Potty Training--Advice please!

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by amelowe9, Dec 28, 2009.

  1. waitingpaitently20

    waitingpaitently20 Well-Known Member

    :) Thank you I actually thought about leaving this board because I was a little bothered by how people jumped down my back.I posted the site not because I agree with everything the author said 100%, but because I thought there was some good information for the OP. I don't think there are many sites out there on any topic that you are going to do research on that you are going to agree with 100% thats why you take bits and pieces of information from here and there to form your own opinion. I am also happy that you didn't start potty training yet and that you didn't take offense towards people starting early. Kind of got the vibe not sure exactly how to put it into words so this might not sound right, but like we were competing for who is doing it better by who can potty train their kids soon if that makes sense, but that wasn't what I was going for. I just was trying to tell the OP that I believe kids are able to be potty trainied earlier, because back in the day and in other countries were they cloth diaper or don't have diapers they might be pushed in the direction to potty train earlier to avoid washing diapers or getting peed on. But because of disposable diapers being convient, peoples lifestyle changes ie both parents working and the fact that disposable diapers don't give the same feeling of wetness potty training is appearing to be happing later. Once again thanks for seeing my side and others that have similar views on potty training earlier.
     
  2. waitingpaitently20

    waitingpaitently20 Well-Known Member

    I did alot of reseach on potties and the baby BJORN seems to have gotten the best reviews for boys. He will get the hang of it, but he is old enough that you should be able to explain to him to push it down. Also sitting them backwards helps for some reason it is on a different angle. I used to do that with the kids I worked with and it seem to work.
     
  3. waitingpaitently20

    waitingpaitently20 Well-Known Member

    To the OP I wanted to update you on my progress i told you that I just started with my 12 months olds and one son so far has really gotten the hang of it and went on the potty 9x today and stayed dry for most of the day. I have now noticed that he is trying to make this funny sound to communicate to me that he has to go and once he makes it I put him right on and he goes, So I think the light bulb went off. My other son is hit or miss. I think it helps to try to catch them when they first wake up.I have been waking them up before they get up and then running them to the potty cause they seem to pee the second they get up and also after feeding them and letting them sit on the pot with a sippy cup seems to get things going. My mil said that my husband never said he had to go in the beggining she just put him on every 45mins and then gradually increased the time till he could hold it longer. good luck keep us updated
     
  4. maybell

    maybell Well-Known Member

    I did read in one book that if you have them lean forwards it will help to automatically put everything at an angle to be peeing in the toilet, and not into the room! of course I've just read up on everything and haven't tried it yet. I also thought it was a neat idea that I saw here several times about sitting them on the toilet backwards.
     
  5. maybell

    maybell Well-Known Member

    I also wanted to say that most of the comments regarding how to early potty train were useful... and yet I felt like this poor thread has been really a hot topic when it really shouldn't be such a touchy one... but I guess potty training is one of those things that people judge each other by?...

    I, too, am hoping to attempt to get potty trained before 2 years old, and I really thank everyone who shared their stories of how they trained, it makes it feel like its not such a big deal (like I think its going to be!)... I also think, for myself, that I just need to remember to take a break if its not working.
     
  6. AmynTony

    AmynTony Well-Known Member

    I think part of the issue (at least for me) with the tone of the post as to early potty training and using disposable diapers was the tone that parents who wait and use disposable diapers are lazy...I'm not lazy - I have twins and work 40 hours on a swing shift per week...I waited until they were interested rather than spend what little precious time I have with them daily putting them on the potty 100 x a day and hoping it works...to me this is potty training the parent, not the child.

    also for the poster that has her little boy peeing on everything I actually trained my son to pee standing up like daddy...it worked really well and kept him from hosing down everything in sight.
     
    2 people like this.
  7. waitingpaitently20

    waitingpaitently20 Well-Known Member

    I definatley don't think it is as waste of time to try to potty train your child early. Your communicating your childs needs just like you were to do if he/she was hungry or tired and it helps save the environment. I'm having a blast and really getting to understand my kids in different ways. If you make it fun it is not a waste of time. I have a bucket of toys and books right near the potty and once they learn to stand it is actually faster to change them standing up. One trick for poopy diapers is to have them touch their toes,you use half the amount of wipe and its alot quicker.

