where do you stand on selective reduction?

quote:
Originally posted by JodiF:
WOW the memories this brings up! I was faced with this situation and is was VERY DIFFICULT. When I was pg w/ my twin boys i had a lot of trouble and at 12 weeks was told by a specialist I MUST consider sel red. I was in total shock, we were told baby b is so small (through the entire pg he was always 3-5 weeks behind in growth). We were told he had some rare form of dwarfism and would be born dead or live only an hour or so! Ready for this, we ask how do you come to this conclusion, he says "seems like a case of bad luck, would you like to do the reduction today!!!!" i grabbed my purse through my kleenex at him walked out of his office (and reported him!). My regular ob/gyn just did not agree only said yes he is smaller but seems ok. Then onto specialist #2 she also brings up selective redu at 15 weeks, saying baby b is just way to small and not showing enough growth, you got it I walked right out of that office!! Dh and i NEVER even discussed it, it was just NOT an option, just b/c he's small why put my other baby at risk, and how could i kill my baby. No one could even find a definite problem. I could ramble forever but to shorten this story my reg ob kept close watch had 2 u/s a week never went to another specialist and was on bedrest for 4 months. I delivered at 34 weeks Jacob was 6#3oz and Matthew (MY MIRACLE)WAS 4#10Z NEITHER HAD ANY PROBLEMS AND NO STAY IN THE HOSPITAL!!! My thoughts are that doctors way to quickly bring this option up. It was very draining and difficult on me. Yes my matthew is still much smaller and may always be but i couldn't imagine life without them!!!


How awful for you to go through that

and just imagine how many mothers are told that every day by the doctor they trust and really believe them and go through with it. so sad.

 

quote:
My thoughts are that doctors way to quickly bring this option up.



Good point.

I am sorry you had to go through this...and for any one, I do not agree with selective reduction, and to me, this is one of the reasons too...what it does to the mother. My heart aches for all who have to make this decision.

 

I definitely agree that this stems from whether you are pro-life or pro-choice. Although I never had to make this decision, I would ask that those of you who are so against SR, please refrain from being so adament. There are probably members on this board who were in a tough situation and had to make that tough choice and to read these posts would definitely hurt them a lot. Personally, I believe you need to do what is right for you and what you can live with and ask others to respect that you made that decision for yourself even if they wouldn't make the same decision. To be completely honest, reading some of your responses about fertility treatments actually insulted me. Having to go through treatments is certainly not something I wanted to do, but it was/is the only option if I want to have children. Not being able to have a child on your own is extremely painful and if you haven't gone through that, you really can't truly understand. Although the doctors work hard to prevent HOM, it's definitely a risk which leads to the whole question of SR. Most people didn't choose to get pregnant with HOM, they just wanted to have a baby and wound up pregnant with HOM. The vast majority of doctors out there will not implant more than 3 embryos and some won't even do that many. Fertility treatments are different for everyone based on circumstances and are treated individually by the doctors. Please respect that everyone's goal here is to have a healthy child regardless of how they were created.

 

quote:
Originally posted by a1cbrandy:
quote:
Originally posted by kma13:
Until you are in the siutation of carrying higher order multiples I think you cannot say one way or another..... I think (this is JMO) that HOMs are 4+. Are you willing to risk a lifetime of disability for all of your children? Are you willing to have 2 healthy children and not 4,5,6... that are sick? Are you willing to have no children? If you aren't standing in those shoes you cannot say. Other than those who say they will not stand in those shoes by avoiding any fertility treatments.

In most SR you don't 'choose' to 'kill' the dr and ultrasound specialized decide which to reduce. I researched this very carefully before we STARTED fertility treatments. And I will say again until you are standing there...you don't know


Actually I can say I know 100% what I would do in this situation. I believe every baby..no matter if sick..healthy..blue eyes or brown..they are all gifts from God. Prayer is a great healing factor..and I believe in miracles..so this would be totally left up to God for my family.

Brandy

Im totally with Brandy, even if in that situation, which I have been with Madison, its not an option, even if it costs me all my babies. THey are not fetuses. And I have been through a loss, its not fun and I certainly dont want to be responsible for chosing to end a life which deserves to live.

