Screaming demands

One of my twins has taken to screaming his demands at me. It's mostly in the car when he can't get something himself. For example, he'll scream "BOOK! BOOK!" in this loud, screeching voice when he either wants a book or drops the book he was reading. When he does it, I say to him "It's not nice to yell at people. Ask nicely, please" and he always then says, "Book, please" in a nice voice. It's the same for anything he wants or drops in the car. But I can't get him to ask nicely without screaming first. I've been trying saying to him "If you yell first, Mama won't get the book. You need to ask nicely the first time when you want something." He will immediately ask for it nicely, but I really want to get him to ask without screaming first. But I'm not sure that he's making the connection since he just gets upset when I don't give whatever it is to him. Any advice? Is this just a phase and I should just keep doing what I was and telling him to ask nicely and give him the object when he does?

 

I say just keep doing what you're doing! He'll learn.

 

Repeat repeat repeat....and then repeat repeat repeat a few more times

My twins are 3.5, my twin son right now is bouncing on the couch yelling "Oh MOM!" "Oh MOM!" "OH MOM!!!!!". I'll calmly turn to him and say "Say excuse me please mommy", and he'll repeat it back to me. But every sentence right now starts with "OH MOM!"

 

Agree with repeat but you need to also state "mommy will get it when we stop". Otherwise you are going to end up in an accident trying to find one of the 10,000 things they drop.

 

I agree with everyone else, just keep reminding him to ask nicely not yell.
I do have a rule in the car though that if they drop something I will only pick it up once (and they have to wait until we are not moving-eg stopped at a light-so I can put the handbrake on). Drop it again and they have to wait until we get where we're going.

 

I tell my kids that I don't understand "whining/screaming/fits" ... Whichever it is we're dealing with. If I can't understand them, how can I help them? They need to calm down, speak nicely to me and then I'd be happy to help. And then ignore it. It usually escalates a little at first because they're not getting what they want. But when I stick to my guns and the realize I'm serious, they learn. But like PPs said, it'll take repetition. They learn though, eventually.

 

Thanks ladies!! I should invest in a tape recorder to keep repeating for me

Yes! It's the fact that every time time, he first asks by screaming. I hope this is a quick phase!!

Oh yes, I do say that to. I forgot to mention it. But its actually frustrating as the parent because he'll ask nicely and I feel like I'm not rewarding the appropriate behavior quickly enough. And for a while, he would start screaming because I wasn't getting whatever it was fast enough, but thankfully, he seems to have learned that I'll get it as soon as I can. Its just the screaming at first that it driving me crazy!!

I'm so bad at this! I'll say something along those lines about only getting it once, he ends up screaming, and I give in. I need to be better about that!

 

Yep, keep repeating yourself. They do get it eventually. To decrease verbal prompts, you could also try teaching him a hand gesture (no, not THAT gesture - ha ha) that means "ask me politely" so all you have to do is flash the gesture without eye contact to get a polite response. I tried signing "m" for manners with my first. It worked ok - not great. But somewhere along the way he learned to ask for things in a nice way