The first day of summer vaction I promised my older son that we would go to my Aunt's house to go swimming (something we did every day in the summer). When we left my house it was beautiful and sunny but when we got to my Aunt's it was cloudy so we didn't go in the pool for a while. We let the older kids in the pool but not James and Stacy. An hour after the kids got out of the pool Stacy comes out of the garage(play area) with her bathing suit in hands and no clothes on. I tell her to show Aunt Lee while I clean her mess in the garage. James walks out of the garage while I'm walking in. I assume that Aunt Lee has both of the kids. I come out from cleaning the mess and I don't see James in the yard. I think he is behind the pool since the gate going up to the deck is up and in place, well as I round the pool I see James floating in the pool. I scream for them to call 911 and jump in and pull him out. My Aunt takes him from me while I climb out of the pool. I lay him down to start CPR on him. Some water comes out of his mouth so I start to think that he going to start coughing and crying any moment. My Aunt pulled a stranger off the street to help me while she ran to the fire dept. across the street. The Firefighter come running into the yard with their equipment. They start to work on him while the ambulance comes. The ambulance comes and the start to work on him. One of the firemen comes out of the ambulance looking very grey. I ask if they got any response from James and he said no. They drive him to the hospital which is normally a 15 minutes drive but took 7 minutes. They wouldn't let me ride in the ambulance so my cousin drove me behind the 3 Police cars, 2 ambulances and 2 fire trucks. We finally arrive at the hospital where my husband is waiting for us. They would not let me see him. The preist asked if we would like to have the Last rights for him and I knew he wasn't going to survive. The finally let us see him while they are doing a sono on his heart and pronounce him dead at 4:20pm. We didn't get to my house until an hour later and by then it was on the news. My oldest son and Stacy was still at my house surrounded by the press so they didn't get home until 9:45. My BIL and SIL picked them up but didn't tell them anything. Stacy was in the back of the car saying James in the pool, James died. Nobody told her anything but she knew she didn't have her twin brother anymore. My older son didn't beleive her until we told him James didn't survive. After two months Stacy will still say James in the pool James died. Rest in peace my baby angel James Nicholas 12/3/04 - 6/25/07
QUOTE(marose @ Aug 29 2007, 08:28 PM) [snapback]385345[/snapback] The first day of summer vaction I promised my older son that we would go to my Aunt's house to go swimming (something we did every day in the summer). When we left my house it was beautiful and sunny but when we got to my Aunt's it was cloudy so we didn't go in the pool for a while. We let the older kids in the pool but not James and Stacy. An hour after the kids got out of the pool Stacy comes out of the garage(play area) with her bathing suit in hands and no clothes on. I tell her to show Aunt Lee while I clean her mess in the garage. James walks out of the garage while I'm walking in. I assume that Aunt Lee has both of the kids. I come out from cleaning the mess and I don't see James in the yard. I think he is behind the pool since the gate going up to the deck is up and in place, well as I round the pool I see James floating in the pool. I scream for them to call 911 and jump in and pull him out. My Aunt takes him from me while I climb out of the pool. I lay him down to start CPR on him. Some water comes out of his mouth so I start to think that he going to start coughing and crying any moment. My Aunt pulled a stranger off the street to help me while she ran to the fire dept. across the street. The Firefighter come running into the yard with their equipment. They start to work on him while the ambulance comes. The ambulance comes and the start to work on him. One of the firemen comes out of the ambulance looking very grey. I ask if they got any response from James and he said no. They drive him to the hospital which is normally a 15 minutes drive but took 7 minutes. They wouldn't let me ride in the ambulance so my cousin drove me behind the 3 Police cars, 2 ambulances and 2 fire trucks. We finally arrive at the hospital where my husband is waiting for us. They would not let me see him. The preist asked if we would like to have the Last rights for him and I knew he wasn't going to survive. The finally let us see him while they are doing a sono on his heart and pronounce him dead at 4:20pm. We didn't get to my house until an hour later and by then it was on the news. My oldest son and Stacy was still at my aunts house surrounded by the press so they didn't get home until 9:45. My BIL and SIL picked them up but didn't tell them anything. Stacy was in the back of the car saying James in the pool, James died. Nobody told her anything but she knew she didn't have her twin brother anymore. My older son didn't beleive her until we told him James didn't survive. After two months Stacy will still say James in the pool James died. Rest in peace my baby angel James Nicholas 12/3/04 - 6/25/07
Brandy, I am new to the board, and I'm sitting here and your story sounds so much like mine in the way we both got pregnant. The only difference was that I had 4 IUI's. Got pregnant for twins, Boy/girl. Emma Grace and Talon Antoine. Excuse some of the stuff in here. I opened a baby boutique when Emma was 16 months old. It allowed me to be both a mom for a sick baby and still bring in money to our household. The website that you can view our pictures is www.emmacole.net Here's my story I want to first welcome you to my website. I thank you for stopping by and getting to know us. Emma Cole is a mommy and baby dedicated company. I was a stay at home mom with a passion for decorating, painting, and accessorizing. Not to mention, I love my baby girl, Emma Grace, to look hip. That is why my slogan is "Where the Hip Mommies and Babies Shop" Emma Grace's Story: I'll first start out by telling you about Emma Grace. She was a twin born at 28 weeks, or 7 months of pregnancy. She had a twin brother, Talon, that died when he was 15 days old. He was down syndrome and contacted an infection called psuedomonas. His already weakened body could not fight it off. The day we buried Talon, we found out Emma had an infection, but it was not what Talon had. She had MRSA (Metacillin Resistent Staph Aureus). It attacked her vascular system, and she developed three aneuyrsms. Only two other babies had ever had this reaction, and it wasn't as severe. At 5 weeks old, and only 3 lbs 5 ozs, Emma Grace underwent an 8 hour surgery repairing all three aneurysms at Cook Children's Medical Center in Fort Worth, TX. We went in to the surgery understanding that she may not make it out alive. But fiesty little Emma Grace did make it out alive. She stayed in the NICU for a total of 13 1/2 weeks. Emma's finally off of her oxygen after being on it until she was 13 months old, and off of her 10 different medications she went home from the hospital with. She is now 21 months old and weighs 18 lbs 1 ozs. She is my life, and I can not imagine her not in it. This is my story on how my business started out in my living room watching Barney, Blues Clues, and The Backyardagains. I knew that in time I was going to have to return to work, and decided that it was time to take advantage of the opportunity that I had dreamed of for so long. I wanted to open a baby boutique. After being home for 16 months, 1 month on bed rest and 15 months on mom duty, I opened my baby boutique. It has been a road that was paved with many forks, bumps, and pot holes, but I have managed to gracefully accept these challenges with a smile on my face. How I do it you ask. I really have no idea, I've just used the great creativity, patients, and peace that GOD has given me to achieve my dream. I owe everything to my family. They have given me chance after chance to be the great person that they know I am. They have supported me through good times, and the worst that we have been