One of my boys wants pink french poodles for his 4 yr. b-day theme...WWYD?

Ok, I need some advice here. The boys' b-day is coming up in March, so I was letting them look through a party supply catalog and asked them what they wanted for a theme. Joe came across a pink french poodle theme with "Oh-La-La" written across the top of the plates. Here is a link to the party supplies. Very "girly". His eyes immediately lit up and he told me that's what he wanted. I showed him a "boy" looking theme with puppies and asked if he liked that and at first he said no, he wanted the pink puppies. Then Will said it was for girls, and Joe said "Sorry Mom. OK, I'll pick the other puppies." I felt so bad b/c he clearly liked the pink puppies better. I told him to tell me what he really liked, and he went back to the pink puppies. I really don't know what to do. On one hand, I want to let him pick his own theme and feel free to choose whatever he wants...but on the other hand I'm afraid he will be teased and made fun of if he has pink french poodles for his party. Will wants airplanes, which is fine because I don't care if they have different themes. What would you do?? Joe is my more quiet, laid back kid and doesn't always speak up for himself, so if I steer him away from his original choice I feel like it's making him question his decisions. Does that make sense?? Am I overanalyzing the whole thing?? Their birthday is still pretty far away so he'll probably change his mind before then anyway!

 

Ok, I need some advice here. The boys' b-day is coming up in March, so I was letting them look through a party supply catalog and asked them what they wanted for a theme. Joe came across a pink french poodle theme with "Oh-La-La" written across the top of the plates. Here is a link to the party supplies. Very "girly". His eyes immediately lit up and he told me that's what he wanted. I showed him a "boy" looking theme with puppies and asked if he liked that and at first he said no, he wanted the pink puppies. Then Will said it was for girls, and Joe said "Sorry Mom. OK, I'll pick the other puppies." I felt so bad b/c he clearly liked the pink puppies better. I told him to tell me what he really liked, and he went back to the pink puppies. I really don't know what to do. On one hand, I want to let him pick his own theme and feel free to choose whatever he wants...but on the other hand I'm afraid he will be teased and made fun of if he has pink french poodles for his party. Will wants airplanes, which is fine because I don't care if they have different themes. What would you do?? Joe is my more quiet, laid back kid and doesn't always speak up for himself, so if I steer him away from his original choice I feel like it's making him question his decisions. Does that make sense?? Am I overanalyzing the whole thing?? Their birthday is still pretty far away so he'll probably change his mind before then anyway!

 

Ok, I may be in the minority here, but I would encourage him to choose another theme. I think he would be much more emotionally scarred by the other kids teasing him, then by his mom gently helping choose something different. If his twin already pointed out that it is for girls, imagine what kids who don't love him as much will say/do. Kids that age are creating a clear sense of male/female appropriate things and are quick to point out when something falls out of the norm. Of course, I don't know your sons and only you can make the best decision. This is just my opionion.

 

I might be silly, but I wouldn't buy that theme for my son. Since the party is awhile away, I'd get more party catalogues and pull out the girly themes. Maybe if he doesn't see it again, he'll forget about it.

You could tell him that party stuff is for girls, and maybe one of his girl cousins or friends will have that kind of party and he can go to it. That's what I told Ally when she wanted the Baby Einstein 1st bday party stuff for her 4th bday. I said her new baby cousin might want to use those decorations and then she could go to the party. She accepted that answer and got excited about another theme.

 

That's a tough call and I see your dilemma. I think I agree with PP, that the teasing would be the reason to change. He probably just liked the dogs cause they are cute, but I do think he would be made fun of by other children. I think introducing more party themes would also help maybe distract him from the poodles.
I'm sorry you are having to make this decision.

 

I would wait a few weeks at least and let him look again, you might be surprised at what he picks next!

 

I know what theme you are talking about. DH has this thing about boys and pink so he would be the one putting up a fuss here . Maybe you could mix the dog themes so the pink poodles blendecd in with the rest of the dogs?

 

quote:
Originally posted by double dribble:
Their birthday is still pretty far away so he'll probably change his mind before then anyway!


I would wait till a month before the birthday and ask him again. In the mean time, go buy him a stuffed pink french poodle and give it to him for valentine's day. then maybe he will forget about the b'day theme? ??? IDK.

