Spanking

I am a spanker. It doesn't hurt my kids, but does get their attention! Think about it, my kids are in diapers and have clothes on, do you really think they feel any pain. However, it startles them and gets their attention, more so then a timeout or anything else.
I was spanked as a kid and grounded as a teenager. I use to beg for spankings rather then groundings. I don't think either punishment harmed me in anyway.
As a teacher I guarantee you I can pick out which kids are spanked and which aren't at home. Sometimes just the mere threat of it is all that is needed, but it does go a long way. I truly believe that kids nowadays get away with a whole lot more then we did as children and it shows in their behavior. Think about trips to the grocery stores, post office, walmart, etc...how many times have you seen a child pitching a holy fit? I bet more often then you realize.
As children most of our parents used spankings and they worked. I don't fear my parents because of it. I also don't go around hitting people for the **** of it either. I do know what is acceptable behavior in public and my parents were never afraid to take us out.
My children get compliments whenever we go out to eat. They are well behaved, children. They do get into their share of messes, but that is part of childhood.
Spanking is much different then hitting...hitting could be anywhere, the face, the hand, the butt, the arm, it could be open handed or closed fisted. Spanking is on the butt, open handed and whether you believe it or not is done with love.

 

quote:
Originally posted by Nessa's3Girls+TwinBoys:
question:
Anyone that was spanked growing up..did you go around smacking people because you were spanked?
wouldn't hitting someone get you another spanking? lol


I was spanked until the day I hit my mom back so yeah, she did show me how to use my hands to get people’s attention.

 

quote:
Do know why they didn’t want to leave? I think they are old enough to understand a loss of privileges when they get home. Would not watching their favorite evening show be effective? It would probably make your life miserable for a day or two but soon they would get the idea that it’s not worth the hassle if they have to pay the price later.


Yes, I do know. They wanted to watch a truck leave. But the truck wasn't leaving. I told them that, in a calm voice. I agreed to wait for a minute to *make sure* that the truck wasn't leaving.

We don't usually watch tv in the evenings, so that isn't a punishment that works. Plus, they're only 3. If the consequence isn't swift and immediate, they don't understand. We've tried the delayed punishment (when we get home, you will lose your stuffed dog), but they don't really get it. But despite that, we tell them in advance what we expect in terms of behaviour so that they aren't surprised when we reprimand them. Example: we're going into the store to buy only milk. We are not going to buy anything else. Then of course I have to stick to that and not pick up anything else.

So I tried all our normal punishments, I tried to wait it out, but nothing worked in what was a potentially dangerous situation. Our safety was compromised by their tantrum. Popping them on the bottom worked.

 

I agree with bkimberley.

And, no, as someone who was spanked often as a child and pre-teen, I did not go around hitting or spanking people. It's as crazy as saying that those who use time out, with their kids, will have kids that go around putting people in time out and taking away their toys.

Since the law against spanking was passed in Canada (see my previous posts for am explaination), we as parents have to be very choose with the terminology we use when refering to spanking or swats. For example, when we are in public and I have to correct my child, maybe offer a threat or tell them what is waiting for them at home - I will likely use the term "discipline" or "swat" - not spanking or paddle - even though my kids will know that all those words refer to the same thing! I think that "beating" would be an inappropriate term to use in a public place - and I totally understand that it's a "cultural" term that some people have no problem using - I have Texan friends who used that quite often amongst themselves...lol!!

As someone who does spank, I don't spank for every offence, but that being said, I don't just reserve spanking for the big, life threatning things either. If my kids learn to obey in the little things, and obey my voice, big things can be avoided. That is why I spank my kids for taking my photo albums off my shelf (happens a few times a week) or for throwing a fit over something they want and can't have. My goal is to teach them that obedience is much easier and less painful! I want them to learn to obey the 1st time and to resist temptation.
I don't agree with using "flicking" the face as a form of discipline. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think punishment should be inflicted on the face. I kiss and stroke my kid's faces, and I would never want them to be afraid of that. I'm not saying that those who do that have problems with showing love, but in my heart, I think that would go against what I believe.
I have slapped hands a few times, although my dh really does not want me to...it was at time when they were sitting in their highchair throwing food around and making a mess...I did not have ready access to their behinds to stop it, so I could clean up!
Since they were infants, we used only our hand on their diapered bum's...but soon we will be graduating to a small paddle purchased through our church. Our DS is getting big and the swats are not as "effective" on his big diaper! I think that spanks should hurt a bit...I know even spankers will disagree, but that is what I believe.