    Aslo the other reason that I wouldn't advocate waiting until your child is older to potty train is that I have also worked with children that have gotten so used to going to the bathroom in their diaper that they had such anxiety about going to the bathroom on the toilet.I had one kid in particular whos mom was taking him to a specialist because he was holding in his urine for up to two days at a time along with bowel movements that they thought their was someting wrong with him. They were about to have to perform an invasive test and put him out luckly I convinced the mom to give me a few days and I was able to get him to go on the potty. I have had this happen in similar situations with other "typical" kids that partents have waited to start potty training. Its is not always easy and faster if you wait.

    Either way potty training can be a lot of work. Some parents have it easy and the kids potty train quick like my husband at 15 months in a few weeks or some it takes longer. I definately understand that parents that work may have it a lot harder especially if the person taking care of them during the day is not on board. Overal I think the most luck comes with consistancy and praise at least that has been in my experience.
     
  8. DATJMom

    DATJMom Well-Known Member

    Actually the OP got tons of stories for early PTing in this thread. Lots of mods gave supportive info. The "issue" was with the link.

    No one ever said its always easier and faster if you wait. For me this is the "issue". Its not that I dont think you cant PT early (by all means if you can and it works-super for you (general you that is), its that if you wait, you will have all sorts of "issues" (scare tactics). There are tons of success stories about PTing in the 2-4 forum. Does it mean that we all took the convenient way out and let our kids wear diapers much longer than they needed or is there some truth to waiting until they are bit older?
     
    3 people like this.
  9. waitingpaitently20

    waitingpaitently20 Well-Known Member

    :aggressive:

    "No one ever said its always easier and faster if you wait"

    ???



    Posted the website because I assumed that people knew when you do research you take bits of information from here and there. didn't mean that this was the bible and that you had to take the authors words verbatim. just wanted to share someone's success and view point on how they potty trained early to help the OP. If we are not supposed to share our opinions than whats the whole point of this board.
     
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  10. fuchsiagroan

    fuchsiagroan Well-Known Member

    Learning about different ways of doing things is always interesting. But people generally don't like being told that they're lazy for doing it one particular way, or having it insinuated when they're told they're taking the "convenient" way out. People often don't appreciate scare tactics of the "if you don't do it my way, you are Creating Bad Habits and/or your child will Have Issues!" variety either. (Especially when both are patently untrue: see all the success stories in 2-4 (yes, 2-4, not 6-18 mo).)

    Everyone here loves to chat and learn things and share stories. It's all about how you say it.
     
    3 people like this.
  11. waitingpaitently20

    waitingpaitently20 Well-Known Member

    sorry but I am a blunt kind of person and I am the first to admit to things. I use disposable diapers because they are convient and because I am lazy, point blank. Other areas of the world where they don't have diapers kids are potty trained early through a method similar to EC and parents are in tune to their child's cues. Children have the ability to communiate long before they have the vocal muscles to do so. I took the EASY way out because it is easy and convient and I was tired in the begining. Most not all but most diapers are toxic (i use all nautural) and most cause polution (not all). If you really want to get into it unless you are totally green even using cloth requires some for of energy to clean them unless you are doing by hand in a lake and hanging them to dry so in some form most not all diapers do have a negative effect on the environment. Not to mention and i am guilty of it letting your child sit in urine and poop is disgusting and in other areas of the world they are appaled by this. I totally believe that most children early on are able to be potty trained but due to our live styles most people not all choose diapers because they are convient and work with their situation ie work, single mom or plain just don't have the time. I didn't potty train from the beinging because I was too tired didn't have an environment that would have been on board with potty training a new born and didn't have the time. I took the convient way. what's not convient about diapers. It doesn't make me a bad mom because I was lazy and used diapers from the begining it is not about who does it better because totally believe my children were capable of it. I'm sorry I don't see any other positives about using diapers other than that it is plain convient. and it makes me laugh that people think that it is the parent being trained seeing as I have worked with kids that have no verbal ability to say that they have to go to the bathroom. It is all about finding away to communicate with them. The tone that I got was that it is easier to wait until the child shows an interest, some you could wait until you are blue in the face and will never show an interest. potty training can be challenging at any age and I applaud the OP for attempting this early.
     
