Twin toddler drowns

A member of my twins club had a very tragic accident. Her twin duaghter drowned in her bathtub when the mom got distracted. Here is a link to the very short story.
http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/metrop...an/5055985.html

Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers. I can't even begin to imagine thier grief.

never ever leave your kids in the tub alone!!! And go give them a hug right now.

Laurie

 

I will keep the family in my prayers. I can't image what they are going through.

 

Why, oh why, oh why, oh why would the mother do something soooo careless, thoughtless & stupid! I am so very, very sorry for the baby, the family & their friends. I know this sounds mean - but I don't care about the mother's suffering - that was just neglectful, idiotic & wrong. A loving mother would have NEVER have left her 1 year old in the tub unattended - even for a second (obviously the mother left the baby MUCH longer than a minute or the baby would not have died).

 

I'm sure the mother never intended to harm her baby. I feel very sorry for her. No one on earth must feel as sorrowful and have as much regret as she does right now. I'm sure it was an honest mistake. Many prayers for her and her family. What an awful tragedy.

 

QUOTE(BellaRissa @ Aug 16 2007, 02:32 PM) [snapback]370441[/snapback]
Why, oh why, oh why, oh why would the mother do something soooo careless, thoughtless & stupid! I am so very, very sorry for the baby, the family & their friends. I know this sounds mean - but I don't care about the mother's suffering - that was just neglectful, idiotic & wrong. A loving mother would have NEVER have left her 1 year old in the tub unattended - even for a second (obviously the mother left the baby MUCH longer than a minute or the baby would not have died).


I actually feel VERY sorry for her b/c we all make mistakes and this is a tragic one that she will have to live with for the rest of her life. I can't even imagine the grief their family is experiencing and the pain and regret she must feel over what was surely a split second decision to grab the phone or a towel from the other room. I agree that she probably was gone longer than a few seconds and a small child should never be left alone in the tub, but my heart goes out to her. What a horrible tragedy. I am sure she loved her children and will hate herself for this for the rest of her life. That poor family

 

I, too, feel sorry for the mother. That said, it was a very ignorant, but human mistake. She must live with this now and that alone, to me, would be severe punishment.

 

That is just horrible! I'm with you Melissa.. the guilt and self loathing that she must be feeling. It is sad and tragic for everyone involved.

 

That's SO VERY SAD!!! I try to never leave them for more than 30 secs at a time if I have to go to the dryer to get a towel or something. I can't imagine! :hug99: How awful!! I'm not leaving them anymore - maybe they'll bathe in their life jackets now. I can't imagine the grief she is struck with and the guilt must be the most horrible thing to live with. I do feel very sorry for her! :hug99:

 

Oh how absolutely awful! A sad reminder of why you can never leave your babies unattended in the bath. I would probably die of guilt and a broken heart if I were that mama.

 

I, too, am so sad for that family. I have made my share of ignorant mistakes as well, and I just thank God that nobody has died as a result. I hope she is able to forgive herself and have a little peace some day. Could you imagine living with that your entire life?

 

I wish I had a bigger heart - I know my fury at the mother puts me in the minority. But...if she were the babysitter, would you feel as sorry for her? If you find out that she was checking her eMail instead of getting a towel,would you feel the same kind of sympathy? What if she was drunk or on drugs & passed out while her babies were in the bath?

If I was chatting on my cell phone & checking my lipstick in the mirror, ran a red light & mowed down a baby in a stroller, a mom & a kindergartener Baby & 4 year old die) would everyone feel sorry for me? I would be devastated, heartbroken & suffer for the rest of my life - but I guarantee the public would be screaming for my head (this happened to a college girl in Winter Park, FL & the media & public treated her like Ted Bundy). Why is it more acceptable for negligence & stupidity to kill your own child than someone else's child? I am sure if I knew this mother, I would have more empathy - but her negligence was so egregious that I simply cannot feel anything but disgust & fury.

