What do you think are easier/harder: twins or closely spaced babies?

I would love to hear your opinions on this. I have twins. My sister will be having her two about a year apart. It got me thinking about this. I constantly hear from relatives, friends, and workmates that they had two children close together and it was harder than twins would be and I think, "How do you know?" What do you think?

 

I think having 2 kids close together is harder. My kids aren't close together and I'm really having a hard time. I can imagine what it's like to have one just starting to walk, getting in to everything, and another one up all night. With the twins at least they were both doing the same things at the same time, as in they both started sleeping through the night at the same time. It's killing me to be up with the baby all night and then get up with the girls in the morning. Plus my twins are best friends and get along so well, other siblings probably aren't as close. Just my opinion but now that I have # 3 I'm realizing how nice it was to have twins. lol

ETA: The infant stage is definitely more difficult the more babies you have, but once you get past the infant stage I think having twins is a real advantage b/c they keep each other occupied.

 

i think two close together would be more difficult as well - with twins they're on the same schedule (usually) and can entertain each other a bit. with two singletons close in age, you might have one on two naps a day and one on one nap a day so that you're always having to keep someone entertained. plus a young toddler wouldn't necessarily understand why they suddenly have to wait for mommy & daddy's attention, while twins have been used to sharing since birth.

that being said, i sure don't think twins are easy! :laughing:

 

I think they each have their pros and cons, and I think each would be harder at different stages. I personally would MUCH rather have a 12-month-old and a newborn than two newborns, but I think I'd rather have two 6-month-olds than a 6m and an 18m ... but then, I'd rather have a 2.5 y/o and 18-month-old than two 18-month-olds. You know? Different pros and cons. I think it depends on the kids too though, and other factors, like how long it takes them to STTN, how much the twins feed off each other, whether they have reflux or colic, etc. I think there are a lot of variables.
I think if they are 18 months to 2 years apart, that would be easier than twins. If it's "Irish twins," it's more of a toss-up.

I think people also forget to factor in that if your kids are 1-2 years apart, you have a shorter time span when you have two in a stroller/in diapers/that need to be carried everywhere, or that are mobile but not yet good at listening, etc. We twin moms had "2 under 2" for two full years.

 

I think they are both difficult during the infant stage. Having two close in age is hard because I cannot imagine having a newly walking toddler and being the zombie I was with no sleep. But having two needy infants was tough too. I guess I just think infants are hard in general I just don't do well with no sleep so the first 9 months (!!!) of my girls' lives was really difficult for me.

 

My first 2 DD's are 11 1/2 months apart At the time I thought it was easier than twins.....however since we will be having twins in a few weeks I guess we will find out! I am sure it will be more difficult now as I have 4 other children to deal with.

My other DD's are 24 months and 20 months apart. It really didn't find that hard. The nice thing is now they all play well together and can have fun together.

 

My twins and DD are only 18 months apart and its rough. I agree that there are pros and cons of both. Twins are hard bc as you know EVERYTHING is x2...including tantrums, fighting, ect ect! I also agree with the pp that people don't factor in that I have THREE kids in diapers, THREE kids I can't just let roam free at the mall, and THREE kids who still require naps...along with lots of other various dependencies on me. So all in all, I will say my vote goes to TWINS are harder (60%) than having 2 close together (40%) Good luck to your sis!

 

My first two aren't a year apart, but not quite 2. It was much easier than the twins. And, truthfully even at a year it would have been easier than the twins. My guys had reflux and one was on a monitor for months. That was not easy by any means. I think that you can have easy twins and hard close together siblings. So it's really hard to compare. I had a lot of difficulty in the first year with my guys, but I'm sure others had it easier. I still think the physical demands of nursing twins is just plainly exhausting on your body. So in that aspect, singletons would be easier.

 

I think each have their own experiences. It also depends on the parents raising them adn what they feel comfortable handling. For one person, it may be having twins is harder, but for another twins may be easier. It's part of heir stress levels, and lifestyles, I believe. There are some parents that really can only handle one child and beyond that, they just can't handle any more. Other parents feel the more the better and are not that stressed over the idea of either twins or children close in age. In fact, some thrive on it and feel it just makes life more fun.