When they get older, I am sure that other forms of discipline will be used, like standing in the corner, or groundings. I will continue spanking till they are about 11 years old. And as we are consistant with it, there should be a decrease in the frequency and number of offences. That should be the result of any form of effective discipline & punishment - that there is a noticable change in bahavior that can be attributed to your actions as a parent. If what you are doing is working and you can see their behavior changing, GREAT! If your kids are doing the same thing they have been doing forever, and your tactics are not working, find something that will.

Scriptual discipline has been used in both my home and in my dh's home, so that is what we will use with our Children.

 

quote:
Originally posted by Nessa's3Girls+TwinBoys:
question:

Anyone that was spanked growing up..did you go around smacking people because you were spanked?
wouldn't hitting someone get you another spanking? lol

anyone else tell their kids "I'm going to beat you!" I do that all the time, of course to me the term beating is just a replacement word for me for the word spanking..except for I'm not giving my kids a beat down. Maybe it's a southern term? maybe not? I don't beat my kids though..I just use the term.


I DO this ...I of course do not beat my kids. And it is more of a joke then anything. But you are not alone..

And yes..if I went up to an adult and hit them..I think I would get hit back. But my child isnt getting hit..they are getting a spanking. There is a difference.

Brandy

 

QUOTE::bum's...but soon we will be graduating to a small paddle purchased through our church. Our DS is getting big and the swats are not as "effective" on his big diaper! I think that spanks should hurt a bit...I know even spankers will disagree, but that is what I believe.QUOTE - (not sure how do do the quote properly)



My questions:

Does the church actually sell these paddles for the purpose of hitting/paddling ur child?

If they do which denomination of church does this??


Just interested



amanda (jorja and jessica 3)

 

I dont know her denomination...but most protesant churches do agree with spanking. I grew up Southern Baptist..and they sold paddles on thier sites. I dont know if they still do..since we havent decided to use paddles for spankings yet. I was spanked with a belt when I was growing up..and so was my husband. As of right now we have said we will only use our hands to spank with..dont know if that will change or not in the future...

Brandy

 

quote:
Originally posted by Nessa's3Girls+TwinBoys:

anyone else tell their kids "I'm going to beat you!".


No, and I would never (I hope) say that. That sounds awful to me. I hear you that it's just an expression, but not one I like.

As for if you were spanked, did you then hit? Well no, I didn't grow up to hit people, but I did hit my mother back. Like Cake, that was pretty much the end of spankings for me. I didn't get spanked much though, and I really don't see it as an effective discipline tool. Sure it gets their attention and might temporarily stop them from doing something, but is it really effective long term?

 

well I guess I should clarify that when I tell my kids I'm going to beat you it's more in a joking manner..and never results in a beating lol
I say "im going to beat you to my 12 year old and 9 year old..they know I'm kidding..they don't get spankings. My 12 year old is as tall as I am...she's too big for me lol

My boys get the most swats on the butts in this house...they're learning though! And now they are more receptive to me when they hear me ask them to do something.

I too was spanked with a belt growing up..I don't use anything but my hand on their butts or hands. I'm not sure how trusted anyone is with an object in their hands swinging it at someone. Plus I know from experience if you aren't very still when getting a spanking with a belt it might end up other places than your butt lol
I sound traumatized don't I

 

Here's my 2 cents. I spank my kids for beligerant disobediance. Time outs work most of the time. They are very sensitive and oftem even the lightest swat sends them to tears and shows enough authority to change their minds. It's the authority that is most important to convey. My girls are very well behaved kids and very loving. Hey, I turned out ok.