This is a complicated issue - how negligent & neglectful does a parent have to be to be held accountable beyond the grief their actions bring them? Does leaving an unsecured gun in reach of toddlers set the bar at which we feel the parent should be punished? Getting drunk & leaving your children unattended resulting in a house fire? I just think parents should be held to a HIGHER, not lower standard to which we hold others responsible for caring for children.

My last questioned guaranteed to make some angry - who would risk their chiild's life to get a towel???? I would take my girls out of the tub soaking wet & dripping before I would leave them to get a towel.

 

I can understand what you are saying, but she was probably just caught up, busy, trying to get her kids bathed, and it never crossed her mind that something bad would happen to her. Thats how we think...nothing bad happens to us, just other people. It was a really bad decision and one that she will have to live with the rest of her life. She probably will be a nervous wreck around her other child, forever. I do feel bad for her, and whether it angers you or not, whether you feel sorry for her or not, we all can see the tragedy and gravity of the situation. A child lost their life no matter how it happened.

 

It is a hideous tragedy - most of all for the surviving twin brother who will always feel the loss. BTW - the mother was in the kitchen cooking dinner. She did not just step out for a moment - she was away for extended periods cooking. That is not a mistake - that is negligence & neglect. I don't feel charges are warranted in this case- how would that help anyone? Every parent has "near miss" moments that stop the heart in terror - but EVERYONE knows you don't leave infants alone in a tub.

 

Oh I feel so bad for the surviving twin... and the rest of the family of course.

I cant believe she was making dinner at the same time.

I can understand running to get a towel or whatever... I wonder how far away the bathroom is from the kitchen.

 

Wow, how sad for the baby and family! And it totally could have been prevented.

Where did it say she was making dinner? I didn't read that anywhere and I googled it too.

 

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20278698

This is the article that stated the mother was cooking dinner as the baby was drowning & struggling for life.

 

Oh my goodness!! it is soooooooooo sad!!

amanda

 

QUOTE(BellaRissa @ Aug 16 2007, 03:15 PM) [snapback]370595[/snapback]
I wish I had a bigger heart - I know my fury at the mother puts me in the minority. But...if she were the babysitter, would you feel as sorry for her? If you find out that she was checking her eMail instead of getting a towel,would you feel the same kind of sympathy? What if she was drunk or on drugs & passed out while her babies were in the bath?

If I was chatting on my cell phone & checking my lipstick in the mirror, ran a red light & mowed down a baby in a stroller, a mom & a kindergartener Baby & 4 year old die) would everyone feel sorry for me? I would be devastated, heartbroken & suffer for the rest of my life - but I guarantee the public would be screaming for my head (this happened to a college girl in Winter Park, FL & the media & public treated her like Ted Bundy). Why is it more acceptable for negligence & stupidity to kill your own child than someone else's child? I am sure if I knew this mother, I would have more empathy - but her negligence was so egregious that I simply cannot feel anything but disgust & fury.

This is a complicated issue - how negligent & neglectful does a parent have to be to be held accountable beyond the grief their actions bring them? Does leaving an unsecured gun in reach of toddlers set the bar at which we feel the parent should be punished? Getting drunk & leaving your children unattended resulting in a house fire? I just think parents should be held to a HIGHER, not lower standard to which we hold others responsible for caring for children.

My last questioned guaranteed to make some angry - who would risk their chiild's life to get a towel???? I would take my girls out of the tub soaking wet & dripping before I would leave them to get a towel.

Honestly... yes I would still feel sorry for her. Nobody is saying she wasn't wrong. Just that we can imagine the guilt and sorry that she will surely feel for all of her days. Just like another thread where we were discussing the little girl who was kidnapped out of a hotel room. I completely blame her parents.. but I also feel sorry for them, and can't imagine the sadness and guilt that they will be feeling forever. Like someone else said in the thread.. I have made a lot of mistakes.. careless ones at that. I am just thankful and I suppose lucky, none of my kids suffered because of them.

