Weird & embarassing...how do I handle it?

Ok, so my SIL (who has a boy the same age) asked me if my guys (11months old) ever flinch or giggle when wind blows on their penis. I said, "not that I know of, I don't change too many diapers outside...so I don't really know". She said, "how about if you blow on their penis" (creating a breeze like)? I said, "um I don't do that, and I don't think you should either"...and we laughed.

Well I caught my MIL doing it to my guys yesterday...for the second time. The first time I spoke to DH about it. I told him I am not ok with it and he may need to say something. Yesterday I walked into her changing a daiper, I stopped dead in my tracks...I was speechless. He obviously did not say anything, and I am going to have to...but how?

My MIL is very caring and thoughtful...however she seems to challenge me constantly when it comes to parenting.

Again, I am not ok with this trick to get them to giggle while changing their diaper, so what should I say?

 

I do think it is a bit odd, but not totally inappropriate. I personally would let it go if it weren't bothering the boys. But I think it is also fine to say something--maybe ask her to blow on their bellies instead?

You have to pick your battles. So either say something about this or about the hotdogs and popsicles.

 

I sometimes blow air on my boy's bottoms to get them to laugh because they often scream like crazy when getting their diaper changed....I also kiss or tickle their belly or smell their feet and say something like "ewww, stinky feet" (which they think is REALLY funny for some reason). I do think blowing air on their penis is a bit weird, but I don't think it would bother me enough to make a big deal about it.

 

I would often blow on my girls bums/privates while changing diapers - not specifically to make them giggle, more to help speed drying time to avoid diaper rashes. :unknw: It doesn't seem that weird to me.

 

It may be completely innocent, but if you are uncomfortable with it, by all means you should confront her directly and ask her to stop. They are you children and no one should be doing something to them that you are not comfortable with, whether it is harmless or not. Blowing on their penises is completely different than tickling them under their arms or something to get a reaction from them.

I don't have boys, but to be honest, what you wrote made me feel kind of weird when I read it. I'm thinking that if I saw someone, my MIL even, blowing on my girls genitalia I would be disturbed about it.

I would say something like this:

Let me start by saying that I know that you love the boys very much and I know that you would not do anything to harm them. I also know that we don't always see eye to eye on how we should care for them. So, this is a difficult thing for me to say to you, but recently SIL asked me if I every blow on the my boys' genitals and then yesterday I saw you doing just that to X while you were changing him. I don't really understand why either of you would do that but I am very uncomfortable with it and I am asking you not to do it anymore. I appreciate your help with them, but if you aren't able to respect how I feel about it, I am not going to feel comfortable with you changing their diapers or spending time alone with them. I am in no way accusing you of anything but I want us both to be on the same page. Do you understand how I feel about this issue?

This is really an akward situation. I wish you the best of luck with it.

ETA - What I really wanted to come across in my post is that it doesn't really matter whether someone else thinks something is weird or innappropriate, especially when it comes to your children. I have kicked myself one to many times when I didn't listen to my gut and also when I didn't establish clear and unwaivering boundaries with people (ILs) when it came to my girls.

 

Also, not to start a debate, but how would people honestly feel if they caught someone doing something like this to their toddler? Honestly?

 

I don't think I'd want to make them giggle, but agree with Rachel that I did it when we were fighting diaper rash. Their skin is so sensitive (both get eczema, too) and keeping it dry combated the yeast which we fought for months. ardon: I would still do it if we were having rash issues, although now I tend to wave my hand nearby to create a breeze.

Can you start the conversation by asking MIL why she does it? I would want to know the rationale. If it's just because that's the way she does it I would ask her to stop, kindly. If she's worried about a specific issue you can address it then.

 

It's hard to say whether it would bother me because I would have to see it in action and understand the context of it. It could have been that she started out blowing to help drying and it serves the dual purpose of making them giggle so now it's just part of her routine. I agree that I would just ask her why she does it and go from there. But bottom line; if it bothers you, you have to say something about it. You don't have to be accusatory or make it a big deal, just tell her flat out that it weirds you out and you'd prefer if she didn't do it.

 

Depends who it was. If a daycare teacher or babysitter did it, it would be very weird. If it were a relative, then I could "deal with" it, although I wouldn't be thrilled, as long as the kids didn't seem bothered by it.

 

Yuck. I would not like that AT ALL. It's very weird, to me. I definitely would not like it and would probably not have her changing diapers anymore if it bugged me. I doubt I'd know the right words to say... just SUCH a strange situation..