If a family cant afford their children, give them up for adoption, plenty of families out there would be willing to take on a child.

You can have just as many complications or disabilities with even a singleton pregnancy, there are not promises it will go well. Read my two singletons website, both were 27 weekers and one died...

 

quote:
Originally posted by egoury:
I definitely agree that this stems from whether you are pro-life or pro-choice. Although I never had to make this decision, I would ask that those of you who are so against SR, please refrain from being so adament. There are probably members on this board who were in a tough situation and had to make that tough choice and to read these posts would definitely hurt them a lot. Personally, I believe you need to do what is right for you and what you can live with and ask others to respect that you made that decision for yourself even if they wouldn't make the same decision. To be completely honest, reading some of your responses about fertility treatments actually insulted me. Having to go through treatments is certainly not something I wanted to do, but it was/is the only option if I want to have children. Not being able to have a child on your own is extremely painful and if you haven't gone through that, you really can't truly understand. Although the doctors work hard to prevent HOM, it's definitely a risk which leads to the whole question of SR. Most people didn't choose to get pregnant with HOM, they just wanted to have a baby and wound up pregnant with HOM. The vast majority of doctors out there will not implant more than 3 embryos and some won't even do that many. Fertility treatments are different for everyone based on circumstances and are treated individually by the doctors. Please respect that everyone's goal here is to have a healthy child regardless of how they were created.


Thank you for this post

I am about to be a b**** here. . It is unbelievable to me how judgmental people are. It must be really great to have fertility oozing out of your nether parts and be able and willing to bring hoards of children into this world but for those of us who just wanted a baby of our own to love...well if you haven't been there you can't know the pain of fertility treatments and the agony of childlessness. I am amazed at how willing people, adults I mean, are to make black or white, right or wrong proclamations. There is not a perfect one among us. Until you stand in someone else's shoes you cannot imagine their choices. Teenagers are righteous in this same manner, the immaturity of the developmentally stage I guess. I refuse to make a decision or judgment about someone else's decision until I am in the situation.

Is SR right or wrong.......not MY place to say.

For anyone who has had to make tough decisions and I refuse to decide whether you made the right or wrong decision, for you, at the time, it was right.

 

I dont think its so much judgement if you are against something. I am against all abortion. I do know people who have gotten abortions..and I am still friends with them. However I will always say I am against abortion..no matter what name or form it takes. I am not judging anyone. I am standing up for my beliefs. Just like someone who is pro-choice for any of these things..stands up for their beliefs. We are all different..different faiths, different situations..and different life choices. I never said I was perfect at all..but I am allowed to not agree with everything the worlds see's is right.

I had to do IUI with 6 fertile eggs to get pregnant with my triplets. I have had a lot of people tell me how wrong I was for risking that. However they will never understand what it felt like to NOT be able to get pregnant..and have that as my only hope. I had 3 other IUI's with never that amount of eggs..and they never took. This time it worked for us..and I was nervous about having Triplets..but so excited..I couldnt stop telling complete strangers. I know not everyone would have done what I had done. I even had people ask when my SR was set for. I said I could never do that. I did lose a baby at 8 weeks..and my twins are healthy 3 year olds now. I dont get upset when people say they wouldnt have done the cycle like I did..they dont understand or know what it was like for me to make that choice. It worked for us..and I am so so happy I had the choice to make that. I dont get mad that there are people who speak out against cycles like mine..because they cant understand and wont unless they are there.

Just my opinion.

Brandy

 

Thanks Kellie! Well said!

 

quote:
Originally posted by kma13:
Is SR right or wrong.......not MY place to say.

For anyone who has had to make tough decisions and I refuse to decide whether you made the right or wrong decision, for you, at the time, it was right.


I completely agree!

 

quote:
I am about to be a b**** here. . It is unbelievable to me how judgmental people are. It must be really great to have fertility oozing out of your nether parts and be able and willing to bring hoards of children into this world but for those of us who just wanted a baby of our own to love...well if you haven't been there you can't know the pain of fertility treatments and the agony of childlessness. I am amazed at how willing people, adults I mean, are to make black or white, right or wrong proclamations. There is not a perfect one among us. Until you stand in someone else's shoes you cannot imagine their choices. Teenagers are righteous in this same manner, the immaturity of the developmentally stage I guess. I refuse to make a decision or judgment about someone else's decision until I am in the situation.