 

I do spank, but I do not do it until they are at least 2 years old, and stop when they are about 6. My oldest does not get spanked anymore. I believe that under the age of 2 it is just not appropriate... jmho

 

Ok, so for the "jail" solution, what if they keep going into your closet for the toy, again, and again, and again. I think that throwing your childs toy away as punishment is more hurtful than a spanking.
I think that a reason spanking is being used, is to address the situation immediately. If you take a toy away, they forget what for. If you use a time out. Again, they forget what for. Even before a timeout is over and you ask "what are you sorry for?" They will tell you, but they don't really know the extremeness of what they have done. They will know what the spanking is for, because it is an immediate consequence.

Let me just say that I DO NOT plan on spanking. However, I am not AFRAID to use it if necessary. I personally, found "psychological" punishments to do more damage to me as an adult, than "physical" punishments.

 

quote:
Originally posted by Snittens:
Like Cake, that was pretty much the end of spankings for me.


I find it interesting how I’m not the only one who turned the tables in an instant. That shows me spanking is only effective as long as you are bigger and stronger but doesn’t have the long term effect that discipline is supposed to.

I also find it interesting at how many of you have kids the same age as my twins and spank them. I can’t think of a single misbehavior that would be corrected with spanking at that age. Perhaps my 3 year old could comprehend the cause and effect but consistency and natural consequences from the beginning have worked very well for her.

 

I will again say that I am a spanker. Not the twins, but my oldest will get spanked on the bottom, for serious things. He also will get popped in the mouth for saying not nice things or talking back, and he will get his hand smacked for things like grabbing a knife off the counter (he climbs to get them).

I was spanked growing up, for pretty much everything that I did. I am not scared, or anything, as a matter of fact I get it. One time I disappeared in a clothing rack and my mom pulled down my pants and spanked me in the middle of the store, and I am sorry but I am 25 years old and I still don't walk away from her in the store. The spanking left that much of an impression.

Now I am not saying that people should just beat the mess out of their kids, but a spanking is a spanking. I am not talking about being "angry" and whacking your kids.

Maybe I feel the way I do, as a result of being spanked, but I think that I turned out to be a pretty good adult. I was also, a VERY well behaved child. I just feel like for me and my family spanking is what will work best. That is not to say that as they get older it won't change!

For now, I will spank as necessary and I am not ashamed of it at all. I feel the same as PP, it is my kids I am spanking, not yours!

that is JMHO!

 

I think the whole "if you hit your child you are teaching them to hit" is silly.
I haven't spanked my kids, beside the light hand slap to my DD for putting her fingers in the AV jacks on the tv. However, they do hit each other. They are babies, or kids, they don't even really mean to hit, they are usually trying to play when they do it.
In the home is the only place that form of discipline is being used. The cop that pulls me over doesn't give me a spanking for speeding, although he may have been spanked as a child or because he spanks his children.
I will assume my boss will never put me in the corner or on a timeout just because his parents punished him that way, either.
All of us are just trying to teach our kids consequences, and how you do that, and as long as it isn't abusive, shouldn't matter.

 

Stacy, I don’t think losing a toy that they mistreated (i.e.) causes emotional damage but if you are throwing away a toy for a child mouthing off, the punishment doesn’t fit the crime and that can be harmful.

Once we got in the grove of timeouts, there was no confusion about what they were for and how they could be avoided in the future for that particular infraction. DD1 will sometimes come up to me later in the day and again say that she’s sorry for whatever it was but at that point we’ve moved on and there are no bad feelings surrounding it.

 

I think people fail to realize that not everyones kids are they same. My kids might not respond to a timeout the same way yours does..my kids might respond to a spanking better than your kid...etc.

My two boys are almost 19 months old...I can tell you right now that these boys are wired a lot different than my girls. If I would have had my boys first I don't know if I would have had anymore kids...they are very rowdy! They climb on tables, climb on toys, bang their heads on the floor when they're pissed off, you get the idea.
They are very strong willed and a soft in your face "please don't do that" doesn't work for them..however a swat on their diaper does.