 

I am sorry I had to laugh because my nephew's favorite color was pink for the longest time and my brother was having a fit, but now that he is 6 he likes blue. Anyways I would wait closer to the party and see what else you can find. What does he really like as far a boy things....trains, airplanes, cars? Maybe you specifically find something that he likes and act really excited when you show him and tell him look what mommy found....etc. Then if he is still adement about the pink poodles you could always tell a little white lie and tell them that they were unavailable. Now don't get me wrong lying is never good, but if you think that he will be made fun of then that is why I may do that.

 

I think I like the suggestion about waiting a couple more weeks, and pull out all the girly themes ahead of time. Also, the pp said to buy a pink poodle for Valentine's day- although a really really great idea- I am almost wondering if that would backfire and encourage it even more. He may really become attached to that pink poodle. ?? Just a thought.

 

It surprises me that there would be a concern that other 4 year olds would tease him about pink poodles. My boys are 4.5, and they wouldn't think twice about that. In fact, if the poodles were purple, Hayden would pick them in a second.

I can very honestly say that if Hayden DID pick purple poodles, even if he were having a party with kids his age, I would let him have the poodles. What a great opportunity to let the other kids see that it's OK for boys to like things that aren't traditionally "boyish."

 

I would wait until nearer the time and ask them both again. If he still wants the poodles at that point I would get them. After all it's his birthday, how sad if he couldn't have the design he wants because other people see it as 'girly'.
I realise you are worried he'll be teased but you may be surprised at the reaction of the other children-the parties I have been to with 4yr olds most of the kids couldn't care less what was on the plates. Also I presume that you will be having girls to the party as well? You could probably get away with giving the pink plates to most of the girls and Joe without drawing attention to it. Or ask each child which plate they prefer, some of the other boys might surprise you!

 

It's entirely possible that he will have changed his mind between now and then, in which case, you may be off the hook -- but what if he picks something else "girly"?

Society will make a conformist out of him soon enough, why hurry the process? And you said you want him to feel confident in choosing what HE really likes, rather than thinking he has to pretend to like what other people think he SHOULD like. Let him have the pink puppies!

 

I spotted this in the "ticker", so bear with me.

Did you know that at the turn of the last century, pink was considered suitable for boys and blue for girls? It mysteriously changed around the 1920's; the article I read just said there was no particular reason for the change.

Gender-appropriate stuff is misnamed. I might not have had some of my personal problems had I been able to pick what I wanted. Instead I was forced into what my parents thought were gender-appropriate things. (It went way beyond that, but that's a Corn topic). The teasing is nothing compared to the repression you teach yourself without the appropriate support. The teasing lasts a childhood, the repression is for a lot longer. A lot. 30+ years longer in my case.

This is more appropriate in the Corn, but what is gender appropriate stuff? Who says boys have to do X-Y-Z and girls must do A-B-C?

If he wants pink poodles, so what? It's his birthday. If he picks something else, and it's something you consider "girly", be proud that your son is developing a mind of his own. And not following the crowd.

Carolyn Ann

 

Did you know that pink is the "in" color for boys. A couple of years ago when I was still teaching middle school all of the "popular" boys were wearing pink and my now 12 year old sixth grade boy wears pink all the time. You could get him a nice pink polo to wear to the party... I think it would be fine to have pink poodles! ( he can be a trend setter for the preschool scene)

 

quote:
Originally posted by Carolyn Ann:
I spotted this in the "ticker", so bear with me.

Did you know that at the turn of the last century, pink was considered suitable for boys and blue for girls? It mysteriously changed around the 1920's; the article I read just said there was no particular reason for the change.

Gender-appropriate stuff is misnamed. I might not have had some of my personal problems had I been able to pick what I wanted. Instead I was forced into what my parents thought were gender-appropriate things. (It went way beyond that, but that's a Corn topic). The teasing is nothing compared to the repression you teach yourself without the appropriate support. The teasing lasts a childhood, the repression is for a lot longer. A lot. 30+ years longer in my case.

This is more appropriate in the Corn, but what is gender appropriate stuff? Who says boys have to do X-Y-Z and girls must do A-B-C?

If he wants pink poodles, so what? It's his birthday. If he picks something else, and it's something you consider "girly", be proud that your son is developing a mind of his own. And not following the crowd.

Carolyn Ann


That is so funny, I was just going to talk about the same thing!! If he wants pink poodles, let him. I woul dnot have a problem with that ever, at any age.