So, I only have the experience of raising one set of twins and no other child. I can't imagine any different. It can with challenges, but there are many rewards too. I consider myself lucky to have these boys. They are so good and love each other so much. My experience has been a good one so far. I couldn't even imagine myself bringing up a different set of twins with different personalities. I can handle my twins. I raised them this way. Someone else's twin or multiple children will be raised differently and will have different reactions than my boys would to something. I can't imainge how I'd be able to handle it much less determine which is easier.

 

I have no idea. My experience is just raising the twins. I would assume it's just as much as challenge to have an infant and a toddler (in different ways) as it is to have two infants. I just say no matter how you have to do it, parenting is hard work!

 

I think unless you've been in both shoes, which is impossible (even if you have a 3rd kid one year away from the twins, you still have twins too, so you don't experience one newborn and one 1yo), it's impossible to say. Although I can tell that having newborn twins was so awful for us that it turned us off having more kids, just to avoid the newborn stage again.

 

I agree - though there are a couple of posters that had older children a year apart and then twins years later - THOSE posters would be the only ones I'd listen to as to which is harder, becuase they've personally experience both.


My son is 18 months younger, and quite frankly, I'm GLAD I ended up havng them all so close together. Yes, I had 3 kids in diapers, 3 kids still requiring naps, etc. But on the flip side, now that they are older, it's easier to find activties for the whole family to do. They are all pretty much at the same developmental stage, so I don't have to worry about finding somethign that will entertain say, a 10 year old and a 6 year old. They are so close together that the same thing will entertain all 3.

Also, having them so close together - the older one hasn't even developed the whole jealousy thing yet, so you don't even have to worry about that. I think having a 3 year old and a newborn would be MORE difficult, becuase the 3 year old would have jealousy issues. Our girls being 18 months when the baby was born, they didn't have a clue yet.. Their only problem is that they loved their brother to much! LOL

 

I don't really know. We have our twins and a 15 year old (my stepson). For me, it would be more about that someone telling me I had it easier than they do when they don't truly know. Just like I wouldn't tell someone they have it easier than me, when I don't know. I don't think twins are the same having kids 1 or 2 years apart. I also think each experience, however you have multiple children, is different for everyone.

 

It's all hard. No matter what you got. Or it's all easy, no matter what you got. Some people will always think what they have is harder and wish they had something else. That's just human nature.

Let's just try to make the best of what we've got.

 

I think to some degree this is true. Some people are just easily overwhelmed by their kids, no matter the difference in ages. I was at Costco one time with my children, when I just had my oldest 3 who were probably 6, 4 and about 18 mo. I ran into this family from Church who had 3 kids pretty similar ages to mine. The wife was stunned and went on and on that I was there with my kids by myself. She just couldn't fathom going out with all three kids by herself. I guess she only left the house while her oldest 2 were in school?

My closest children (other than twins, obviously) were 21 months apart. So I can't say what it would be like to have to a year apart. But for me newborn twins was much more of a challenge. But then we were also dealing with the fact that one of my twins had reflux, wouldn't gain weight, was probably FTT (didn't get the actual diagnosis til she was 4), is legally blind and severely photophobic, etc. And no matter what I did, they wouldn't get on the same schedule. One was a pretty good sleeper during the day (Sydney loved to take champion naps, Sabrina only napped if she was laying on me), and the other one did better at night (Sabrina would sleep all night from the beginning, but had to be woken to eat. Sydney woke all night to nurse). So I was very sleep deprived. My older kids pretty much fended for themselves for the first couple of months. I think if you didn't have health issues (which of course are more common in multiples), and got them on a good schedule, it might actually be mostly easier than with 2 who were a year apart. But like a pp said, different stages bring their own challenges, so it might vary from age to age. Now with 5yo twins, I don't think their being twins adds any extra challenges. Overall, I love having kids and lots of them. People look at me crazy sometimes because I have 6. But I think I generally deal better with 6 than many people do with 2-3.

 

:wavey: I've been in both shoes; twins and kids 11 months apart independent of each other. I've looked after Naomi and Luke since they were 9 weeks (Alyssa and Bryony I had from 17 months). I started with Eleanor and Ethan's family when Eleanor was 6 months, I had her and Ethan together from when he was 12 weeks (all day that is, I had both of them occasionally for a few hours from when he was 7 weeks). In my opinion/experience two very close in age is harder than twins.

I think the biggest factor is the personality of the children. Obviously colicky twins who sleep badly would be harder than a well sleeping baby and an easy going 1 year old, just as chilled out twins would be easier than a baby with reflux and a 1 year old who climbs everything and doesn't STTN. If personalities/temperaments are roughly equal though (and with my kids they were, they were all pretty content, generally napped fine and had no serious medical needs) then twins, on balance, I think work out easier.

There are things that are easier about one way and things that are easier about the other. In general it was the inconveniences of having two different ages that made it harder. The majority of twins will be on the same schedule after a few months, with different ages that doesn't happen for a long time. I found it hard to go out anywhere for quite a while with E & E because someone always needed to be sleeping or eating, it also made it hard to get much done as their naps rarely overlapped. It was hard to find classes that could accommodate both of them at the same time. Eleanor was not walking when Ethan was born so getting out of the house or up and down stairs was just as tricky as with the twins. After weaning for a good 6 months I had to prepare two entirely different meals each lunch/dinner time. Also for a long time I couldn't leave them both in one room to quickly run and get/do something because I couldn't trust her not to (accidentally) hurt him. That is something you don't have to worry about with 4 month old twins.

I will say that it has balanced out as they get older. E & E are now on the same schedule, they eat the same food, can attend the same classes, amuse each other and play together well (or at least as well as two 2 year olds would). It is in fact just-well, an awful lot-like having twins! :hush: :lol:

I do also think that two more than 18 months apart, certainly 2+ years apart, would probably be easier than twins. I haven't really done that though so I can't say for sure. Again a lot would depend on the individual children/family.

 

To the pp being a nanny is not the same as having them 24/7. I also used to be a nanny to a couple sets of twins and I can tell you it's very different when they are your own and you don't get to go home and sleep.

That being said everyone's situation is different. I think that it is an impossible question to answer. My boys were colicky with reflux so the first 4 months with them were pretty hard. After that though I thought they were easier then my older Dd every was or is still. Every kid and situation is unique.

 

I personally think it switches. I do feel that I know both sides of this because I have twins and then a singleton 13 months later.
When the twins were infants it was by far the most exhausting to me.
I also think that the length between kids changes up things as well. There is a 13 month space between my youngest but my cousin has a 2 year diff. and I do think she has it harder most days. Now that mine are almost 3 and my youngest is almost 2 they are basically on the same track. They are on the same schedule--have been for a year and that makes things SOOO much easier. Plus they are now all eating most of the same foods and are all walking and able to hold hands.
Now I will say that potty training an almost 3 year old while the almost 2 year old plays in the bathroom is a whole new obsitcle that is just NOT fun!
So all in all I think that they both can be difficult but the ages for it change...

 

I think the first year with twins is harder than having siblings close together. But after that first year, I think it is equally hard to have kids close to the same age. At least with the twins, you can usually keep them on the same schedule & they are fairly close developmentally. With siblings that are just close in age, it can be hard to juggle their needs since they are so different. Either way, having babies & young children is difficult, yet so rewarding!

 

I think both have definite challenges, but at the younger ages my biggest problem wouldn't have been a problem if one was a bit older - not being able to set one down because neither could sit, stand, walk, etc. independently, not being able to think that one had the maturity to be a bit more patient, feeding gets exponentially easier as time goes on and when you have one that is just a bit older it has to help - things like that. I always say that the biggest challenge with twins is logistics - just the fact that there are two of them and only one of you and that problem is decreased a bit when one is even just 9 months older!

 

This really isn't the case and I guess it's one of those things that you have to live through in order to really understand. But it's different... You may think you're able to put one down because they can be patient but the truth is they aren't... they scream or get into something they shouldn't or take out their frustrations on the baby.
The logistics of twins is tough but when they were babies you laid them down and knew they weren't going to run away and empty a tub of oatmeal all over the floor. Where as if you have two close together you lay the baby down and the other runs away, do you pick up the roly poly baby and chase after the other one or hope they won't roll away?... My older ones got in the most trouble when I was doing diaper changes on the younger one... geesh! feeding is a WHOLE other issue when having them spaced out... I can't tell you how many times my infant almost choked because my almost 1.5 year old would give them a piece of banana to "hep" (that's what they called helping me lol). If you have them on the same schedule as the older then you're fixing two completely diff meals and if they aren't then you're making two meals and at different times... Both are exhausting!! :laughing:
I'm not saying the logistics of twins isn't hard because it is, but don't assume that it gets easier when one is a bit older... ardon:

 

Very true, plus you have to factor in the pregnancy/ies and how they affect your body, possibly BFing, etc., as well as the very important overnight/sleep factor! If I'd only had my twins during the day the newborn stage would have been MUCH easier!

And I think pp makes a very good point that it's never cool to tell someone else you think you have it harder than they do. For one thing, you don't know the ins and outs of their situations and it's just frustrating to hear.

 

ITA! My brother and I are 18-months apart and I remember how much trouble we caused And my parents had my older sister to take care of too. Of course, I don't remember all of the work that went into taking care of all three of us. I agree with Nancy--one, two, three, it's all hard work and while I know the challenges of raising two at once, I don't know the challenges of two different ages...I can definitely imagine them though!

 

I know it's different. My point was that I've experienced both things. No, I have not had the stress of pregnancy added in, but I had not had it added in in either case. Does that make sense? I mean I was starting from the same place each time; I was approaching both from a non-exhausted professional standpoint, and I found the two 11 months apart more difficult to handle in terms of logistics. I think that's a fair comparison and I felt it was reasonable for me to add my thoughts.

You are making assumptions about the getting to go home and sleep. I did not have them 24/7 but if you want to look at it that way neither did the kids' parents (because they had me). Neither does anyone who can afford (and wants) to hire a nanny/maternity nanny or is lucky enough to have friends/relatives willing to help out by taking a regular night shift. I have experienced the whole sleepless nights+tiredness thing. Was my experience of it comparable to what the majority of people here experienced? Of course not. Does it put me in a good position to empathise? Yes, I think it does.

 

Wow, what is the point of putting rolleyes! You don't need to be rude. I didn't say you didn't have a right to give your opinion. I was just stating that you were missing some factors to have the whole picture. Like I said I was a full time nanny. I looked after 3 different set of twins and a family that had kids close together and it was a WAY different experience then having them yourself.

 

Oh and if you notice in my siggy I do have children that are a year a part as well. In my situation the twins were harder the first 4 months but after that I didn'find it much different then handling the other two. I find my ADHD dd much harder then all my other kids combined. Again every person's situation is unique.

 

I think the twins were way harder. My boys are each 2years apart and at least that way I did not have 2 newborns to keep me up in the night. Now that they are 4 I guess it really doesn't make that much difference but the first year was way harder with the twins. I say that but I think everyone that can handle it needs a set, it has been so neat to watch these two interact and be so close yet so different!

 

I'm sorry if you felt I was being rude. That was not my intention. I don't consider a roll-eyes smiley to be rude (and I don't think TS would have put them in the emoticons menu if most people felt they are) but more exasperated. I used it because I felt it was the best and easiest/quickest way for me to express my frustration. I was frustrated because it seemed to me that you had not bothered to read my post and try to understand the points I was making but just dismissed the whole thing because I'm a nanny not a parent. I actually found that to be rude and slightly hurtful. True, you didn't say that I didn't have a right to give my opinion, but your post certainly implied that it wasn't worth me bothering to do so; "being a nanny is not the same" "it's very different when they are your own". In other words 'your opinions are not as valid as those of people who are parents'.