through. Without them, I could not have gone on. For this I am gratefull and love them dearly. MyAngelInHeaven My husband and I tried for 3 years with fertility to concieve a baby. We were bless with the news it was two. I had a dream that GOD was sending me a boy and a girl. To my surprise on my 14th week ultrasound, it was confirmed that it was indeed a boy and a girl. I picked out Emma's name and my husband chose Talon. We were so happy to be having our pair. At 22 weeks I was put on total bedrest, because I was threatening to go into preterm labor. I went in two other times until the day the twins were born. The contractions started at around 5 am. They were coming very frequently and hurting really bad. Very unusal, it wasn't anything I had felt before. I went into the hospital and was 2 1/2 centimeters. The plan was to stop the contractions with Magnisium Sulphate through an IV. But Emma's placenta abrupted and we went into an emergency c-section. The babies were born 30 minutes later. Sunday October 16, 2005 at 1:28pm Talon was born weighing 3 lbs 1 oz, and at 1:29 pm Emma Grace was born weighing 2 lbs 5 ozs. Both had a team of doctors, nurses, and respiratory therapist at their bed sides waiting for my little babies to arrive. I remember laughing because both babies were screaming so loud, when they came out. They did not want anything to do with being out of my belly. Talon was born with down syndrome, and was having a hard time breathing on his own from the very begining. After contacting pseudomonas sepsis, his already weaken body could not fight off the infection and he went to meet GOD in heaven. It's taken me 2 years to finally post this page. It has been very hard for me. I think sometimes that he saved Emma's life, because if it wasn't for him insisting on coming out, I wouldn't of been at the hospital. From the start he did what normal big brothers are there to do, protect their little sister. We had a normal open casket funeral for Talon. Family and friends were welcome to attend. When you are going through this situation, normal thinking is not normal, and you do things lots of people question. And we really honestly did everything we wanted to do and it made sense at the time. I think it still does, but one thing I would of done differently and it sounds creppy, but I would of took pictures of him after he was imbombed. I was horrified at the thought when I was at the funeral home and freaked out when someone asked, so no one did. But our family seen him at the hospital and seeing him in his casket was actually refreshing. He looked so horrible at the hospital, because the infection posioned his whole system and his pinkish skin was blue/grey. He looked like a porcelin doll in the coffin. My thinking behind the normal funeral was that Talon had a purpose. We waited to get pregnate for 3 years, and another 7 mths to get those babies. I didn't want him to be easily forgotten, and I didn't want people to know of him as Kelly and Ryan's baby that passed. He was more than that. He was such a happy baby. Every ultrasound picture we have of Talon, he was sucking his thumbing and kicked all the time. He was very active and 11 ozs bigger than his sister. He was the baby in utero that I had to laugh at all of the time, because he was doing gymnastics in me. Emma is still like she was in utero. Don't mess with her, especially when she's sleeping and she cuddles really good. And she doesn't miss naps, and sometimes there is two. She is a spitting image of me, and Talon was a spitting image of Ryan. He had what I called the calico hair. If I look at Ryan's hair right now you will see white, because he's getting old (Ha Ha), blonde, brown, black, and red, and Talon had all of his coloring. If you ever seen Ryan's toes, Talon's were the same up down pattern, and the second one was longer than the first. Emma has the ballerina foot I call it. So girly, and just like mine. Even down to the indention in his chin, he was truly Ryan's son. To everyone who is reading or who has read this, I'm sorry if it has made you cry. Our story isn't just a story it is real life and it did happen to our family. And the first step in dealing with a lost is to acknowledge it, and I have been hiding behind it for so long and it hurts too much to keep it bottled inside. Please don't take offense to anything I have written. It is truly my honest feelings, and I thank you for reading every word I have typed. This page is to dedicate my love to Talon, my angel in heaven. I know that you know mommy misses you dearly. Thank you for praying for us in heaven and watching over your sister. Talon Antoine Breaux October 16, 2005 to October 31, 2005 15 days old
HUGS to all mommies on this board, I have read many stories and had tears in my eyes each time. Here is my story.... I had a peri appt on 12-17-07 to make sure the babies were growing on schedule. I felt in my heart something was wrong because we went to L & D 2x int he past 2 wks before this appt and Baby A (evan) was close to my cervix and looked like he had less room, but no one said anything. i also could tell that I couldnt feel them as much but thought maybe it was because I was getting bigger and they were positioned in wierd places. Anyway on 12-17 I went to see the peri and heard the 1st set of bad news, that my twins were in a stage 2 of TTTS which is where they had way diff sized amniotic sacs and Evan(baby a) was measuring smaller than Ethan (baby B) They hooked me up to a NST and said they got good readings on both hearts as well as we got to hear both babies heartbeats. I wanted to see the actual peri but he said that he would see me next monday and i should just come back in for a NST on wed the 19th. I went home very nervous and scared thinking oh my gosh what if something happens to my boys what will i ever do. The next morning I was in bed about 800am and I turned over and a large gush of fluid came out, I thought i had lost control of my bladder and just went to the bathroom on myself. then 30min later another large gush. again just thought it was pee (this was my 1st pregnancy) I went back to sleep woke up later and told my DW what had happened she told me I should go to L & D because she thinks it was my water. i said " no its to early to be my water" I was 27wks and 1 day along. She had to go to work but knew something was wrong so she meet me at the hospital with her sister. I thought this was another pointless trip to L & D and we would just be going home soon. Boy, was I wrong!! They always have trouble finding both babies heartbeats so when they couldnt find Evan's I wasnt worried they ordered an ultrasound as always. When the u/s tech came in she was silent for about 5 min, I started to get nervous and I just knew that something was wrong, I just didnt know what. My Dw and SIL were watching the screen and I could tell by thier face that something had happened. Then i saw the u/s tech look at the nurse and shake her head no. my stomach dropped and I began to shake and start crying. I knew I had lost my precious baby, and could only think why me, why didnt the peri do something yesterday, why, why, why!!! I was a mess and so was all my family. I wanted to be strong for them so i tried not to cry as much because i didnt want to stress my other baby ethan. then the dr came in with the WORST news in the world anyone could ever tell a mother. That I had lost my son and that my other son was going to be delivered tomorrow because they shared the same placenta he didnt want to take any chances. That was the worst night of my life because I was so hurt, mad, and torn apart by my angel baby and also was so scared about the arrival of my micro-preemie Ethan coming so early. I got 2 steroid shots and was scheduled to deliver in the am. Dec 19, 2007 I delivered my angel baby Evan Michael at 1017am he was 1 lb 11oz and 12 3/4 in long. My DW said he came out with his hand at his neck in a praying like manor and his eyes were shut. He went to heaven peacefully. Ethan my miracle boy came out at 1019am 1 lb 15.7oz 13 1/2 in long went straight to the NICU.