  12. rrodman

    rrodman Well-Known Member

    I guess I just didn't read her posts as judgmental. I think it's interesting to read a different POV because all the information we get these days is that it's a waste of time to PT early. I obviously didn't PT early, but I don't take offense at anything she said. I think people are reading judgment where there is none. I mean, she was basically told to go away out of this thread because people didn't want to talk about her theories. I find them informative. I do work full-time and don't really have the ability to implement them, so I think I'm going with the wait until later approach. But I also have heard lots of stories from the trenches that support some of what she is saying - kids getting anxiety about going potty. I just don't get the smack down in this thread.
     
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  13. DATJMom

    DATJMom Well-Known Member

    I dont think there is any smackdown going on in here. I think there is a debate going on. I find lots of info interesting and I have no problem reading anyone's POV and I am not offended by what she has posted. I just disagree with the delivery and some of its content. :pardon:
     
  14. waitingpaitently20

    waitingpaitently20 Well-Known Member

    what's scary about real life stories and I thinking teaching your child to go to the bathroom in their pants is a bad habbit that I am guilty of and I want to break it. If it wasn't a bad habbit I would be going in my pants now. Not all children will have issues, but many will have issues and find it scary to tranistion to a toilet as I have experienced first hand myself with other children many of times. Yeah there are success stories for children 2-4 on this board as I said you CAN POTTY TRAIN AT ANY AGE most children (some have too severe of a disability or bodies are incapable) , but seeing as 85% of the world potty trains before 18months I think they have more success statistically.
     
  15. fuchsiagroan

    fuchsiagroan Well-Known Member

    Maybe the following doesn't sound judgmental?

    It's ok to call the rest of us lazy as long as you're calling yourself lazy? Is "lazy" somehow not pejorative here?

    Again, as long as you say "I'm doing it too" it's ok to call what the rest of us are doing disgusting and appalling?

    Translation: "You're doing it all wrong."


    Trust me, I actually find EC kind of interesting. It's not the content, it's the insults.
     
    4 people like this.
  16. Utopia122

    Utopia122 Well-Known Member

    I just wanted to add one more thing :D

    I also wanted to say that I am not against early PT'g, I did say, however, that it was a good thing we all have different parenting techniques that work for us (including those who have PT'd early). This discussion has obviously peaked the interest of people who may want to try it..great thing..but it hasn't convinced everyone, me included. If that makes me rude or inconsiderate because I feel that way, then so be it. However, I will repeat in a different way what I said earlier, not everyone who has chosen to PT late has done so because diapers are convenient or because we don't have the time or because we don't have a suitable environment and I don't like being lumped together with parents who have chosen to PT late because of these very reasons, which I feel is what has been done here several times. I think parenting is all about experimentation...finding what works for you. I really don't care if 85% of the world has PT'd their kids early, I chose not to do that and it worked for me..I'm a go against the grain kind of girl anyway, so it fits. But I am not going to force my opinions on anyone, I just simply choose not to agree and go on..but that's just me.
     
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  17. waitingpaitently20

    waitingpaitently20 Well-Known Member

    ???? makes no sense don't get it anyways good luck to everyone potty training and to the OP YOU CAN DO IT!!!!! adios!

    Thanks you to the ladies that supported me and for the personal messages for encouragment to stick up in what I beleive in!
     
  18. AmynTony

    AmynTony Well-Known Member

    I posted before you did about waiting till 3 -I don't think I deserve the fighting

    here's why...I'll fully elaborate on WHY I waited until my children were nearly 3 to potty train...

    I had potties for them (3 to be exact and a potty ring for the toilet) when they were 16 mos or so old...I sat them on the potty at bath time, introduced it with clothes on, and the very first time my 18 month old daughter peed on the potty she got so scared she refused to do it again until she was nearly 2.5...my son kept standing up off the potty and pissing all over my living room and even crapped on the floor once or twice because as it was coming out of his body he didn't know what to do and freaked...so rather than cause psychological harm over eliminating waste, I waited until they were psychologically and physically ready to use the toilet...and I stand by my stance that while you CAN potty train at a year old, it isn't necessarily easier.

    And for the 2 posters that gave her points for fighting me...more power to ya! I don't generally get passionate over something as inane as potty training but I'm NOT going to be called lazy (even though you think its ok because you call yourself lazy too) because I diapered my children past a year old. And that is what has me more pissed off than anything...
     
