say there is something so different about having twins - even if they're easygoing babies, that someone who never had them just can't comprehend all the difficult situations there really are.


    Yeah - what she said! ;) Recently I was telling someone that I thought it would be easier when they started walking. My reasoning is because I have a 3-story rowhouse. My daughter will crawl up the stairs and I go behind her with my hand on her butt and carry her brother. I was told it would NOT be easier that it would be harder. Hmmm...I'm sure chasing around two walking kids will be hard, but my point was it is hard from a mobility standpoint carrying two kids everywhere. I have to make sure the one I leave behind is safe and then either take the other one upstairs (or out to the car, ect) and make sure they are safe and then go get the other one.The person said when they walk they WANT to walk everywhere and everything takes longer. Ummm...do you think taking multiple trips for everything isn't time consuming and exhausting? Because I have so many floors in my house I usually am all sweaty by the time I get the kids buckled up to go. Then again I'll probably be eating my words in a few months! :rolleyes:
     
  24. chocomilko

    chocomilko Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(Astrid @ Sep 8 2008, 10:53 AM) [snapback]969088[/snapback]
    You are right...dealing w/ only 2 is a walk in the park BUT it is like a PP said, it sucks to wake up at 4 am no matter how many babies there are to feed, it just takes a lot longer for us to get through that feeding than a mommy w/ 1. When I was doing the 11pm & 2am feedings alone, it was hard! I would have to pump after so it would literally take me close to 2 hrs to finish. BLAH! That left an hr to catch some sleep. Not so much w/ a singleton. If I could have latched a baby on & gone back to sleep, life would have been much more pleasant, LOL!



    I just want to give you MAJOR kudos for breast-feeding three babies. I am so in awe of that. I have a friend who BF'd her triplets too, and she just amazes me!!!
     
  25. Saramcc

    Saramcc Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(Astrid @ Sep 7 2008, 06:57 PM) [snapback]968350[/snapback]
    DH told his friend, "No offense but I can totally see how having 1 baby at a time is easy." She said, "You are so right. I would have drowned myself in alcohol if I had to deal w/ 3 babies at once." The way I look at it is God intended me to have 3 babies b/c I could handle it. Sometimes I question his sanity by doing so but I wouldn't have it any other way.



    You have this over mom's of twins. When a mom of twins says "managing two is hard" you can easily comment "you think having two is hard, try having three babies" :ibiggrin:

    me being a mom of twins can't EVEN imagine what three would be like. My hats off to you!
     
  26. snowmom

    snowmom Well-Known Member

    I go to a mom's group and I'm one of the only twin mom's there. I think most mom's know how hard it can be to be a mother. My theory has always been that it takes as many people as are available to care for the infant. If you're a single mom with twins, it takes all you have to care for them. If you live with extended family and you have 1 baby, it takes eveything everyone has to look after that one baby. That being said, I know a triplet mom and she is amazing!!
     
  27. lisaessman@verizon.net

    [email protected] Well-Known Member

    My twins are the most easy going babies out of all of them. BUT, I am swamped with them. I guess it is really the combination of all the kids together.

    Being a mom is tough stuff...
     
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