Trying to befriend my boyfriend's twin is hard.

Discussion in 'General' started by krb519, Jul 28, 2015.

  1. krb519

    krb519 New Member

    Hi,
     
    So I am not a twin but I have been dating a fraternal twin for about a year. We are all 20 and the twin and I attend the same university while my boyfriend goes to one about an hour away. My boyfriend is a very easy going, happy go lucky guy who really tries to avoid conflict and is successful in everything he does; he studies at a top university, plays for team GB, and is considerably attractive. He is also extremely generous and looks for the best in people. His twin is not so much. He also attends a top university and is fairly athletic and attractive though not to the level my boyfriend is and I think that has definitely caused some resentment and insecurity for him. This has been somewhat prominent in his life as he is a slightly selfish (always feeding off of his parents) and shallow (extremely high standards for girls) and can be quite rude when intoxicated to the point where he is known as the "black sheep" in the family (they also have a 21 year old brother and 18 year old sister) Despite all of this, my boyfriend and his twin are best friends. 
     
    Over the year I have made an effort to befriend this guy because I don't want to make my boyfriend choose. I've gotten lunch with him, act as his wing woman on nights out, and shop for him when I am back in the US (we all go to school in the UK) but since I have been back for the summer and several thousand miles away from my boyfriend he has begun sabotaging our relationship. Every time I try to FaceTime my bf around 10 minutes in the twin comes in demanding he leave to go do some menial chore like cook eggs or walk the dog (and I only FaceTime every few days). He makes sniping comments about me and my relationship with my boyfriend and as my boyfriend is a chill guy he doesn't really say anything in return. He convinced my boyfriend to book a holiday the day I am supposed to return to the UK when he promised he would pick me up from the airport and has also prevented him from coming to visit me over the summer. (Don't worry though my boyfriend just booked me tickets to come along too after I got a bit sad) It's gotten to the point where my boyfriend vents to me about his brother telling me I shouldn't bring anything back for him from the USA because he doesn't deserve a gift and I have to kind of tell him I want his brother to like me because I don't want to be the cause of a rift. He's told me he prefers me to his twin and I think that this is where the jealousy stems from.
     
    Please, please PLEASE give me any tips about how I can make this guy accept me! My boyfriend is my best friend and I think of his twin as a friend too so it hurts when I hear he's been saying mean things about me and trying to tear us apart. I just want everyone to be happy :)
     
  2. lharrison1

    lharrison1 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I say kill him with kindness, but at a distance.  I dont have any great advice but I know that taking the highroad on most things is the best option.  It sounds to me like your doing a great job as it is...if it ever came down to it your boyfriend will see that. 
     
  3. JessyN

    JessyN Well-Known Member

    Good day! It is big problem. I understand you, I have been in similar situation. I can only recommend you to distract and search some other partner. You can do this even via online, nowadays there are many such possibilities. For example check these craigslist personals alternative, as for me it is good variant!
     
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