Is SR right or wrong.......not MY place to say.

For anyone who has had to make tough decisions and I refuse to decide whether you made the right or wrong decision, for you, at the time, it was right.


I am glad you posted this because as I sat here reading all the posts I was thinking "Wow, how judgemental everyone seems to be". I went through fertility also and cried so many times at the sight of the blood each month. I wanted to be pregnant more than anything in the world. I found out after three years of trying that I was pregnant with triplets. We were so excited. Then we sat down with the specialist who very bluntly told me I was not built for triplets and all of the problems we would facing during this pregnancy and beyond. He suggested SR and sent us home to discuss it. I was against it because we had worked so hard to create (yes, we created these babies with medical assistance, but we still created them) these babies. My husband was for it because as soon as he heard the chances of me dying, that was all he needed to hear. He said he loved me too much to risk losing me over something that might never be. I also talked to a friend about it and she turned on me, just like all of you have. She informed me that I would burn in **** forever if I chose to do the SR. I cried all the way home and husband and I decided to keep the decision to ourself and see what the next specialist said.
We went to that appointment scared and nervous. They did an ultrasound and for us the decision had been made by Mother Nature. Our third baby had no more heartbeat. We were fortunate in not having to make that decision, however there are others that aren't that fortunate. I really don't know what we would have done otherwise, so for me to sit here and judge others and is not something I am willing to do.

 

I appreciate everyone here sharing their stories and opinions. I'm always amazed at how much I learn on TS and how my viewpoint can be expanded and even changed when I find out what it's like in someone else's shoes.

However, I don't see where people are being judgemental about either fertility assistance or selective reduction in this thread. To state that you know in your heart you could never do SR is not the same as saying, as bkimberly's friend said so cruelly, that someone who does SR will burn in h*ll. In fact, many people who have stated here that they are opposed to it for themselves have also specifically said they do not presume to judge those who choose it.

My heart goes out to all the TS moms who have had fertility troubles, miscarriages, and the prospect of SR.

 

quote:
I think this question is impossible to answer until you're in the situation.

I agree.

 

quote:

However, I don't see where people are being judgemental about either fertility assistance or selective reduction in this thread.


I'm sorry, but you must not have read the NUMEROUS posts in this thread about abortion/taking a life is just wrong/do infertility and assume the risks?

I come to this website for SUPPORT from other families that are trying to raise multiples. I must admit that threads like this don't make me feel like this is a place for support, but another venue to express right to life opinions for both sides of the debate.

Can we go back to talking about temper tantrums, picture montages and which car seats are the best, please?

 

I agree that this question is pretty much the same as asking where someone stands regarding abortion. What most people (esp those who claim to be nonjudgemental) fail to understand is that proCHOICE is NOT the same as proABORTION. I can safely say that regarding SR, I do not think I could do it...AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE. I cannot say that that would be true at every point in my life. The original question was where do you stand...not what do you think is right for everyone else. We each have our "Higher Power"(God, Allah, Buddah...) to answer to, but only for our own actions, why must we project our beliefs of what is right or wrong on someone else?

To anyone who has been faced with this decision, my heart goes out to you, even when your beliefs are so strong that it really isn't an option for you the fear that a dr would even suggest it must be overwhelming.

Christina

 

I can honestly say that unless you are faced with this decision you will never know what you might do in the moment. I honestly thought I had a firm hard opinion on this until I was faced with it.

Six years ago when I was preg with my twins we were offered selective reduction. We did not do the selective reduction. I should add, selective termination wasn't offered to us because of the number of babies but because a condition of one of the babies led them to believe she could be born with severe problems and not live to a year with a very high likelyhood that she could die in utero before being born. If she didn't make it to term it could jeopardize the life of the other baby.

Being faced with a decision like this makes you think about this on such a different level than you possibly can if you aren't in that situation. It is so black and white when it is not happening to you. When it is happening to you the lines become a little fuzzier and gray. Like I said, we didn't do it, but I can say I did give it some thought even though I would have sworn and jumped up and down saying I never would do it before being faced with it.

