What do you call their bits and bobs?

Thank you Sheryl and Username. Sheryl, I am so sorry about your daughter. That is horrible.

I'm happy that we use the word penis when referring to our boy's genitals. Guess I need to start teaching them what a scrotum is! :huh:

 

We've always used proper terminology. When I started that years and years ago (DS1 is 17) my thought was along the lines that Sheryl mentioned: treat them as any other body part and not a source of shame. At the time I was not aware of the better potential to explain abuse. Of course, once my boys got older they delighted in coming up with all sorts of nicknames--but then, what boy doesn't?

eta: missing comma

 

:hug: Sheryl- to you and your daughter. Thank you for the links Username, and the quotes Sheryl.

 

Wow...it's threads like this that really make you aware of things you've never thought about before. Thank you so much username for the great info. And thank you Sheryl for making it really hit home. We have always referred to our kid's parts as their potties and their private parts. I think I will teach them the correct names today!

 

QUOTE(ThreeLittleSnowflakes @ Apr 13 2009, 04:34 PM) [snapback]1271267[/snapback]
It is interesting, because I know some of you that have responded you wouldn't want to hear your children say penis, scrotum, vagina, labia, clitoris have talked on other threads about it being important to you to have open, honest communication with your children, how you want them to be able to talk to you about anything, how you want them to be comfortable with their bodies and their sexuality (when they are older - of course!)- yet you are treating the genitals in a way that says to them you are embarrassed to discuss them. Aside from the sexual abuse issue - prevention, reporting, prosecuting... there is the whole issue of what message does it send to your children that the real name is not to be spoken aloud? I know you may not see the connection because I didn't used to either. But I think it's something to consider. Sure, it could lead to an embarrasing moment one day, but don't our kids find a way to embarrass us anyway FWIW, I've haven't had it happen yet.

I


I'm sorry your family had to experience this. You stated this very well. In a way I don't have the time or skills to do. Thank you!

I also think it is important to start young so that all these parents who find it uncomfortable to say penis or vulva can do so before their kid even knows what they are talking about. Sort of a trial run, iykwim. Just yesterday my daughter and I had a wierd conversation about labia (she has chicken pox and we were talking about where the itchy spots were.) and she could tell me about her "inner" and "outer" labia which impressed me. The other itchy spot is on her eye and she was just as comfortable talking about the two places, as it should be.

 

Sheryl, thank you for sharing your personal experience and I am sorry for what happened to your daughter. I will be teaching mine the name of correct body parts. Username, thank you also for sharing links with us.

 

Yup, I will make sure to start using the real names too.

 

Sheryl, Thank you so much for sharing. Bless your heart, and your daughter. I have just now started teaching my girls their body parts, and because of this I will teach them the correct terms for everything. I had done so with my son, he knows his penis, testicles, butt, etc, but I was actually wondering what I would teach my girls... and now I know. Right now we only know nose and feet, but it won't be long.

 

Sheryl my heart goes out to you and your daughter. I also plan to teach them the correct names.

 

Proper names here.

I have a special pet peeve about grown women that refer to their parts by goofy names instead of what they actually are called. I figure there is no reason to call them anything other than their actual name. I don't want them to associate them with shame in any way.

 

It never even occured to me to give a different name for penis....though we do sometime call them weenis because they are small

 

We call them mostly by their proper names. I generally refer to the entire area as DD's vagina though rather than getting into detail. I will change that though! (Butts are butts. I hate behind.)
My reasoning for it was that I didn't want it to be uncomfortable or shameful. I never knew or thought about it being easier to report abuse. Thank you both for educating us all!

 

My boys say pee-pee/winky and butt/booty here. But after reading the posts I will make sure that they know what it is called. I have said penis a few times to them, but just like some others, I prefer them to say pee-pee b/c most everyone knows what that means.

 

Sheryl- as everyone else has said thank you for your post and I am so sorry. I have not even thought about what to call their penises (is that the correct plural form or is it peni?). I now will start teaching them the correct terms. Also, thanks to whoever posted to come back and look at this post. I had already read it once and would not have come back to read such a valuable post.

