To Separate/Stay Together for Kindergarten?

Ladies,

I've been reading and want to get ahead start and know my rights in our State (Illinois). I found out that at the moment we would have to separate our twins' when they start school with pre-K and 1st-12th grade. However, we have a few years before they start school.

I can understand for those parents who have identical wanting their twins' to be in the same class room. It is because they both share the same interest, and etc. But for those parents who have girl/boy wouldn't mind having them to be separate for school so they can have their own friends and etc.

What are the pros/cons for identical twins vs. fraternal twins (girls/boys)? It is such a touchy topic, so no offense to anyone! I want to 'open my eyes' and just learn more about the school system such as lottery/favor of 1 of the other twins, and etc.

Thanks,
D, w/Rianna and Justin (22 mos)

*To know more about your twinslaw check your State -- www.twinslaw.com

 

Personally, the only advantage I see to keeping them together is for the benefit of the parent. I know many will disagree with me, but I don't see any downside to separating twins, in fact, I don't see any downside to separatng them--in terms of benefit to the children. We want them to be independent people, so why would you want to put them in the position for people to confuse them and lump them together? Especially with identicals.

Many people have older siblings, and hate that when they went through school, they were always compared to that sibling. Imagine what it would do if the comparison were with you every day in the same class at school. Mine were never together, but even I saw the dominance between my two. As recent as last summer, if you were to ask Marcus a question, he would respond with, "ask Jon, he knows". After a year in his own Kindergarten class, Marcus has gained to confidence to give his own answers, and even fight out with his brother, if Jon tries to speak for him.

 

I was just thinking about this the other day. Mine are 3, and not identical, but enough similar that some ppl have trouble telling them apart. Rachel, right now, would be incredibly insecure going into a preschool classroom without her sister. When they are in a group play setting, they typically do not play the same thing. But Rachel has some anxiety over strangers and new situations, and I can see that having her sister nearby might help her face the new situation. Considering we've moved twice in the last six months, I would want the twins to stay together for 3yo preschool this fall. However, we are thinking of waiting another year for preschool. My hope is that in another year and certainly by the time kindergarten rolls around that Rachel will be more emotionally mature to handle "the separation." I do agree with Sharon -- when asked a question, my girls give the same answer -- sometimes spontaneously simultaneously, sometimes consecutively. I'm doing everything I can to foster independent thinking.

 

I would think all twins' should go to preschool together since it is not a required academically. Isn't that the way it goes?

 

Ours have been together in preschool for 2 years. But Aaron be overly dependent on Jacob. At times, he wouldn't eat snack because he couldn't sit next to his brother. But last November Jacob broke his arm and stayed home for a few days before he got his permanent cast. During those days, Aaron truly blossomed into his own at school. Unfortunately, I had to take him kicking and screaming to school, but I'm glad that I insisted that he go without Jacob because it was the best thing in the long run.

I am now convinced I want them separated in K. But if you had asked me when they were 2 or 3, I would have been just as convinced that they should stay together. I think your twins are way too young to even consider the possibilities now. Wait until the last year before K and then make a decision.

 

I was just talking to my MIL the other day. No clue how we got to this but she was telling me about a set of twins she had in her Kindergarten class, the boy was so shy that the girl would ask for him to use the potty. My MIL got the mother to separate them the next year and they both did great.

I as asking my girls preschool to have them together next year, but i know by the time they start kindergarten i will not ask.

 

I believe we have the option here until 3rd grade, at least that is what I have been told by other twin parents who have requested their kids to be in the same class.


I personally am planning to separate my two in K (and actually am planning to do it in 4 year old pre school). I want them to develop their own personalties and not always be "the twins". I want them to have their own friends and feel like they have something to themselves, since they already share so much. I want teachers and others to think of the as individuals and not "the twins". I want them to be able to shine by themselves and not have to worry about what their sibling is doing.

 

QUOTE(sharongl @ Aug 6 2008, 05:39 AM) [snapback]916298[/snapback]
Personally, the only advantage I see to keeping them together is for the benefit of the parent. I know many will disagree with me, but I don't see any downside to separating twins, in fact, I don't see any downside to separatng them--in terms of benefit to the children. We want them to be independent people, so why would you want to put them in the position for people to confuse them and lump them together? Especially with identicals.

