Poll on 2 Year olds

We are going through awful sleep situations here, which is perhaps my fault as I go to them in the night. I can't seem to let them CIO anymore. We have had ear infection after infection and now are on a low continuous dose of antibiotics. So their ears shouldn't be the problem. However now Phoebe cries (pitifully) "Mommy, mommy" if she wakes and I just can't ignore it. Tonight I let her cry for a mere 5 minutes at bed time and she threw up. And bed time is usually not a problem. It's the middle of the night wake ups.

My husband has been polling colleagues at work and reports back to me that they have mostly said if your child is 2 and you are still getting up at night you have a problem. He is a big proponent of me not going to them. I guess b/c I get a little crabby with lack of sleep.

Has anyone experienced this and just gone quickly to them in the night, settled them, left and your children eventually just slept through the night continuously? Or am I creating a worse sitatuation and I really do need to CIO?

So here is the poll, as I am curious. Please comment and tell me your experience too.

 

I probably go in once or twice a night about 50% of the time. It's usually just to cover them up and pat them on the back and they go right back to sleep. Sometimes I have to change a diaper or give them another dose of medicine if they're teething or something. I don't really consider it "not sleeping through" as I don't take them out or feed them or rock them or anything. KWIM? HTH

 

Isabel has always been an awesome sleeper and if she calls out for me on the rare occasion, I know she really needs me. She 99.9% of the time sleeps 12 hrs. straight through. She's almost 4 now, but even at 2 she was sleeping like she does now.

 

oh the irony! They both slept through without a peep last night. This is the exception not the norm though.

Melissa - perhaps I need to change my view of sleeping through! I want everynight to be like last night where I only get out of bed to go to the bathroom. sigh. Oh - and to clean up cat puke at 3:00 am. Why is it that on the nights they are quiet some other living creature in my house wakes me??!!

And Melissa in Michigan - you lucky mommmy! Can Isabel come here and sleep train?

-Dana

 

we will get the mommy about an hour after we put them down on occasion. I would go in and comfort but it would continue. So I said the heck with it. I will go in once and then she has to figure it out on her own. WE have always used CIO with our girls so I don't have a problem. They know what is expected of them. I think if it is totally interupting your sleep, than it is theirs as well. All you can do is what is right for you. For us, leaving them to work it out and get back to sleep is the only thing that saves our sanity. Hang in there!

 

I once read on TS that sleeping through the night is an important milestone...just like crawling,etc. However, its often not perceived that way. Children eventually have to learn how to put themselves back to sleep on their own.

Will it happen on their own eventually?? Anything is possible..I guess. Yet, if I'm a kid and I know that I can simply yell "mommy" and get a special night visit from mom....that's sounding pretty nice. Why would I want to give that up anytime soon??

Every child is different and you ultimately have to do what works best for you and your family. Our boys are very good sleepers. Now whether that is a product of genetics or a learned behavior...dunno?? We have done CIO since they were about 6months old. Our bedtime ritual after bath consists of a bedtime story, prayers, hugs and kisses and into bed. The door is shut until morning....and that's the expectation that they have come to know. I never go in after that except on a rare occasion when they have been very sick.

Last month, we pulled Ben's binkie. He had been using it for only bedtime and it was time to "pull the plug". He had a couple tough weeks failing asleep. He basically had to "re-learn" how to put himself to sleep. But he adjusted! Someone had posted on TS that they went to a sleep clinic. They were told that it takes approx. one week of "transition" for each year a bad sleep habit has been done. So a 2.5yr old child on the binkie will have about 2.5weeks before readjusting their sleep pattern. That's exactly what happen here. Good luck!!

 

Well, mine are a bit younger than the age range on the poll (coming up on 21 mos.) and they have been sleeping straight through the night for 12+ hours without a peep since about 4 mos. If one is crying inconsolably during the night I will go in there once just in case it's a leg caught in the bars or something like that (and occasionally it is!), but generally I only have to go in maybe once every other week or so unless they are sick. Otherwise once we shut the door we don't hear from them again until morning (except sometimes I will hear them giggling, singing, or babbling, but almost never crying).

It must be hard though since it sounds like basically they "re-learned" to expect Mommy to come in now after being sick, when of course you go in! And now they want Mommy to keep coming in, but like a PP said, if it's interrupting your sleep, then it's definitely interrupting theirs and making them crabby. Continuous sleep is very important for health and well-being, and I know sometims it hlps me to remember that. Yes, they want some Mommy comfort time now, but learning to get that long solid stretch of sleep is essential for them long-term.

