Twins not playing nicely together...

Hi everyone,

I posted this in "The First Year" forums, but figured maybe I'd get some better advice in "The Second Year" forums. We have two wonderful 11-month old twins, Emma and Noah. They're adorable, very well socialized, and everyone says how good they are. At the same time, they have very different personalities: Noah is very docile, calm, and plays great alone. He can entertain himself for hours. Emma, on the other hand, needs constant attention. She's also becoming a monster with her brother. She's constantly pulling his hair, poking him in the eyes, and trying to push him down on the ground (using his head to steady herself as she stands). I'm at my wits' end and I'm not sure how to get her to stop. I've tried yelling "No", removing her hand from her brother, moving her to a different side of the room, and putting her in the pack-n-play for "time out" (she just screams bloody murder in there). She's definitely the alpha of the twins. Has anyone had this problem before? I'm sure we're not the only ones, but what did you do to help curb the aggressive behavior? If anyone has any suggestions on things that work, I'm all ears! Thanks in advance. :gah:

Brian

 

You just described my boys, who are 29 months today and still beat on each other but it has gotten better. I separate them as well, redirect, do time out which does work for me but my guys are older then yours. It well work itself out. They are trying to figure each other out and their boundaries. Sorry really don't have an advice!

 

Yeah unfortunately it's te twins thing. Just be very strict and consistent. There are couple things that help us. First, don't just say "NO" they don't understand that their behaviors are bad yet. Instead of NO, try to say things like:that hurt, be gentle also show them how to touch each other gently, let's share, let's play together, redirect redirect. Another thing that helps is that we take them out to playgrounds, parks, seeing animals. They will burn their energy and be happy. That helps reduce their aggressive behaviors big time.

However, don't expect it will stop. It will get better some day, and worse other days. Gl!

 

I think the first thing to keep in mind is that she's not being deliberately aggressive or trying to hurt him/express dominance. She is just a baby. She has no idea how her actions affect others because she doesn't have the ability to see things from any point of view but her own. She's not thinking 'Pulling Noah's hair will upset him' she's thinking 'hey that looks interesting, let me grab it'.
Given that there is really no point in trying to enforce consequences, she will simply be unable to connect the two things. Really the only thing you can do is redirect again and again-when she pushes on her brother's head to stand up move her hand to something else she can steady herself on; when she pulls his hair take her hand off, move her a little distance away and try to interest her in a toy. There is no harm in saying things like "be gentle" and showing gentle touching, because it's a good habit to get into, but don't expect it to have any meaning to her for a good few months yet.

 

Our 15 month old twin boys do that..one is also very calm and plays well by himself and the other is dominant. He clunks toys on the other's head and takes everything he has. It can be frustrating but I do say "No" and show he something else he can do instead...another toy or distraction. It usually works, but I also give the other time to let him know that he doesn't want to be played with.

 

My almost 18 month old is like that but luckily he's a singleton and my girls are older. For example, for Easter my girls each got a little golf set. If Cooper can get get a hold of one of the clubs he beats his sisters with it. I take them away but it doesn't seem like he really understands time outs! I don't know what else to do though, so when he does things like that he goes to time out in his crib.