Many people have older siblings, and hate that when they went through school, they were always compared to that sibling. Imagine what it would do if the comparison were with you every day in the same class at school. Mine were never together, but even I saw the dominance between my two. As recent as last summer, if you were to ask Marcus a question, he would respond with, "ask Jon, he knows". After a year in his own Kindergarten class, Marcus has gained to confidence to give his own answers, and even fight out with his brother, if Jon tries to speak for him.


I agree.

My boys will begin preschool next month and will be together but I will be separating them in kindergarten. I dont know what are state laws are. I never looked into them. I was a teacher in Il for and saw a ton of twins pass through but never were they in the same class.

 

If mine had gone to pre-K, I would have wanted them together. They didn't, but they did take gymnastics and attend the library program together. I am having them separated for K. They do not look at all alike, but I don't see how they could avoid being compared in the same classroom, so I want them separated so they can each be taken on their own merits. Also, O tends to be a little dominant, and I don't want her overshadowing Lu. (On the plus side, Lu has learned to stick up for herself more than the average shy child her age because of this.) They have gotten into a really bickery phase lately, too, so I think some time apart will benefit them with that as well. I do wish we had half-day K here; with the bus ride their day is 9.5 hrs long, which seems overly long to me. It's longer than my 11th-grader's day.

 

I will definitely separate them for first grade, probably kindergarten, and maybe the second year of preschool. I just want to see how it is going. Mine are fraternal, but I guess I don't see why identical twins would be treated any differently in the decision to keep together or separate. Actually, I would think you'd want them separated even more so to develop their own identity.

My brother/sister are twins, they were separated from kindergarten on. My poor sister was always called by my name though, since she was just 2 grades below me, and some of the nuns at our Catholic elementary school were too old.

 

"Personally, the only advantage I see to keeping them together is for the benefit of the parent. I know many will disagree with me, but I don't see any downside to separating twins, in fact, I don't see any downside to separatng them--in terms of benefit to the children. "

I think that this is a totally untrue statement. Research has shown that some children actually do better in school if their twin, triplet, etc is in the classroom with them, and in turn do terrible on their own. I don't see any benefit to myself for putting my children in the same class all the benefits go to my kids. I resent that with this statement it is implied that a parent is being selfish by putting their twins in the same class. My girls have independant natures but when in a new situation they rely on each other. So b/c of my girls nature I intend to have them in the same class for pre-K and probably Kindergarten. I don't want my kids to have to adjust to being in school and being seperated all at the same time. If they do ok then I will seperate them in Kindergarten or first grade depending on how the previous year went.

 

I don't really care one way or the other right now (for daycare, I prefer them to be in the same class which was one of the reasons I switched daycares as my old one separated the boys). My only stance is that the law should stated that I, as the parent, should make the decision, not the school.

 

I have to agree with most of the pp about seperating. I really don't see any advantages for the kids to stay together. Just because they are twins doesn't mean that they should not be treated as individuals. The school our kids go to is small, so they will likely be in the same class, since there is only one class, for K. But I would prefer them to be in different classes. If we were in a larger school, I would probably request that they be seperated rather than together.

But, that is just my opinion. I know that there are those who are strongly for keeping the kids together. I personally don't understand the reasons, but every parent needs to make the choices that they feel are best for their children.

 

QUOTE(snoopytwins @ Aug 6 2008, 10:19 AM) [snapback]916597[/snapback]
I don't really care one way or the other right now (for daycare, I prefer them to be in the same class which was one of the reasons I switched daycares as my old one separated the boys). My only stance is that the law should stated that I, as the parent, should make the decision, not the school.

That why we have those 'twins law', please re-check your State whether if they are in dispute of classroom for twins'. And you may have to put up a fight (peitition) in your State if you require to have the Parents to be more control in their 'say'.

The web site is www.twinslaw.com

 

Starting school is a huge adjustment for children. I want my twins to have each other for support during this life change. They are starting 4K next month. It is a public school with just the one class. When they go to public K next year I plan to separate them. If the 4K was not available to us I would have wanted them together in K & separate after that.