 

I have to be honest and say that even though it would bother me, and I would probably wait a few weeks and try again, in the long run I would have to just let it happen. I probably wouldn't go over the top with the french poodles, but I would make one an airplane cake and one a french poodle cake. (I don't buy all the decorations that match anyway...) I have one, Connor, that I know would pick the french poodle, he loves stuff like that. He has puppy posters on his wall, and his twin has motorcycles. That is what makes them individuals! (and people think twins have trouble becoming individuals on their own!)

 

BTW, I wasn't trying to imply anything!!!

And I love motorcycles! (I even have a couple).

Carolyn Ann

 

quote:
Originally posted by jxnsmama:
It surprises me that there would be a concern that other 4 year olds would tease him about pink poodles.
What a great opportunity to let the other kids see that it's OK for boys to like things that aren't traditionally "boyish."

I agree. It's his party, he's 4..... It's a bit early in life for the typical , boys can't like, pink, boys don't cry...
Let him have his choice. He seemed so sad about it.

 

I don't know many 4 year olds, so I'm not sure what the reaction of the guests would be. I guess I would wait a little while, ask him again, and if he still really wanted the poodles, let him have them. It's sad to think he may not be able to have what he wants for his b-day because of what society expects of our boys. I totally understand your worries and I'd be torn too. But I do think it's good to allow our boys to bend the gender stereotypes that are laid out for them.

I bet if (as a pp suggested) you didn't go overboard with the decor and just had a few poodle ballons and maybe the cake, it might be a good compromise. I bet most kids don't notice the decor much. They're probably too busy having fun!

Michelle

 

I hope you let him have the pink poodles theme if that's what he really wants.

 

my mom bought my 4yr old boys white valentine puppies (webkins) that have pink and red hearts all over them. i didn't think they'd like them but we were over there this weekend and they spotted them in a bag in the corner and they are CRAZY over them! they both took them to school today. honestly, the puppies are pretty girlie but they love them so i'm not saying a thing.

if they had picked the pink french poodles for their birthday i would probably wait and ask them again. not just b/c it's girlie but b/c my boys change their minds faster than the weather changes around here (which is fast!).

last year they drove me crazy with the party stuff. it went from dinosaurs to monster trucks to hot wheels to diego and back again and again. i finally picked hot wheels for them. sooooooooo this year i didn't give them a choice. i had their party over the weeknd and they had a dinosaur jumpy house, spiderman plates, star wars cups, a train cake and instead of themed favors i just bought each kid a small toy that they might actually like instead of throwing it away in 2 days.

to answer your question, i would let him have the pink french poodles but i would incorporate them into a 'mixed' theme like some of the PP said.

good luck!

 

Uhhh...no.

I'd be going with his second choice were it me.

 

I would let him have the poodles if that's what he asked for and probably wouldn't think much of it. If it were my kid I'd much rather he picked pink poodles than something overly violent and typical "macho" thing, but that's just me.

 

quote:
my mom bought my 4yr old boys white valentine puppies (webkins) that have pink and red hearts all over them.


I bought Connor a very similar one, it is white with read hearts all over it, he picked it out at the store and LOVED it!!! He has been sleeping with it every night.I couldn't say no. He never thought it was girlie, and his brothers haven't said anything..Aaron picked a brown and black puppy.

 

Maybe you could do what someone else I think suggested--do a variation and include all color dogs, including some poodles? Might take some craftiness on your part but that would be an idea. My dh would say "NO WAY" to the pink ooh-la-la poodle theme, by the way--I just asked him.

 

Thank you so much for all of your replies and advice. I really like the idea of incorporating the pink puppies with other dog/animal decorations. Joe actually does have a pink puppy that he sleeps with every night. The hospital gave it to him once when he had an EEG and he's always loved it. I think I tend to worry a little more about Joe getting teased b/c he already has physical challenges due to his CP, so maybe I'm just more sensitive about anything else that might make him "different". I showed my dh the pink puppies theme and he thinks it's fine (which actually surprised me). Of course, my brothers were over visiting earlier and they didn't seem to think the pink puppies were such a good idea. You know, maybe I'm more worried about what other adults think than what the other kids think?? Ok, I'll stop rambling. Thank you so much for your replies, they have really helped!

ETA: Oh, if Joe decides that what he really, really wants then I think we will go with it...atleast mix the pink puppies in somehow!

 

Sarah I haven't read through all the replies but I would without any hesitation if either of my boys picked pink poodle party theme I would let them have one. I do understand the worry of Joe being picked on I too worry about that with Nathan. I think most four year old party guests won't even give it a thought.