 

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I hope none of you ever need this advice - at least for the protection/reporting aspect. I meant to address before my take on why teaching the correct names is important from a prevention aspect. First, let me say this is just what I have gathered. I haven't seen much of an explanation anywhere as to why it is important, just that it is. I think it is because so much abuse is from someone the child knows - a relative, close friend or other caregiver - the potential perperator (PP). I think a lot of it has to do with if the PP thinks they can get away with it, as in how likely the child is to tell an adult and how likely it is that the adult will do anything. The PP often knows how open the family is in speaking about private parts. One child whose family is very open may be just as likely to tell mom/dad the first time a touch to a genital makes them uncomfortable as they would if the PP hurt their knee. Another child whose family doesn't discuss such matters, or only speaks of it in a whisper or strained voice, may not mention it. If a child is small enough to still be in diapers and doesn't have language to say my vagina or penis was hurt may indicate to the parent they are sore "down there" and maybe the parent just thinks they have a diaper rash or something. I'm not sure I'm explaining this well, it sounds so much more clear in my head than it does reading this post!!

edited to delete double post

 

Thank you for this thread. Sheryl, I'm so sorry about this. No child deserves to be abused. Ever.

I think one of the issues with abuse is that the child could be embarrassed and horrified with what happened. They might have a hard time articulating what happened. It might be too much for a child to blurt out He touched my vagina. But the child might cry and be able to say my vagina hurts, or just blurt out vagina. But if the child is hesitant, and doesn't 'own' it as others said, it is that much harder.

 

hoo-hoo and butt

 

QUOTE(ThreeLittleSnowflakes @ Apr 13 2009, 12:34 PM) [snapback]1271267[/snapback]
Thanks for the links. We have now taught our girls the proper names for their private parts just as we have taught them the proper names for all their other body parts. I understand the reluctance to teach children the actual names and when my oldest was 3 she didn't really have any names at all for her specific private parts - she referred to the whole area as her booty. She was abused, and told me by using the general term booty and then later pointing to the specific area hurt without her clothes on. I can tell you that booty is not a term that is helpful in speaking with the child advocacy center. I will always wonder if her interview with her caseworker would have went differently had she known the actual names of each of her private parts and I had discussed them with her in the same manner as naming her knee or her elbow - would she have felt comfortable verbalizing exactly what happened? I'll never know. But I think it was a mistake on my part and I deeply regret it.

It is interesting, because I know some of you that have responded you wouldn't want to hear your children say penis, scrotum, vagina, labia, clitoris have talked on other threads about it being important to you to have open, honest communication with your children, how you want them to be able to talk to you about anything, how you want them to be comfortable with their bodies and their sexuality (when they are older - of course!)- yet you are treating the genitals in a way that says to them you are embarrassed to discuss them. Aside from the sexual abuse issue - prevention, reporting, prosecuting... there is the whole issue of what message does it send to your children that the real name is not to be spoken aloud? I know you may not see the connection because I didn't used to either. But I think it's something to consider. Sure, it could lead to an embarrasing moment one day, but don't our kids find a way to embarrass us anyway FWIW, I've haven't had it happen yet.

I pulled this quote out of the first link:
"When a child doesn't have a name for something, they often can't "own it," and, therefore, protect it or tell someone about what has happened. If a child feels ashamed about part of their body, it becomes easier for the abuser and harder for the victim to come forward.

Mary E. Whittier, Executive Director of the Bivona Child Advocacy Center says clear definitions are crucial. "It's important to teach children the correct terms of their genitalia, just like we teach them the correct terms for other body parts. If a child is a victim of sexual abuse, it may become confusing for them to identify what has happened if they know their 'private parts' as something different. Additionally, when we call the vagina a 'cuchie,' the message we are sending is that we are too ashamed or embarrassed to say the word 'vagina.' Body parts should be spoken of without shame or hesitation when educating our children."

Parents can help their children develop a positive attitude about their bodies and can begin to give children control over their bodies by giving them a vocabulary as well as the positive attitude they will need to protect and enjoy themselves. If they can't name it or feel bad about it, then they can't protect it or nurture it."
BTW uername - the dss.virginia link wouldn't work for me

edited for spelling

Sheryl :hug: thank you for sharing such a personal thing in an attempt to protect all of our children.

Username thank you for those links.