Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by rayceryin12, Dec 27, 2013.

  1. rayceryin12

    rayceryin12 Well-Known Member

    The boys have certain toys they both really like and will fight over them until I have to take the toy away. What did you do? Buy another, make them share no matter what? We do have 2 of some things....just curious what others did!

  2. eagleswings216

    eagleswings216 Well-Known Member

    Unless it's something big (like the Imaginext castle they have), we almost always get two of things.  It's just easier in most cases.  But of course, they still fight over things they have two of, and we end up having to label things with their initials (we taught them to recognize their initials early on for this very reason).
  3. weegus

    weegus Well-Known Member

    Wow, the fighting starts early with your boys, huh?!?!?!  :D  Usually when my boys fight over a toy, I set a timer and allow each boy time to play with it.  But your boys won't really understand this.  Have you tried redirecting one boy with a different toy?  That usually worked for me at that age.  If it is the same toys all the time and they are still driving you nuts, I'd buy a second toy if it isn't too expensive.
  4. cheezewhiz24

    cheezewhiz24 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I think it was age 1 when we started with a timer. They actually could understand it, but I started with 1 minute. It didn't take very long until I could up it to 2, 5, 10 minutes. The boys loved it because they knew they would get a turn. In the beginning I would pick up the kid wanting the toy, announce we were setting a timer and hold him until the timer went off so he didn't haul off and grab whatever it was.
  5. Mom2VLS

    Mom2VLS Well-Known Member

    For me it's not normally the twins fighting with each other but more Vivi fighting with one of the twins. Regardless, I generally follow a policy of whoever had it first plays with it as long as they want (which at this point is almost always less than 10 minutes) then someone else can have it. If they continue fighting or I don't have a good guess as to who had it first, I take the item away entirely until at least one of them moves on to something else.

    There are 2 exceptions: 1) a special lovey or two for each child - they can share but aren't forced to and 2) items that are not age appropriate for Livie and Sophie (beads, Nook, etc).

    I don't know how well it will work in the long term but so far so good.
  6. daisies

    daisies Well-Known Member

    This is what i do^^.
    I make sure i narrate for them. I get down on their level and make sure they are listening. --'Nicholas, i can see you want to play with that toy.  Hannah is playing with it right now.  Tell her, please, you would like it when she is done.' (they don't have many words yet but do know the sign for please).  Then i say 'Hannah, when you are finished please give the toy to Nicholas'.
    In the beginning i had to hold and distract the waiting child, but now it is usually solved by saying 'Nicholas way don't you play with X toy while you wait?  It is right over there.'
    They will be 2 in a month and over the last few weeks it is getting better and easier, both the willingness to share and the willingness to wait. 
    I take the toy away if i don't know who had it first.  If there is a second of that toy i will take the child by the hand and we will search for it together.  I do try to keep doubles or at least two similar type toys but that is not always the case.
    I read, (i think in Siblings without Rivalry) a statement something like.. 'if someone wanted to use your phone and you were on it, you would not immediately hand it over.  You would not accept them saying 'you can talk for 2 minutes and then i get it'.  You would tell them they could use it when you were finished.  In adult normal interaction you use the 'toy' until you are finished and then hand it over.  
    My kids are just starting to get to the point where they will (or will remember to) hand it over.  That is such a positive lesson, they are ready to give it up and therefore get 'joy' from presenting it to their sibling.  And sibling gets rewarded for waiting.  Win, Win!
    My hope is that this will eventually (mostly) remove me as referee and more importantly teach them how handle these interactions themselves. 
  7. miss_bossy18

    miss_bossy18 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Agreed on the whoever had it gets to keep it until they are done, then they can give it to the next child who wants it.  Right now, it's Emmett who has the most trouble waiting (of course!).  If he's totally incolsolable I simply sit near him and acknowledge/validate his frustration "You're angry.  You want the truck now!  You really wish you could have the truck right now.  It's hard to wait. Etc"  When/if he's ready for some comfort, I'm there for hugs and snuggles.  When he's ready, we find something else to do until the toy is free to play with.
    1 person likes this.
  8. rayceryin12

    rayceryin12 Well-Known Member

    Thanks! We do some of the same everyone else does! And yes, they do argue..... Their personalities are total opposite, so they tend to clash sometimes.
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