Twins in same classroom from K-4 (or more)

Backstory:

DDs have been in same classroom always (Preschool to now- 2nd). They do not speak for each other, function independently, have some mutual and some different friends, look nothing alike, rarely interact in the classroom due to different interests/personality, and often people just meeting them are not aware they are twins. They are very very very similar academically- with both working academically above grade level so they are grouped together for Spelling/Reading. They are currently in different writing & math groups (both have been in same before). They are not terribly competitive with each other and both enjoy school. They are both a bit socially immature and are young for age (barely made cut-off). One DD has physical special needs and the other DD is 'quirky' and has some sensory/social idiosyncranies. They are GREAT supports for each other when another is struggling and/or when the few teasing events have occured-- but that is rare and not even a monthly event. They get along well at home the vast majority of the time and there are no behavior changes in summer vs school year.


School wants to split them for no reason other than 'they are twins' and it 'is time' or 'we always split multiples so they can develop'. They admit the girls are doing well and there are no current issues at all, but it could " be better' if we split them, if we dont we will never know. (my thought is if it is not broken, dont fix it). With no consideration for individual situations.

They fought me keeping them together last year and this year. Both times it has worked out well for my DDs and teachers said that it has not been a problem.

I agree-- some twins do well and are served well to be split. It is beneficial to some twins. I do not argue AT ALL with that! I have seen it really be a positive for some twins.

The issue I have is that my girls are so different and there is no negative that I can perceive to having them together. The positive is that they learn VERY differently....the conversations they have after school after experiencing the same events the same day are often vastly different perspectives. I think the talking they do lends both to learning better and more richly. One DD misses a lot of school for health reasons and her twin has been able to bring home her work and review the materials with her- we have had no lag of academics surprisingly.
Plus, they are so similar academically that one twin would constantly be moving to another classroom for subjects (they do differentiated levels for spelling, math, reading) so they would be together most of the day anyway and one twin would be leaving her 'home' classroom a lot. Also if we were to do private school or homeschool--- they again, would be together (which we are not planning on either, but it would force them together regardless)

I have read several studies that followed academically similar (or twins that are NOT co-dependent on each other) twin sets in single grade classrooms (or other situations that could not split twins) and there were no negative long-term behavioral, social, or academic concerns when compared to split twins in the same situation.

So....to keep them in the same class, I would be required to write a note to the School Board. I really think we will, but I am curious if anyone else has had twins together long-term. Especially twins that have no factors that would encourage splitting them up.

Thoughts? Experiences?

 

We were together K-8. There was the option to split us K-2 but after that there wasn't. The school and our parents didn't see any reason to do it because were independent of each other.

I think it can be good for sets who are very dependent or competitive but for twins who are neutral or independent, it should be a case by case basis.

 

You may find information on this website to be helpful.

I did not check but it should give you a list of which states have twin laws. If your state does then you just need to bring the school up to speed. If not the website gives plenty of ideas and research on how to handle your request getting denied.

 

I would most definately fight them on this. It really ticks me off when twins are put in a "one size fits all" type of thing. Not all twins need to be split up to be successful and grow. I know there are a couple of moms on here that feel very strongly about splitting their twins up and letting them grow as an individuals and if you don't there's going to be issues long term. My twins don't need to be split to grow as individuals. We are raising them as individuals in all that we do, and have since they are born. Separating them at school doesn't make them any more of an individual. Right now there are no issues with them being together. They are in first grade and have been together in the same room since pre-school. I'm not sure which way we'll go for 2nd grade, but the decision should be ours as parents, along with the recommendation/advice from their classroom teacher. There really shouldn't be an "all" policy on this!!

My boys find some level of comfort in having their twin near them, even though they function just fine without each other. It actually surprises me a little every year when we ask them if they would like to continue to be in the same class for the next school year, and both of them want to stay with his brother. Just this week, one of my boys stayed home sick two days. His twin didn't even bat an eye at having to go to school without his brother; it didn't phase him in the least! My boys sound a lot like your girls. They have their own friends, and some friends in common. They both have their own interests, and a few in common. They are almost identical academically. One scores a point or two higher on the Math tests, the other is a point or two higher in Reading. They don't compete with each other at all, in anything - sports, school, friends, attention at home, etc. Neither dominates the other. They are both very confident in themselves and very independent. They rarely fight, and if they do, it's over in minutes. I don't feel that keeping them together is anything like a child being allowed to be in a class with their best friend. They're twins.They have had each other by their side since conception. I have no doubt that my boys will do great in their own classroom, and sometimes I want to split them up just because. But, they're going to be split regardless of what we want in a few years when they switch classes for all subjects. They have the rest of their lives to be split from their twin. Right now, as 7 year olds, if they want their brother in the same classroom, and I have no reason not to, I will honor that request!

I would insist that the school give very specific examples, that pertain to your girls, of how exactly splitting them up is going to benefit each child. I would want specific examples, not generalities. If all is as you say, and I don't doubt you for a second, they won't be able to come up with anything.There are many reasons to separate twins, but also many reasons to allow them to stay together. I get so tired of having to defend our choice to keep them together, that I guess your post struck a nerve with me. :blush:

 

The only thing I would caution about is that sometimes, you don't get to see them "shine" until the other twin is no longer present. Everything seems normal and great, but then separation reveals a whole new blossoming that you wouldn't have seen.