I hope it gets better soon! I know on the occasion when I do have to go in, I am super-crabby due to my interrupted sleep, so I definitely feel for you!! Good luck!

 

We have had chronic sleep problems (I've just put up a very long post asking for a bit of input on this) with our girls due to ear infections. One thing I would suggest investigating is glue ear. This can make their ears ache constantly in a lying down position and they will be woken by the pain. I sympathise with your position as I am very reluctant to leave our girls to cry...at 11 months they weren't sleeping through and we did controlled crying...got another ear infection...did another lot of controlled crying...found that if we left them to cry, they would just sob for hours and finally went to an ENT who said they had the bulgiest eardrums he'd ever seen on two 14 month olds. The following week we paid for grommets (ventilation tubes) for each of them and for three months after that, they did sleep reasonably well. When the grommets fell out, the chronic ear infections returned and now we're scheduled for another set plus an adenoidectomy (our girls have chronic runny noses and the ENT said this is evidence of chronic infected adenoids - and they're right next door to the eustachian tube in the middle ear. I am hoping for great things from this latest round of surgery. Our kids are heading for 2 1/2 and do seem to wake scared of the dark etc so I'm thinking I might even set up a mattress on the floor system in our room so they can bunk down there if they wake and won't settle. Or put a mattress on their floor. I'll see how that goes because I do remember being pretty fearful sometimes at night myself as a child and felt so comforted by the fact that my parents slept with their door open and I knew I could always go and lie on their floor beside the bed.

Probably a different perspective from the other posts but you do have my empathy on the ear infection front!

Cheers

Tania.

 

Montana has moved into my bed because of waking up through the middle of the night. My neighbor said that her DD also went through similar experience and nothing helped her. She eventually grew out of it.

 

quote:
Originally posted by Debb-i:

Last month, we pulled Ben's binkie. He had been using it for only bedtime and it was time to "pull the plug". He had a couple tough weeks failing asleep. He basically had to "re-learn" how to put himself to sleep. But he adjusted! Someone had posted on TS that they went to a sleep clinic. They were told that it takes approx. one week of "transition" for each year a bad sleep habit has been done. !


That was me, we did go to the sleep clinic for our boys. We had all sorts of sleep issues related to health problems (reflux with aspiration, oral aversion which resulted in not enough oral intake and waking at night to eat because they were hungry still, poor sleep associations - bottle/paci/mommy/ect, and finally we found out they have allergies and ended up on zyrtec).

Anyways, I know how hard health issues can be as they get you into a rut with dealing with night wakings (ie. what if they are in pain, what if . .. what if . .. ). but eventually you need to bite the bullet to teach your children to learn to sleep on their own.

I recommed Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems, by Richard Ferber. It is the best book on the market and used by all Children's Sleep Clinics. It really does work. You need to get rid of your childs sleep association of you to fall back to sleep. She might throw up at first (I know this sounds awful) but the book says to clean her up, then leave. She will get the picture that working herself up to throwing up, isn't going to call of this new sleep trend and isn't going to get her what she wants - you. Otherwise, if you go in and give her lots of love, she will learn that thorwing up/crying/screaming gets her exactly what she wants! She gets plenty of mommy time during the day, and mommy and pheobe need sleep at night. A habit that is established isn't going to just go away on it's own (as much as we would like to hope it would!!). Good luck and feel free to pm me if you have any questions.

 

Thanks Ladies!!

Tania - ouch on your babes poor ears. Sounds much worse that what we are dealing with. Hope it all improves for you from here.

Amy - THANK YOU on the book recommendation. I am off to Amazon to buy it. Even though last night was another good nights sleep! Yahoooooo! But I know if Phoebe does wake up - she will want me. So I have some re-training to do. ugh. joy!

Thank you all!!!!

-Dana

 

I can't answer 100% of the time because they do wake up if they are teething & sick. For teething, I don't go in....But when they are sick (like now, urgh), it all changes.....my girls share the same room & I do worry that if one of them cries due to illness that it will wake up the other. So I take the sick child to our room & allow her to sleep in the portable PNP. When illness is over, I would have to go back & re-train my girls (not all the time) how to sleep on their own.....CIO & Ferber method have worked for me in different situations.

 

I answered 100% but I know there were a times here and there I had to go in.