We were picking out toothbrushes at walmart and Jacob picked out a purple and pink Disney princess toothbrush. Nathan told him "thats for girls" Jacob replied " so I like girls that's why I picked it"

Good luck with what ever you decide to do for their 4th birthday!!(how exciting I can't believe they are almost 4 )

 

Well here is my thoughts coming from a person whose girls just had a car & pirate themed party.

I think the only issues you will have is with adults. I know you are planning on having a smaller party so I would upfront let some people that you think might say something that this is what Joe wants & not to say anything. I think that maybe getting him the cake plates or just some napkins would make him happy. Maybe going to factory Party outlet and letting him actually browse the selection of party supplies.

I think that by letting him look through the book and pick what he wants and then saying no is going to hurt his feelings more than a couple comments that might be said by adults. If he truely wants pink poodles I say go for it. I can guarentee you the girls would be the last people to even say anything about it being something girlie.

I am stoked about the party and already polishing my bowling ball.

Call me tomorrow at work

 

If it were me...I would let him have the pink poodles! At least he is expressing himself and what HE likes! It will be all too soon where he will or won't do something because it isn't the "acceptable" thing to do.

PS my DH would say no way...he is not having pink poodles...good thing I am the one who plans the parties! !

 

Ok...so I have girls but we had a Cars and My Little Pony themed party.

I did neutral plates napkins decorations and just did the theme on the acutal birthday cakes.

I think you know what you are going to do...I hope their day is fun!

 

We had the same kind of catalogue when we were planning my son's 5th birthday and he was actually very drawn to the pink poodle theme as well. It was one of his first choices! I didn't say much but I pointed out some of the other puppy themes available, and we looked through the catalogue again, and after wanting a dozen different themes for a day or so, he finally settled on "The Dog" party. I think the pink poodle one is just a really well put together attractive theme and lots of boys might like it.

If he still wants it after a month or so, I'd go ahead and get it. I might try to tone it down some and incorporate other puppy stuff into the mix, but I don't think other kids at just 4 would care much. Maybe you could ask him what specifically he likes about the theme and get the most important elements of it. My son also really wanted to have "princess stuff" at the party for his little girl friends but I nixed the idea. I didn't do it because I didn't want him to have a princess party. I just didn't want to be buying 2 cakes, and 2 sets of party supplies for one child! I

 

Hey ... first my wife would like me to explain that this is her account and that I am only on her to look for an old post that she started. So it's not Karen... this is her husband Jeff.

OK. As a father of three sons and someone who definitely is not into pink I would say - don't worry about it. Joe is 4. He is blissfully unaware of any of the preconcieved notions of manliness that would make him shy away from pink poodles in the first place. He's just a 4 year old kid who saw something he liked and is trying to make a choice for himself.

Most 4 year olds (who would be attending the party) would not know to tease him unless the issue was pointed out by an older child or adult. If his brother has already picked up on the idea that pink poodles might be considered "girly" simply laugh it off and say "Oh, I think they are fine." You can always tone down the "pink" by incorporating other elements into the decorations if you are afraid Joe might be ridiculed over his choice.

He's just 4. I wouldn't worry about it too much.

Have fun at the party.

 

I havent read any of the other posts, so if this is redundant please forgive me!

Although I would hate doing it, I would try and gently "steer" him to something that would "coordinate" better with the airplanes. I would explain it so that the party is more cohesive and flows. Probably TMI, but I think that is a good excuse! THis would be if most the guests are not family.

On the other hand, as a child I certainly always "dared to be different" and always bucked the trends and was never ever harrased for it. In fact, it was always applauded. So, I guess it would depend on the other kids at the party. If its mostly family, then pink poodles will/should be fine.

Are kids cruel at 4? I think they are still pretty sweet then...but its been awhile since I had a 4 yr old!

Let us know what you decide!

 

my eldest is 4 right now. honestly, he wouldn't think girly at all..he'd just say, hey, cool dogs!

good luck deciding. honestly I would probably ask again in a week. my son's ideas change so quickly. and if you do really want to steer him away from it, I think you probably could. I don't think he's going to be in therapy years from now because mommy wouldn't let him have the pink poodles. lol.

hey, thinking of it in terms of the planes, you could do a fun thing with this...the planes are all heading to france (or wherever) where they pink poodles live.