This is hard

Discussion in 'The First Year' started by sscetta, Feb 11, 2012.

  1. sscetta

    sscetta Well-Known Member

    New here to FY. I just wanted to vent and say this is so hard. My boys are 3 weeks old today and I think I'm finding my way with this but it is soooo exhausting and consuming every bit of energy I can summon. I love them and wouldn't change it but just needed to vent. Hats off to all you Moms who are going through the same thing. We are strong Mommas!
    1 person likes this.
  2. Tobaira

    Tobaira Well-Known Member

    Right there with you! My girls are actually almost 8 weeks old, have only been home for 3 weeks, but just coming up on their due date. We have my in-laws helping and my husband is great as well, but I still struggle with balancing scheduling, sleep and hoping I'm doing things right!
  3. Rollergiraffe

    Rollergiraffe Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    The first year is a slog sometimes! Especially those first few weeks where you're sleep deprived and all you are ever doing is feeding, burping, diapering, swaddling, rocking, repeat. Make sure you lean on your support network as much as you can tolerate in that first while so you can get as much rest as you can manage, take it easy on yourself with getting stuff done around the house or being places, and come in here to vent away any time you need. It is tough, but :youcandoit:
  4. Nancy C

    Nancy C Well-Known Member

    Hang in there, it is incredibly exhausting. Take pictures since the first months can be a blur!!
  5. kingeomer

    kingeomer Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I think we have all been there, :hug:
    You will get through this! I can remember being so tired, so emotional and so stressed out those early weeks. I don't know how many teary phone calls I made to my mother saying, "I can't do this. I'm a terrible Mom and I don't know what to do with one, let alone two." When my parents would come over to help out, I would cry when they left. It was rough. But I did find my stride, the kids and I got into a good routine and things got better each day.
    Don't be afraid to ask others for help! It was a lifeline for me in those early days.
  6. jjzollman

    jjzollman Well-Known Member

    Yes, it is! It is exhausting and overwhelming, and sometimes downright scary! But, you can and will make it through!! :hug: Ask for help, don't be ashamed or embarrassed to ask the grandparents or friends to come over and hold some babies while you shower, sleep, read a book, watch a movie, or just go drive around. You need to be able to recharge yourself sometimes because it is even harder if you are always running on empty. I can't tell you how many times I cried during the first year - probably more than I have cried in my entire life! But here I am, 4 years later and no worse for the wear! Scan through the second year, the 2-4, and the 5-11 groups and you will see that we all make it out and continue on! There is nothing like that first year. Definitely take pics and videos, some of the memories are not as crystal clear as you would hope due to the general chaos of life. :hug:
  7. sheila185

    sheila185 Well-Known Member

    Oh I right there with you!!! My girls are almost 4 weeks and I am so so tired, exhausted, and emotional. Some days I just don't think that I can do this anymore and I actually find myself waiting to go back to work (then I think about daycare and cry becuase we will have even less money).

    I know a couple of people that have had twins and I have tried to reach out to them and all I really get is "it will get easier" and the local MOM's club is not very inviting either. Thanks for the help people... :(

    Nothing like feeling alone.
  8. cheezewhiz24

    cheezewhiz24 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Yeah, it's one of the hardest things you'll ever do. That's why you have to call in anybody you know, humble yourself and ask for help. :hug: I can honestly say the first 6 weeks were the worst for me- after that it's been easier and easier. Hang on and you really will get there.
  9. ECUBitzy

    ECUBitzy Well-Known Member

    Sheila, you're not alone! I'm sorry your MoMs group isn't very inviting, it really can be a huge support. :(

    I know it sounds like a platitude, but it really and truly does get easier. I promise.

    To the OP and everybody else, it can be incredibly hard to see that relief will come during the first months, try to hang in there. For me, a schedule really helped. Having times during the day that the girls were fed or that they napped really helped me get through the exhaustion. As much as my OCD tendencies made me want to clean my house or do laundry while my girls slept, I learned to give it up and just go to sleep myself.

    Ask for help! Ask your spouse to do very specific things to help you, call in friends and family to relieve you for an hour or so. I sometimes found myself wandering Target for an hour just to get away.

    Also, the sooner you're comfortable leaving the house with the babies, the better. We would load up for walks around the neighborhood, through the mall, etc. and it really helped me feel less isolated. There were a few times that I sat down in the middle of the food court and fed and changed two babies. :)

    You can do it! It gets easier, it gets fun, and it's very rewarding. Please come on here for any questions or support you need. Come vent away! That's what we're here for!
  10. 3BoysMama

    3BoysMama Member

    It gets easier. I kept setting milestones in my head for when folks told me it would get easier. Those first few weeks are just hard. Everything is new, there is so little sleep. You will find a routine. Ask for help. We had friends make and drop off dinners for us, and it was a life saver. Make sure you eat, and sleep when you can. Have friends come and hold babies so you can shower or do what you need to.