 

I am also confused to what the life long lesson is to timeouts or losing your favorite toy.
I mean, if I wreck my car, I get it fixed. I don't lose it. If I don't go to work one day, I don't spend the next day in the corner. Seriously, I am not saying other forms of punishments are wrong, I will probably use most of them. I just want explaintion into why other forms of punishments are being condemned. Also, I will never believe there is one way to discipline every child. And the effectiveness to each child will always vary.
The word never is a very heavy word and to say you will never spank or that your child will never give you a reason to spank sounds like a fantasy of how I hope my kids will be, but I doubt it.

 

quote:
Originally posted by Nessa's3Girls+TwinBoys:
I think people fail to realize that not everyones kids are they same. My kids might not respond to a timeout the same way yours does..my kids might respond to a spanking better than your kid...etc.

My two boys are almost 19 months old...I can tell you right now that these boys are wired a lot different than my girls. If I would have had my boys first I don't know if I would have had anymore kids...they are very rowdy! They climb on tables, climb on toys, bang their heads on the floor when they're pissed off, you get the idea.
They are very strong willed and a soft in your face "please don't do that" doesn't work for them..however a swat on their diaper does.


Exactly!!! Even as a teacher I don't react the same way to all of my students. Some require a more sensitive approach and others need the in your face approach. Now before anyone gets in a tissy, the child I am referring to (the in your face), was in a lower grade when I got all over him, he looked at me like he could have killed me. Fast forward to the next year and this same child was placed in my room. I was worried because I felt like he would have problems. Let me tell you that kid was so good in my room. He worked so hard to turn his behavior around because he knew I wouldn't put up with it. He invited me to his basketball games, held my hand in line (5th grader...not common) and we both cried when he moved.
My point being that different kids need different things. I am even different with my two. Drew is very determined and hard headed. Zoe is much more sensitive.

 

quote:
Originally posted by mom_stacyX2:
I think the whole "if you hit your child you are teaching them to hit" is silly.


So far two of us have admitted to taking control of our parent’s discipline by hitting them. I can’t speak for Snittens but somewhere along the line I figured out that being the hitter put you in the driver’s seat. Thankfully I took a step back from it but I can easily see how that could lead some people to a life of aggressive behavior.

quote:
The cop that pulls me over doesn't give me a spanking for speeding, although he may have been spanked as a child or because he spanks his children.


It’s illegal for him to do it but police brutality is not unheard of.

quote:
I will assume my boss will never put me in the corner or on a timeout just because his parents punished him that way, either.


No but getting your pay cut or losing your job is a natural consequence. As is people in the office not wanting to be around you because of your poor hygiene habits or not inviting you to lunch because they’ve had to pay your way before and you don’t reimburse them.

 

Again, abuse and spanking are two different things intirely. You turned the table, because you needed to. And at what age, can I ask? If my 4yr spanks me instead of me spanking him, there would definetly be a problem in control.
In police brutality usually occurs if someone is first resisting arrest. So unless, you learned to listen to authority, that may be the case, yes.
And if I mistreated my toy and it ran away (as natural consequences went) then we would have to talk. Because I took a day off of work I would not get my pay cut. And I do have a "smelly" employee, but we still hang around him.
Point is, I am no longer afraid of getting spanked. Although, I was. I understand natural consequence, but before a certain age, I don't believe much of that is retained.
And aggressive behavior isn't always physical.

 

quote:
As a teacher I guarantee you I can pick out which kids are spanked and which aren't at home. Sometimes just the mere threat of it is all that is needed, but it does go a long way. I truly believe that kids nowadays get away with a whole lot more then we did as children and it shows in their behavior. Think about trips to the grocery stores, post office, walmart, etc...how many times have you seen a child pitching a holy fit? I bet more often then you realize.


Hmmm. This comment sucked me back into this debate again. The argument above just doesn't wash. As a teacher would you have been able to pick out me as a kid that wasn't spanked? I was quiet, polite, well-behaved and never had a discipline issue in my whole school life (and beyond). My children are not spanked and they constantly make me proud in the grocery store and on outings by sitting quietly and never even asking for things that are "not on the list". If you are pro-spanking so be it, but don't present it as a SUPERIOR discipline tool--just a different one. My positive reinforcement, time outs and loss of priveleges discipline techniques work well for us and my children are living examples of that.

If you're basing your justification for spanking on the fact that it results in better behaved and more respectful children, I think you are on a very slippery slope.

