Your DH and strip clubs

Discussion in 'General' started by mandylouwho, Jun 15, 2010.

  1. mandylouwho

    mandylouwho Well-Known Member

    Hello ladies,

    It's been a long time, but life has kept me pretty busy. With the boys, my night job and my inlaws living here/MIL in a nursing home, my life is a little hectic.

    This is a topic that I would like your input on.

    As far as I know, DH does not go to stripclubs a lot. He goes for Bachelor parties and the like, which is fine, but its not a regular thing. A while back (like maybe 6 years ago) he told me about a place he went and about his lap dance. I got very very angry and we had a terrible fight. I told him I was NOT okay with a naked woman rubbing herself all over my husband. Looking is one thing, lap dances are another thing entirely. Now to be honest, I dont think looking is bad. I look! But I also dont go to strip joints. I know it would bother DH if I did, and he has told me so.

    Last weekend he had a Bachelor party, and went to an all nude strip club. That bothered me as well. I asked him if he got a lap dance and he said No. I asked lightly and laughed, if his friend did (Whom, I barely know, and am not friends with him and his fiance). He got wierd and said he wasnt telling me anything. Um what? He didnt want to "Rat hiim out". What? This raised my suspision on him. I asked him again and he said no. I said I didn't give a crap what his friends did. They are not my friends and its not my business. So he said, Yes, My friends all got one. So you mean to tell me, that you didn't? I dont normally NOT tryust my husband. He is very honest, loving and trustworthy.

    But this is REALLY bothering me. It is one thing to go a look at naked girls dance, its another to have one writhing all over you. I asked him, if tomorrow I went to a male club, and ordered some lap dances, would that bother him? He said, Yes, it would, very much.

    So, my question is...what is your thoughts about it? Do you approve or not? I dont think its appropriate for married happy fathers, but thats just me. However if hes out with buddies and they take him there, thats fine, I dont care. I myself like to admire women, as I think they are beautiful, so I have been in them myself.

    Something inside me tells me hes not telling the truth. If I found out he did it, then lied, there will be big, big probelm. BIG.
  2. twin_trip_mommy

    twin_trip_mommy Well-Known Member

    No way! But thankfully this is not something i would ever have to put my foot down about because he would never go either. I do know he went to a few back when he was younger, single and in the Air Force. Way before he met me.
  3. kingeomer

    kingeomer Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    My DH did go for bachelor parties prior to getting married to me. He did go one time after we were married when my SIL & BIL were getting married. I don't have a problem with him going and looking but I do have a problem with the lap dancing. I also know that he would not like it if I went to a male strip club and ordered up a lap dance or what not.
  4. debbie_long83

    debbie_long83 Well-Known Member

    Nope, not okay with it. It's really not a concern because that is something neither of us are interested in.
    1 person likes this.
  5. Chrissy Nelson

    Chrissy Nelson Well-Known Member

    If it is a once in a couple year thing then yes I do not mind, but we do NOT talk about it at all.
    2 people like this.
  6. AmynTony

    AmynTony Well-Known Member

    I have to preface this by saying Tony has no desire to go so its really not an issue however if one of his buddies was getting married or something I wouldn't care - as for the lap dance - not even on the radar as he would never order one - too embarrassing for him...
  7. mandylouwho

    mandylouwho Well-Known Member

    The time he did it, he said ihis friend bought it for him. Hes not that kind of guy, but I swear, if he got one last weekend, Im going to flip out.
  8. Katherine R

    Katherine R Active Member

    I will probably be the total odd person out here, but it does not phase me in the least. I really don't mind lap dances and such...If that is how he chooses to spend time/money...That is his choice.
  9. dollymomma

    dollymomma Well-Known Member

    That would be a NO on all accounts. Why would a married man (never mind a single man) need to watch naked women dance around?
  10. MusicalAli

    MusicalAli Well-Known Member

    Definitely not OK in my book. Looking isn't even OK in my book.
    1 person likes this.
  11. cheezewhiz24

    cheezewhiz24 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I would not care if it were a bachelor party- but I wouldn't want to hear about it.

    Now if he were going on a random Tuesday just for 1/2 off drinks... that's a problem.

    My DH isn't into it, though, so no worries.
  12. jjzollman

    jjzollman Well-Known Member

    Um, because it turns them on to watch naked women dance around. :laughing:

    I'd be fine with bachelor parties, etc. - would not be okay with stopping by on the way home from work. A lap dance once or twice in a number of years of marriage also wouldn't bother me *that* much. :) Though, he's never been to one since we've been together.
  13. miss_bossy18

    miss_bossy18 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    we usually go to strip clubs together, the occasional time that we go. :pardon: and i don't mind if he goes for a guys night out or a bachelor party either. if i knew in advance that he was planning on getting a lap dance or if i was there while he got it, i don't think it would bother me but if i found out from someone else or by accident that would feel like a violation to me - i don't like those kinds of things kept secret. that being said, i can't see my DH paying for something he can get for free at home, he's much too practical in the financial department. :spiteful: all that being said, i've also made it very clear to him that i will never look like any of those girls so he better not ever ask me to try! :laughing:
  14. TwinLove

    TwinLove Well-Known Member

    I don't mind if my husband goes at all nor would I mind if he got a lap dance but he never would. Maybe I don't mind because I've gone to strip clubs and have had "lap dances" from men (they don't really lap dance) and it didn't make love my husband any less nor did it make me want to do anything with that man. :pardon: It was all just fun.