 

These are my thoughts exactly. It doesn't seem weird to me bc we would blow on the boys butts bc the Pink Xavve (sp?) diaper cream we used burned the first couple seconds we put it on the boys butts, I know bc I got some in a cut 1 day, so I would tell them I was going to blow on their butts to help cool it off. It was never directly on their penises and it never made them giggle but it did get them to stop crying and wiggling to get the darn stuff on their booty and not the curtains

I would just ask her why she does it and take it from there. If her explanation makes you still feel uncomfortable ask her not to do it.

 

Same answer for me - I still blew on my girls' butts when they were toddlers. I suppose it would bother me if I felt there was some kind of sexual undertone to it, but for me, it's a purely practical thing. :unknw:

 

I think that they are your kids and whether it is Popsicles and hot dogs or blowing on their penis, if you don't like it then you have every right to say something. My mom and I do not see eye to eye on a lot when it comes to raising my kids... their diets, sleep habits, nursing etc., but I have been very intentional about letting her know what I feel and how I want things handled. She has chosen to respect my wishes. If she didn't then yes, I would have to put a stop to the visits. I personally would not like anyone blowing on my kids genitalia as infants but especially as they get older. I think parents even need to be careful. If you have a toddler who can talk and goes to lets say a church daycare and needs a diaper change and asks the person to blow on it and then tells them that mommy and daddy do it, it could send a very wrong message. My DD was 3 and needed a suppository. I could not bring myself to do it so my mom did. My DD came out and said "grandma put her finger in my butt" Clearly she did not but had she gone to preschool and said that, I am sure I would have had A LOT of explaining to do. So I think there is caution that should be taken. Anyway, again they are your kids....

 

Ok first thing I thought was WOW this is just odd. There are SOOOOOOO many ways to make a baby giggle that does not envolve my sons privates thats just odd. I agree that I would want something said however I would either A talk to dh again and if he didn't agree to talk to her and follow through then I would sit down with her but the part I disagree with is telling her about you and sil talking. I would leave her out of it. no need to cause a fight there unless you need it. You have seen it so no need to bring in a 3rd party. This is so hard for me because not long after we got married my husband started having nightmares and finally told me he was remembering his brother molested him when he was 3. He has never told his parents, there is a strained relationship with his brother and his dad as it is and he is truely afraid of what his dad would do to his brother if he ever found out. It is not my place to tell its not my story to tell however this man will NEVER be alone with my children and its something we both feel strongly about. We don't have a ton of contact with him we are in KY and he is in Cal so we see him about twice a year but its so uncomfortabel because I can't even look at him or speak to him and my husband won't speak to him, he isn't flat out rude but he just avoids him. He was here for his oldest childs graduation a few weeks ago and his youngest dd came inside and said papa (bil) is holding Wyatt(my ds(twin)) and I swear I could have thrown up. My husband walked right outside and took him out of his brothers arms and walked back inside. I am not sure if he said anything or what but that was when we made our excuses and packed up to leave. Just the thought of him holding my son sent cold chills down my spine. So if I ever walked in and saw anyone with there face down near my son's penis or daughters private area I think I woudl freak right then. There would be no cooling off period or civilized discussion. It would be a yanking child away WHAT ARE YOU DOING sort of things but then I have my issues.

I have airdried my kids diaper area but I just fan them with a clean dipers I can't bring myself to blow on them. Its totally up to you but yeah I am not comfortable with it because of the above mentioned issues and again like someone else said no matter what it is that is making you feel uncomfortable they are your kids speak up. I truely believe that God gave us as moms something special, a little voice that tells us when something isn't right and we owe it to our kids to liston to it. I would rather someone be mad at me for speaking up than something horrible happen to my kids that they would have to live with for the rest of their lives because I was to worried about what people would think if I did speak up.

 

I've done this, too, but I also think doing it for "fun" like your MIL is doing is weird. I wouldn't like it either.

 

I do it too if we're dealing with diaper rash, but definitely not just for fun. Do what you're comfortable with!

 

I would talk to dh about how odd it is for her to be blowing on their private areas and then strategically have her change diapers while he is home and have him walk in as she is changing them. Maybe if he sees it he will say something. I would not think she had sexual undertones to it so I would be careful about bringing it up and mentioning how awkward it is unless you want to alienate her. I would rather just work it to where she did not change diapers than do that.