 

My boys were to together for preschool and are going to be together for kindergarten. The school I choose only has 1 full day kindergarten and that is what we are going to do, so there really is no choice. However, when first grade gets here I fully intend to seperate my boys. I have a couple of different reasons for this. First and foremost, one is a little more progressed than the other and I don't want one holding the other back. Also, I feel it will be good for them to make there own friends and to be able to play and do other things with someone other than their twin. If I keep them together, they will be stuck to each other the whole time. But, that is what I feel is best for my boys. All children are different and all have individual needs. In the end you just have to weigh the pros and cons out and see what works best.

 

My girls have been together all along and will be going to second grade together. In our school system, I was asked what my preference was, and I chose to keep them together. Yes, there is a benefit to me in doing so, but I was thinking more about the benefit to my daughters. The one is indifferent and would do just fine whether her sister was in the classroom or not, but the other would not thrive in the classroom without her sister. We saw this in first grade when they were separated for math and reading classes. When asked, she would tell us that her favorite subjects in school were lunch and recess, which we thought was a little bit of a joke, until we realized that these were the times she spent with her sister, and were the times when she was most comfortable. A few weeks into the school year she was switched to the reading class that her sister was in and her interest in the class picked up as well as her participation and performance. She continued to struggle with math. It wasn't that she wasn't smart enough, she has an incredible grasp of the concepts. I had thought because she struggles that she was in the less advanced class, but it turned out that she was in the advanced class. Her struggles were very much about not being in the class with her sister. I worry that if they weren't together, this child will eventually falter. She spends too much of her time and energy worrying about where her sister is and what she's doing. I think there will come a time when being spearated will be in ther best interests, it's just not now.

On the other hand, the one that struggles, is also the one that is more socially adept. She makes friends easily, and all the other kids in the class like her. The one that is indifferent to separation, is not as well liked. The other kids find her annoying and avoid her. She tells me no one at school plays with her except for her sister. The only friend she had in first grade moved away. This also influences my choice to keep them together.

I think the issue of separation should be decided individually based on each family's needs, and no blanket law should require each set of twins/multiples to be in one predetermined situation just because they are twins/multiples.

 

QUOTE(Sullyirishtwins @ Aug 6 2008, 09:49 AM) [snapback]916651[/snapback]
That why we have those 'twins law', please re-check your State whether if they are in dispute of classroom for twins'. And you may have to put up a fight (peitition) in your State if you require to have the Parents to be more control in their 'say'.

The web site is www.twinslaw.com

Oh...I've checked and my State does not have the law so I'll have to petition for it. I've been talking with a few people about it.

 

QUOTE(snoopytwins @ Aug 6 2008, 12:30 PM) [snapback]916839[/snapback]
Oh...I've checked and my State does not have the law so I'll have to petition for it. I've been talking with a few people about it.

I'm glad you're finding it out NOW to prepare your twins' school future situation. Good luck!

D, w/Rianna and Justin

 

As I've been reading this message. I noticed that we have 2 separate groups for 'identical' are need to be kept together while the 'fraternal' group can be adapt to separate class.

I strongly think identical are so much alike in the way their thinking, personality, and etc. while 'fraternal' are just the completely the opposite and prefer to do their own things.

My twins' are girl/boy and they both have different vast personality where one is very outgoing while the other is clingly with me. So, I just think overall identical group are going to be much harder with decision based on your State law for twins/triplets for school district.

I may be wrong but if I had identical whether if they are boy/boy or girl/girl knowing they would prefer to stay together, dress alike, and etc. I would fight for petition in my State law for keeping them together but once they start to ask you they want to be in a different class room. I think I would allow them to try it out and let them be the one to tell us or you could help in making a decision together.

I can't judge for those who have been there but I am seeing a huge difference with identical/fraternal group. I would love to hear MORE from all of you to voice your opinion.

Thanks for reading in!
D, w/Rianna and Justin

 

My boys are identical and they are so so different! (so much so that I did not know they were id until last month!).