Fast forward to today and my five year old daughter who we were offered the selection of is in kindergarten right now a normal fully functioning five year old. Makes you think about if we had chosen selective termination the life she would have missed out on.

Anyway, I think this is one of those things where you have to walk in the persons shoes before you can possibly understand!

 

Why is it that everytime someone doesnt go with the "normal" opinion of everyone else its seen as judgemental?? No one here said that those who do it will burn in ****, we just said that we feel it is wrong. It is taking a life, there is no way to get around it. If something has a heartbeat then its alive, you cant protect yourself by just saying "oh well its a fetus, not a baby"...it has a heartbeat that is why I feel it is taking a life.

I dont think my beliefs are judgemental and more than once they have been called. I believe in GOd and I know what I have read in my bible. Why should we be quiet on our beliefs because someone may see it as judgemental? Its an opinion people, Im not condemning anyone just stating where I stand and what is obvious to me

 

quote:
Originally posted by Cassie05:
Why is it that everytime someone doesnt go with the "normal" opinion of everyone else its seen as judgemental?? No one here said that those who do it will burn in ****, we just said that we feel it is wrong. It is taking a life, there is no way to get around it. If something has a heartbeat then its alive, you cant protect yourself by just saying "oh well its a fetus, not a baby"...it has a heartbeat that is why I feel it is taking a life.

I dont think my beliefs are judgemental and more than once they have been called. I believe in GOd and I know what I have read in my bible. Why should we be quiet on our beliefs because someone may see it as judgemental? Its an opinion people, Im not condemning anyone just stating where I stand and what is obvious to me


Beautifully said, Cassie.

As someone so eloquently said, I am one of those who "have fertility oozing out of my nether regions" and have no firsthand experience with the heartbreak of infertility. True. That doesn't change that selective reduction takes the life of a living human being. I also have no firsthand experience with a man's sexual urges, but I still feel that rape is wrong. I think a lot of us are pretty 'judgmental' on that issue, too. Hopefully all of us.

It gets a little old, this attitude that one may not state a politically incorrect view without being subjected to the J word.

I believe taking an innocent human life is wrong, period, and that does not mean that I am sitting in judgment on anyone, although some people seem to sit in judgment on others for holding politically incorrect views.

 

I pray I would not ever have to be in the position to have to make this decision, however, we did have fertility treatments and it was something we had to realize could come up.

If I had many opinions that it would be my life or selective reduction I would probably choose selective reduction. Also if it was higher order multiples and I had many opinions that the procedure would help the remaining childrens' chances of leading a healthy life I would also probably do it.

It would be incredibly difficult but I would give myself and my children the best chance possible for a healthy life.

 

Can't imagine having to make this decision. Lots of hugs to anyone who has been faced with any sort of fertility difficulties and/or needing to make a decision either way.

I think both God and Science go hand in hand in this type of situation. Science was used to help conceive, God (if you believe in God)can help guide you on what is best for you and your family. I would use the knowledge and belief I have in both in order to make my decision.

Does that make sense?

Again many hugs and good vibes to anyone facing this sort of decision.

Lisa

 

quote:
It is taking a life, there is no way to get around it. If something has a heartbeat then its alive, you cant protect yourself by just saying "oh well its a fetus, not a baby"...it has a heartbeat that is why I feel it is taking a life.


You don't think this sounds judgemental?

I truly believe everyone is entitled to their opinions. What gets me is when you haven't walked my path and yet can tell me it is wrong. You may think you know what you would choose, but until you are there you really haven't a clue.
I don't judge 8isgr8 for having so many kids, good for her. It is not the choice I would make even if I didn't have fertility issues (sorry 8isgr8, not picking on you just using an example of how some things are judged). Although some on here can't understand why someone would choose to have so many kids, I think it is her choice and more power to her.
Yet, many times on here I have been blasted out of the water for my opinions...ie Britney Spears is a bad mother, Twins mom that killed her boys and left them in the bed, etc...so I stated my opinion and felt as if others were passing their judgement...I won't apologize for my comments, I stand by them...you can always click the "hide post" button to not read my responses any more...

