sudden attitude and disrespect; easily frustrated

Discussion in 'Childhood and Beyond (4+)' started by ilovemykids, Sep 22, 2014.

  1. ilovemykids

    ilovemykids Well-Known Member

    my sons are both very good boys…respectful, kind, remorseful, etc.
     
    one of them is having a really tough time lately.  he has an attitude.  he becomes disrespectful toward my DH and i.  clenches his fists when he's angry.  in fact, he will say he's frustrated and/or unhappy but it's because of ridiculous reasons.  like he doesn't get exactly what he wants when he wants it!  he's turning into a spoiled, selfish brat and it's seriously scaring us to death.
     
    i haven't heard about this in school but it's awful on the weekends.
    please help.  what is wrong with my otherwise sweetheart?! :sorry:
     
  2. ECUBitzy

    ECUBitzy Well-Known Member

    I can't see your signature and am completely failing to remember how old your boys are (my mind is getting weaker by the day), but we're having some of that right now, too. As best I can figure for us, it's the transition back into routines and structure that is bringing out some of the brattiness. Their brains are back "on" full time and they have to show so much discipline in the classroom that we're getting the worn out kids at the end of it.

    I hope it passes quickly for both of us!
     
  3. ilovemykids

    ilovemykids Well-Known Member

    boys are just five and just started kindergarten
     
  4. ECUBitzy

    ECUBitzy Well-Known Member

    Yup, and we're 4.5 just starting junior K. It's got to be a school thing. Please, I hope.
     
  5. miss_bossy18

    miss_bossy18 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Totally and completely normal! I found it helpful to remember that my kids weren't giving me a hard time, they were *having* a hard time. This helped me reframe and realize that my kids needed my help in navigating these big feelings and allowed me the opportunity to show empathy and understanding towards their experience while still holding firm limits on acceptable behavior (physical violence is not tolerated in our house although I'm willing to let them be loud in expressing their feelings).

    Also, keep in mind that the reason for what they're feeling may seem invalid or ridiculous to *you* but it's extremely real to them. How often do you just want someone to say "Wow! It sounds like you're really frustrated about that. I hear you." rather than "Well, it's silly to be so worked up about that." Validating what your child is feeling can sometimes be all that's needed to allow the storm to pass.

    And I promise you that your children are just fine. Don't worry so much about raising a good kid that you forget you already have one. ;)
     
    1 person likes this.
  6. mama_dragon

    mama_dragon Well-Known Member

    It is likely adjustment to school.  New routine, new rules, sitting still much more during the day.  My two had a rough couple weeks at home and school.  Usually kids save the behavior for home.  He really isn't being selfish or spoiled just has some stuff bottled up that is overflowing at home.  5 year olds just don't have all the tools we adults have to deal with it.  Even if he was in pre-K or daycare prior to K... K is tougher and requires more attention and sitting.  Boys just have a tough time adjusting to it sometimes.
     
    Can you have some playtime outside after school.  Walk/bike with your after you are all home.  I find even at the age of five that a lot of art things help both of mine with anger and frustration or general grumpiness.  Playdough or clay is a big one.  Drawing.  Cutting out shapes with scissors.  Or just cutting paper.  I use newspaper/magazines and let them cut/glue.  At the kitchen table so the mess is somewhat contained.  One of mine likes to take a bath or shower after getting home.  The water really seems to help calm him and wash away the day. 
     
    And make sure you see it from his perspective.  Things that seem small to adults can be a big deal for a child.  Don't put it down.  Let him vent and acknowledge his feelings.  Just like when you have a long bad day and need to vent to someone and really just want that person to say I hear you or that sucked.  Repeat back to him what he says and say I hear you or I am listening.  Don't ncessarily give advice on solving it but just show you are listening.  Its great practice for when he is a teen.  You are letting him know you will listen without judging his problems to be insignificant.   
     
  7. weegus

    weegus Well-Known Member

    I just wanted to say that my 5 year old new Kindergartener is going through the same thing.  I guess I shouldn't be surprised that my shy, sensitive twin is having the problems verses my more outgoing twin but if you would have asked me a year ago who would have the bad attitude, I would have NEVER guessed him.  My once sweet, caring, and sharing boy is picking fights with his brothers, being defiant, yelling, throwing, and hitting.  Thankfully, he only behaves this way at home and not at school.  I attribute it to the change of school.  While he may not complain or cry about school, I think he is really struggling with a new place, new routine, and new friends.  I think it is also hard for him to see his twin interact with other kids at school without him.  They are in the same class but at separate tables so not "together" as they were in preschool.  I think his acting out is a way of dealing with all that.  I have struggled with bottling my emotions then controlling them once they are out and I can SEE he is doing the same thing!  I haven't completely figured this out for myself... how am I supposed to help him?!?!
     
    It is really hard to see this and I struggle with not losing my temper with him when he does something so rotten to his brother(s).  I try to stay consistent with rules and punishment for all the kids and he is getting punished all the time.  I feel terrible about it.  I am looking for a new perspective and a new approach!
     
    So after the rambling, I cannot help you... just commiserate!
     
  8. ilovemykids

    ilovemykids Well-Known Member

    these responses make me feel much better.  although today, i got a report from the teacher that he's being 'too rough and hands-on' during recess.  ugh.
     
    he told me he only likes school a little lately, because he would rather be fishing.   :pardon: i'm like…really?!
     
    i explained that i go to work all day just like he goes to school; there are our responsibilities of the day and fishing is for the weekend.  we promised to take him this weekend if he had a good rest of the week.
     
    i hope it passes.  today he was great except for the incident at recess and when he got home he became so crazed and irate and screamed when his baby sister took his cereal box.  i really hope it passes soon.
     
  9. SC_Amy

    SC_Amy Well-Known Member

    We've been having a lot of these issues with our boys in recent months; one in particular. It's discouraging; I don't have any magic answers for you, but know you're not alone.
     
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