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  19. My first day on this website and I am amazed at all the people mad at this one particular person. I am a writer for a parent's magazine. I cannot mention which one or I could get in trouble at work. I just found out about this website through someone that emailed me and it sparked my interest because I myself have twin girls that are 17 months old. I am working on an article discussing all the support there is for parents in this day in age on the internet. I was going to list this website as a resource for parents struggling with twins as they are so common these days; however, I am really bothered that so many people would gang up on one person. I did not find anything she said or her tone offensive at all. I think in joining a support board for parenting help you need to be open to criticism. Both my twins were potty trained by a year and I thought I could offer some help. The moderators on this website are a little rude in my opinion. Hmmm it’s a good thing I came across this particular topic before listed it as a resource for parents. I think everyone needs to agree to disagree. I too wish there was more support in the States for potty training earlier. I cannot believe how many children in my local multiples club are in diapers at three years old.

    Joan
     
  20. jjzollman

    jjzollman Well-Known Member

    Sounds a bit judgmental to me! :rolleyes: My oldest DS didn't PT til he was 3.5. Add me to the list of the lazy parents, I guess. I consider myself a pretty darn good mommy.

    And, for the record, this site has been a true sanity-saver for myself and MANY, MANY twin moms. I can't imagine how truly frustarated and stressed I would have been the past 2 years without having TS around to check-in with. It is one of the most supportive sites I've ever been a part of. It does have some "debates" at times - but hey, I think everyone having differing opinions is what makes conversations interesting.
     
    4 people like this.
  21. fuchsiagroan

    fuchsiagroan Well-Known Member

    Joan, you sound quite a lot like waitingpatiently. That's just the kind of offhand judgmental comment she was making.

    I think everyone here is cool with agreeing to disagree. There's a difference between "I disagree with you," and "I disagree with you, you idiot." We're all here to support each other, not slam each other or look down on each other.
     
    4 people like this.
  22. Her Royal Jennyness

    Her Royal Jennyness Well-Known Member

    Joan, I'm sorry that out of the thousands and thousands... and thousands... of supportive threads that have been a part of Twinstuff for over a decade that you happened to stumble across this one particular thread and feel that waitingpatiently was treated so unfairly. I also find it unfortunate that you were going to recommend us in your unnamed parenting magazine until this one particular thread out of all the other current threads on this site turned you off. But, as they say, c'est la vie. I agree with you however that when you join a support board that you should be open to criticism, however that goes both ways. We don't all have to agree but it is nice if we can respectfully disagree. Insulting the people you're trying to help just seems really trollish to be honest. (A little constructive criticism there. 'You catch more flies with honey' and all that.)

    Oh well, I love Twinstuff anyway even if it does have the occasional blemish. She's still a beauty to me! :wub:
     
    6 people like this.
  23. kingeomer

    kingeomer Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Couldn't have said it better myself, Jenny :wub:
     
  24. first_second_and_last

    first_second_and_last Well-Known Member

    I bought two matching potty chairs and they were never used. They just didn't get into them. They were really cute green frogs. I thought they'd get a kick out of them. In the same line of thinking where people feel that moving right to underwear is a better choice, moving us to toilets right away worked better. DS stands to potty and faces the toilet. I got a removable cushion for DD and she used it for a bit, but prefers to sit directly on the toilet now.


    :rotflmbo: Whatever. I'm fine being "lazy" from the "US".

    If DS needs to poop and he has some potty in his bladder, his does push his penis down. That took some practice. Otherwise, peeing is done standing up.

    She's been a beauty (and a salvation) to me on more occasions that I can even begin to count.
     
  25. Kittyjo1

    Kittyjo1 New Member

    I rarely post here and I'm not looking to argue with anyone. But this is a subject I know a lot about, as well as having a psychologist friend who has just published a full report on the long-term affects of potty training too early. To imply that waiting until 3 or so may be 'damaging' is actually the opposite of the truth (which is why most pediatricians tell you to wait until your child expresses an interest which is typically much older than 18 months.) You can teach a baby to do anything, even at 6 months if you make a big enough issue out of it and repeat something over and over again. By potty training before a child expresses a wish to use the toilet you are imprinting guilt, shame and 'anal retentiveness' (which is where the term comes from) into that baby. It's not beneficial. That's not to say that some children at 18 months won't be capable of expressing the wish to be out of diapers but most children won't do it until they're older.
    When my grandmother was young all babies were potty trained by 12 months, sometimes younger. She says it was the worse thing she ever saw with children in tears and being dragged repeatedly to the potty. Back then they were also on a 4-hour feeding schedule from birth and were left to CIO in the hospital just after they were born! Just because something used to be done or is done in other countries (where it is a necessity) doesn't mean doing it now is beneficial to your children.
    If your kids ask for it and understand why it's better to use a potty at this age then good for you. If they don't then don't imply that waiting until they understand why they're doing something is potentially damaging.
     