(I post updates on him in the NICU forum all the time) Once they got me through recovery we all got to see him and hold him. A memory I will never forget holding my precious baby boy!! He was perfect in every way. 10 fingers 10 toes, hair on his head, a little button nose and a cleft chin just like his brother and momma. They were truly identical little boys there ws nothing about them that looked different. I remember holding Evan on my lap just crying thinking what did I do to you, why did u have to leave us, why would you want to be in heaven instead of here with your mommies and brother. I later realized that things happen for a reason and he was probably sick for quiet sometime and he just couldnt hold on any longer. I think about him everyday and I miss him oh so much as each day passes and as his brother comes closer to coming home each day. I dont get to come home with 2 babies. I dont get to worry about breastfeeding 2 babies. I dont get to complain about 2 babies not sleeping through the night. He will always be in my heart and soul and I will never ever forget him. I have 2 sons, one is just in heaven now watching over us. Ive never experienced a feeling of emptiness so much in my life. I know time will heal and sometimes it seems like as each day goes by I miss him even more, but I know he is with me and I know he is with me as I sit here writing this post. My heart aches for any mom that looses her son/daughter in utuero, after birth, or many many years later. They are our precious angels and we will NEVER forget them. I love you Evan, and I know you are watching your brother fight in the NICU right now. Mommy will be with you one day far far in the future but right now I have to take care of your brother Ethan and your mommy shauna. edited to add Ethans birth time and weight as well
I am new to this site and I wanted to share my story of our recent loss...I had a miscarriage last year at 8 weeks, it was also twins, but the first one we never saw. Our babies were taken from us on April 18, 2008...Here's our story... I guess I will start from the very begining of this pregnancy so everyone understands exactly what we have gone through. Sorry if it's too long. I found out I was pregnant in December, I was only 3 1/2 weeks at the time. My HCG levels were a little low, which was to be expected being so early, but after what happened last time I repeated my levels the following week. To our surprise my levels had gone up tremendously and we knew that there was a high chance for twins. At my 8 week appointment/ultrasound we tried not to get too excited as we had never made it past 8 weeks with the first pregnancy. When we started the ultrasound you couldn't miss the baby, the heartbeat was so strong and the baby was a good size. The doctor kept looking around making sure everything looked okay and that's when we saw the second heartbeat. We had two strong heartbeats and two good sized babies. Then he found a third sac, but it was empty. They call it disappearing twins, which we actually had with the first pregnancy. It was a little sad knowing that there could have been 3, but we were blessed with two strong babies. After he looked around some more he had told us that the second babie's sac was a little small and may not make it. So we left the appointment with mixed feelings and for the next two weeks I was on edge. I had a 10 week appointment and the weekend before I started to bleed. I immediately thought I was having a miscarriage, but I was out of town so there was nothing I could do. I called my doctor and he said to watch it and come in first thing on Monday. When I went in he did an ultrasound and we found out that both babies had grown and that the bleeding was probably due to the third sac absorbing. I was so excited knowing that we were going to have twins I didn't think he could possibly tell me anything that could change that. Then he told me that I have high amounts of protein in my urine and we will have to do further testing. Trying to stay positive I said fine and off to the lab we went. A few days later my doctor called me and told me that my protein was too high and he was going to send me to a kidney specialist. I started freaking out that I had a kidney disease. But after meeting with the kidney doctor she did some more tests and didn't see much. She told me that we'll just watch it throughout the pregnancy. At my 12 week appointment everything looked good. Actually I think that was the only appointment were I didn't get any bad news. I was finally going into my second trimester...knowing that the chances of miscarriage were significantly lower I was excited and started looking into what to expect in the months to come. Well I think I did too much research and reading, but I wanted to prepare myself for anything that could go wrong. I sat down with my doc and talked about toxemia and bedrest...he warned me that I was at a high risk for toxemia. At this appointment I also did my AFP testing to check for spinal problems and Downs. A week later I got a call that there was a 2.2% chance that one of them had Downs. An amnio was recommended, but after a lot of consideration I turned it down because the risks were too high. Plus I would never terminate the pregnancy. On March 13th we had our first level 2 ultrasound and we found out we were having a boy and a girl. Everything looked and the babies were normal. At this point we had already overcome so much I thought I was ready for anything, I thought we had everything covered, I really thought I was going to make it far in this pregnancy. NOTHING could have prepared us for what we just went through. On April 5th I had lost my mucous plug, but everyone told me that it was normal and it would grow back. On April 7th I had yet another appointment and my doc assured me that everything was fine. The babies were growing and moving like crazy. On April 9th we ordered their bedding and later that day I started to have some lower back pain. Nothing out of the ordinary for me so I took some tylenol and laid down. On April 10th my mom and I went to Babies-r-Us to register. My back was killing me, but with being pregnant with twins I knew the extra weight was going to do that. My mom had noticed though that I was peeing a lot, but again being pregnant with twins it's totally normal. On the morning of April 11th I had some spotting, not much, but enough to call my doctor with concern. He told me to go ahead and go to my ultrasound first and then come see him...I never made it in to see him. At the ultrasound that babies were looking great. Everything was normal and they were moving so much. Then they looked at my cervix...I was already dialated. The ultrasound tech told me not to move and she went and got the perintologist. I knew something was wrong, I knew that my babies were in danger. They sent me straight to the hospital where I was admitted...I was about to enter the longest week ever. I was told that I have an incompetent cervix and that it already thinning out. I was only dialated to 2cm but my cervix was only 2mm. Being 21w6d it was too late to try to sew up the cervix. The boy's head was right there and to try to sew it would mean I could possibly break the membranes. I was given the option to end the pregnancy because our chences were very low that they would survive. Some don't consider themselves parents until their child is born, but I was already a mom. I had been taking care of them for 5 1/2 months. I could never just give up without a fight. So for the next week I was laying pretty much upside down trying to hold my babies in. I had to sleep upside dwon, eat upside down and even pee upside down. I was given shots every 6 hours to make sure I didn't contract. I was beating the odds and everyday we were getting closer to being able to get steroid shots to boost the babies lungs. I was told that at 23w we could start the shots and at 24w they would possibly have a chance to survive. I was determined and everyone was cheering us on. On April 17th I couldn't sleep through the night. I was put on the monitors to check for contractions...nothing. I figured my back hurt just from laying down for so long. On April 18th the pain didn't stop...one of the nurses noticed that there was some fluid and decided to do some tests to see if my water broke. The next couple of hours were the