One is shy and the other is much more outgoing. I dont want them together for a lot of reasons.

I want them to be able to create friendships on their own in their own classroom. I think that is an important skill. I dont want them to have to rely on the other to make the friends.

I dont want them to compete in academics. Regardless, I am sure that happens in separate classrooms but for example, when they see their spelling test in their cubby and one got a 100% and the other got a 50%, I dont want the one who scored lower to have issues with that (Again, I know that will happen regardless, but I dont like how I vision that happening at that exact moment. I dont want the teacher to compare them on a daily basis which I know would happen.

As said by others, parents know what is best for their children. Just because I dont think it would be best to keep my boys together, others may have their own good reasons on why it would work for them.

 

We are in Illinois and Cassie and Ethan just finished kindergarten - in separate classes. There were four sets of twins between the four 1/2 day kindgarten classes and mine were the only ones separated. During the kindergarten screenings in the spring before they started I was asked if I wanted them separate or together. We chose to separate because of comparison issues that were happening in preschool. So our school district is really upfront about letting parents know they can choose.

The district where I work in Illinois is a little different. The policy is to separate unless otherwise requested by the parents, but I don't think parents are informed of this policy unless they ask. We just grouped incoming kindergarteners this week and both sets of twins were separated because there was no indications/letters requesting that they be together.

So make sure you ask what the district's policy is. If you decide to separate it won't be a big deal, but if you want them together you'll want to ask what you need to do to ensure that happens.

 

QUOTE(rubyturquoise @ Aug 6 2008, 01:22 PM) [snapback]916499[/snapback]
If mine had gone to pre-K, I would have wanted them together. They didn't, but they did take gymnastics and attend the library program together. I am having them separated for K. They do not look at all alike, but I don't see how they could avoid being compared in the same classroom, so I want them separated so they can each be taken on their own merits. Also, O tends to be a little dominant, and I don't want her overshadowing Lu. (On the plus side, Lu has learned to stick up for herself more than the average shy child her age because of this.) They have gotten into a really bickery phase lately, too, so I think some time apart will benefit them with that as well. I do wish we had half-day K here; with the bus ride their day is 9.5 hrs long, which seems overly long to me. It's longer than my 11th-grader's day.

I agree with this. I did have my girls together for pre-school and they were called the twins by other teachers and it did take the teacher a while to stop mixing up their names (mine look nothing alike). There were also other twins and even a set of triplets in their preschool (not their class) but I don't know how they were compared. I am seperating the girls for kind. because they seem to be fighting a lot lately and they could use some time apart and Kira usually lets her sister answer first too. If I ask them what they want to do it's always let Trina pick. I do know that the set of triplets in my girls preschool the mom is keeping all three together for kind. even though the one girl (two boys and a girl) wants to be in a different class than her brothers. I feel bad for the girl but I know the mom is doing it because it's easier on here and one of the boys is more dependent on the other two.

 

QUOTE(Julie L @ Aug 6 2008, 04:33 PM) [snapback]917342[/snapback]
We are in Illinois and Cassie and Ethan just finished kindergarten - in separate classes. There were four sets of twins between the four 1/2 day kindgarten classes and mine were the only ones separated. During the kindergarten screenings in the spring before they started I was asked if I wanted them separate or together. We chose to separate because of comparison issues that were happening in preschool. So our school district is really upfront about letting parents know they can choose.

The district where I work in Illinois is a little different. The policy is to separate unless otherwise requested by the parents, but I don't think parents are informed of this policy unless they ask. We just grouped incoming kindergarteners this week and both sets of twins were separated because there was no indications/letters requesting that they be together.

So make sure you ask what the district's policy is. If you decide to separate it won't be a big deal, but if you want them together you'll want to ask what you need to do to ensure that happens.

Thanks for the tip! This is really helpful for those who live in Illinois! Did they go at the same time even if it was in a different class?

D, w/Rianna and Justin

 

I disagree with the notion that ID twins think alike more than frats do. I think both are very different thinkers and their motor skills are not that similar either. My experiences have been with ID and frats at school, in separate classes (because we don't have the law here in MA-- it is stuck in the Ethics Committee <_< ) and they are all different. Looking alike does not mean that you think alike.