    Hang in there and vent away.
  11. Heathermomof5

    Heathermomof5 Well-Known Member

    Omg when my girls were newborn and my dh had to go back to work, I used to cry and think OH PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME WITH THE BABIES!!!! I would have let the mail man in to help me if I could have gotten to the door quick enough - seriously! Then one day it happened, they got to where they were a little easier and I could actually sit and eat or take a shower! Now that they are 5 I can still do those things but I have to share my food and I have company in the shower! OH! plus I have gotten use to my house not being spotless all the time so it's all good!!
    2 people like this.
  12. twinkler

    twinkler Well-Known Member

    It's such a blur now but I remember coming to TS and saying exactly the same thing. It is hard (oh so hard!), no doubt about it and I too hated how " it will get easier" and to be honest, the things that get easier is because you learn to do things you have never done before and you do it so many times, that it does become easier!

    I honestly can hardly remember the details of the first couple of months, only the pure exhaustion and the feeling of helplessness. So as PP have said, take lots of pictures!
  13. Amycplus

    Amycplus Well-Known Member

    I am right there with ya in the early weeks so wanted to share a practical thing that is helping me. My sister came from out if town last weekend and brought the slings she used with her two kids (now 3 and 6). They have changed my life!!! I have done a head to toe clothing change, visited the ladies (TMI maybe but a lifesaver for sure) and managed two babies at the Dr's by myself thanks to the sling. If I didn't have the sling, I'd be a lot less sane and way less independent. Just thought I would share in case this helps you too.
  14. babyhopes09

    babyhopes09 Well-Known Member

    Totally been there! I feel the same with the lack of support from other twin moms.. But.... Like everyone says.... It absolutely does get easier and in time you will see some semblance of "normal"... Want to add that I really believe sleep deprivation is one of the hardest things we went through.. When you do start to get some sleep again you will not believe how much more manageable it all feels! Remember... There is a reason sleep deprivation issued as a form of torture in some countries! Take heart in the fact that you are in very good company.. These forums were and still are my saving grace some days! Great big hugs.. You are doing great!
  15. MrsWright

    MrsWright Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    :grouphug: Your not have TS! I don't even have a local MoMs group so this site was my saving grace! Its hard....I would say around 5-6 months is when I realized I wasn't in that freakish rush but getting nothing done mode;) It seems far away, but what I wouldn't give to go back and relive some of those moments and slow them down a little. Take pictures, it goes soooooo fast!

  16. Alanna1

    Alanna1 Member

    We just entered the boys' second year and I'm so glad we're here. Those first few months were incredibly challenging. It can be a really thankless job taking care of newborns. Now that the boys are older, I get hugs and kisses and smiles and giggles. You'll get here too and one smile from your little ones will make all the work worth it. (((hugs))) for you.
  17. mama_dragon

    mama_dragon Well-Known Member

    The first 6 months were a complete blur. My boys were not home at 3 weeks from the NICU. It was exhausting and defeating and I survived. My husband had no time off work and we had no family nearby and friends were busy with their own families. Looking back I wish I would have asked for more help. Even a meal dropped off at the door would have been huge. I was ever so grateful to a twin mom co-worker who told me it actually doesn't get easier the challenges just change but you do eventually get more then an hour of sleep at a time. For me it was way better to hear that then to hear that "it gets easier".

    I remember when the boys were about 5 months old and we were still very sleep deprived and they were getting over a nasty cold. We were standing in line at babies r us and there was another twin mom in front of us. She was very young and had her mom in tow who was the one actually dealing with the twin infants. A pregnant lady asked if it was hard with two and the twin mom who looked very bright eyed, happy, groomed, make up on etc. went on and on about how easy it was with twins how they had been sleeping through the night since they were a month old and it was just easy as could be. I was standing there in clothes that I wore the day before, no shower, no make up, hair barely combed and I truly wanted to smack her. My husband and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes.

    It won't necessarily get easier. It will always be challenging BUT you will eventually get more sleep. And honestly that is what makes the huge difference.
  18. mamita

    mamita Well-Known Member

    Ok, I didn't finish reading all the posts, but just had to say that reading this thread brought tears to my eyes! Our boy/girl twins are going on 4 weeks and it's just so hard. Reading this and just KNOWING I'm not alone brings so much comfort. I know a lot of it is my hormones, but this really is HARD. I am so thankful to my in-laws and my parents, who have been SUCH a great support. I would lose my sanity without them. Also, very thankful for this website!! I keep telling myself this will get easier, as they grow.
  19. sscetta

    sscetta Well-Known Member

    So nice to hear such encouraging and supportive responses. Knowing that we're not alone and not the only ones that find it hard really helps. Thanks to everyone who has responded, I'm glad to talk to other moms that understand.
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