hardest. I was waiting for my doctor to come in and say everything was fine...he didn't. Cory had gotten to the hospital just as the doctor was telling me the bad news. He told me my water had broke and there is nothing we could do to save the babies. I was in labor and we would soon be able to meet our sleeping babies. The next 9 hours were the worst. I got an epidural because it was already painful enough to know that we were losing our children. I went through so many moods during that time. I was tired, I was anxious, I was mad and of course sad. We tried to keep the energy up...if I were to break down I wouldn't have been able to this. The doctor came in to check me and the time had come, it was time to send our babies to heaven. The boy came first...his hand came out first, almost like he was saying hi and bye. The girl immediatly followed...the whole thing took about a half an hour. That was it, my time with my babies was up. I couldn't look at them at first, but after a few minutes I was ready to see my babies. They were so beautiful, so peaceful. I wish now that I would have held them, but at the time it was too hard. I couldn't believe that Cory and I had made this two perfect little angels and they were taken from us so fast. They didn't suffer...they were born sleeping. They gave us a memory box that had some blankets, clothes, footprints and pictures. We weren't going to take it, but now I'm glad that we did. Before we left the hospital we went through the box...that was the hardest thing to do. We both broke down and cried. There we were looking at pitcures of our babies, our sleeping babies. They were wearing little gowns and holding hands...they were so peaceful. I can't explain what I feel every morning when we get up. There's an emptyness inside, a void. I used to look forward to waking up in the morning and feeling my babies move, now there is nothing. We have our good moments and our bad, but time will get us through this. To all of our friends and family...it's okay that you don't know what to say. A simple hug or sorry is fine. No one knows how to react to this situation. To all of you expecting parents out there...enjoy your pregnancy. I thought I had prepared myself for the worst, but in the end anything can happen. If you have a feeling that something isn't right, call your doctor, that's what they are there for. Enjoy those 9 months because otherwise your pregnancy won't be fun. To all of you who are already parents...love your kids. They are truly a miracle. You don't realize how precious life is until you loose one, or two in our case, before it even begins. We WILL try again...in the end the only thing you can say is "It is what it is".
I'm so sorry for the loss of your babies! Please contine to post in Parental Grief when you can! It helps to talk to others in your situation, and we're all here to listen and offer our support! :hug99:
Oh, Mandi, thank you for sharing your story. I hope that it helps. I will hug you and say how sorry I am and send lots of prayers your way. Your struggle makes my heart ache for you - please take good care of yourselves and find ways to remember your babies that renew you both and your love. After 5 years, there are still moments it feels as raw as the days it happened but you sound like you are taking the most positive and healthy approach you can - please do visit and ask for support as you need it. There are so many kind and caring people here to help as we can :love0028:
They believe I lost my first daughter from incompetent cervix. I was 24w 1d pregnant with her, had 10 weeks to enjoy my pregnancy with her inside, since I didn't realize I was pregnant until I was 14 weeks along. She lived for 71 mins and then passed in my arms. Her story can be seen here (ignore the spelling mistakes, wrote it the day after her birth and didn't proof it before hubby took it for her site: http://rebekah.kulm.org
As this is my first post here I thought I should start with my story. My name is Chantelle. My husband and I found out we were pregnant last year after 10 months of trying. Before this pregnancy I had had a miscarriage at 5 and a half weeks, and we have a 5 year old son. We were overjoyed to be expecting again, but understandably cautious after losing the last baby. I was very nervous going for the first ultrasound at 13 weeks - I had a feeling there was something out of the ordinary with this pregnancy. I was shocked beyond belief when we found out we were having twins. I was nervous wondering how we would cope with two babies at once, but my husband was thrilled and once we got over the shock we were so excited. We were told at the ultrasound that they were identical, in seperate sacs but sharing one placenta. We decided to find out the sex of the babies at the 20 week scan. I was convinced they would be boys, since deep down inside I had always wanted a girl. I was in for my second major shock when they told me we were having two little girls. I felt so blessed. Since the babies shared a placenta, we were explained the risks of TTTS, and I was sent for regular scans and appointments with the obstetrician at the hospital. The girls were fine every time, growing at the same rate as a single baby each, and apart from feeling very large, I was in great shape. I was booked to have a caesar at 37 and a half weeks, but my doctor bought the operation forward as I was so huge. It was finally decided I would have the girls at 35 and a half weeks. I had a final check up with a midwife the week before the operation, where we both felt the girls kicking away. I spent that weekend finishing off the girls room and packing their hospital bag. The Sunday we went to a bbq at my sisters house, and on the way there my husband asked if the babies had been kicking much. Up until that point I had been so busy organizing things that I hadn't paid any attention to their movements, but after he asked me I did. I wasn't feeling any kicks, but I was having braxton hicks which I was mistaking for movements - my son had been born by caesarian also, so I had no idea what contractions felt like. The next morning I called the hospital and explained my situation, and they told me to come in for a check up but not to worry as the babies were probably just slowing down. I dropped my son at school and headed in. I met Abbey, one of the midwives, at the hospital, and she got me up on the bed to check the heartbeats. After a couple of minutes she still hadn't found anything, so she told me she would get one of the doctors to check me with and ultrasound machine. I suddenly felt as though I was in some bad tv show. I watched Abbey's face as the doctor scanned me, and I knew it was bad. My babies had no heartbeats - they had died inside me. I was going to have the caesar that afternoon, three days before the one I had been booked for. My husband and family came to the hospital and stayed with me before the operation. When we went in, my husband was there holding my hand, and Abbey stayed with us also - she was brilliant. The operation was horrible. It was so quiet, I could hear everything the doctors were doing. After what felt like forever, Lily Rose was born, followed a few minutes later by Ella Violet. Nothing could have prepared me for what my babies would look like. They were so limp and soft, but still beautiful. After the operation the doctor came and explained to us what had happened. The membrane seperating the girls had broken down, allowing them to become tangled in each others cords. It was an extremely rare complication, but it was a relief for us. We were lucky enough to know what had happened, without having to have post mortems done. We couldn't bear the thought of our babies having to be cut up. And there was no one to blame - the girls were perfectly healthy, and I had taken care of them as much as I could have. It's been 13 weeks since we lost our babies. We are coping fairly well and have decided to start trying again as it seems to take us a while to fall pregnant. I'm not trying to replace the girls that I have lost... I just need to complete my family. And I also hope that once we finally do have our next baby in our arms, it might be easier to make some sense out of what has happened.