 

They went at the same time - both in the afternoon. am/pm in our school district is decided by where you live and we were assigned pm. The nice part was that the classes were next door to each other with a shared space in the middle. They were able to have recess together and there were some activities they did with both classes. For parties they opened all the doors and let the kids go back and forth between the classrooms.

I don't know if there is a twins law in Illinois, I just know what my experience has been. If you want to know your district policy, call up the elementary school that they will be attending and ask the principal there.

 

QUOTE(Becky02 @ Aug 6 2008, 02:38 PM) [snapback]917353[/snapback]
I agree with this. I did have my girls together for pre-school and they were called the twins by other teachers and it did take the teacher a while to stop mixing up their names (mine look nothing alike). There were also other twins and even a set of triplets in their preschool (not their class) but I don't know how they were compared. I am seperating the girls for kind. because they seem to be fighting a lot lately and they could use some time apart and Kira usually lets her sister answer first too. If I ask them what they want to do it's always let Trina pick. I do know that the set of triplets in my girls preschool the mom is keeping all three together for kind. even though the one girl (two boys and a girl) wants to be in a different class than her brothers. I feel bad for the girl but I know the mom is doing it because it's easier on here and one of the boys is more dependent on the other two.



The telling them apart is another reason I want to seperate them in 1st grade. During preschool last year the teachers never did get to where they could tell them apart. They would put poor Brendons shirt on backwards (Brendon-Backwards) or they would write a K or B on their hand. It just drove me crazy. They are a lot alike, but they are different enough to tell them apart if you make a effort to.

 

QUOTE
I strongly think identical are so much alike in the way their thinking, personality, and etc.



I have to strongly disagree with this statement. My identical girls are very different in their way of thinking and personality. Becca is very reserved around strangers, she takes her time doing things, and seems to have an analytical way of thinking. Now Lorelei is a social butterfly, barrels ahead into everything she can get her hands on, and seems to want to get Becca to do a lot of things that she doesn't want to do.

They are completely different in everything except appearance. They even have foods that one likes and the other doesn't. I don't dress my girls alike and I make sure that when talking to them and asking their opinion I ask each of them and majority of the time get two completely different answers. Now with pre K I don't really have a choice there is only one pre K class so they will have to be together no matter what but I think that is good. I don't see why I should put added stress on my girls with having to deal with the transition of going to school and being seperated. Now if they had been in day care all this time I might have a different opinion but they have never been watched by anybody but family and very close friends. So school will be a huge adjustment for them.

QUOTE
I noticed that we have 2 separate groups for 'identical' are need to be kept together while the 'fraternal' group can be adapt to separate class.


I just wanted to say that I also know a set of fraternal triplets (G/G/B) whose parents intend to at the very least keep the two girls together b/c they are very close and enjoy doing everything together.

 

QUOTE(latb611 @ Aug 6 2008, 11:55 PM) [snapback]918058[/snapback]
I have to strongly disagree with this statement. My identical girls are very different in their way of thinking and personality. Becca is very reserved around strangers, she takes her time doing things, and seems to have an analytical way of thinking. Now Lorelei is a social butterfly, barrels ahead into everything she can get her hands on, and seems to want to get Becca to do a lot of things that she doesn't want to do.

They are completely different in everything except appearance. They even have foods that one likes and the other doesn't. I don't dress my girls alike and I make sure that when talking to them and asking their opinion I ask each of them and majority of the time get two completely different answers. Now with pre K I don't really have a choice there is only one pre K class so they will have to be together no matter what but I think that is good. I don't see why I should put added stress on my girls with having to deal with the transition of going to school and being seperated. Now if they had been in day care all this time I might have a different opinion but they have never been watched by anybody but family and very close friends. So school will be a huge adjustment for them.
I just wanted to say that I also know a set of fraternal triplets (G/G/B) whose parents intend to at the very least keep the two girls together b/c they are very close and enjoy doing everything together.

Okay, you make a point, thanks!