 

QUOTE(BellaRissa @ Aug 16 2007, 04:25 PM) [snapback]370686[/snapback]
It is a hideous tragedy - most of all for the surviving twin brother who will always feel the loss. BTW - the mother was in the kitchen cooking dinner. She did not just step out for a moment - she was away for extended periods cooking. That is not a mistake - that is negligence & neglect. I don't feel charges are warranted in this case- how would that help anyone? Every parent has "near miss" moments that stop the heart in terror - but EVERYONE knows you don't leave infants alone in a tub.


Sorry...I thought you said she stepped out of the room for a towel. Didn't know she was cooking dinner, and I didn't see that in the originally posted article.

 

What a horrible tragedy that could have been prevented. I feel very sorry for the family.

 

QUOTE(Donita @ Aug 16 2007, 10:10 PM) [snapback]370744[/snapback]
Honestly... yes I would still feel sorry for her. Nobody is saying she wasn't wrong. Just that we can imagine the guilt and sorry that she will surely feel for all of her days. Just like another thread where we were discussing the little girl who was kidnapped out of a hotel room. I completely blame her parents.. but I also feel sorry for them, and can't imagine the sadness and guilt that they will be feeling forever. Like someone else said in the thread.. I have made a lot of mistakes.. careless ones at that. I am just thankful and I suppose lucky, none of my kids suffered because of them.


I'll ditto that. What she did is inexcusable and horrible. But my heart is big enough to feel more than one emotion at a time. Anger at her for doing something so stupid and dangerous, and pity for having lost her child and having to live with knowing it was her own fauly.

 

I guess my common sense would step in here...and lets be honest, not everyone has that. My boys bathroom, and their bedroom are literally three feet apart (I can see them from their bedroom) and I JUST recently started to leave them to go to thier bedroom, and get diapers out while the water drains and they play. I can hear and practically see everything that happens. I would never, not even now, stop to go see whats happening with dinner, nor would I start dinner while giving them a bath...but thats just me, and most of us here agree with I think.

As much as I love some of my family members (no one I will mention) I know some of them who have made dumb a$$ decisions regarding thier children...and Im walking away saying "huh??"

Do I feel sorry for her? To a minimal extent...There are senseless tradgedies (Like the people who "Accidentally" leave babies in the car), that happen all the time to parents who may have good intentions as a parent, but just don't think whatsoever.

I have no doubt this mom will forever be changed, always blame herself, and most likely will need therapy, and if not have breakdowns for the rest of her life. Do I think thats Just? As a mom, I can say, sure...but as a removed person, Id say no. If it were my sister, or someone I knew, and I KNEW them to be a loving individual, of course I would think thats just. But, as a parent (A good and loving one) my stomach goes sick, and my body cold and numb at the thought of "walking away" from a baby in a tub.

To me, it is thoughtless, and I cant imagine the pain...but, wow, from an outsiders point of view I cant help but say it again...HUH??

There are just no excuses for me when a child dies over neglect, even unintentional neglect. That child will never grow up, or see another day; never have another birthday, go to school, say more words...etc. It makes me sick to know her life is just simply 'Done'. Not acceptable, sorry.

 

QUOTE(BellaRissa @ Aug 16 2007, 01:32 PM) [snapback]370440[/snapback]
Why, oh why, oh why, oh why would the mother do something soooo careless, thoughtless & stupid! I am so very, very sorry for the baby, the family & their friends. I know this sounds mean - but I don't care about the mother's suffering - that was just neglectful, idiotic & wrong. A loving mother would have NEVER have left her 1 year old in the tub unattended - even for a second (obviously the mother left the baby MUCH longer than a minute or the baby would not have died).


