One year old tantrums? Already?

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by skybluepink02, Mar 12, 2010.

  1. skybluepink02

    skybluepink02 Well-Known Member

    My more... spirited... twin has recently started having tantrums. She goes limp, or throws herself backwards, screaming and crying over the smallest thing. It's SOOO frustrating! Is there anything I can do to help stop this? It's getting to the point where she's having 20 or more tantrums a day.
     
  2. laurenlantz

    laurenlantz Well-Known Member

    My husband and I recently finished an awesome class called Growing Kids God's Way at our church. Wonderful! Anyway, the teachers of the class have 7 children. She gave great advice. Regarding tantrums, she said that as soon as they start to throw a tantrum, you carry them into their crib or pack n' play or somewhere you designate for isolation (aka timeout). You tell them that you will come back as soon as they have a happy heart. We do this with our girls and they go through phases of tantrums but we are beginning the floor tantrums phase. Sometimes it takes them a little while to find their "happy heart" (no longer crying), but as soon as they are done crying we go in there and get them. We haven't seen dramatic results or anything but we are trying to cultivate a heart of self-control little by little. Hope this helps!
     
  3. vharrison1969

    vharrison1969 Well-Known Member

    I agree, this is terribly frustrating! Sometime I feel like I want to cry as well!

    When my guys are this way, I usually suspect that they are teething. My normally placid boy is an emotional wreck lately, and he's cutting his top molars, lateral incisor, AND canines! :blink: He's acting like he's possessed. :wacko: Ibuprofen is good for teething pain, and we also sometimes give them those popsicles in a plastic tube (not sure what they're called) to gnaw on. The cold helps their gums.

    Otherwise, if they're really acting up I just make sure they are safe, haven't hurt themselves, and let them work it out. They're often worse if I give the tantrum behavior a lot of attention.

    Good luck! :hug:
     
  4. nateandbrig

    nateandbrig Well-Known Member

    My almost 13 month old has just started this and I really felt like doing this :headbang: LOL
    My twins went through this same thing and I totally ignored it. Like Valerie I made sure they were safe and walked away. I didn't touch them, talk to them or even look at them. Don't give them any attention for the tantrums. The twins hardly ever throw a tantrum and honestly believe it's because they realized early on that they don't get what they want (or anything for that matter) by throwing themselves on the floor and screaming.
    GL! I hope it passes quickly!
     
  5. sruth

    sruth Well-Known Member

     
  6. kingeomer

    kingeomer Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Mine started tantrums around this age, for us it seemed to be the combo of teething and not being able to communicate the way they wanted to that set them off. What I would do (if the tantrum was not teething related) is make sure they were in a safe place and let them finish out the tantrum and react as little as possible. I can tell you they do get past this phase and the tantrums do die down. Hang in there :hug:
     
  7. tdemarco01

    tdemarco01 Well-Known Member

    can you teach them some signs? may help on the communication front.

    as for dealing with them -- there is no manipulation here, it's purely frustration -- so, in my research, a time out would just isolate a child who probably needs to have you near them to understand what's up and help them muster through what's causing them such issues.

    isolating them might create feelings of abandonment -- when all they are telling you with a tantrum is that they cannot communicate that they are frustrated so they are showing you this instead.

    I really minimized the word NO at this age. I babyproofed the house, removed things that would cause me to say NO and I let them have lots of freedom when at home (and minimized putting them into situations where they could not be successful) like going to other people's houses that were no b-proofed. I also would not take them places where they had to act in a certain way. we gave lots of leeway on the front end and back end of errands, etc. so they could stay a little longer if we needed or not.

    It's all normal. at this age, kids realize (now that they can walk or close to) that they can move away from mommy and mommy may get lost -- this is a big cause for anxiety in babies and this anxiety rears its ugly head in different ways... some kids tantrum others lose sleep, etc. it's all normal, and will pass --

    figure out a way to deal with this now, cuase as they get older and more willful, the challenges just get more intense and require alot more patience!!