 

My b/g twins are 11 and will start 6th grade in a few weeks. They have always been together (their choice). At the end of each school year I have asked their teacher whether there is any compelling reason to separate them, and there hasn't been a teacher YET who thought that there was any reason to do so. If their academic abilities were dissimilar, I would suggest to them that they be in different classes, but they are quite similar academically. If they were dependent upon each other in a dysfunctional way, I would separate them, but they're not. They have their own friends, have their own interests, and I hardly see how their being in the same class has any effect WHATSOEVER on their "individuality". They ARE individuals, whether they're sitting 10' apart or in separate classrooms. They act like individuals, and are (perhaps "thus"?) treated as individuals.

In fact, they have thrived SO much together that their fifth grade teacher offered (unsolicited) that if the kids wanted to remain together when they enter Middle School in 7th grade, she would write a letter to the MS principal advocating for them. I will leave that decision up to the kids, but I surely know that whether they're in the same class or in different classes surely has no bearing on their "individuality".

And any teacher who refers to a set of twins in her class as "the twins" and not as individuals should know better, and be corrected if she doesn't. We haven't encountered that yet at our school, and I'm surprised to a) hear that it's an issue and
b ) hear that people didn't nip that right in the bud.

 

After doing a lot of research and speaking to a few Early Intervention Specialists and Allie and Ashley's pediatrician, principal, kindergarten teacher and Brownie leader leader my husband and I are choosing to keep them togther for first grade. They did awesome together in kindergarten and I resent the statement made that "The only beneifit I can think of keeping them together is to benefit the parent." Parents, all parents, of multiples struggle with this decdision and should NOT be judged for it.

 

Two twin moms I know IRL have told me they want to keep their twins together in the same class, and both said it was for their own convenience. They didn't want to deal with two sets of homework, two sets of field trips, etc. Any other parents with two or three kids have to deal with more than one set of homework and activities, and they do just fine, so I can't quite understand that argument.

Yes, starting school is a big deal. My singleton did it all by himself. It was an adjustment -- it took a couple weeks, but he ended up being fine. He didn't have a twin to lean on, so he had to be independent and strong and brave, and he rose to the occasion. Why not allow twins to have the same opportunity to grow and mature and gain confidence in themselves? For those that say your twins need each other and wouldn't thrive apart -- how do you know if you never try separating them?

I separated my boys for K. They were upset for a couple weeks. Hayden was very shy. He wanted his brother, and he was hesitant to participate in class. Had they stayed together, he would have taken a back seat all year and let Brady do everything. I witnessed them being together in a class for just one day, and they immediately went into leader/follower mode. It was amazing!

Instead, being in a separate class, Hayden was able to stretch his boundaries and become a classroom leader. He gained confidence in himself, which is much of what school is about. Had he been with Brady, I know that wouldn't have happened based on what I observed when they were together. I will continue to keep my boys separated. They are identical twins, but they are individuals with very different personalities, capabilities, and interests. I want them to be treated as any other siblings are.

 

QUOTE
Yes, starting school is a big deal. My singleton did it all by himself. It was an adjustment -- it took a couple weeks, but he ended up being fine. He didn't have a twin to lean on, so he had to be independent and strong and brave, and he rose to the occasion. Why not allow twins to have the same opportunity to grow and mature and gain confidence in themselves? For those that say your twins need each other and wouldn't thrive apart -- how do you know if you never try separating them?

I separated my boys for K. They were upset for a couple weeks. Hayden was very shy. He wanted his brother, and he was hesitant to participate in class. Had they stayed together, he would have taken a back seat all year and let Brady do everything. I witnessed them being together in a class for just one day, and they immediately went into leader/follower mode. It was amazing!

Instead, being in a separate class, Hayden was able to stretch his boundaries and become a classroom leader. He gained confidence in himself, which is much of what school is about. Had he been with Brady, I know that wouldn't have happened based on what I observed when they were together. I will continue to keep my boys separated. They are identical twins, but they are individuals with very different personalities, capabilities, and interests. I want them to be treated as any other siblings are.


Here are the problems with this statement one your singleton just like mine did not spend ALL of his life with a sibling that he was never apart from so the only adjustment he had to make was to school. Unlike my twins who would not only have to adjust to school but to being apart as well.