Before rushing to judgement over anyone during their grief, I always feel it's important to do more research on a story. I noticed your later post saying the mom was cooking dinner and therefore in your mind your harsh comments are warranted. How about this story I'm linking below which indicates the mom left the 1-year-old in a tub with a five-year-old sibling. Perhaps you feel that still makes the mom guilty of something more than bad judgement. I think that puts this back in the horrible accident category and defer to the judgement of authorities who feel no charges should be filed.

http://abclocal.go.com/ktrk/story?section=...&id=5570010

 

QUOTE(twinstuff @ Aug 16 2007, 09:41 PM) [snapback]371018[/snapback]
Before rushing to judgement over anyone during their grief, I always feel it's important to do more research on a story. I noticed your later post saying the mom was cooking dinner and therefore in your mind your harsh comments are warranted. How about this story I'm linking below which indicates the mom left the 1-year-old in a tub with a five-year-old sibling. Perhaps you feel that still makes the mom guilty of something more than bad judgement. I think that puts this back in the horrible accident category and defer to the judgement of authorities who feel no charges should be filed.

http://abclocal.go.com/ktrk/story?section=...&id=5570010


That goes to my earlier post point that states that not all people are equipped with common sense (Im not judging, its just a fact). I would still not even leave a baby with a 5 year old in a tub of water. Maybe if the baby were in a playpen, and I was in the kitchen, and or they are on the floor playing...okay. But telling your 5 year old to make sure you sister doesnt drown while mommy checks dinner. What is a 5yr old going to do?? I do feel bad for her to a certain extent, but I honestly do think she just lacked any common judgment. I would never question weather charges should be filed (unless it was obvious) and Im not saying there should be...its just a matter of what she was thinking, or in this case, NOT thinking...It sucks too, she made a bad call and paid dearly for it...but whos to say this is her first bad call? Maybe shes been lucky up until now? you know? How do I know a person who has done that wouldnt leave her 5 year old in a ventalated car to go shopping because the 5 yr old protested? SHe may have thought that was okay too...but, it doesnt make it right.

 

This is horribly tragic for all envolved. I feel for the whole family, particularly for her surviving twin.

As a kindergarten teacher I can tell you that most five year olds are in no way responsable enough to watch over a baby while bathing. Were both of the twins in the bath together? It takes constant vigilance to keep a baby safe around water and it was just too much to ask of a five year old. This actually makes it more neglectful and tragic becuase that young child will feel blame for the death.

Right now, my husband is bathing our twins. We do two at once in two bath seats. I help him get them in and out and I make sure that I am within earshot in the very next room. If we can't both be here then the babies don't get baths that night. It's the only way I feel comfortable. Babysitters, grandma and grandpa do not bathe the children becuase I am not comfortable with the idea. I just don't know that anyone else would be careful enough.

 

I don't give baths when my dh is gone either...unless we do the kitchen baths. I bathe one in the kitchen sink while the other eats in the high chair, and then swap. I do let my mom and inlaws do baths, but my mom does one at at time baths, and at the inlaws, there are 4 people living in that house. I only trust the grandparents though.

 

QUOTE(HRE @ Aug 16 2007, 07:24 PM) [snapback]370515[/snapback]
I, too, am so sad for that family. I have made my share of ignorant mistakes as well, and I just thank God that nobody has died as a result. I hope she is able to forgive herself and have a little peace some day. Could you imagine living with that your entire life?

No honestly, I cannot. I would hope for the sake of my surviving children that I could pull myself together, but I don't think I would be able to function enough to take care of them. I also can't imagine cooking dinner w/a 1 yr old in the tub!!!!

 

I bathe all 3 of my girls together. I would never think of telling Isabella okay you watch Taylor and Payton while I go check dinner. That just seems rediculous. I do bath my girls when my dh is not home however I never leave the side of the bathtub and bring everything in with me. So they are never out of my sight.I do feel sorry for the guilt the mother will feel for the rest of her life. But I am angry at the stupidy that she showed with that decision.

 

QUOTE(BellaRissa @ Aug 16 2007, 03:15 PM) [snapback]370595[/snapback]
I wish I had a bigger heart - I know my fury at the mother puts me in the minority. But...if she were the babysitter, would you feel as sorry for her? If you find out that she was checking her eMail instead of getting a towel,would you feel the same kind of sympathy? What if she was drunk or on drugs & passed out while her babies were in the bath?

