One needs more attention

Discussion in 'The First Year' started by DoubleTrouble123, Jan 7, 2013.

  1. DoubleTrouble123

    DoubleTrouble123 New Member

    I need some advice/opinions. I have two wonderful 2 1/2 month old babies who were born at 31 weeks. While both babies are easy, one demands more attention. They both have reflux, but the one has it worse. He cries frequently and is comforted by being held, which I am more then happy to do, but feel so guilty that the baby who is easier and seldom cries is being neglected. I often wear the fussier one in a Moby wrap so at least my hands are free but it still seems so unfair. I find myself holding the easier during his naps (they still cat nap throughout the day) just so he gets held too. Any advice? Anyone else deal with this?
    Thanks!
     
  2. Mom2VLS

    Mom2VLS Well-Known Member

    Livie has always been fussier than Sophie and I did (sometimes still do) feel guilty about giving more attention to her in the early months. But then a couple of months ago, Sophie started teething and Livie got really curious about the world around her. Suddenly I was hold Sophie all the time and Livie was just scooching all over the place. Now Livie is little miss clingy again while Sophie is learning to crawl. Basically, I think it will switch back and forth so many times over the coming years.

    Also, my motto these days is that what is fair is not always what is equal. I want to treat my children fairly and because they are three diffferent children with three different sets of needs that means that they won't get equal attention. And that's ok.
     
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  3. MNTwinSquared

    MNTwinSquared Well-Known Member

    :welcome: to Twinstuff!!!

    One needing more attention is very normal. In a month it may be the other way around. So, what is important is being there for the one who needs you the most. Don't feel guilty for spending more time with one than the other. The scale will tip the other way at some point in the future. Of course, I'm not saying neglect the other one, but find a happy medium. They are twins but are still individuals. Enjoy them!
     
  4. cheezewhiz24

    cheezewhiz24 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I'll echo everybody else- they will switch. It won't always be like this. You are taking care of both of their needs. I remember looking at my self-sufficient little baby while holding my crier and feeling guilty too. I can promise you neither boy remembers or is bothered by it.
     
  5. Debbiemichelle

    Debbiemichelle Well-Known Member

    Doubletrouble123, I am feeling the same way right now with my eight week old twins. Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences!
     
  6. rayceryin12

    rayceryin12 Well-Known Member

    I agree - I have one that needs more attention (he's just more high maintanence), but I make sure I'm always talking to the other one. Plus, the less needy one is a worse sleeper, so I co-sleep with him more - it balances out!
     
  7. efaith

    efaith Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you are dealing with things really well - a bit of guilt is all part of the mummy package unfortunately! Any advice i would offer would be just what you are doing already!!
     
  8. chicklet71

    chicklet71 Active Member

    OMG, i am going thru the EXACT same thing right now with my 7 week old twins....my little boy wants to be held ALL THE TIME, even after hes asleep and we put him in the crib, he immediatly wakes up crying to be picked up again, while my little girl has no problem falling asleep on her own in the crib and just sleeping there for two hours, not wanting to be held or anything like that....sigh....i do feel guilty as well about paying more attention to Alexander...

    guess we all go thru it at some time or another with twins :p
     
  9. DoubleTrouble123

    DoubleTrouble123 New Member

    Thank you all for your responses. It makes me feel much better to know that you all have similar situations and feelings about it. It is also great to hear that it does balance out.
     
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