We saw this with our twins sharing a bedroom. Everything was honestly fine and good. We just went ahead and decided to split them up into their rooms because we were moving. There were no problems, no real good reasons to split them. But once they settled into their own rooms, we discovered that Sarah (our newly found night owl) had been keeping Timothy up. And Timothy (our newly discovered morning early bird) was actually waking her up in the morning. Splitting them up revealed some things we really didn't know about them and they would have been better off separated earlier. We just didn't know it.

So, if you feel strongly that your girls should be together, I would definitely push for it. But there might be some unforeseen positives that you could discover from separation.

Marissa

 

I agree and DH and I have had girls in separate activities, etc. Nothing really changed in our situation.

Their current teacher (2nd grade) has stated that both girls have just grown so much this year-- and DH and I agree.

One twin often attends school w/ the other twin due to medical issues. No behavioral changes are seen and/or differences when they are in different groupings (classrooms) for activities.


Both my girls are both larks (though one needs more sleep than another) instead of owls. I think actually sharing a room has prevented one of my twins from being more 'self' centered than she may otherwise have been...she really needs a good hands-on reason to think of others and I know that she is often awake (but quiet) while her twin falls asleep earlier/quicker. It has taught her to be more considerate of others needs, which is a good thing!


On the opposite side, I really think there may be negatives if they are split. The conversations we are able to have at home are really wonderful- they have such different takes on all the events that happen at school (even the teacher states they view the world so differently) that it is very positive enriching discussions that have enabled both girls to view life differently at an early age.

They really have split things down the middle and each pulls each other to center more. One girl reads primarily non-fiction and her sister prefers fiction. BUT the fact that their sister is so interested has really encouraged both of them to explore the opposite genres. They like to talk pro/con of books they read and pro/con of the most desirable genre! They are both excellent spellers but one uses visual skills to memorize and the other is more of an auditory learner-- they have shared their 'tricks' with each other. One is an impulsive risk taker and the other ponders things a lot before speaking out. They both are pretty social and have lots of friends.


I do think we will push for same class again. Yes, we run the risk of 'not taking a risk of more positives' but I think it will really benefit them to keep learning from each other informally when they get home (since they dont interact a lot at school).

I dont think if the school did place them in different classes that they would have a big emotional fallout or 'withdrawal' at all as well.

 

I totally agree with this, and for me, it's one of the reasons I sometimes think about separating my boys in school even though everything seems fine. However, I want it to be my choice and not something forced on me because the school has a blanket rule that is supposed to apply to all twins, regardless of pros and cons and specific reasons relating to my boys.

I have seen twins that benefit from being separated and I have seen twins kept together that should have been separated. I do think parents should have a say in the decision, but I do think all parents should have conversations with the teachers that see them all day, every day, in the school environment. Hopefully parents make the decision based on what is best for each child, and not what is easiest for the parents.

 

I was with my sister until we were 14 and it sucked. I'm sure my parents didn't see any problem, I mean we were social kids, had friends, and had great grades. It doesn't mean it was the best for us. There were 'cliques' in the class, with my sister more 'popular' than me. She had good friends and I had our common friends, that's pretty much it. Some days just really sucked for me (I mean, being a bit bullied happens to everyone, but having your sister associating with those kids, that's something else). My parents didn't have a clue. Plus we felt compared to each other in everything we did (at least I did). I didn't really get to develop my own interests until much later.

I would definitely talk to the teacher(s), but focus more on the social aspect than grades.

 

I'm hitting this now as well! The problem isn't the school, it's my kids. They have NOTHING that is just theirs, so I have asked them and am going to separate them for 3rd grade. I think they'll get along better at school and will have their own stories to tell etc.
My b/g twins are in 2nd now and they don't interact at school etc. they aren't a problem in class at all either. THEY want it and I'm going to let them have that because it's time to try it for them!

Good luck!

 

There are so many unknowns. I separated my twins in kindergarten because one was relying on the other too much and the one being relied on did not want that role. I was separated as a child. We were shy and would have totally stuck to one another if given the chance. I can see both sides of it. I would go with your gut instinct and especially what the teacher says. Ask the teacher questions about certain situations like Marissa has stated. You never know if they are going to shine more when separated. Good luck!

 

We actually did talk to the girls about it and they would prefer to be together : they both have adored their teacher this year and also have enjoyed talking about the classroom happenings.


Socially, if one wanted to be apart- we would also split them. They are both at this point fairly outgoing and their class dynamics the past two years have been stellar-- no cliques or 'mean' behaviors. Which, given that one DD has some physical issues- she would be a target for bullies.

They each do have some of their own 'stuff' and they will be taking different classes this summer for activitites.

Dh and are going to play it by ear each year and reevaluate as needed. Right now-- it seems no one (DDs, teachers, us) have any concerns socially or academically aside from the fact that they are twins and most twins are split in classes,