If I was chatting on my cell phone & checking my lipstick in the mirror, ran a red light & mowed down a baby in a stroller, a mom & a kindergartener Baby & 4 year old die) would everyone feel sorry for me? I would be devastated, heartbroken & suffer for the rest of my life - but I guarantee the public would be screaming for my head (this happened to a college girl in Winter Park, FL & the media & public treated her like Ted Bundy). Why is it more acceptable for negligence & stupidity to kill your own child than someone else's child? I am sure if I knew this mother, I would have more empathy - but her negligence was so egregious that I simply cannot feel anything but disgust & fury.

This is a complicated issue - how negligent & neglectful does a parent have to be to be held accountable beyond the grief their actions bring them? Does leaving an unsecured gun in reach of toddlers set the bar at which we feel the parent should be punished? Getting drunk & leaving your children unattended resulting in a house fire? I just think parents should be held to a HIGHER, not lower standard to which we hold others responsible for caring for children.

My last questioned guaranteed to make some angry - who would risk their chiild's life to get a towel???? I would take my girls out of the tub soaking wet & dripping before I would leave them to get a towel.


I personally have tremendous compassion on this woman. Not everyone is so dang perfect. Most of us make mistakes, some bigger than others. It's easy to pass judgment, but the true measure of humanity is the ability to have sympathy or empathy for others, even those we don't know personally.

By the way, yes, I would feel sorry if it were a babysitter or if it was an error caused by someone else. My compassion doesn't recognize titles. I don't believe that compassion has to be removed even while I hold a person responsible for their actions. Just because I realize they are liable doesn't mean I don't recognize their own pain. No, I wouldn't have the same degree of sympathy for her if she was drunk or high -- getting inebriated is an intentional act. But I would still have empathy and compassion for her pain and feel sorry that she had a drug or alcohol problem. And for your final question: Yes, I leave my sons in the bathtub to grab a towel on occasion. I am less than 5 seconds away, I leave the door open so I can see/hear them, and I don't put them in any danger whatsoever. The dangerous part would be taking 3 soaking wet & dripping babies out of the tub and allowing them to run around so that they can fall and split their heads open. Instead of being angry and dripping poison on this woman, I'm going to pray that she can find forgiveness and heal. My heart breaks for HER, her lost daughter, her 5 year old, and the rest of her family.

 

I think what mom did was stupid, and a lapse of judgement. But she did not set out to intentionally hurt her child. She will have to live with the fact that her carelessness caused her baby girl to die. I am so sad for the baby, and sad for the mom as well.

 

FYI- while i was reading this post one of my guys fell and split his eye open!! talk about irony! by the way, he is fine...a little blood and more than likely his first shiner.

 

QUOTE(daniellecic @ Aug 17 2007, 09:09 AM) [snapback]371425[/snapback]
FYI- while i was reading this post one of my guys fell and split his eye open!! talk about irony! by the way, he is fine...a little blood and more than likely his first shiner.


Oh, Danielle. I'm sorry!! I hope he heals fast!

(ETA: Danielle, you're gonna laugh. No sooner had I written this post than Lucas came and informed me he has a raisin in his nose! The irony doesn't stop.)

 

...and the moral of today's story is "Nobody's Perfect!"

 

I feel horribly sorry for this mother. In my situation,safety is always primarily on my mind, but my biggest fear is that something like this is going to happen since my house is so chaotic all the time. Would I leave my kids in the bathtub to check dinner?? NO. But we have no idea what else was going on with this woman, nor to we have her side of the story.

This is a horrible tragedy and an accident. She will be living with guilt for the rest of her life.

Crystal

 

IT is very hard to be understanding about leaving a child unattended in the bath tub even with a 5 year old I would never leave my 5 year old to watch over her bother and sister whild they took a bath what would she do if anything was to happen. I have become less compasinate for parents who have lost their child to accidents latley maybe it is because it makes the news everywhere even out of state and it just seems like so many people are very very careless when it comes to their children. Just recently a women in WNY left her baby in a car for 9 hrs the baby died and they are not pressing carges agains this women even though it was her daily routine to drop of the child. Maybe I should just stop watching the news. I do know that everyone makes stupid mastakes but I guess I just want to think that they are not life threating mistakes.