 

I say to each his own. I don't know what I myself would do. I do not agree with SR, as I also see it as a form of abortion. But I can't say if it were something that I had to go through, that I wouldn't change my mind (depending on the circumstances). No one truely knows what they would do until they were in that situation. My heart breaks for you mommies that had to deal with that decision. I know of someone who did SR to give her other child a chance to live...I don't judge her for that...It was the "right" choice for them. JMHO!

 

I never cease to be amazed at the number of people who are offended by the opinions of random internet strangers. Put it in perspective. STRANGERS.

If you only want to talk about spit up and poopy diapers, by all means, use your mouse. Click on one of the thousands of threads on those topics. Stay away from the topics that may offend you.

And, if someone's opinions are such that their ststement of them is so very offensive, for Pete's sake, use the IGNORE feature. Problem solved.

 

quote:
What gets me is when you haven't walked my path and yet can tell me it is wrong.


The problem with this theory is that then one has to walk in everyone's shoes in order to make a decision they see to be one of morality. I know that having an affair is wrong, I do not have to walk down that path to know it.

I would never, ever say that anyone that made the choice for SR is going to ****, that is just ridiculous. I also had my share of infertility issues, and do not stand in judgement of anyone who chose to go through infertility treatments in order to have a child.

I just answered the question the OP asked, which is where I stand on selective reduction. I am against taking the life of another, so I am opposed. It is an AWFUL position to be in and I am so saddened by parents that are placed in such a position, however, I still personally believe it is wrong. I am sorry if that is not the PC point of view, it is just my own humble opinion.

 

Ditto Rosie, I was just going to say something along those lines.

The title of this topic makes this an obviously politically/emotionally charged discussion. I tend to steer clear from the topics that may put me in a vulnerable position.

I enjoyed reading everyones response to this topic.

 

quote:
Originally posted by bkimberly:
quote:
It is taking a life, there is no way to get around it. If something has a heartbeat then its alive, you cant protect yourself by just saying "oh well its a fetus, not a baby"...it has a heartbeat that is why I feel it is taking a life.


You don't think this sounds judgemental?


To answer the question, no, I don't. It sounds to me like factual statements. The 'thing' we're talking about does have a heartbeat. Things with heartbeats are alive. Simple facts. Deliberately stopping a heartbeat is taking a life. Simple fact.

Where is the judgment?

 

Well I have gone back and forth about whether or not to post a reply to this thread.
For those who say they know what they would definetly do...maybe you would maybe you wouldn't.
I was in that position and did go through with it. Judge me all you want. I am opening myself up for that I guess by saying I have done it. I haven't kept it a secret and have told others about it.
It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life. I hated that I had to make it and a day hasn't gone by (it was 2 yrs ago Jan4th) that I haven't thought about those other two babies, what they would have looked like, what they would have been like. It tears at me in ways no one would understand.
I have 4 beautiful children and would have more than welcomed four more. I have had 10 miscarriages...yes 10. This was my 3rd time being pregnant with more than twins. With my older sons pregnancy it started out as quads and three were blighted ovums. I got pg with triplets spontaneously but all three were blighted ovums. So when I found out I was again pg with quads at the first u/s, I just prayed for one to be viable. Imagine my suprise when I saw four beautiful hearbeats sitting on that screen. I instantly loved all of them. It was one of the best days of my life. I was in such shock and awe after seeing four that some things didn't occur to me till later. I have a history of ptl. My singletons were both born at 36 weeks...which is not really that early, but thats with bedrest and a lot of terb pump & procardia and mag sulfate. I was told by my drs that due to my history of ptl and pre-eclampsia I had a very small chance of carrying all four to a viable point. I researched everything I could. Financially we could handle it. My body was what would fail me. Did I risk losing all four or do I make the hard decision. Each week I prayed God would make the choice for me. In the past I went to sono after sono praying for a hb, imgaine the irony to go hoping that maybe one wouldn't be there. It was a horrible feeling.
I tell all this bc many of you seem as though its cut and dry. "oops got pg with too many...better kill some". That thought just sickens me.
Another thing to consider. Insurance doesn't cover this $3200 procedure. I did get them to cover mine after the fact bc I sent in my reasoning, and they covered it bc they said "the life of the mother would have been in danger if all fetus's had been carried to term".
quote:
Isn't Selective reduction, just an early abortion?


