Potty training fail, where to go next?

A little bit of a vent here. I am getting so sick of people telling me "It will happen when they are ready." I thought they were ready! They meet all the "criteria for potty training" on those fancy parenting sites. They can dress themselves, they can hold their pee for long periods of time, hell they can understand how to count by tens and sound out some letters, but apparently they weren't "psychologically ready" enough.

We've been doing the hands off, talk about the potty, sit on it occasionally approach since they turned 2. They never had any successes on the potty and usually refused to sit on it, so we didn't push it. Recently, they started to talk more about "when I wear undies" and being a big kid, so I thought that was a sign. They picked cool undies out at the store and seemed really excited. We spent several days leading up talking about going on the potty when they wore their undies and they were gung ho. So, I read the 3-day potty training book through a few times, gathered supplies, and decided to take the plunge as soon as we used up the last diaper we had.

Day 1 wasn't too bad. Each had an accident early on, but we went and sat on the potty after and all was good. Right before naptime DS wanted to sit on the potty, but even sitting on it he still didn't go, because he was using it as a way to stall nap. I didn't know what to do because I wanted him to go but it was getting later and later, so I finally just ended it. After nap, we were playing and DD said she had to go. She went to the bathroom by herself (her request) and after a while she went. We got excited, praised her, gave her a treat. A little later, DS asked to go too. He took longer but eventually went and we did the same hooplah around him. We went to bed thinking it was a good start to the day. The next day, DD had another accident (without even telling us until it happened) and DS stayed dry all morning. Even after pumping fluids into him he held, to the point where I could tell he was uncomfortable. I finally talked him into sitting on the potty and as he sat there he could no longer hold and started to dribble. Cue freakout. I don't know if it was the lack of control because he was still trying to hold but he flipped out. Finally after talking to him and telling him to relax and let it happen he did pee and once done he was all happy and proud of himself. Later that afternoon my DH put them back in pullups bc we had a babysitter (I was at work), so the rest of the day was a waste. Day 3 rolls around. DD agreed to sit on the little potty while watching tv, sat most of the AM but didn't go. DS held AGAIN. To the point where he was grabbing himself to avoid an accident but refused to go to the potty. In the afternoon, DH got him to go to the potty twice, both successful. DD had a poop accident, again not acknowledging it till after it happened. Day 4 (yesterday): No attempts to go on the potty, one accident from DS before naptime. DH was gone, no one napped (they always nap better for him). Both out of sorts and whiny all day, not listening, holy terrors Did early bedtime bc of no nap. Got them to sit on potty before bed while watching their evening tv, still nothing. Fought fought fought sleep for bed but eventually fell asleep and had a good night's rest.

So, this AM, woke up, tantrums, crying whining right away. Demanding pull up, demanding pants. Gave in and they were happy, fun kids once again. So I don't know what to do. They obviously failed this 3 day method. They were obviously stressed and upset about the change. I even debuted a sticker chart this AM and showed them a toy to work toward. DD couldn't care less (I have not yet found one thing to motivate her) and DS just flipped out because he wanted the toy NOW. I seriously don't know where to turn, how to do this, when to try again, etc. They appeared ready until things got underway and then they seemed to regress. They are almost 3 1/2 and I want to enroll them in dance, gymnastics, etc, but I feel like they will be the only kids in diapers. I have read through story after story of people potty training their kids, and no one seems to have kids as stubborn and difficult as these two are. I seriously would rather go back to the days of nursing 2 newborns with colic and reflux than do this again. Is there a boot camp where I can send them and they come back trained?????

 

:hug: Believe me if there was PT boot camp you could send kids to, my son would be a graduate from that camp!

I would suggest taking a break from PT-ing your kids right now. Give it two weeks or so (or how long you feel) and try again. You might find the second time around goes better then the first. I had to do this with my son. We put him back in diapers for a month, gently discussed the potty and assured him that is what big kids do and he will do it soon. Then we did the 3 day training and he did much better and was trained. I do think taking the break and letting him reset, as well as me and DH, was a huge help.

 

Potty training is hard. Have you talked to them about where the pee goes? My youngest was poop trained for months before he was potty trained. Leading up to that, I would always say "poop goes in the potty" as I am changing a diaper. Do you let the boys pee intheir pull ups then? We used diapers until they were potty trained. I did not want them to think of the pull ups were the same thing as a diaper. Yes, take a break. It sounds like your kids are very verbal (unlike mine). Be vocal about your expectation. Good luck!

 

I have a 10 yr old, a 6 yr old, and twin 3.5 yr olds. Potty training has been the hardest thing about parenting so far! :hug:

Liam is 3.5 and still not potty trained. As of right now, he wears undies at home, has several accidents but it's just dribbles in his undies now, he goes and tosses the wet ones in the laundry basket, pees in the potty, and puts clean undies on all by himself now. He's consistently soaking wet every single morning. I think he's not quite physically/developmentally ready yet. Because he still pees a little bit almost all day long. He's finally holding it longer but it's been a battle. We usually use pullups when we go out. Now, very rarely, I'll let him wear undies when it's just a quick trip into town, like to pick up my kids from school or something.

I agree with backing off a bit and trying again in a few weeks to a month. I promise they won't be the only kids still in diapers, even if it feels like it. :hug: I'm still a firm believer that when the kid is ready it comes fairly easily. Some kids are just ready later than others.

 

I'd go back to diapers and try again in a month or two. We did it 3 times here before it actually stuck, and now at 4.5 DS still poops his pants all the time... It's been trying to say the least.