    Cheers

    Teri
     
  8. laurenlantz

    laurenlantz Well-Known Member

    There are two types of tantrums. A frustration tantrum and a temper tantrum. A frustration tantrum is them being upset about not being able to communicate with you or not being to accomplish something they are trying to do. A temper tantrum is them responding to you not letting them have what they want. By withholding the word NO from a child, you are not teaching them how to correctly respond to not getting what they want. That's a lot of what is wrong with society today. I was a teacher. I know. If you make everything available to them and don't teach them how to act in other people's homes, you are letting your lives be controlled by your children. Your children were an addition to your life, not your life. I'm not saying that time out is right for every family and works in every instance. Tantrums only work though if they have an audience. Teaching your children how to control their emotions and frustrations and giving them a healthy outlet will reap benefits in all areas of their lives.
     
  9. tdemarco01

    tdemarco01 Well-Known Member

    The Science of Parenting also discusses the 2 types of tantrums -- and the frustration kind is not to be punished. it's not manipulative at this age.

    there is plenty of time to teach your child what's right and wrong -- at age 2 your kid's brain is not capable of understanding conditionality. (I do this here but not here, etc.) so you can attempt to behavior train but it will be frustrating to your child and yourself. 3 is more age appropriate for this training.

    The phase that kids are "crazy and not capable of understanding limits" is short lived .. as they get to 2.5/3 they get much better at understanding behaviors can be acceptible in one place and not another ... if you minimize NO at this age you do not get CRAZY kids. My kids are an example of this. they are extremely well behaved in numerous environments -- and we did NOT say NO that often when they were two. it saved us lots of frustration and tantrums (our kids don't really tantrum)

    that said I think we agree on most points... if they are doing something I don't want them to do, I try to figure out if I can give them a way to do a similar action without it bothering me... eg: my kids like to bang their silverware on the table -- instead of saying no, we give them a cutting board with which to bang -- it lets them get the impulsive behavior out without hurting anything... and they realize if there is not a cutting board there, they don't do the banging. this applies to home and elsewhere.

    Behavior control will cause more tantrums and more frustration -- time outs breed resentment -- mainly cause our interpretation of what a child is doing is usually NOT exactly what their interpretation of the same action. if we understand their developmental stage -- we can cater rules and expectations to fit the child instead of fitting some arbitrary set of rules we decide is important -- (and usually are just remnants of our own childhood - rules and controls)

    kids who are respected, regardless of the age, will learn the societal rules and be much more willing to participate in these rules than one that is forced or guilted into doing so. Accepting what is possible developmentally -- lets parents set their expectations correctly. This does not mean that kids run uncontrolled -- but kids who accept rules on their own terms, are allowed to behave age-appropriately and therefore have lots of less frustration in the process.

    a successful kid is very nice to be around --

    Teri
     
  10. laurenlantz

    laurenlantz Well-Known Member

    I do agree that this age is very difficult because kids love to test limits and see whether your no is a serious no or you just half-heartedly mean it. You do have to keep in mind their developmental age and consider what they do actually understand and what they are capable of obeying. I try to cut my girls some slack because I know that they can't obey and understand everything I tell them. It's a learning process. However, they are getting to an age where they can follow a very simple direction. For me, this age has been very emotionally draining as I teach them what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior. I'm still an advocate of time out, but if you have found a way to raise your children with manners and to respect others property without it, then more power to you.
     
  11. Shohenadel

    Shohenadel Well-Known Member

    We have 4 girls: 6, 5 and 1 year old twins so we certainly have had our fair share of temper tantrums!!!! I find one of my twins having tantrums these days, usually pretty short-lived, mostly due to frustration (they turned one in January). Usually if I just ignore her tantrum, she will get over it pretty quickly. If not, I usually can figure out there is something else going on: hungry, over-tired, needs something else from me. For my older kids, I definitely used time out with success, but I generally don't do time out this early on because I don't think kids this age really have the impulse control to choose not to do something next time, because they remember that they will get a time out. Once they get a bit older (18 mo. or so?) I would probably do a very, simple modified time out kind of thing if I had to keep repeatedly saying "no" to something. For example, Rachael keeps getting into a bookcase that she is not supposed to. Nowadays, I just pull her away from it and give her her special box of books to play with and try to distract her. But if she keeps getting into it a few months from now. I might stick her in the exersaucer or pack and play for a minute and I think she will get the message for the most part (my older daughters responded pretty well to it.) I wouldn't put them in their cribs though, because I want them to like being in there and not associate it as a "timeout" place. They love their cribs now so I don't want to ruin that. When they get older, ages 2-3 that's when we started doing 1-2-3 (from 1,2,3 Magic) and that was always helpful. Anyway, that's how we do it. Good luck!

    shannon
     
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