so what is the right answer to the question???

when you're having a bad day pregnancy wise and really feel cruddy how do you respond to people asking you, "how are you?"

I hate this question! and I never seem to have the right answer. if I say "I'm fine" I feel like I'm lying because I am! I'm not really fine, unless they take it the sence that I'm fine because I'm not dead, I only wish I was. but if I'm honest, and say I feel like crap then they act like they didn't really want to know. so then I just think, well if you didn't want to know then why did you ask??!!
then sometimes I say, "do you really want to know?" then they know it's not good, but they usually don't really want to know, so they laugh it off, and pretend the whole thing never happened.

so am I supposed to answer to make them comfortable, or am I supposed to be honest? really why do ppl ask if they don't really care? I guess they're just trying to be nice and not ignore you when they see you, but that could easily be accomplished with a simple hello. and then I'm not left trying to figure out what they want me to say KWIM?

anyway just had to vent cuz there are some people stopping by tomorrow, and I KNOW they're gonna ask, and I'd like to be prepared with the right answer. and evenings are the worst. I'm so tired, and uncomfortable, and have so much back pain that I'm just hatein' life by then. and they're gonna ask how I am!

so what's the right answer? I'd love to know hehe

on the up side I'm almost 30 weeks, and surely this won't last forever!
thanks
Michelle

 

when you're having a bad day pregnancy wise and really feel cruddy how do you respond to people asking you, "how are you?"

I hate this question! and I never seem to have the right answer. if I say "I'm fine" I feel like I'm lying because I am! I'm not really fine, unless they take it the sence that I'm fine because I'm not dead, I only wish I was. but if I'm honest, and say I feel like crap then they act like they didn't really want to know. so then I just think, well if you didn't want to know then why did you ask??!!
then sometimes I say, "do you really want to know?" then they know it's not good, but they usually don't really want to know, so they laugh it off, and pretend the whole thing never happened.

so am I supposed to answer to make them comfortable, or am I supposed to be honest? really why do ppl ask if they don't really care? I guess they're just trying to be nice and not ignore you when they see you, but that could easily be accomplished with a simple hello. and then I'm not left trying to figure out what they want me to say KWIM?

anyway just had to vent cuz there are some people stopping by tomorrow, and I KNOW they're gonna ask, and I'd like to be prepared with the right answer. and evenings are the worst. I'm so tired, and uncomfortable, and have so much back pain that I'm just hatein' life by then. and they're gonna ask how I am!

so what's the right answer? I'd love to know hehe

on the up side I'm almost 30 weeks, and surely this won't last forever!
thanks
Michelle

 

I've wondered that myself. I never know what to say. But if people are coming over then I would be honest with them. Even if it makes them uncomfortable it will be easier for you to ask them to leave if you start to get too uncomfortable. I've figured out that when you are pregnant it is okay to seem "rude". Because you really aren't being rude, you're telling the truth. As for when someone asks me in public I just kind of shrug and say "eh" and if they really care they probe to find out more and if they were just asking to be polite then they kind of ignore it.

 

My friends and family know I am not one to BS, so my usual response to that question is "surviving" or "getting by". Anyone can tell by my disgustingly monstrous belly that I'm not OK. So they just kinda nod their heads and say, 'sorry you're going thru this, it'll be over soon," etc.

What has been nice about being honest re. my misery is friends/family have brough me food, cooked dinners etc since they can tell I am incapable of doing it myself!

But overall it's a tough spot. You don't want to sound ungrateful for your double blessings, but you have your days where you really don't think you can last another day. I've had too many of those!

 

I'm with you. It's a sticky situation. I am unfortunately one of those people who gets to throw up the entire 9 months of pregnancy--and with twins it's twice as bad. I know people don't want to know how I really am (except for good friends..and they get the whole story...) So I feel the same way about answering, "fine" when people ask. But, that's what I usually say. If they press further, I'll say--"I have good days and bad days, but we're getting by." The good news: WE all know how you really feel, and we're right there with you!

 

I know- what it is about a pregnant belly that makes everyone ask "How are you feeling"? I'm so sick of being asked. I just say "Great!" and walk away.

 

thanks for the responses. it's nice to know I'm not alone. and I did get my new recliner today. so maybe I'll be a little less uncomfortable for the next 9 weeks or so. (aka eternity!)

if anyone comes up with a witty responce to this question let us all know!
thanks again
Michelle

 

thanks for the replies. so I guess there really is n right answer huh? oh well it is nice to know that you all know how it is!

I wish I could come up with some witty response, but haven't thought of one yet.

oh well, my new recliner came today, and it's sooo nice to be able to have a comfortable chair to

 

Well, I suppose you could always say, "I am great, now that I have my new recliner!"

 

I always just say "fine!" But if they are someone who has talked to my honey or my mother or MIL, then they probe, "But (so-and-so) said that your PUPPS was really bad" or what have you ... then you have to get into it ... hey, if people want to hear the gory details, by all means, I'll get into it. But otherwise no matter what I just say "Fine, getting tired" or something, which always gets the sympathetic nod and "I bet!!!"

 

I usually say "pregnant". Usually people get the drift and I don't have to be rude or give too much information!

 

I tell people that "I'm hanging in there." It doesn't come across as a complaint but sort of lets people know that I'm not feeling my best.

 

I just try to say 'hangin' in there' and then I proceed to tell the one lady who works for me with the BIGGEST mouth in the world the entire story. She'll tell people how I really am and it takes me out of the equation. On a funny note - I think you should buy one of those t-shirts that tells them exactly how you're doing without them even having to ask. Get a whole set, one that says "I am doing GREAT!" Maybe one that says something like "Don't even ask how I am - if you can't tell just by looking at me, that's your problem". Then maybe one that says "Today's not so bad" and possibly one that says "How would YOU feel if you were this gigantic?" Sorry - if we lose our sense of humour, we become helpless!

Congrats on 30 weeks!

 

I felt kind of snappish near the end. When people asked me "How are you feeling?" I'd say "Well I'm xxx weeks pregnant with twins, how do you think I feel?" That usually got the point across without be too terribly rude.

 

I usually tell people that "I'm fine, just suffering from all the normal pregnancy pains X 2". I figure this lets them know that I'm in good spirits but that I'm in pain. Which for me is the truth.

 

I am usually pretty honest and get asked about 10 times a day. Typically, I say "I have good days and bad days" or "every day is different" because it's the truth. Most of them are surprised that I don't feel great, but hey, they asked, right?

 

I'm a fan of the "hangin' in there" response mentioned above. Anyone can see you're not as "fine" as you were months, weeks or even days ago. I think most acquaintances ask because they're concerned about your well-being, but not prepared to offer solutions or jump in if you really did have a problem. Unfortunately, I've noticed as the weeks go by, I am becoming a minor spectacle wherever I go. Maybe all this is a good argument for bedrest???