I'm sorry for the loss of your girls! :hug99: Please continue to share with us in PG. All of us were once right where you are now, and want to support you!
Thank you - I'm now a firm believer that you can never have too much support I forgot to mention also that we have been going to counselling through Sids and Kids, which I think has made a huge difference for us, they are just fantastic. We were offered a lot of different kinds of counselling through different charity organizations, and after reading all of the information we were given, chose them. I'm not sure what is offered in America, but I would highly recommend seeking out one of these types of organizations to anyone going through something similar.
I've been in other parts of this forum, but its my first time making it over here. I read all your stories and felt like it was time to share mine. After thinking our family was complete with Justin & Julianna for so long, my husband Jason and i came up with the crazy idea of having another baby, so he went back into the dr to get things hooked back up dec/07. By the beginning of April JAs informed me that i was pregnant & it was a boy. He had been right in the past and I wasn't surprised when my pregnancy test came up positive and as i had really bad morning sickness like with justin, i guessed it was a boy too. My pregnancy went extremely smoothly without a hitch and at week 19 we had it confirmed that it was a boy, our sweet lil jaret! The kids were so excited to be having a baby brother! August 11th monday, at 22 weeks, i started to get sick with what i thought was a bad cold. By the night of the 12th I started getting a fever & chills. I took some tylenol & went to bed. My fever was gone wed, but i called the dr just to check in since i still was feeling pretty sick and they confirmed it sounded like just a bad head cold. My fever hit 104 that night, but went back down with the tylenol. I called the dr thursday and wanted to come in to make sure jaret was ok. They took my temperature (back to 99), i was just a lil dehydrated and as jaret had such a strong heart beat & i had no signs of infection, they sent me home telling me not to worry but call back that night if my fever came back. That night it hit 104 again and i called the dr on call, who told me to take some tylenol and go to bed. He said that my fever couldn't possibly be that high without signs of some sort of infection and that it was probably nothing but if i was really that worried to go to the er, although he didn't see any reason to. Friday i was a mess but my fever had gone back down. By friday night i knew something was definitely not right and my fever started rising again. As Jason was working all week, my mom rushed me to the hospital saturday morning. They tried to find Jaret's heartbeat with the doppler: nothing. A nurse came in to do an ultrasound and he was just curled up all still. My dr happened to be on call that weekend and came running in to confirm what we already knew, Jaret was in God's hands. I was still extremely sick and they didn't know what they were fighting which had the nurses and doctors scared. By the time i was admitted, whatever i had caught had already hit my nervous system. My blood pressure started becoming erratic as well and i was going downhill. They started pumping me full of so many drugs/antibiotics it hurt even with the morphin drip. Shortly after my ultrasound, my body seemed to take the cue and i lost my mucus plug and was contracting. They fully induced my labor and Jaret was born that night at 1 1/4 lbs. He was beautiful! I was discharged from the hospital that monday after my body finally started kicking whatever it was i was fighting. I got a phone call from the doctor that thursday. They had discovered what killed Jaret & tried to get me. I had contracted Listeria, the deadliest form of food poisoning. It was the first case any of the doctors in the entire clinic had ever seen. Its one of those things you read about in your pregnancy book, but as it is a 1 in 1.5 million chance of getting it, you generally brush it off. Ironically i was paranoid this pregnancy and did everything right, even avoiding the foods that one would find listeria in. Jaret is the first death in oregon from listeria in over 10 years. Its been extremely difficult getting past the knowledge that your baby was perfect and healthy and because of something you ate, you nearly died and your baby did. These last few months have been a rough road. God works in odd ways though and a week before Jaret's due date i found out i was pregnant again (unplanned) and jason poked fun at me saying it was twins. Last month we found my hubby is right again and we're expecting twins due around the time of Jaret's 1 year anniversay of going to heaven. I'll admit i'm terrified, but maybe God is showing me the good that can come from all this. So thats my story.
Wow, what an incredible story. I am truly sorry for your loss. God has blessed you again though with two little miracles. I'll keep Jaret in my thoughts & prayers & always remember.. we didn't really lose anyone, we only gained more angels..
Agentplatypus, I'm sorry IDK your name, but I am also wishing you well with this new pregnancy, thinking of Jaret and hoping you are all healing. We spent the final nite of our twins' hospital stay in the hospital with them; it was the two days of our triplets' anniversary, and I felt just as you expressed - a gift for us all :hug: Please make use of the wonderful people here - there are so many caring folks who can and will help you celebrate and take the healing journey, if you just ask - health and hope coming your way!
