one of my LOs wants nothing to do with me

my LOs are 3.5.
one of them literally wants nothing to do with me. daddy this....daddy that....daddy only. this is not a phase. this has been going on for as long as i can remember. we both work but they do spend more time with me. like 3 hours more a day - if that.
this breaks my heart that they only want their daddy. one really in particular only wants daddy to hold him, lay with him, etc.

 

They really do grow out of it. Mine were like that forever and still have a slight daddy preference, but at nearly five I've become a novelty that they are interested in. I just always tried to be happy that they have such a good relationship with their dad. You have to try hard not to take it personally. It's not. They are three. And they will use it to manipulate if they realize it bothers you.

 

Mine definitely go through phases of preferring one parent over the other (and sometimes grandma or grandpa too!). I take it as a good sign that they're bonded to both of us, and I figure that they just need to cement their relationship to one or the other of us at any given time. It doesn't feel great to hear "no! I don't want you!" sometimes, but they're 3; they have no idea!

 

Hugs! My husband stays home with my kids and my twins are the opposite. I know it really hurts his feelings too when they say "No daddy", "Daddy don't talk to me", etc. I feel really bad because I don't do anything to encourage them to favor me and I assume it's because I'm gone more. Some days it is to the point where I am overwhelmed because everyone wants me at the same time and I can't help everyone at once, but they throw a fit if I suggest daddy helps them. I don't have any suggestions but I hope it gets better as they get older. I keep telling my husband it will and encouraging him to not take it personally, because they are stuck with him as the stay at home parent!

 

My daughter always wanted rides to bed from me, snuggles from me etc... then she spent 6 weeks in the hospital with me and now she is requesting rides from daddy. It is a phase. She was a daddy's girl as a baby but then turned into a mommy's girl. She still only kisses and hugs me, but the rides are from daddy.

 

Agreed. My two have gone from preferring Daddy to Mommy and while it's not as bad now when they are 5, they have had many times when they were younger when they wanted no parts of me.
Is there any way that maybe you and your DS could have Mommy and son time while Daddy takes care of the other two children?
PS: My best friend went through something similar with her second child, except he went through a very long period of time where he wanted no parts of his father. It did upset her DH because he truly thought that the child did not like him but when her son got older, it started to even out with his preferences of parents. But I'd say that went on for almost the 1st 4 years of his life.

 

One mf my DD's is exactly like this and even when she was Very young she would show a preference...sometimes for me.. Sometimes not.... When they were very tiny I used to take them to my mom's house for 1.5 days a week to watched and she would cling to my mom if she was upset and then look over at me to see if It got a reaction.... Which I tried not to show.. Drove me NUTS! As she has gotten older we realize that she's very perceptive of other's emotions and is able to manipulate social situations to get a reaction. I try to ignore it, but it eats me up on the inside.... My mom really loves it and takes full advantage. My DH is very good about it and we try to make sure that if she is showing a preference for one of us, that that we do not make a big deal of it. The strange thing is that my other two are not like this at all.

 

All 3 of mine prefer DH. Now that the twins are 5 they have pretty much grown out of it and sometimes prefer me, but my 2 year old always wants dad if he is an option. And now neither of us stays home with the kids so it's not about that. They just prefer dad, I think b/c he's the "fun" one.

 

I know it hurts your feelings, but it will change with time if you don't make a big deal out of it (and thus make it a manipulation thing) All 3 of mine only want mommy mommy mommy right now. My DH is absolutely wonderful with them and I can't think of a thing he could do differently. IT's really frustrating to both of us.

 

TY
I try not to make a big deal but to be honest - he is sometimes downright awful. wipes my kisses off. wont hug, kiss or snuggle me. then he will if his dad yells at him. idk. i hope this phase passes very quickly.

 

Pass it off as a joke and don't force him. I'm betting he sees it stresses out your family and is just seeing what reaction he can get. One of my boys didn't let me hold him for about a year. It hurt if I let it, but I generally tried to respect his space. Now he isn't laying down with me for an hour but just tonight we were joking around and kissing, hugging tightly and wiping our kisses off while saying "Yuck". What if you did a 'Tickle Monster' game with him? That's always popular for my non-touchy-feely boys.

 

They actually DO grow out of that. Cameron wanted nothing to do with me until about he was about 3. I got used to it. I talked myself in to believing he'd grow out of it. it'd only hurt when Kiefer wanted Daddy only, but he'd switch back and forth. Eventually, Cameron would start to look to me for comfort and attention. Suggest to DH to try to encourage him to go to you more. Don't force it, but he will eventually need his mommy for more than what his daddy can do. Try going out with him alone more like food shopping or other appointments. He may start to see you as someone other than Not Daddy.