What to do with one 'active' twin....

I'm sending him away. I am. He drives me c.r.a.z.y. I love him dearly, he just takes all of my energy. He is constantly gogogogogogogogogogogoing. Never stops. Sun up, to sun down. He wakes around 7:15 am, and does.not.stop.talking until he goes to bed. And when he talks, it's "Mommy. I hungry. What we eating?" So I tell him. "What else we eating?" That's it. "But I hungry. What are we eating mommy?" Repeat 3059691 times. You tell him what we are doing, he will ask again in two seconds. He wants your attention, and he will.not.stop until he gets it. It's maddening. So by 5pm when dh gets home from work, I'm about ready to lose my ________!!!!!

He is constantly moving. Jumping on the couch. Wrestling with his brother(against his choices). Pulling down on Annabella. Jumping on her. Throwing pillows at the dog. Throwing himself to the floor. If playing, he will play for maybe 5-15 minutes on his own fine. Then, it's downhill from there. He throws himself on top of what he is building "but I a monkey mommy!" If I were to sit with him and play, he will generally play a bit longer.

And it's so hard. Anthony, well, he will play happily, by himself, for hours. He is happy and in his own world. The world comes crashing down when Nicholas does some little ____ move and takes away a toy or something from him. He spends his day saying, "Mommy! Anthony hit me!" But he doesn't tell you that he probably kicked him when he was sitting nicely, or that he took his blanket away from him, or some other act of teasing. It's the main point of his day. He'll take something away from one of the other two and just laugh. He is the reason I yell. Sadly he is.

But he can be so good and so sweet. We went to Kohl's this morning so dh could sleep in in peace on his birthday. I dragged three kids to Kohl's with no stroller for Nicholas. Overall, compared to how most 3 year olds would behave, he was AWESOME. They all were. And then I took all three to Friendly's by myself. Again-AWESOME. At home, it's just a constant whirlwind of talking, whining( "I can't do this mommy! I can't do that mommy! Help meeeeeee mommy!"), crying, jumping, moving, yada yada yada.

Any coping skills I can learn? I know people have mentioned books. I want to help him somehow(part of me really worries about his attention at times, but I think a lot of it is just his age. He's in playgroup once/week and he seems fine there). I know by helping his behavior, will help mine.

Oh-and if you say, NICELY, "Nicholas, please don't throw that toy." And you say it in a nice, sweet, motherly tone, he will say, "You YELL AT ME MOMMY!" Ummm...no I didn't. If you say, "Be careful Nicholas", you will get a pouty face, and, "You YELL AT ME MOMMY!" How do I stop that too?!?!

Any ideas are great. And it was tonight when I asked him if he was a good boy or a bad boy and he said bad. He's not. He's busy. He's active. I don't know. I don't want him thinking he's a bad kid. So that there broke my heart. I need to fix it. Help!

 

He reminds me a bit of my Timothy. Timothy is all the whirlwind that a boy can be. And he can be a sweet, running around, silly whirlwind or a smart-mouthed, back-talking, tattle-taling whirlwind. Sarah can go off with a book or toys for hours and you'll never hear a peep.

The difference, for us, is in how I handle it.

What I have figured out, is that we are Timothy's toys. He just needs to be around people. He needs an audience to give him a thumbs up. Sarah's been sick with a scary high fever and was getting more attention. And Timothy's behaviour went right into the toilet. For him, he needs very directed attention at him for some period of time every day.

I found a couple of different strategies that work for him.
1- Get physical. Go outside and toss the balls with him. Kick balls. He thinks it's silly to see how fast he can run laps around the outside of the deck or counting how many laps he can run around the deck. I didn't find out till Timothy was too old, but a local gymnastics place had a mother's day out program that he would have loved. A tired Timothy is a happier Timothy.

2- Find one-on-one time, every single day. I know it's hard to do that, but Timothy needed to see us making the effort to spend time with him that was all about him. Conversely, Sarah needed to see us telling her brother to bug off for her time for her to know that she's worth it to us and we won't let him crash her time. It can be a book or boardgame or tossing the ball.

3- Find ways for him to "help". Timothy probably know much more about cooking than Sarah because he always wants to be right there with me. So, I put him to work. He's been learning to roll out biscuits and cut them out. He's good at setting the table and putting up dishes. Today I had him and Sarah restocking the bathrooms with toilet paper. They thought it was the best game in the world, probably because I suggested that they see if they could walk to the bathrooms balancing the rolls of toilet paper on their heads. Timothy will also do housework. I have dollar chores where they can earn money and he's always ready and willing if I ask him. Sarah would rather lay low and let everyone else do the work. Timothy already knows how to clean leather couches, scrub toilets, vacuum and edge clean, mop, dust, and help in the kitchen.

4- Your son might be a little young for this, but it's working for Timothy. I ask him what he wants to happen when I see his behaviour start to slide. I ask him if he is wanting time on his bed or if he's wanting computer time or me to watch him play out the window. He'll say "computer time". Then I'll ask him to think about how he needs to act to get that. Like I said, it's probably for older than your son, but it's really working right now for Timothy.

5- I honestly try not to let them see me sweat. Positive things get rewarded with acknowledgment and praise, negative behaviours will end with him going to sit on his bed, in his room, away from all the attention. And when I send him there, I just tell him to go sit on his bed in a firm, but quiet voice without a lot of hoopla.

Something both of my kids like is scrapbooks all about them. In the family books and pictures to other people, I always try to keep things even. So, they each have their own set of scrapbooks that are totally all about them. A picture of with their sibling might happen, but I try to focus on them. I let them pick some of the stickers and paper. It's just all about them.

I've only ever read one parenting book. It's called "The Way of Boys". It was more about how boys (and husbands) think and why as a mom it doesn't make sense to us and just a different perspective on our little whirlwinds.

Marissa

 

You know Marissa, I've been wanting to say this for awhile, but you just give such great, sound advice! You really, truly do. I know you've responded to my posts before, especially ones about behavior, and you just have a wonderful way of helping me step back and look at myself, and ways to help my kids. So for that, I thank you! :thanks:

 

You're welcome. :FIFblush: The longer I'm at this, the more connections I find between my behaviour and choices and what I see from my kids. I love my little whirlwind, but sometimes I have felt so really and truly over-my-head with him. When I find something that works, I just want to share it.

Of course the punch line to all of this. A month or two ago, Timothy at home was going through a dreadful smart-mouth, back-talking phase. Timothy at school was given one of the special character awards for being respectful because he is so polite and respectful there. Me and dh about fell over. So, just because your son isn't showing you the behaviour you want yet, doesn't mean he doesn't know how.

Marissa

 

That's just it. I feel like I'm just in over my head with him. But he's such an awesome, fun, loving kid. Who's busy. LOL! And I failed to reply to your first response...Everything you said-IS Nicholas. I even read it to DH. I HAVE HAVE HAVE to make time for him. I honestly do. And will. And you saying that you and your dh are his toys-so true. Nicholas is ALWAYS around us. Always.

And Nicholas is just like Timothy. He LOVES to help out. Loves it. If I ask him to help set the table, he jumps up. He will say he needs to clean the living room, and do it on his own. And physical. I think that's something we are going to have to do. I would LOVE a gymnastics program for him of some sort. I think I will definitely look into that. Oh, and they LOVE looking at photos(we have them streamed onto the TV). I need to get my act together and do some scrapbooks for them. Again-thank you!

And don't you love how they behave at school vs home?!?! LOL!