Why Does Every Night Have to End in Tears?

Here's my situation.... I have 13 month old twins and I am a stay at home mom. My husband works second shift plus a ton of overtime. So 9x out of 10, I put the girls down at night. There is no way that I can rock both of them to sleep at night. So, I've resorted to CIO since they were 10.5 months old. Sometimes they cry for 5 minutes, sometimes for 20. Eventually they do fall asleep.

PLEASE DON'T FLAME ME for stating that I use CIO to put them to bed. In the middle of the night, I don't let them cry for a minute before I go to them but... at bedtime when I know that they are clean, fed and tired... I use CIO.

I know that if I gave them a bottle in bed that the night would end completely differently. But, I also know that their teeth will rot out from doing that. Do you think that they would enjoy a bottle of water in their crib? Is that even safe? Maybe I should try a bottle of water and a video?

We had such a nice day today... Christmas music, lots of good food and a ton of playing. But, I always know that the end of the day will bring lots and lots of tears.

What else are my options for putting these girls to sleep at night? Please, please don't flame me though... I've been on my own with the girls for 48 hours and my husband just told me that he's working 16 hours tomorrow. I'm doing the best I can but I am outnumbered here....

 

Here's my situation.... I have 13 month old twins and I am a stay at home mom. My husband works second shift plus a ton of overtime. So 9x out of 10, I put the girls down at night. There is no way that I can rock both of them to sleep at night. So, I've resorted to CIO since they were 10.5 months old. Sometimes they cry for 5 minutes, sometimes for 20. Eventually they do fall asleep.

PLEASE DON'T FLAME ME for stating that I use CIO to put them to bed. In the middle of the night, I don't let them cry for a minute before I go to them but... at bedtime when I know that they are clean, fed and tired... I use CIO.

I know that if I gave them a bottle in bed that the night would end completely differently. But, I also know that their teeth will rot out from doing that. Do you think that they would enjoy a bottle of water in their crib? Is that even safe? Maybe I should try a bottle of water and a video?

We had such a nice day today... Christmas music, lots of good food and a ton of playing. But, I always know that the end of the day will bring lots and lots of tears.

What else are my options for putting these girls to sleep at night? Please, please don't flame me though... I've been on my own with the girls for 48 hours and my husband just told me that he's working 16 hours tomorrow. I'm doing the best I can but I am outnumbered here....

 

I feel your pain. Mine still get a bottle at night to put them to sleep. As soon as they are asleep I remove it and replace it with a bottle of water. If they flame you for using CIO they can flame me for using a bottle !! I'm just a whimp and take the easy way out to get them to go to sleep. My older children all did the same thing and none of them had any teeth problems. I may have just gotten lucky though. I say just stick to your guns and do whats best for your children. It will get better !! I know it can be heartbreaking to hear them cry though and I wish there was an easy answer.

 

Try not to feel too bad...I know it's hard when they scream. We always had a specific "bed time" routine, even from a few months old. But... It was right around that age that I found ours sort of started to understand that it was time for bed, and that if they screamed we would come running--they started to test us. Eventually they learned it was bedtime & time to sleep. I put several soft toys in their cribs, and they would start to lay down and play with them till they fell asleep. I also always use music or the humidifier for soothing noise. We always give them something to drink before bed (that age a bottle, now a sippy), but... never in bed. We felt it was a bad habit to start that we'd later have to break, not so much because of teeth rot (but I've heard that can happen). The only other thing I could suggest is to softly read a book. That occasionally worked for me. I sat in the chair w/ them in the cribs and read Dr. Suess, or something that seemed to have a rhythm to it. Playing a video might be too stimulating. But.. I have one of those star mobile projectors--something like that is more of a soothing/droning type of thing to watch.

It does get better. Honestly.. you're only 1 person and you can only do so much. I think because of that reason, ours are independent in a really good way. They've learned, even at 21 months, that mommy can only do so much. So they wait vs. scream, or they play on their own, or now they start to play w/ each other. Maybe I'm crazy, but I think not being able to cater to their every need is teaching them to be patient. And... we have no sleep issues at all, and haven't since about the 10 mo age. They go to bed w/out fuss probably 99.5% of the time. If they wake up at 2am, they only scream if they are sick or SERIOUSLY poopy. Typically, (if they wake me up) I hear the jingle of a toy or light babble until they go back to sleep.