Thanks for your thoughts and prayers, I feel truly blessed. Each of your stories i read has touched me. Its nice to see people that truly know and understand and I'm not goin anywhere. -Jenn
Many times I have thought of putting my story here, but it has always been too painful. Now that my last pregnancy is complete I feel I have the strength to tell my stories. Yes stories, because I have had 3 late miscarrages... In May of 2000 I was almost 8 months with #4. I knew he was a boy and I was excited to add a new addition to our family. He was to be our last child and I had the papers signed for the tubal in June. On May 20th I was feeling tired all day, but I had chalked it up to the stress of being a mom of three small children. Around 10pm I was starting to feel some mild contractions, so I rested with a bottle of water and started to time the contractions. They were still irregular so my dr. suggested that I rest and come in to see him the next day. Around 2 am on the 21st, I felt a sharp pain and a pinprickling sensation in my uterine area. I immediately went to the L&D area of the hospital and since I was not registered I had to wait in the triage area of the Emergency room. Back then if you werent pre-registered you had to go through the er. So after waiting and being scared at 400 am I was finally taken up to the L&D. I quickly changed into a gown and told the nurse that I felt something was wrong. She told me that there were others that came in before me so i had to wait. At 445 the nurse finally came to hook me up to the monitors. They could not find him. They finally got an ultrasound in there at 6, and the dr confirmed there was no heartbeat. My sweet baby was gone. I cried and I begged to know if they could take him out! I wanted them to save my son, and I got the comment from the nurse that 'you want us to cut him up and take him out of you?' I was so mad and upset and I could not undeerstand why they were treating me this way. At 645 my water broke and I told them he was coming, they told me that I was wrong and there was more time. At 7 am my son was born into the world sleeping. He was 4lbs 5oz and perfect in every way. The next day I found out what had killed my son, a complete placental abrubtion, very rare and common among crack users. I found out that the nurse assumes that I was a drug user and had ordered a drug test. She had been cruel because she mistook me being beside myself with grief for being high on drugs. I was treated differently because of assumptions and it might has cost my son his life. In the hours I had to wait to get basic care my son silently bled to death inside me. I had felt him move until 4 am. We had a funeral for my son and he was buried in the plot that was meant for me in the future. It was a beautiful spring day on May 25th when we commited my baby to the earth and gave him back to God. Nine years later I still feel the pain of the accusations and the indifference of the hospital and its staff. The one thing that gives me confort is that the hospital changed its rules the next year to keep more babies from dying while the moms waited in the er. Sadly when the funeral home came to pick up Patricks little body they were out of caskets for babies, the week my son died 8 other babies died in that hospital!!! If anything my baby gave the hospital the hindsight to change a policy that killed so many children, I believe my son gave his life so other babies could live. i am sorry this is so long, I think I will give my other stories their own posts so their stories, like them can be special.
Now that I have collected myself somewhat I feel like I can go on with the next story. I met Marc in early 2006 and I fell in love. I had thought my baby days were over with my first set of twins in 2002. In July we got the suprise we were pregnant, he had been told he could not have kids so this was a total shock. Being new in our relationship we talked about what was to be done. We decided to move in together. Since I had had frats before we got an early ultrasound to determine if there was more than one. At 7wks they found twins. I was excited and happy and starting to build up all the things for the new arrivals. By the time I was 20 weeks I had the basic gear, and was waiting on the genders for clothes. When we found out it was a boy and a girl his family was so excited, we told them on Christmas day. Soon after Christmas my cervix began to thin and there was funneling. When it measured less than 2cm I was admitted for hospital bedrest. Jan 30 I was released to go home on bedrest and the next few days with my kids were great. I was getting ready to be 31 weeks. On the morning of Feb 1, 2007 the babies were very active and lively. I didn't think that later that day that I would hear those words no mother wants to hear. By the early afternoon I realized that one of the babies was not moving like he should so I called my dr and was told to come to l and d right away due to my history, and the high risk pregnancy. I arrived at the hospital and they hooked me up to the monitors and found nothing. I was reassured that they were just small and the ultrasound would ease my mind. When the ultrasound was done I noticed that there was no movement. Marcus had np heartbeat, but Amelia had a very low rate. Sadly within a couple of minutes I watched her slip away as well. I couldn't believe that this had happened again. I knew that there was no way I could have lost both my babies, but I never woke up from my nightmare. Marcus was born first weighing 3lbs and a minute later Amelia came at 2lbs9oz. They were born on Feb 5, the worst birthday ever. They determined the cod as a double abruption. They were perfect and they should have done a c-section when they had noticed a minor partial abruption the week before. They did not have to die. On Feb 8th we buried them next to their older brother surrounded by my other children and family. I suffered from ecclampsia, and DIC. They suspected HELLP syndrome but ended up diagnosing TTP. I had a seizures, a stroke and had to be on dyalsis for 3 weeks. Because of the doctors decision not to deliver I almost lost my life as well. I had the baby items put into storage before I was released because I could not bear to look at all those things that would not be used. Afew weeks later God decided that we would be doubly blessed again. After condom failure and plan-b failure we found out in April 2007 that we were expecting yet again. At 8 weeks another head count. TWINS! Unreal right, but we were determined that this pregnancy would not fail. I put myself on bedrest at 12 weeks. I knew we would get this pregnancy and have healthy babies. We were good and we thought that Haloween would be a good time to tell the famiy so we waited and faithfully went to drs appts and I stayed on my back unless I had a drs appt. When 18 weeks came they told us another set of boy girl twins. This time we were more scared than happy and I prayed for my babies daily. When 25 weeks came around I started to have problems I went for 3 days for hospital bedrest, when they were to release me I begged to stay. They told me that there was no reaso for me to remain. Two days later I started to feel Anita less. I called the dr and went to l and d. When I arrived they found David on the ultrasound strong heartbeat. A wave of relief, but it was shortlived. Anita, they said had passed. I was heartbroken but determined to help David. I had gotten the beta shot a few days before so that helped to ease my mind. I had been in the l and d for less than an hour when contractions were coming on strong. They wanted to stop the labor but it didnt work. My water broke and David's cord was prolapsed and on the outside first. Things happened fast. The next thing I knew there was a nurse holding my baby in while I was rushed into surgury. I knew they were doing everything they could do to save my son. I woke up a few hours later and I was told my son was alive, but just barely. I was told he wouldnt make it and I should say goodbye. I watched my tiny son for the next few days. 24 became 48 and I thought we were going to be ok. On the second morning I was told he had sepsis and was not responded to the anti-biotics. The next few hours we prayed and tried to figure out what to do. Finally we decided to give him back to god. We wanted him to know the feel of a human touch without tubes or being hooked up to machines. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, and some days I wonder if I did the right thing. David was 1lb13 oz and Anita was 1lb11oz. They were born Oct 9 2007 and David passed on the evening of Oct 11. I was 26 weeks pregnant. They are buried with their other brothers and sister, we had the funeral on October 12, 2007 it was a beautiful fall day and I was asked why I kept doing this to myself. I don't know. The story has a happy ending though. In 2008 we were cleared to try again. In July we concieved twins yet again. We discovered it was boys and my dr took a proactive approach. Hospital bedrest from 24 weeks till delivery. Steroid shots at 24 and 28 weeks. We had twice weekly nsts and weekly ultrasounds and I was closely monitored for signs of abruptions. The moment the contractions started the boys were delivered to make sure there was no chance of another abruption. Thanks to the hospital staff we made it to 32 weeks and now have 3 month old boys. I guess if some one asked me now why I did this I would have to say that my children taught the hospital and its staff many lessons and that there is no such thing as a routine pregnancy. They called me murphy and I was the case that all students had to study cause I was the "worst case senerio". My losses caused changes in the l and d and antipartum units. My babies may have died but I'd like to think many more live due to their sacrifices. Plus I know they are waiting for me to be with them someday.
