Sleep issues/tantrums/night terrors

Hi Fellow twin mommas,

I have been absent for awhile. sorry. I am back.

One of my twin daughters (will be 3 in april) is having trouble staying asleep, and throwing massive tantrums (hour plus long). At first the sleep interuptions where from what I thought was because she was sick, now I am not so sure as she is not sick anymore. I emailed the doc and he said to "drug" her just to break the habit then if it continues to go ahead and have her checked out. So last night I did that, she proceeded to throw a massive tantrum and I know that you are not supposed to give attention to it, but I knew she was tired and so I sat in the room with her going back and forth with letting her kick and scream in a safe place to holding her tightly and on my skin (reverting to baby tactics). I also was in our bedroom and only had a little light on (this usually works to calm her down to get her to relax and pull her out, but has not been working). She finally fell asleep with lots of fight and then woke up an hour and a half later- but this time she was kicking and screaming then stopped and her eyes were closed. It startled me because I know you are not supposed to wake them when they are in that state- but was not sure what to do.

My main concern is that she is getting emotionally scared. I can have patience to deal with it, but last night pushed my limits and I couldn't deal with it anymore. I had to leave the room and my husband took over (forced)... I feel like I am going crazy and not sure how to handle this or make it better. I am also trying to limit what they watch on TV as I have also read that sometimes things they see can trigger this sort of behavior.. who the F knows.?

So What do you do in this situation? it is making me crazy because I want to help her but can't seem to and I don't want to give in to the perils of TV either and i just feel losted as a road map and things to try. I just know what we have done has not helped.

Thanks for listening and suggestions.

 

Sounds a lot like my son. I don't have much advice, but I can commiserate! He's been this way on and off from baby up. I don't know what it is other than his personality. And he's just a very sensitive sleeper - I think he has trouble adjusting between the sleep cycles when he's overtired. And getting into phases like these are the worst because it keeps the viscious over-tired cycle going and going. I can say there was a big difference from age 2 to 3 and an even bigger difference from 3 to (now almost) 4. He's outgrown it a little, but still can fall into a trap when he gets into a period of being overtired. And even though your dr suggesting to "drug her" to break the habit sounds awful, I can see where he's coming from. Because my son can form a habit in one or two nights that will go on for months if I can't break it. And breaking it is nearly impossible without doing a lot of tough love. I think I've also just learned from his cues and figured out how to deal with his different scenarios.

In order to break the cycle I've had to just be tough, and accept that a few bad nights of no sleep for me was worth the constant night wakings night after night after night. So if he was having a crabby tantrum (awake and not a night terror), where he was being demanding and wanted something irrational I'd ignore him and let him have his tantrum (alone) in his room for as long as it took to calm down. When he was done (and at times it would be over an hour) i'd go back and tuck him in. Staying with him, bringing him in my bed, trying to sleep with him, all just delayed things and made it even harder to break. That just created a new habit.

If he was screaming and crying, but clearly still asleep (night terror-like), I'd just sit with him and wait it out. I learned the more I tried to hold him, ask him questions and talk to him, the worse it made it. I also think when he does this, it's usually because he has to go to the bathroom really bad, but is too stubborn to wake up and go. Sometimes I could clearly see he has to go and if I could just get him to go it would help. I've had to force him and hold him down, but it's near impossible to get him to actually pee like this because he fights me so bad. So I've learned over time to just let him be. And usually when he's done screaming, he'll wake out of it and talk to me like his normal self again and doesn't appear to remember the terror. Then in about 10 minutes he'll come get me and tell me he has to go potty. I've never seen one of his true night terrors last longer than 10-20 minutes though. I don't know how I'd handle it if it went on much longer than that.

I have no idea why he is like this, but it has been so hard. I've just had to accept he's very sensitive when it comes to sleep. So if he gets off schedule, doesn't get enough sleep, eats too much sugar, or doesn't go potty before bed, I anticipate we're going to have problems. But luckily, I do see a lot of improvement so there's at least a light at the end of the tunnel as they get older.

 

I just re-read your post and the waking up kicking and screaming, but still sleeping is still a problem sometimes. I can't stand when I hear him crying and I go in there to see him kicking around under his blanket, eyes not even open yet. I just know it's a bad sign. As soon as he opens his eyes and wakes a little more a big tantrum will ensue. At this point we've gone through it enough where I'll run down the usual list, if he has to go potty etc. And he'll be all grumpy and say no, and then when I try to leave he'll start screaming his head off. Then I try to sit with him and it's more kicking and screaming. I've come to the point where I'm just fed up with it and I'll threaten to leave, and once I start he'll kind of snap out of it and give in - let me tuck him back in and then he'll be ok. but it took a lot of tough love at first, for him to see I was serious for him to get to this point. And the part about her waking after an hour and a half to do this, makes it sound like it would have been around the time she'd be switching into another sleep phase. I don't know why some kids really struggle with this, and most others don't! Hopefully it is just because your daughter was sick and got off track, and once she catches up on her sleep things will go back to normal. Definitely put her to bed early for the next few nights.

A couple things my doctor mentioned with the sleep cycle issues, was to try melatonin (over the counter), or if they are waking around the same time (like you know she'll wake an hour and a half after she goes to bed) to try to wake her first. I was never brave enough to try that though, I know waking my son an any time is never a good idea!

 

Thanks Denise, I don't feel so alone. I just hate seeing her go through it. I think part of it for me is that I remember throwing tantrums like that when I was a kid (older than her- 5, 6 yrs old?- ya- Im screwed) and so I feel her pain on the other side and to see her go through that hurts me so much. I have tried the earlier bed thing (blew up in my face last night). I will stick with that though as I really think she is overtired. You are right- I don't want to create a new bad habit- which is why I didn't give in to letting her watch a program before bed, which I usually let them do... and didn't crawl into her bed with her (that and then they both want me to sleep in their beds and hate when I put their beds together).

 

We had the same issue... And realized it was the benadryl... You said the dr said "drug" her... Anytime my twins get benadryl they wake up with night terror like behavior !!!!!

 

My DS has night terrors and the only thing that worked for me is to quickly pick him up and hold and rock and Shhhs. It takes about 10 minutes to calm down and another 5 to fall back asleep.
Absolutely feel bad about this but my DH had that as a child so it looks like it is inheritance.

 

This is how we treated jessy. She had night terrors for years. She has finally out grown them but still sleep walks and talks but so do I. It's no longer practice not to wake the sleep walker. If they aren't headed back to bed (if you cant redirect them there) its best to wake them before they injure themselves preferably with a loud noise or alarm I wake up with bruises I can't explain all the time. Our house is alarmed so if I open a door I'll set it off and it will wake me and every one even the dead

 

Oh Crap! She woke up again last night about same time as the last night terror. I am going to try to wake her up before that time tonight and see if that avoids the deal. Ugh....Merry-go-round beds is no fun. (couch, their room, my room, their room, couch)

 

That's what Our dr said to do .... About 20 min before wake them up for 5 min it will break the cycle we did that with my son it worked

 

I woke her up the last two nights and fingers crossed it continues to work! Sleep feels so good in long periods in your own bed.