It's hard, but you can make it thru!
HTH!
-penny

 

I'm not sure about this, but I wonder if the fact that you let them CIO at bedtime, but go to them when they cry in the night might actually be confusing - maybe they don't know when crying will get you to come in and when it won't. Wonder if it would be worth letting them cry when they wake in the night.

Of course it depends what they're crying about, and what your regular routine is. When they cry in the night do you rock them? Give them a bottle? Do they need to be changed? If there's nothing really wrong, then maybe it's time for them to learn to go back to sleep on their own.

I only just did CIO with my DD (at 21 months!) and I'm so glad I finally did!

That said, I give you a lot of credit for all the work you do and that you're still sane! My DH has always been here and helpful at bedtime (and most other times). He's a teacher and gets home by 4:00 in the afternoon, and for the first year that was not early enough for me!

good luck!

-Rachel

 

Flame? NO way. At 10.5months I know putting them down was pure h##l. Luckily I had DH every night. Alone I did it 2times and found it nearly insanity. A person can only bend so far.
CIO not a thing wrong. It sounds like your beginning a nice routine. I know the bottle in bed is bad..maybe one before you put them down. 30 mins or so before. Not when there sleepy.
I have never put one in a crib or water either.My kids always tended to get soaked enough during feedings.

But these tears there doing now are not hurting them , there learning to comfort themselves. And from someone who didn't do this till they were 14-15 months old...do it now. Its alot harder when there older.Over time start to phase out the night time runs.

 

quote:
I'm not sure about this, but I wonder if the fact that you let them CIO at bedtime, but go to them when they cry in the night might actually be confusing - maybe they don't know when crying will get you to come in and when it won't. Wonder if it would be worth letting them cry when they wake in the night.


My thoughts exactly.

They are 13 months, CIO can certainly be used.

 

Don't feel guilty at all. I used CIO when necessary. I think the key is to be consistent. Maybe when they cry at night let them cry for 10 min or so before going in. That's what I do and 9 times out of 10 they go back to sleep. I do make a point of going in after I'm sure they are asleep to check on them. Good luck and don't worry they will eventually get the hang of it and stop crying at bedtime.

 

I would just suggest the importance of a routine when it comes to going to bed at night.
We have used the EXACT same routine with the boys since they started sleeping through the night at around 5 months.
First we put on PJ's. Then they get a bottle of milk. While they drink that bottle; each one is on a lap being read to. When it is just me, they are both on my lap, being read to. After that we go into their room and put on their sleepy sack, and the white noise (which is now a humidifier). Then they both sit on a lap, while the other parent reads. When it is just me, I sit them together in the glider and read to them. Then it is hugs and kisses, and out the door. On occasion one will cry, but that has been pretty rare.
I just really believe having such a consistent routine at bedtime helps them wind down and get ready to sleep.

 

quote:
I'm not sure about this, but I wonder if the fact that you let them CIO at bedtime, but go to them when they cry in the night might actually be confusing - maybe they don't know when crying will get you to come in and when it won't. Wonder if it would be worth letting them cry when they wake in the night


This was my first thought too. If you are going to do CIO, then stick to it 24/7. In the middle of the night, I have a 5 minute rule. If they start to cry, I give them 5 minutes, then go check them, not get them out of crib, just check and make sure not stuck, fever, etc. 90% of the time they don't make it 5 minutes. If I check and everything is still OK, I leave them to work it out.

That said, I have one who cries EVERY night before bed . It doesn't matter that we have done CIO for over a year now and have the same bedtime routine, he still cries. I have a theory that some kids are just more high energy then others and their energy is like a gas tank. They have to get it to empty before they can fall asleep. To me, that is what Alex is doing every night, emptying his energy tank. It makes it alot less stressful and "bad mommy" feeling if you think of it like that. He cries even if we are in the room with him, rocking him or whatever. It is like part of "his" routine, so we just let him do it. He is generally a happy kid during the day, it is just he does not like to go to sleep!!! We also joke that Nick couldn't go to sleep without it. It is like his "white noise" machine on top of the fan we use.

 

Thanks for the responses. It tears my heart out to hear them cry everynight. Luckily, sometimes its only a few minutes though. It would take too long to reply specifically to certain posts but I am going to go back and re-read all of the great advice and suggestions and think of ways to improve our nighttime routine.

Thanks again!