    5 people like this.
  26. j_and_j_twins

    j_and_j_twins Well-Known Member

    yes that is what I would say
     
  27. vharrison1969

    vharrison1969 Well-Known Member

    TS is the most civil, respectful, and helpful forum I have ever read or participated in. Most message boards are filled with profanity, flame-wars, and insults. I have rarely seen discussions devolve into hurtfulness on this forum, and the moderators do step in to referee when necessary.

    I think things have gotten a little heated in this thread, but you really can't expect any differently with a subject people feel as passionately about! Go on any other parenting forum, and I pretty much guarantee things get a lot uglier than they have here.

    People come here from all walks of life, and everyone does things a little differently. Things get discussed, people hash out finer points of debate, go away mad or rethink their positions....Welcome to the Internet; this is what it's all about!! :ibiggrin:
     
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  28. rrodman

    rrodman Well-Known Member

    I was the first to say I thought this thread went too far, but I think you are overreacting in criticizing the entire site based upon one thread. The fact that we can have these discussions says a lot. I also don't believe that you are a writer. There are too many blatant grammatical errors that a writer would just never make. I think you can make your point without pretending to be something you are not.
     
    6 people like this.
  29. missmomoftwins02

    missmomoftwins02 Well-Known Member

    Well you certainly cannot judge a WHOLE WEBSITE by one thread. I have been on TS for almost 7 years and it has been one of the best, most helpful and supportive boards I have ever been on!! I am a member of other boards but don't even remember my usernames and passwords for most of them b/c I spend so much time here!!

    My twins were 4 before they were PT'd!! I tried at about 3 to start PT'ing them and they had NO interest. They fought me constantly and it was just so stressful for all of us. So I picked back up a few months later and they did fine. Grant was 5 1/2 before her was PT'd...YES...5 1/2 years old!! He was so scared to go on the toilet...not sure why...but he was! So it took ALOT of working with him over the course of 2 years to get him there, but one day he just "got it"!! :banana: I was in NO WAY lazy and using diapers/pull-ups as a CONVENIENCE!!! That is just CRAP (no pun intended ;) ). It all has to do with each kid. I believe 1000% that if they are not ready...DO NOT PT them! It will just backfire on you. But that is MY OPINION. It's not WRONG it may just be DIFFERENT than others!
     
  30. sullivanre

    sullivanre Well-Known Member

    Interesting thread. I just had to respond to the psychology piece in this post. Obviously, Freudian psychology has a huge impact on how potty training is implemented, but Freud is the same guy who thinks I want a penis, so I take a lot of his ideas with a grain of salt. If early potty training was so psychologically detrimental, wouldn't we have an entire generation of people who are now messed anal retentives and anal repulsives, since it was the norm in that era. Plus, it's entirely possible to potty train a child early without inducing guilt and shame, and I'm not so sure that guilt and shame are not important emotions that we need to develop (not necessarily around potty training). Imagine a world where people didn't have shame or guilt.

    It seems that part of what makes this topic so controversial is that it touches of a fundamental aspect of parenting styles--whether parenting is primarily parent lead or primarily child lead.

    Anyways, I know I'm a little off topic, but the Freudian aspect of this is a fascinating issue to me.
     
  31. andrew/kaitlyn/smom

    andrew/kaitlyn/smom Well-Known Member

    Can I still respond to the original poster?

    My little girls were trained at 21 months, and have been dry day and night since then. They spent a lot of time watching their older brother and sister, and they peed on the floor a lot. In my house that's okay. That's one reason why some people wait until the summer, so they can pee all over the place outside, and realize what peeing actually means. We also did a lot of "You're peeing!" whenever they went, so they could connect the words with the action. Good luck to you!

    My children have never been in tears or otherwise repressed by going to the bathroom.

    Finally, the best advice I have ever heard is that "There are a lot of mothers out there that will give you advice. Take what works for your family and leave the rest."
     
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