However, I can't say much because now at 3 they don't sleep through the night. Usually at least one of them is waking me up because they have to pee.

 

I've not answered a lot of sleep posts, because what I do is definitely considered unorthodox. But, I thought I'd just offer another perspective.

My girls are not the greatest sleepers. By about 8 months, my DH wanted to try CIO. I reluctantly allowed him to let the CIO one weekend while I slept in the guestroom. It worked for a little while ... but then some milestone or illness or something hit, and we were back to square one. I regretted that one weekend of CIO, and couldn't do it again. It just wasn't for me or my girls.

So, when I was still getting out of my bed and walking down the hall to their nursery several times a night at 12 months, I decided that something had to change. I was so tired, and so were they! What I elected to do was moved a bed into their nursery. I placed a twin mattress between their cribs. I'm actually nearly at the same level they are, and I can just roll over and place a hand on either baby if she wakes during the night. This has made our sleeping situation infinitely better. The girls actually sleep through the night more often than not now ... and even if they do wake, I often can't remember it because I didn't actually have to get up to comfort anyone.

I know, I know ... I'm not currently sleeping at night with my DH ... but my DH and I have the strongest, most healthy relationship of any married (or unmarried!) couple I know. I think we are secure enough in our relationship, that this hasn't adversely affected us in any way. Because the girls go to sleep around 7pm, we have plenty of time in the evenings to ourselves. We are actually going to buy a king size bed soon, and then probably jsut let the the girls sleep with us.

I certainly know that this isn't for most people. But I just wanted to give a different view. My parents slept with all four of their children .. me included. In fact, even after we moved out of their bed to make room for the arrival of a younger sibling, we were still allowed to sleep on their bedroom floor. We all turned out to be completely normal, well adjusted, functioning adults. And we all learned to sleep on our own and out of their room in time ... my parents just let us choose when that would be. They never forced the issue. I never, ever had sleep issues as a result of this ... and from the time I moved to my own room until my twins were born, I always slept wonderfully and soundly.

So I figure I'll just do the same with my girls. They'll learn to not need me at night eventually. There will come a time when they'll want to be on their own. It doesn't bother me to sleep with them. I actually like it. And I'm not worried about teaching them bad habits ... because of my own experience growing up, I know they'll be fine just as my brothers and sister and I are all fine. Sure, I may have to share my bed/room with them for the next several years, but i'm definitely okay with that.

Again, my way of doing things is definitely not the norm. I don't think it's by any means better than anyone else's way ... CIO is a wonderful tool for many parents. It's just not the only way to do things.

 

quote:
Originally posted by MeldieB:
There will come a time when they'll want to be on their own. It doesn't bother me to sleep with them. I actually like it.



I agree with Melissa, though our story is a little different. 1)one our house is so tiny that there is only five steps between my bed and theirs and it's in a different room! If I ever had to "fly out of bed" and run to their sides my feet would probably only touch the ground once to change direction.
And 2)IF they are healthy, they sleep all through the night without me ever going in. If they are sick, they could each wake up as many as three times each. My DH is away at school most of the time, so if one of them wakes up twice, the second time I take them into my bed with me. I try to enjoy this time that they want me near. And I think it makes them more secure, not more dependent. They know I'm there if they want me. If DH is home, I might climb into their bed (which is a twin sized crib) though that is starting to get crowded. In their first year we were with him in his city and we all slept together in a King sized bed. Now we can't really all sleep together in the double bed we have now, but if we had a king, we'd have to take the door off our bedroom it's so small.
I remember Anne-J posting about how she got her's to sleep through the night a while back. She temporarily slept in their room and gave reassuring pats until they eventually stopped waking just knowing that Mommy was near. You could try to search for the thread, it was heartwarming.

 

I'm in your situation. Puck does not sleep through the night, except for the occasional night he throws us a bone to tease us (maybe once every couple of weeks).

It's not that I can't let a baby CIO once in a while (I did this at times with my 2 older boys), but things are different for us now that the twins are sharing a room. I'll let him cry for a short amount of time, but it usually leads to a full on screaming fit which will then wake up LuLu & the older boys too since there rooms are all pretty close.

I think letting a singleton CIO and letting a twin cry it out who might have another baby sleeping in the same room or nearby are two different issues, so your husbands work poll might not be all that helpful.

I'm going to take some time reading through these posts in hopes of some good tips, but just wanted to know you are not alone!