Hi just want to get this outso it probably wont make sence and Ill need to clean up later. I went to my first scheduled appointment as the rest had been sickies and for fluids. I was Dx with hyperemesis the first of May but it was present almost immediately after IUI. My Hcg levels were not dobling in time but were going up, no where even remotely close to twins though. They even dipped for a bit but the Dr said it was because they took the level to soon. When I went to the OB he did a quick dating us that I almost didnt have done as I knew when I got preggers. He said here is baby A heartbeating and here is baby B's. So they thought that was the reason I was so sick. Made sense. Baby A was attached to my wall and baby B's cord went thru. Baby B ws always just laying there on us the tech would push hrd and he would move but I really thought that was not right. Baby A would move but I convinced my self that was normal. I remember all my other kids about dancing the macarana and I just knew something was up. I had a PICC line placed and was just getting a way to deal with this when I went to my appointment. Normal chit chat going on and then he tried to listen to the heartbeats. Nada so went to the other room and Dr did a us he said he does see a heartbeat at first then said it was the placenta check Baby A and was in low 100's sent me to the hospital for exhaustive us. Seriously that is torture. Baby A was around 110 when she first looked at him, then she did all did Baby B's measurements. Baby B had been gone for a week or so and there was no heartbeat at all. She turned back to baby A and the heartrate was 80's and the alarm was going off on the machine she got up and turned the sound off and the doctor (radiologist) came in. SHe rescanned my tummy and the baby moved a bit but then just gentle floated to the bottom and the heartrate was gone. The tech was great and I actually feel bad for her she has her own kids and she says that this was her biggest fear. This is where the sucky part lies I have to wait 5 days to have a DnC, so I have 5 days to feel like crap, realized that I am done having kids and worry about everything. Figure out what I did wrong adwhat is not right in the world cause you know I can control al that I appreciate this site I learned alot. Thank you!
(this is copied and pasted from my initial post entitled 'my story' that i started before i saw this sticky.) hi all, i just felt the need to come to this forum and read some stories over the weekend and spent hours just bawling from the stories. but it was therapeutic, i guess. i've been a member since the day i found out i was having twins, back in 2007. i have healthy 14 month old twin baby girls, and i know that i would not have them if it weren't for the loss of my son, elias, in 2006. i was 32 yrs old and never had any major desire to have children and was enjoying my freedom, until i began a relationship with an old friend and became pregnant unexpectedly. i had mixed feelings about the pregnancy but grew to love it and my son as the pregnancy became more real. what also became more real is that my pregnancy was not going as expected, because my son was not growing well. every sono, he fell further and further off the growth curve until he was off completely. i had an amnio and multiple tests which all came back normal. i was a medical mystery to my perinatologist in arizona. he said this was a one in a million type situation. lucky me. being a labor and delivery nurse and being able to 'read between the lines' of doctor speak, i knew that i would not be delivering my son alive. he never grew to a 'viable' weight or size, so i was never in a position where i could be sectioned and put him the nicu for a better chance. i was offered a 'termination' at 20 weeks or the option to wait it out and pray for a miracle. so i waited and prayed, but inside, i knew. my family was in denial regardless of me trying to prepare them. for 10 weeks, i was on bedrest, ate and drank as much fluids as possible, did everything i could to try to get him to grow, and went to weekly sonograms basically just to check for growth and to see if he had passed away. so at my 30 week appointment, he was still only 20 weeks size, and elias had no heartbeat. i was admitted to labor and delivery that afternoon to have my labor induced. he was born a little after 1 am, and we held him for a long time, took lots of pictures, grieved, etc. i had him cremated because i was not from arizona (was just there on a travel nursing assignment) and i didn't want him buried in arizona when i knew i'd be moving back to texas. so he was put into a dolphin baby urn and is still with me. now dolphins remind me of elias, free and playful and happy. that is what he is now. i even got a dolphin tattoo with his name and birthdate, 6/16/06 on my wrist for everyone to see and ask about. i want to share my story, but for some reason i never chose to share it here. fastforward to 2007, my ex and i were no longer together because he chose a life of drug addiction after we lost our son. i still wanted a child and chose to become a 'single mother by choice'. i did lots of research, bought some donor sperm, and started undergoing fertility treatments and artificial inseminations. i conceived on my 3rd insemination, in 10/07. at this point, i was living back in dallas tx and chose a perinatologist/mfm who i'd previously worked with and knew she was a genius! i wasn't discharge to see an ob til about 8 weeks and i was 10 wks pregnant by the time i got in for my first ob visit with her. upon hearing my story of elias, she immediately wanted to test me for mthfr. a few days later, i got the call that i was positive for both mutations of mthfr and started immediately on daily lovenox injections. she feels sure that this is why i lost elias. but if it were not for his sacrifice, i might not have my healthy girls now. i'm afraid i would have lost them too. they still developed IUGR between 30-34 weeks and i was admitted to the hospital at 34 weeks for cord bloodflow studies and daily monitoring. at 36 wks, my doctor chose to deliver me via c/s and my girls weighed 4 lb 7 oz and 4 lb 9 oz and each spent about 2 weeks in the nicu. today they are perfect. we planted a magnolia tree in our front yard as a memorial on elias' first birthday, in 6/07. every day when i see it, i smile and think of my short time with my son. i think of what i will tell my girls about their big brother in heaven. i feel like i've coped pretty well with his loss because i had pretty much accepted it before he even passed. but still it's hard sometimes. i know that a child cannot be replaced, but i like to think that his spirit lives on in my girls. and in every dolphin in the ocean. as a result of my loss, i often volunteer (and feel it an honor) to take care of patients with losses who are being induced on my labor and delivery unit. i do share my story with them and give them resources for support. i think it has made me a better nurse and person as well. and of course, i feel like i'm pretty dang special to have my twin girls. they make me happier than i've ever been. and i'm also eternally grateful to my doctor, dr. julie lo, who i feel saved my girls' lives. sorry for such a long post. i can be really longwinded... lol. i just want to be here to help any of you when you want to talk to someone, and i'm glad to have this support group and that i've finally told my story. hugs to all of you!!