I have to obviously disagree. To me, an abortion is terminating a unwanted pregnancy, I feel as though I saved my very much wanted pregnancy.
Seeing as my two were born just before 29 weeks due to ptl and pre-e....I know I made the right choice. Was it the choice I wanted to make..not really but I knew the realities of the situation. Mitch has had some medical issues and sometimes I wonder if the other two would have had the same issues, how would I have handled it. Its not something I am proud of saying I did, its something I have to live with. But I feel in my heart I saved Mitch and McKenna...
Also, HOM happens more often in cases of injectibles/iui than with ivf. The environment for iui is so less predictable. I only had two follies at the time of trigger.
I don't want to offend anyone with what I have written, but sometimes seeing someone else's perspective opens your eyes a little to the harshness of your own words...

 

4jsinPA,

Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry you had to go through that. And I do think you made the right decision for you which is all that matters. I am happy that you have four beautiful healthy children. As for the IUI versus IVF, you are definitely correct about that. HOM's are more common with IVF due to the somewhat uncontrolled environment.

 

I had a selective reduction from a triplet pregnancy to a twin. Although I have had occasionally wondered what that third child may have been like (assuming I had been able to carry the pregnacy to term), I have no regrets. I have two healthy children who were born without problems.

When my husband and I began IVF treatments, we agreed in advance that we would not proceed with a pregnancy above twins. Our concern was primarily the health of the babies. There are plenty of inspirational stories where everything turns out well for all, but it is a fact the risk of death and major disability to children is significantly higher in a triplet or higher order pregnancy. I personally did not feel I could subject my children to such a high risk.

I don't think abortion is equivalent to killing a baby. Fetuses are developing human beings, yes. But, not all fetuses get the chance to become independently surviving human beings. The prevelance of miscarriage (about a quarter of pregnancies I believe) is proof of that.

I don't have any problem that other people may disagree with my view. However, I am puzzled about the argument that we should leave things up to God, as if somehow it is not appropriate to take a decision of this nature. We all in our everyday lives take actions that affect others around us, sometimes negatively. To make decisions, including life and death ones, is part of being a moral person. Why is it okay to make some decisions -- for example, to go to war -- but not others?

For anyone facing this situation, I urge you to consider carefully. Think about the person you are, what you value, and why. You will probably never know if you made the "right" decision or not, so go with the one you can live with.

 

quote:
Originally posted by JodiF:
........, it was just NOT an option, just b/c he's small why put my other baby at risk, and how could i kill my baby.
.........


We had a similar situation with our twin pregnancy. "My baby A" showed 0 growth from about 30 weeks. Her fluid was diminishing from week 28. The specialist wanted me to deliver (c section) early but we chose to continue on with the pregnancy because she was not the only one in there. I finally delivered them c section at 35+ weeks. Baby A weighed just 3.12 but only spent 10 days in NICU

I am sad to see you had to go through this but so very happy that you are sharing your positive outcome with us. I personally believe there is a reason for the things we go through. So that we can share and be there for others who may have to go through a similar situation.

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quote:
Originally posted by kma13:
quote:
Originally posted by egoury:
I definitely agree that this stems from whether you are pro-life or pro-choice. Although I never had to make this decision, I would ask that those of you who are so against SR, please refrain from being so adament. There are probably members on this board who were in a tough situation and had to make that tough choice and to read these posts would definitely hurt them a lot. Personally, I believe you need to do what is right for you and what you can live with and ask others to respect that you made that decision for yourself even if they wouldn't make the same decision. To be completely honest, reading some of your responses about fertility treatments actually insulted me. Having to go through treatments is certainly not something I wanted to do, but it was/is the only option if I want to have children. Not being able to have a child on your own is extremely painful and if you haven't gone through that, you really can't truly understand. Although the doctors work hard to prevent HOM, it's definitely a risk which leads to the whole question of SR. Most people didn't choose to get pregnant with HOM, they just wanted to have a baby and wound up pregnant with HOM. The vast majority of doctors out there will not implant more than 3 embryos and some won't even do that many. Fertility treatments are different for everyone based on circumstances and are treated individually by the doctors. Please respect that everyone's goal here is to have a healthy child regardless of how they were created.