The other thing that you shoulod realize is that just b/c your twins had a leader/follower relationship and did better apart doesn't mean that all twins would do better that way. I agree that those other parents were wrong in there reasoning of putting their twins together but not all parents have that resoning in mind. I already have an older child in school so will already have more than one set of homework and field trips. So the idea of three doesn't really bother me. What does bother me is putting my children through unnecessary stress. My girls thankfully do not have a leader/follower relationship they constantly show their individuality. I fully intend to keep them together for Pre K and possibly Kindergarten depending on what their teacher thinks and how they do.

 

Just want to clarify, Tristen, that I wasn't trying to attack your choices or be judgmental. No hard feelings, I hope. I just wanted to share what happened for my boys. Before K, they had been with me together full time at home their whole lives, and then together in preschool only three mornings a week. They had to adjust to being away from me, being away from each other, and being in school for a full day, all at the same time. Two weeks of occasional tears and they were fully adjusted. Had I kept them together, we'd still be facing that hurdle this fall, and it might be an even greater one.

Of course all children are different and have different needs, and I don't presume to tell you what will work best for your children at this stage in their lives. I do maintain, though, that kids need to have the chance at some point to blossom on their own and be independent -- and that's always a challenge, whether singleton or twin, whether in school or some other social situation. Perhaps that is better delayed for some to avoid a huge emotional trauma, but I do think it's important. JMO.

 

QUOTE(jxnsmama @ Aug 9 2008, 08:39 AM) [snapback]921907[/snapback]
Two twin moms I know IRL have told me they want to keep their twins together in the same class, and both said it was for their own convenience. They didn't want to deal with two sets of homework, two sets of field trips, etc. Any other parents with two or three kids have to deal with more than one set of homework and activities, and they do just fine, so I can't quite understand that argument.


I see this as an advantage, but not a reason. As to the final sentence, because our school does some individualization, our kids already have e.g. different spelling lists/homework. But in both third and fourth grade there was one teacher who assigned homework and one teacher who didn't believe in homework. Obviously when one has children in two different grades, there isn't a fairness issue, but there IS a fairness issue when the two kids are in the same grade. Again, absolutely not a REASON to separate, but an advantage of doing so.

QUOTE(jxnsmama @ Aug 9 2008, 08:39 AM) [snapback]921907[/snapback]
Yes, starting school is a big deal. My singleton did it all by himself. It was an adjustment -- it took a couple weeks, but he ended up being fine. He didn't have a twin to lean on, so he had to be independent and strong and brave, and he rose to the occasion. Why not allow twins to have the same opportunity to grow and mature and gain confidence in themselves? For those that say your twins need each other and wouldn't thrive apart -- how do you know if you never try separating them?


Huh? Whatever makes you think that my twins didn't have the same opportunity to grow, and mature and gain confidence just because their sibling was in the same class? I'm COMPLETELY baffled by that statement. COMPLETELY. My twins are mature and have plenty of confidence in themselves, thank you very much, and not ONE of their teachers would disagree with that assessment, and not ONE of their teachers thought that either one of their personal growth or development was being stifled in any way. Unless they had a dysfunctional relationship with their twin, why would their own growth or development be stifled?

QUOTE(jxnsmama @ Aug 9 2008, 08:39 AM) [snapback]921907[/snapback]
I separated my boys for K. They were upset for a couple weeks. Hayden was very shy. He wanted his brother, and he was hesitant to participate in class. Had they stayed together, he would have taken a back seat all year and let Brady do everything. I witnessed them being together in a class for just one day, and they immediately went into leader/follower mode. It was amazing!


Then clearly in your boys' case, separating them was the right thing to do. Good for you for recognizing it, and good for them. But not necessarily good for twins whose relationship isn't dysfunctional in that way.

ETA: I did decide that if one was accepted to the gifted program and the other was not, that I would likely nudge them -- hard -- toward separation after first grade (testing is done in first grade; formal classes start in second). Both were accepted so this did not become an issue. They both really wanted to do it, and I thought that if one hadn't been admitted, it would be difficult for them to watch their sibling going off with the G&T teacher for pull-outs.