Back in February we found out we were expecting and it was a surprise. We were shocked but ecstatic. 2 weeks later I started having some cramping and bleeding so the dr sent me to have an u/s. It was twins! We could not have been happier! We were due October 26, making the twins and dd 19 months apart...a little closer than we wanted but who cares. My pregnancy went well some morning sickness but not as bad as with dd. Fast forward to July and I went in for a normal u/s and the tech was doing all kinds of extra scanning on baby b so of course I figure out that something is wrong and I start crying. Dr comes in and says that baby b stopped growing and that her cord is abnormal. My dd was extremely sick and we almost lost her also. They sent me to L&D to see a high risk ob. They basically tell me that baby b (Rowan) is extremely sick but for baby a's (Willow) sake that we should continue the pregnancy and give her the best shot. I told them that I would try to give Willow her best shot but I was not gonna just wait around for Rowan to die. I met with another high risk ob and we came up with a plan, u/s twice a week and when it became absolutely necessary we would deliver. We made it from July 23 to August 10. My girls were born via cesarean August 10 and 4pm and 4:01pm. Willow weighed 2lbs 8oz 16in long and Rowan was 1lb 3oz 11in long. Both girls were intubated in the or and taken to the nicu. Overnight they were both extubated and placed on cpap and doing well! The next evening (tuesday) Rowan bled into her lungs and was in respiratory failure. They placed her on an oscillator and she was improving. Wednesday the dr came to our room and told us that Rowan was very sick and was most likely not ging to make it. We went down to the NICU and spent the rest of the evening with her. Around 8p they told us it was time to just hold her. We held her while she passed. Around 8:45pm Rowan was gone. At that time we heard commotion down the hall and of course of other baby was the cause. Willow's heart rate was dropping. Willow did eventually calm down but I believe it was because she had just lost her twin. I had my twins whole for only 2 days. They were born at 29 weeks to try and save Rowan but she was just not meant for this world. My family has named a star in Rowan's memory so now everytime I think of Rowan I can just look into the sky and now my baby is there. I am still not sure how to go on because I only have a half of a set. I love Willow with all my heart but everytime I look at her I think of Rowan and at this point it is still upsetting. I can only hope that it gets easier with time.
My husband and I had decided to have one more child. We already have three little boys ages 8, 5, and 3. After having my IUD removed two months later I was pregnant. When I went in for my first u/s the dr told me he thought that I was miscarrying because I wasn't measuring with my last menstrual period. I was only measuring 5 weeks when by my LMP I should have been 9 weeks. Well I had concieved without having a period and after looking at my previous hcg levels and when I had gotten my first positive pregnancy test he decided to have me come back in 12 days for a follow up u/s. I returned on my birthday Aug 1 with my husband to find out we were having twins. Though overwhelmed we were excited. We returned in a week to have another u/s and the Dr. didn't think there was a membrane between the twins so he sent us the next day to a maternal fetal specialist to be seen. After some perfect measurements of our little miracles they found the membrane between them which was a huge relieve. We than scheduled our 1st trimester screening for Aug 30th. On this day my mom and my youngest son went with me to my appt. The twins hearts were perfectly beating and they were moving around like crazy. We were so excited. My follow up appt was made for Oct 11th when they would be able to tell us the sexes and do the big scan where they measure and make sure everything is growing appropriately. Well I had a regular check up appt with my normal dr on Sept 8. He decided to just doppler their heartrate. Well after searching and searching he couldn't find them. At first I thought okay it is just because I have a retroverted uterus so it makes it a little harder. I was only 13 weeks along. So we went back to the u/s room and I got an overwhelming feeling that something was wrong and text my husband to please come. He began the u/s and immediately you could see no movement and no heart beats. My poor little precious babies had died. I was never so devastated in my life. Though I have a clotting disorder my other pregnancies were wonderful. He decided to do a vaginal u/s just to verify and yet it was the same. He explained to me over and over again that it was nothing I did. However it I kept thinking to myself what did I do, why are my babies dead. I had had some bleeding the prior thursday but my husband and I had been intimate and I went the dr he did an u/s and they were both fine. The bleeding stopped and I had just some brown discharge. The dr. went ahead and sent us back to the specialist since I was high risk to verify and to be induced because of my clotting disorder a d&c was not recommended so I would have to deliver my babies. After every 4 hours of medication being shoved into my cervix to dialate me and my water breaking and putting me at risk for infection they did an u/s revealing that the sac was smaller and that they would try a d&c. The dr's were all wonderful. They gave me a spinal so that they could deliver my babies so that I could see them. We also found out that they were little boys. We named them Austin James and Blake Robert. I still cry because I am not the one to be able to hold and watch my precious little boys grow. I don't know how I will ever feel emotionally and mentally better. I want to try again but am scared that I will lose that baby to. May my precious angels RIP. I love you Austin and Blake with all my heart!!! Austin James born/died 9/10/2011 Blake Robert born/died 9/10/2011
I am so sorry for the loss of your baby boys! Please listen to the doctors and trust that you did nothing wrong! It is so devastating when it happens and it makes it scary to try again, but hopefully you will feel ready to try again soon. As you said, you had three wonderful pregnancies before and have three healthy children, so try to have faith that the next time you will have another wonderful pregnancy and a healthy baby at the end! :hug:
