What is a "normal" bedtime for a 3 y/o?

This is sort of a spinoff on the thread about schedules....

Yesterday a new neighbor friend of ours was telling us about the sleep schedule of her little boy, who is one day younger than the boys (who just happen to turn 3 today-- yay!). The little boy very rarely takes a nap and he is up until at least 10pm each night, and up again early in the morning (she has to do all of her housework late into the night once the kids are asleep). In contrast, my boys take at least a 2hr nap every day and generally sleep at least 11 hours at night, going to bed pretty close to 7:30pm each night.

Later I was talking with DH about the vast difference in schedules and he pretty much replied that our boys are the exception to the norm when it comes to sleeping. I tried to argue with him, but then I realized in the context of our group of friends, he's right. Of all the kids we know, the earliest one might go to bed is 8:30pm on a good night. And of course, all kids, families, situations, environments are different. But it really got me thinking whether or not we're "abnormal." They are healthy, happy, and well-behaved. When they start missing their sleep, it really shows.

I am wondering if it's a twin thing-- if the extreme need to be on a schedule early on for the sake of survival has led us to this. Or is just the way they are, and a solid schedule has encouraged this? I felt badly for my neighbor but at the same time kind of wondered if she was partly responsible for letting the schedule get to that point.... but then again, maybe her son just had much lower sleep needs?

What do you think? Are we abormal? Or is there really a "normal"?

 

10:00 pm is way too late IMO. My girls have been napless since February. Before we gave up naps, they were sleeping from 8:00 pm to 7:00 am with a 1 hour nap (on good days, not at all on most days towards the end). Now, they go to bed at 7:00 pm and get up at 7:30 usually. A co-worker with a 3 and 4 yo puts her girls to bed at 6:30 and they sleep until 6:30 am. No naps there but they have a rest time at daycare.

 

Ours are quite a bit younger than yours, but already we're discovering that our early bedtime is very abnormal. Ours go to bed between 6 and 7, usually close to 6:30. And they sleep until at least 6:30, usually 7:00 in the morning.

This is definitely abnormal among our friends and family, but no way in hell would I want the tables turned. Everyone else wishes they could get their kids on a schedule like ours -- of course, they can (or could have if they'd started earlier), they just don't. (I'm sure there are some kids who just aren't good sleepers/don't need as much sleep, and no amount of 'training' will change that, but for the most part I expect that parents can influence/dictate the sleep schedule if they work hard enough at it.)

Here's my theory: This type of schedule is going to be common among TSers, because everyone pushes HSHHC on here - and of course the big thing in that book is early bedtime. In the rest of the world, which maybe isn't as educated about how helpful an early bedtime is to a baby/toddler sleep pattern, later bedtimes (and crankier kids) are a lot more common.

Just my theory - we'll see if it pans out with other responses you get.

 

Bedtime as been 8 o'clock since they turned one (before that it was later, as newborns it was 10 but we slowly moved that back to 8 as they started sleeping later into the morning). It is physically impossible for me to get them into bed before that and some nights it is closer to 8:30 depending on how long it took to cook dinner/showers/homework etc. Bedtime has never been before 8 for us although I personally remember going to bed earlier than that as a child. I remember 7 and I remember when I was soo excited when it went to 7:30 but my mom was home earlier than I am and could get dinner on the table earlier. As a child we ate at 5 and I am not even home until 6.

 

Our girls are 2 3/4 and go to bed at 7:30. They wake around 6:30 and nap for 1- 2 hrs a day. When they were younger, they went to bed at 6:30/7. It it not 'abnormal' here- our neighbors all have 7/8 bedtimes and they are ages 2-5. Though I know it is not standard (we must live on an early to rise street!) . My girls cousins (ages 4 & 6) got to bed as late as 10 PM as well.

Each to their own...some families have late work schedules and it works that way well for them, but when school starts many people have to 'drop back' the bedtime since kids have to be alert for school and up and out the door on time.

My girls are WAY too cranky w/o sleep and dont sleep past 7 am so early to bed it is. Plus I like the time for DH, myself, or to get stuff done.


KC

 

Bedtime is usually between 9 and 9:30....every once in a while it is 10.

I try my hardest to get them ready and into bed at 9 but I'm also exhausted and I have to get some things done before they go to bed, which makes it hard to do when I work a full time job.

 

Everyone I know thinks it is crazy that our girls go to bed at 7:30 every night; however, most of the women in my neighborhood are SAHM and can let their kids sleep later in the day. We have to get the girls up at 6:30 every weekday to go to daycare while we work. We pay for it the next day if the girls aren't in bed close to 7:30. They take a 1-2 hour nap each day at daycare during the week and at home on the weekends. I would go crazy if I didn't have the down time in the evenings to get things done. It is the only time I have since I work outside the home.

 

I know that with my friends that work during the day they tend to let their kids stay up later so they actually get to spend some amount of time with them. I can understand that, but being that I am at home and see my kids all day long they go to bed at 7:30pm-8:00am. (I desperately need the break) Even my 12 yr old is in bed at 8:30 on a school night and around 9:00 in the summer. He still needs 12 hours of sleep. As for the twins, they will eventually be on the schedule everyone else has. I love having alone time with my DH. Oh and my 2 and 3 yr. olds both still nap an hour and a half in the afternoon.

 

Mine go to bed on the later side, but also sleep later, and that has worked well for us. They are usually in bed by 9:00, and get up at around 8:00. They are just starting to give up their naps (they still nap at daycare, but not usually at home on the weekends - but up until recently Elliot was taking a 3+ hour nap, and Clarissa would do that usually one day on the weekend).

In the fall they start preschool, and their day will have to start earlier. In addition, the preschool has a 45 minute rest period instead of the 2 hour nap they get at daycare. My hope is to get them on the schedule of sleeping approx. 7:30 - 7:30. I'll probably try to start gradually shifting bedtime earlier in mid-August so they'll be ready when school starts the second week of September.

I always feel like people think I'm a bad mom for letting my kids stay up until 9:00, but it really works for us (I'd hate to pick them up at daycare at 5:00 and have them in bed at 7:00 - I'd barely ever see them!)

-Rachel

 

I have to agree, 10 is way too late. My 10 year old goes to bed by 8:30 on school nights, I can't imagine the tempers of my girls or any 3 year old if they stayed up that late every night. The girls bedtime is 8:00. If they have taken an extra long nap we may push it back to 9, but there is no way I let them stay up past that.

 

Normal is what is your normal. If your child needs an earlier bedtime then thats what your normal is.
Josh goes to bed around 8/8:30 but on special occasions where we have peopel that we don't see often he may stay up a tad later but we go with what he is doing. If he is acting really tired he goes to bed at an earlier time.

 

I don't have any advice but couldn't pass up the chance to say...

:birthday: [SIZE=12pt]BENJAMIN!!!![/SIZE]

:birthday: [SIZE=12pt]JACOB!!!![/SIZE]

 

My kids go to bed at 7pm and wake up at 6am, with no naps. When they used to take naps, it was the same schedule with 1-2 hour naps. I knew it was time to take away their naps when they couldn't fall asleep at night and stayed up later and later. When their bedtime became 9pm, I took away their nap and put them to bed at 7pm.

 

My kids aren't 3 but figured I would jump in here. I always get weird looks about what time my twins go to sleep. They are in bed by 7:30pm and are up between 7-8am, plus they take a 2 hour nap during the day. Most of my friends allow their 2 year olds up until 9 or 10, up by 6am and no nap, and wonder why they are cranky? Toddlers need lots of sleep. Helps them grow and keeps them healthier. I would say that you are probably "abnormal" but a good abnormal. It's for the best interest of your LO's. If it works for you and them, I don't see any reason to change it.

 

QUOTE(RachelJoy @ Jul 17 2008, 09:48 AM) [snapback]881521[/snapback]
I always feel like people think I'm a bad mom for letting my kids stay up until 9:00, but it really works for us (I'd hate to pick them up at daycare at 5:00 and have them in bed at 7:00 - I'd barely ever see them!)

Not at all! Sometimes I worry I'm a bad mom because my kids go down so early and, like you, I don't see them until almost 5:00. I'm off to work before they get up in the morning, so I only get to see them for two hours (if that) on weekdays. It sucks! But the early bedtime is what works for them, so I deal and make the most of my weekends.

 

At almost 3.5yrs, our bedtime is just recently 8 pm. Lots of times they don't fall asleep until 9. They still nap about 2hrs during the day. I'm considering doing away with their nap myself because their night sleep is suffering (falling asleep later, waking earlier).

 

My girls go to bed between 8:30 and 9pm. They wake up between 7:30 and 8am. And they take a 2-3 hour nap. DH likes having the evening to spend with them and since I stay home, I like sleeping in too.

ETA: Ooops, sorry. I didn't notice it was for a 3yr old. My girls are 2. :blush:

 

My boys are in bed by 8 latest usually (unless out at a party or something, but then its not much later). They get up anywhere b/w 5:30 and 6:30 (YUCK!), so I need them to get into bed early to get sleep in. They sometimes nap during the day, for about an hour.
Plus, no matter how late we have kept them up, they wake that god awful early hour (530-630) so why keep them up???

 

At that age, Nadia needed 12 hours of sleep a night, plus about two hours of nap. She had to wake up at 8:00 am to get to preschool on time, so her bedtime was 8:00 pm.

When she was younger -- before she started preschool -- we used to let her stay up until 9:30 or 10:00 pm, because the schedule just worked for us. She would then sleep in until 10:00 am, so she was still getting all the sleep she needed. DH and I are both night owls, and we HATE to get up early (DH was in school at the time, and was taking afternoon/evening classes) -- so, we did what worked.

I think as long as your kids are happy, do what works for them!

 

QUOTE(JakeandPeyton @ Jul 17 2008, 07:35 PM) [snapback]881911[/snapback]
My boys are in bed by 8 latest usually (unless out at a party or something, but then its not much later). They get up anywhere b/w 5:30 and 6:30 (YUCK!), so I need them to get into bed early to get sleep in. They sometimes nap during the day, for about an hour.
Plus, no matter how late we have kept them up, they wake that god awful early hour (530-630) so why keep them up???


This is us exactly! We almost died when they didn't go to bed on the 4th of July until 10:30 and were up at 6:30 - ugh!! I know that Brooke would sleep later if Natalie didn't wake her up by being so loud.

 

My 3yr olds (& 6 yr old actually) go to bed @ 8 pm, do not nap and are usually up around 7am.

 

My guys go down at 8:00 and sleep until at least 7:00 every morning. They also take a 2-3 hour nap. I have some friends that have kids that wake at 5:00 in the morning and go to bed later than ours, so I just guess all kids and parents are different for that matter.

 

I think your kids are part of the "norm" in terms of what the sleep experts say. See this link, which says that most 3 year olds need 12 hours of total sleep (bedtime and naptime) each day:

http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-much-sleep...ld-need_7645.bc

I also think that parents of twins (or other multiples) are probably more sensitive to sleep needs, because the consequences of sleep deprivation are doubled. For parents of singletons, its a bit easier to deal with a sleep deprived child. When its "times two" its that much tougher.

Weissbluth's book (which I still re-read occassionly) has a chart listing average sleep needs for kids at different ages -- sort of like the growth charts for kids which shows that 5% fall into the range of needing this much sleep, while 50% of kids needs this much sleep and 90% of kids need this amount of sleep. So, I think that there is a range and not all kids needs the same amount of sleep.

My twins (age 2 years 4 months) do best with almost 14 hours of sleep (12 at night and 2 hour naps.) That's on the
"high end" of the chart and we don't always get that much sleep, but they are at their happies, most pleasant and least tantrumming when they get that amount regularly.

And, this all makes sense to me, because my DH requires a lot LESS sleep each night than I do. It's been that way since we were first married. I do best with about 2 more hours sleep than he needs. That's just the way I function best.

In the end, its whatever works best for that particular family.

Meg -- Mom of 2 year old twins

 

We are hit or miss with naps, but 7:30 is bedtime unless there has been a nap and then it's 8:00.....

:birthday: BEN AND JACOB!!!! :birthday:

 

mine are also younger, but bedtime is 6:30/7pm and they wake around 7:30/8am. They also take a 2-3hr nap daily, so 15+hrs of sleep a day. We like the schedule, they are happy and healthy so we will keep it that way until one of those things changes!

I know most of my friends with singletons don't even know what a schedule is, but most of my friends with twins have a fairly consistent bedtime (whether it be late or early, its a set time!).

 

my 4 yr olds still go to bed @ 7pm but have recently given up their naps. 10pm is too late, IMO, for most children any age.

 

Ours are in bed no later than 8 pm. Usually it's more like 7:30. They don't nap either.

 

Thanks for all the input... as someone posted, normal is whatever your normal is. I don't want to make anyone feel badly about putting their kids to bed late (or early). You do what works for you. I just wasn't sure if what I was doing was what most other people were doing with their kids, because we stick out like a sore thumb within our group of friends.

And thanks for the birthday wishes! It was a good one.