 

quote:
Originally posted by mom_stacyX2:
I am also confused to what the life long lesson is to timeouts or losing your favorite toy.
I mean, if I wreck my car, I get it fixed. I don't lose it.


I think I already explained the lesson in losing an abused toy. You don’t treat something right, you may lose it forever. Timeouts are a way to remove a child from the situation where they were exhibiting poor behavior. I honestly rarely give them and I don’t think they are suitable for things such as throwing an average, age appropriate tantrum or (as has been brought up several times) reaching for the hot stove. But they are an effective consequence for a pattern of behavior where the child clearly knows they are out of line.

Yes, if you wreck your car and fix it there are no consequences. But if you lose your job because you oversleep every morning and let your insurance lapse, you will have no money to fix the car. There’s your natural consequence.

 

That is just poor work ethic, not a disciplinary problem. If you were going around messing up peoples desks, and stealing stuff off of it, then I can see the firing as a natural consequence or discipline.

 

quote:
Originally posted by mom_stacyX2:
That is just poor work ethic, not a disciplinary problem. If you were going around messing up peoples desks, and stealing stuff off of it, then I can see the firing as a natural consequence or discipline.

But how do you get good work ethics to begin with? How does spanking teach anyone to get out of bed in the morning to get to your job so you can pay your insurance premium so that if your wreck your car it can be fixed?

Spanking is usually a “because I said so†method of discipline and does not really show the big picture. By loss of privileges that are as directly related to the crime as can be, my kids are already learning that they are responsible for their actions and the reactions that come from them.

 

Question! (and I am NOT being sarcastic for once)

What do you do when you have two 15 mo olds who continue to repeat a behavior or action that you have corrected a 1000 times?

I've tried redirection, "time out", sitting them down and talking to them, taking the toy away, etc. I'm sorry but I absolutely cannot go over and 5000 times a day and correct the behavior. My son will LAUGH at me!! I feel like by telling him "no" calmly and by redirecting him, he isn't learning NOT to do it, he thinks its a game. I do not "spank" my kids, but I do swat their hands or diaper-clad bottoms on occasion. Do I enjoy it? No way. Do I want my kids to think I'm a joke in a few years? NO WAY!!

There is no way to reason with a 15 mo old. You say they can't understand why I would swat them, well then how could they understand that the behavior they are doing is wrong. I'm very torn on this issue. I am all about rewarding good behavior and limiting the spankings/swattings/whatever, I also know there are times when I must get their attention ASAP and a little swat does that here.

 

quote:
Originally posted by Cake:
quote:
Originally posted by mom_stacyX2:
That is just poor work ethic, not a disciplinary problem. If you were going around messing up peoples desks, and stealing stuff off of it, then I can see the firing as a natural consequence or discipline.

But how do you get good work ethics to begin with? How does spanking teach anyone to get out of bed in the morning to get to your job so you can pay your insurance premium so that if your wreck your car it can be fixed?

Spanking is usually a “because I said so†method of discipline and does not really show the big picture. By loss of privileges that are as directly related to the crime as can be, my kids are already learning that they are responsible for their actions and the reactions that come from them.

I don't think a 5yo. or younger has the reasoning level to "see" the whole picture no matter how you paint it. Do I wish they had 10th grade reasoning skills at 5yo, yes. There SAT's would go great. If it works that way for me then great. Again, I can barely see the whole picture sometimes.
If my 10month old is climbing on the entertainment center and I smack her bottom once. But because a candle on top of it almost fell off and hit her in the head, I don't think she will realize that. If my 4yo is doing the same thing. If and only if that candle actually fell off and hit him in the head would he learn from that mistake, me trying to reason why it was wrong will be forgotten before the next day.

 

quote:
Originally posted by mom_stacyX2:
That is just poor work ethic, not a disciplinary problem. If you were going around messing up peoples desks, and stealing stuff off of it, then I can see the firing as a natural consequence or discipline.


I don't know why but that made me laugh..I guess I'm to visual because I pictured adults running around a cubical tearing up peoples junk

 

I just want to say..if I had ever hit my mother..I would have been in the hospital or the grave. The first rule on my house HONOR your mother and Father. If one of my kids ever hit me..they will only do it once. I think its sad to say..dont spank because the kid might hit you back. Thats the silliest thing I have heard.