Again I am not and was not saying that my experiences are the same as the experiences of a parent to twins or a parent to two kids close in age. I'm saying that my experiences (of twins and two children 11 months apart) are comparable to each other.

I did notice your siggy (although I obviously didn't know if they were 11 months apart or 23 months apart or somewhere in-between). Of course every situation is unique. Like I said in my first post I think the personalities/individual needs of the children is what makes the biggest difference. A child who has more challenging needs, whether it's a medical issue or just their temperament, is always going to be harder on balance than one who doesn't.
I also said that I did not find the two situations to be massively different-some things are easier one way and some the other. What it came down to for me was, when they were babies, I found more small inconveniences with the two different ages than with the twins. Now they are older I find it too close to call, like you said it's not much different.

 

Honestly, unless you've been in those shoes you really can't know. Having a singleton one year apart from the twins doesn't compare either as it's obviously harder than having two one year apart. Being a nanny to kids doesn't compare either, IMO, although it does give you an idea... but the worst part with twins is the lack of sleep the first few months, something a nanny won't have experienced.

Plus it really depends on the kids. I've heard so many moms say that their singleton is harder than both twins combined, lol. So I guess we can argue as much as we want, there's just no answer. I still hate it when people say that having two kids 6 months apart is just like twins though... because it's not. Period.

 

I didn't have time to read other posts but I have twins plus one. 16 months apart. Yeah twins are harder. In the beginning, two newborns !! Come on seriously that is harder. (hehe) When I had the baby it was so easy to just have one newborn. Plus it was 12 months and she still was in a stroller and it was easy to be out with one twin and the "baby". On the other hand to go out with the twins was a different story. Yes my now 20 month only ACTS like her 3 year old sisters and does everything they do... she still doesn't have the developmental level as them. She hasn't hit the 2.5 yr old temper tantrums or fighting me in her car seat.

give me a space between the kids any day over twins. Much much easier.

Heather

 

I know for me, sure having twin infants wasn't a piece of cake... but I didn't know any different... during the 1st year I got out and about and went wherever I wanted/needed with both. No biggie. Both babies were easily contained in carseats/strollers. I figured at least they were both at the same stage, and I thought it was 'easier' to have twins... (again, what do I know, I haven't had babies 12 mo. apart).

Fast forward to 12 mo, or 18 mo. old, I'm not so sure if I'd think that having a toddler & infant would be easier... I almost think trying to keep with a toddler and then keeping an infant safe would be hard.

BUT... then we hit 24 mo. and wow, the twins were into everything, and running in separate directions. Mine seem to feed off each other and have lots of fun... so neither really are helpful to minding me when we are out and about... There is no "older sibling" to show them the ropes... (but maybe if I'd had a 2yo and a 1yo, that combination might have been a lot for me to handle too...)

If you go a little further in the future, I sort of think that having a 3 yr old and 2 yr old might be easier... you "might" have been able to train the 3yo to help, and they could help corral the 2yo and show them the ropes.

anyway, I, too, think that each has its pros and cons - if you can say it that way.

as for the "tit for tat" that you all are talking about with nannies not knowing what it's like to have twins, I have to say, that it's kinda funny about the comments... it's almost like the twin moms are saying that you don't truly know the ins and outs of having twins unless you are a full-time stay at home mom... because like twinnanny said, the twin moms who hire a nanny get a break during the time the nanny is hired... anyway, just interesting perspectives. I, personally, love hearing the various perspectives, from all parties, full-time stay at home moms, working moms, nannies etc.

 

I just like seeing so many other moms on here with twins and then another one shortly after. Sometimes that feels pretty lonely IRL. I don't think that most of our friends and family can understand what our life is like right now! I have to agree with OP that the first year with twins is HARD. After that I thinks it starts to balance out within a year or so. Right now I am just looking forward to only having one child in diapers instead of 3! I can sense that we are just days away...