Thanks for all the input... as someone posted, normal is whatever your normal is. I don't want to make anyone feel badly about putting their kids to bed late (or early). You do what works for you. I just wasn't sure if what I was doing was what most other people were doing with their kids, because we stick out like a sore thumb within our group of friends.

And thanks for the birthday wishes! It was a good one.

 

QUOTE(BridgePort @ Jul 17 2008, 11:23 AM) [snapback]881447[/snapback]
our early bedtime is very abnormal. Ours go to bed between 6 and 7, usually close to 6:30. And they sleep until at least 6:30, usually 7:00 in the morning.

This is my kids. The boys go down between 6 and 6:30 (if dh is home, 6:30, if I'm home alone, 6:00). The big kids between 6:30-7:00 (again, later if dh is home). The older girls can lay in their beds and talk quietly or read for a half hour or hour, depending on when they go up, but they need to be in their beds at this time. My older kids all stopped napping before age 2, but the boys still take 1.5 hour naps as well as sleep 12 hours/night. They are all happy, well behaved kids as well.

 

My girls are in bed around 8:30-9 at night but they don't get up inthe morning till about the same time. The night time schedule has pretty much been this way since they were about a year. This way they can see DH when he comes home from work, we can all have dinner and not be too rushed and then DH and the kids can play for a while.

As far as naps go right now they prefer to talk during their entire 2 hour nap time which is quickly becoming more of a quiet time to just relax for them and me. They are not ready to totally give up naps bacause every few days now they actually sleep.

My neice who is 2.5 refuses naps and will just fall asleep late in the day while playing so she is always up late and then my sister lets her sleep late. It is not a schedule I would ever have but it seems to work for them.

And a little late but HAPPY BIRTHDAY to your boys. Hope you all had a great day.

 

For *me personally* the negative about a late bedtime is adjusting when they start school.
I read that your circadian rhythm is developed for the rest of your life when you are young, and this made a HUGE impression on me and my decisions on bedtime.

My parents never made me go to bed at a reasonable time and I'm a night own now. Being a night owl is sort of a pain because since I like to go to bed late, obviously I don't like to get up early. This wasa big problem for me in school and now a problem w/ little ones who like to wake up at 6:30-7am.
Naturally, I'd prefer to sleep from midnight to 8am, DH on the other hand would be ideal from about 9pm -5-6am.

I decided not to let this happen to my kids because it's been an inconvenience for me personally in my own personal life.

 

All my kids have needed sleep more than the average child. My boys go to sleep at 6:30pm wake at 6:30am and nap for 3-4 hours a day. Emma and Dave go to bed at 7 or 8. None of my friends can believe how much my kids sleep, but when they go to bed later than normal they are miserable the next day. They need that sleep to function.

Sometimes I think some bad behaviors in children could be solved or lessened if kids got more sleep. I know I'm cranky and out of sorts if I'm tired, kids can't be any different.

 

I think it totally depends on your family's schedule. The important thing is that your child is getting enough sleep...not what time they go to bed. My boys have just given up their afternoon nap. We head towards the bedroom to get ready for bed around 8 p.m., and they fall asleep between 9-10. They get up about 8:30 a.m. That is all the sleep they need...I would love for them to keep taking naps! But they were staying up until 11 p.m. After we stopped naps they fell asleep closer to 9:00 p.m. If we put them to bed earlier they would wake up earlier...but we would rather have the extra hour of sleep in the morning! For parents that like the quiet time in the evenings, that's fine too. A lot of people have to get their kids up early in the morning.

 

Well, I think 10pm is too late also! I have a two friends who each have a girl the same age as my boys and they go to bed around 10pm also which is crazy to me but they sleep until 9/10 the next morning and that schedule just doesn't work for me. Mine have always been early risers , I've tried to have them sleep later then 6:30am and the best I could ever do was 7am it didn't matter what time I put them up, they also still take about an 1.5 hour nap. FWIW, 8 Pm will always be bedtime until they are a bit older I need sometime to wind down and get little odds and ends done. For instance I tucked all the boys in bed last night at 8 Pm, DH included he had work at 5am, and my SD and I went to Target and Walmart to get more undies for potty training today.

 

My DD is 3 years and 10 months old. She typically gets 10-11 hours of sleep a night. She has a 2 hour "quiet time" in her room each afternoon. She gets special toys that are reserved for this time only; sometimes she plays quietly the entire time, sometimes she sleeps the entire time, and sometimes it's a little of both. Whether she naps depends on how busy our morning has been and how much of it was spent outside.