Thank you for this post

I am about to be a b**** here. . It is unbelievable to me how judgmental people are. It must be really great to have fertility oozing out of your nether parts and be able and willing to bring hoards of children into this world but for those of us who just wanted a baby of our own to love...well if you haven't been there you can't know the pain of fertility treatments and the agony of childlessness. I am amazed at how willing people, adults I mean, are to make black or white, right or wrong proclamations. There is not a perfect one among us. Until you stand in someone else's shoes you cannot imagine their choices. Teenagers are righteous in this same manner, the immaturity of the developmentally stage I guess. I refuse to make a decision or judgment about someone else's decision until I am in the situation.

Is SR right or wrong.......not MY place to say.

For anyone who has had to make tough decisions and I refuse to decide whether you made the right or wrong decision, for you, at the time, it was right.



quote:
Originally posted by a1cbrandy:
I dont think its so much judgement if you are against something. I am against all abortion. I do know people who have gotten abortions..and I am still friends with them. However I will always say I am against abortion..no matter what name or form it takes. I am not judging anyone. I am standing up for my beliefs. Just like someone who is pro-choice for any of these things..stands up for their beliefs. We are all different..different faiths, different situations..and different life choices. I never said I was perfect at all..but I am allowed to not agree with everything the worlds see's is right.

Just my opinion.

Brandy


I totally agree with what Brandy has posted. Just because we (those who are against SR - abortion-- whatever you choose to call it) are sharing this with others in our reply it does not mean that we are judging others for a decision they made in their life.

I answered the question that was posted with my personal opinion and from my experience. I am not a "fertile mertle" (my own words) We went childless due to fertility issues for 6 years. I just wanted one baby when I went in for my fertiliy treatments in 1998. I was mature and went in knowing the chance I was taking. We got (triplets originally then at 8-12 weeks we found out it was) twins. Then we went back in 2000 and again knew our chances and
became pregnant with (twins and then at 12 weeks found out it was) triplets. We accepted this. We had the reduction option sugested to us and we refused. I have walked in those shoes so I do know exactly what I would do and actually did.

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This thread was titled very clearly so I knew what I was going to be reading when I opened it up. I knew people would be of the opposite opinion of me. I knew people would be sharing that they agreed with this medical procedure. It hurts me greatly to see that others hold this opinion but I can honestly say that if I did not feel I could handle reading others opinions on this topic I would not have opened the thread. If there are some that are still dealing with personal issues concerning this topic I would hope that they would avoid the thread and not open it to open healing wounds that they are dealing with. I hope I am not offending anyone with my opinion here. It was an honest question posted in an adult forum, very clearly titled. I am sorry if someone was hurt by my reply. I am not judging I am just expressing my personal opinion.

 

hot topic.

i'm an ivf dummy. but isn't there a max # of eggs a dr can/should want to implant?

a great book about this was Seven from Heaven the Mcaughey Septuplets... she really was so brave. that was a LOT Of babies, but she had faith in God...

 

quote:
I'm sorry, but you must not have read the NUMEROUS posts in this thread about abortion/taking a life is just wrong/do infertility and assume the risks?


Actually, I did read every thread. The original poster asked "Where do you stand"? People answered honestly. How come somebody who believes SR is wrong shouldn't be allowed to answer the question truthfully or participate in this discussion?

I would agree that out of courtesy, those who feel SR is wrong should refrain from posting if the thread were, say, "I just had selective reduction and need your support." But in a thread that asked for opinions, why can't all opinions be shared?

 

quote:
Mcaughey Septuplets... she really was so brave. that was a LOT Of babies, but she had faith in God...

One of the things that one of my drs told me is that everyone knows the story of the succesful ones...there's a reason...bc its so rare. You don't hear of all the stories of the ones that died just after birth or only made it to so many weeks. Unforunately those are the norm for very HOM like that. There is another fertility board I am on and they have a board just for selective reduction. They have since made it a private thread bc there are too many people that came on and blasted those for making the decision. But, there are a lot of woman out there in the situation with HOM and do make the decision.

