teaching them not to hit and be nice

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by Gimena, Dec 14, 2010.

  1. Gimena

    Gimena Well-Known Member

    I ALWAYS had problems with dd. She is a very sweet girl, but sometimes, out of nowhere, she
    can turn around and hit you, push, etc.etc... She does it mainly to smaller kids or ds of course,
    sometimes she hits us when we are holding her to change a diaper, etc.
    of course we say no hitting and give her to, but it is not helping AT ALL.
    We never hit, so is something she learned on her own... Fortunately ds is not the same
    way so I know is not us!

    When she was smaller, she was a HUGE bitter. I notice she does it out of insecurity or attention.
    I take them to a program where I leave them for a couple of hours and there are almost
    always bad reports from her and I feel so bad! I know the teachers are telling me the truth
    and try their best, but I just don't know what to do.
    I know she wants attention but is not like you can be playing with her 24-7. She does
    entratain herself and does play well with others (well mostly ds, she is more of aloner)..
    we go to many classes and have done done since they were babies, so socialization is there...
    what else can I do?????
    Meanwhhile, ds says "I'm sorry" after she hits him and we tell her to apologize!..she does
    say sorry and shows him "nice"...but then it just happens again,..and again...

  2. ckreh

    ckreh Well-Known Member

    We have this problem off and on with it usually being DS who is the offender. First, they now get time out for 2 minutes with a timer set. Second, they must tell us what they did wrong. Third, they must immediately go from the time out corner and give their sibling "love", which is a hug & kiss along with an "I'm sorry".

    It doesn't always seem to work, but they are starting to understand that it is wrong to intentionally hurt someone. Good luck; I know how frustrating it can be.
  3. tinalb

    tinalb Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I think about the only thing you can do is keep the discipline consistent & keep on top of it. Eventually she will learn, but I know it is so hard to deal with & can be so frustrating! :hug:
  4. elhardy26

    elhardy26 Well-Known Member

    my dd's hit, or push, out of frustration a lot. We are trying to push hard the "use your words concept", so instead of hitting b/c someone took your toy, you should use your words to ask for the toy back.

    I feel for them (the kids), it's hard to have another person around who is constantly pushing your buttons and in the mind of a 2 yr old, their twin is interfering with their play and freedom. That being said, they drive me crazy with their constant fighting over items or attention...

    I agree with PPs to continue with discipline and make BIG rewards out of times you see her interacting positively with DS.
  5. maryjfb

    maryjfb Member

    We have had this problem also with one of our two. What worked really well was when we gave the attention to whoever she hit and ignored her. We did it in combo with time outs, and the hitting seems to have stopped. Knock on wood.
  6. BRMommy

    BRMommy Well-Known Member

    One of my boys was the same way when he was 2. Looking back, I think I made matters worse for him by getting mad at him, punishing him, and making him feel like a bad kid. What did work was giving him the words to express himself. His biting and hitting happened when he was feeling angry, defensive, or frustrated. (It sounds like your DD is the same way.) So instead of focusing on punishing him, when he bit his brother, I would sit down with him and talk about why he did it. ("Did your brother do something to you? Did he take your toy? You got angry because you were not done playing with your truck and he tried to take it, right?) And then we would practice ways of expressing his feelings with words. ("Stop!" "That's mine!" "My turn!" etc.) It was a tedious and time-consuming process to go through these conversations every time he hurt his brother. But we continued with it because it made a big difference in his attitude and his ability to handle conflicts.

    As he got older and learned to speak better, the biting and the hitting went away. I was really worried that he would grow up to be aggressive, but he is now an incredibly gentle and patient child who has never hit or bitten his little sister.
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