Spankings made me aware of a painful fact. Life is not perfect..you mess up..you get punished or you get hurt. I grew up saying YES Ma'am and NO SIR. I grew up being saying Thank you and no thank you. Spankings me KNOW I better be good away from my parents..because if they heard about something I had done or was doing..I wouldnt be able to sit down for a couple of days. LOL Yes I was scared of my mom..but in a good way. In a positive way..in a way that was first surrounded by love, respect and then knowing she is the boss. My kids will learn the same thing.

I have spanked all my kids for various offenses. Yes temper tantrums in public will get a spanking. I dont care if they are 3 and "suppose" to be throwing a temper tantrum..not on my clock they arent. The fact is I am the boss..my husband is the boss. My kids are the most important thing in my life..but they will learn how to behave and act according to my rules and the Bible.

Brandy

 

quote:
Originally posted by texastwinks:
What do you do when you have two 15 mo olds who continue to repeat a behavior or action that you have corrected a 1000 times?


15 months is just a bad age. Redirection works sometimes I guess but I found that removing the temptation or removing the child was the only way to get around it for a while. I don’t believe in saying no 1000 times so there is some kind of consequence the second time it comes out of my mouth. But really, they just aren’t capable of getting it at that age and keeping the behavior from happening in the first place is the key.

quote:
Originally posted by mom_stacyX2:
If my 10month old is climbing on the entertainment center and I smack her bottom once. But because a candle on top of it almost fell off and hit her in the head, I don't think she will realize that. If my 4yo is doing the same thing. If and only if that candle actually fell off and hit him in the head would he learn from that mistake, me trying to reason why it was wrong will be forgotten before the next day.


10 month olds climb and it’s part of the learning process. I believe a 4 year old should be over it by that age but a (lit?) candle in a room with a child that doesn’t understand the danger should be removed from the room.

I have my family room gated and baby proofed and as things are used for the wrong purpose, they get removed. We have no couch cushions right now because Ben was using them to climb into the gate around the fireplace or for reaching the buttons on the TV. Is it an inconvenience for me? Yes, but I know he’ll grow out of it and in the meantime there aren’t tempting things at his fingertips and I won’t lose the battle of the TV. Winning is very important to me so I always try to stack the odds in my favor.

 

quote:
Originally posted by a1cbrandy:
If one of my kids ever hit me..they will only do it once.


I only did it once because once was all it took to show her how ineffective spanking was.

 

My post that was being referred to:
Exactly!!! Even as a teacher I don't react the same way to all of my students. Some require a more sensitive approach and others need the in your face approach. Now before anyone gets in a tissy, the child I am referring to (the in your face), was in a lower grade when I got all over him, he looked at me like he could have killed me. Fast forward to the next year and this same child was placed in my room. I was worried because I felt like he would have problems. Let me tell you that kid was so good in my room. He worked so hard to turn his behavior around because he knew I wouldn't put up with it. He invited me to his basketball games, held my hand in line (5th grader...not common) and we both cried when he moved.
My point being that different kids need different things. I am even different with my two. Drew is very determined and hard headed. Zoe is much more sensitive.

 

quote:
Originally posted by Cake:
quote:
Originally posted by a1cbrandy:
If one of my kids ever hit me..they will only do it once.


I only did it once because once was all it took to show her how ineffective spanking was.

you mean you wanted to show her who was boss

 

IMO, the bottom line is that no one here can tell anyone else the proper way to discipline their child. This could go on forever!!! You don't know my life or my children, so you have no authority to say or judge. It is not up to you how I do it, nor do I care if you disagree with the way I do it. Your way of doing it is not superior to mine and my way is not superior to yours. We have different children. The bottom line is that the end result is loving, productive members of society who respect others.

Angela

 

quote:
Originally posted by Nessa's3Girls+TwinBoys:
you mean you wanted to show her who was boss


I suppose you could look at it that way. That was probably the day I decided to subscribe to the treat others as you want to be treated philosophy.