Cheryl - I wasn't personally offended by anything you said...if I were in your shoes with no reason to believe my body couldn't handle it, I wouldn't have done it either. If it were just triplets as well...I would not have made the decision I made. But would I ever judge someone else for doing it..never.

 

quote:
I answered the question that was posted with my personal opinion and from my experience. I am not a "fertile mertle" (my own words) We went childless due to fertility issues for 6 years. I just wanted one baby when I went in for my fertiliy treatments in 1998. I was mature and went in knowing the chance I was taking. We got (triplets originally then at 8-12 weeks we found out it was) twins. Then we went back in 2000 and again knew our chances and
became pregnant with (twins and then at 12 weeks found out it was) triplets. We accepted this. We had the reduction option sugested to us and we refused. I have walked in those shoes so I do know exactly what I would do and actually did.


Not necessarily Cheryl. I don't mean to soundmean, but you did already have 2 children. If you were unable to carry a triplet pregnancy to viability you would not have been left childless without hope of future children. So you really haven't walked in those shoes. I was offered the option of reduction. I already had children and a proven uterus, so I have not walked in those shoes either.

When you already have children and proven that your uterus can handle pregnancy I don't think you can say what you would do given the right situation. IVF + incompetent cervix + last chance for children may have you thinking twice.

 

I was in those shoes. My first pregnancy. The risk of a triplet pregnancy..the option to reduce. I know the fears..the questions..and the problems I faced. I knew at 6 weeks I was having 3..3 heartbeats. I also had never been pregnant before so we had no idea how my body would react. At the next weeks appt..I still had 3 and the doctor asked me if I wanted to reduce to twins. I said NO!!! I wouldnt do it even if it risked my life..and my other childrens life. I couldnt do it. I am totally against it for any reason..(not trying to judge..just stating my beliefs). At the next appt my triplet's heart had stopped. I was willing to carry all 3..until they came, but God decided one wasnt strong or well enough to make it. So he made the decision that I had been asked to make. FOR us it there was not question to me reducing..it was left up to God and he took care of it his way. I sometimes wish I had carried all 3..I wonder why others can have triplets..and not me. I even dream about my baby..if it was a boy or girl, I wont know until I get to heaven. I cried the day I found out he/she died..and I cried the day I had my twins..because my heart was heavy with knowing there should have been three.

Anyways..this is my story. i have walked in these shoes..I do know the feelings..the fears..the questions and crazy opinions of every well meaning person. I made the choice for my family..my beliefs and my faith.

Brandy

 

I'm guessing by your signature that it wasn't your LAST CHANCE for a child. Were you told that if this attempt at fertilization fails, that's it? quote:
IVF + incompetent cervix + last chance for children may have you thinking twice.

I think those of us who truly have not walked in those shoes should just be thankful that we did not have to walk in those shoes. I just can't believe that anyone knows what they would do if they TRULY were in that situation and was told that they had a high chance of complete spontaneous abortion if they did not reduce.

eta: a lot of women who have to make this decision have proven that their cervix is incompetent and struggles with a singleton pregnancy.

 

Donita..know one knows 100% if any pregnancy/miscarriage..ect will be their last chance for a pregnancy or not. I had no idea how my body would react..and honestly neither does a doctor. We have heard time and time again about doctors being wrong..with diagnoses of kids with downs..or drawftism..or other medical problems. I totally do know how I would answer in this situation..the way I did. I had never been pregnant before..didnt know if I was going to carry to full term..or go into PTL..didnt know if I was going to have an incompetent cervix..did not know anything about my future. The doctors told me that having 3 GREATER increased my risks of losing all 3 babies..and MAYBE not having anymore..anything can go wrong. I choose the direction I did..because of my Faith. NOT saying anyone else doesnt have the same or stronger faith..just saying I knew for me what I had to do...God doesnt give us anymore we can handle..I totally live by that saying.

Also..it doesnt matter how many pregnancies a woman has had. My friend had her first baby with NO problems..her second baby came early and had heart defects. No matter what...every pregnancy and every baby is different. So we are not given any guarentees to a happy life..or a healthy baby/babies...


Brandy