    ETA: We also do not talk about anything that happened there. We tell each other we went but not all the details... no need for that.
  15. MLH

    MLH Well-Known Member

    This sums up my thoughts as well.
  16. Ange2k25

    Ange2k25 Well-Known Member

    I would not be okay with it. But, I don't have to worry about DH paying for a lap dance. He'd much rather save his money for the new iphone than pay for a lap dance :)
  17. mandylouwho

    mandylouwho Well-Known Member

    I actually dont mind going to them either, and I have before. i would also go with him in a heartbeat. But the fact that I asked and he got wierd, bothers me. Not talking about it does not bode well with me either. If you did nothing wrong, who cares? Tell me about the hot girls! I just dont want one of them all over you.
  18. KCMichigan

    KCMichigan Well-Known Member

    Ditto this.
  19. Chrissy Nelson

    Chrissy Nelson Well-Known Member

    He probably got wierd because he knew you would get mad. I mean lets get real, I think a majority of men that go get a lap dance. It is exciting for them a fantasy and then they come home. It is not any different from me lusting over the men on True Blood and you better believe if I could throw some bills their way for a quick lap dance I would.
    1 person likes this.
  20. Joyful

    Joyful Well-Known Member

    I would not be ok with my husband looking or touching, but my DH doesn't think it's appropriate either, so it's not an issue in our marriage.
  21. momof5

    momof5 Well-Known Member

    I'm suprised by all the people who say, "My husband would NEVER do that" or "My husband is not into that". I would never say never about anyone. I know we all think (and some of you may swear) that you know your guys and what they would or would not do but people surprise me everyday! If my DH went for a guys night out once a year I would be fine with it but if he went often I would have a real problem with that.
    2 people like this.
  22. allgood2000

    allgood2000 Well-Known Member

    Nope, not okay in my book. Going to a strip club AT ALL is not okay in my marriage. I do understand that some people are more relaxed about stuff like that, but I can't figure out why the line is the lap dance? If it doesn't bother you at all that he goes to the strip club, why does the lap dance bother you so much?? IMO, if you are okay with him going, what he does once he gets there should be pretty much a non-issue, as well. In this case, I think it would be best to not discuss what goes on there.
  23. AimeeThomp

    AimeeThomp Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    We don't have a bunch of extra money to be throwing away at strip clubs, and I know how much they charge for drinks alone at the clubs around here! I don't know, if he was going on a regular basis I wouldn't like it. But once in awhile, no big deal. I actually tried to get him and his friend to go to a strip club this weekend so I'd be off the hook about having to hang out with them, but it didn't work.

    If you would have asked me 5 years ago I would have said "no way" but I guess I'm more secure in our relationship now. Maybe it's b/c I've been to a couple of strip clubs now, and it's not that big of a deal.
  24. ktfan

    ktfan Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't mind dh going occasionally as a night out with the guys kind of thing (going alone or very often would be another issue entirely). Even if it was just once in a while for a bachelor party or something, it would bug me but I wouldn't tell him not to go. I would NOT want to know what went on there. Luckily dh doesn't seem interested and the one time he was invited for a bachelor party he declined knowing they would end up at a strip club.
  25. lianyla

    lianyla Well-Known Member

    My sentiments exactly. How in the world can you say that? I mean, let's face it.. They ARE men, correct?


    And you can never truly know anyone.

    My DH doesn't go but I'm sure he would. No, it wouldn't bug me and YES he would LOVE it. I'm okay with saying that. They are naked women!! Back in the day, my boyfriends used to frequent them on a regular and I used to go w/ and stuff. Now it's just not in the picture cuz we don't drink and party and stuff. Those days are long gone.
  26. becasquared

    becasquared Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I want my husband to go. Get him out of my hair for a bit. :crazy:

    I have absolutely no issues with my husband going, nor do I have a problem with him getting a lap dance.
  27. swp0525

    swp0525 Well-Known Member

    No. I would not be okay with it, and we are actually dealing with this very thing right now. My husband was travelling last year and went to one with a bunch of guys from work. Up until that point I would have said that my husband was not the type also, so I'm having a hard time with it on so many different levels. That being said, the crux of my problem is that these are women whose lives have taken a wrong turn. No one in childhood aspires to dance naked on a table or grind in some stranger's lap. I don't care what you say, they don't. IMO, it's almost this carnival-type atmosphere, and you are adding our money to someone's pain, you are gaining enjoyment from someone else's pain. As in the convos we've had about it, and if you don't agree with me, then you would be okay with me or your daughter grinding in someone's lap...
    2 people like this.
  28. moski

    moski Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Pretty much the same thing here.
    I know some of his friends have gone from time to time, but I really don't remember him going since his bachelor party in 2004. :pardon: And if he did go with his friends, I just don't want to hear about it.
  29. jromkey

    jromkey Well-Known Member

    I don't like it when my husband goes to strip clubs (and it's only for bachelor parties) but I put up with it so long as there is ZERO contact between him and the strippers. So that means lap dances are out. I don't think watching strippers is dramatically different from looking at porn which I don't have a problem with. We got married last summer and his friends organized a bachelor party which inevitably ended up at a strip club but he didn't get a lap dance despite pressure from his friends. He actually said he wasn't interested in that (and I believe him completely). He will be going to Las Vegas for a bachelor party in September which I am little worried about - not so much about strip clubs/lap dances but more about the drinking. My DH enjoys drinking and I am worried that just being in the atmosphere of Las Vegas will cause things to get out of control. But I try not to think about that too much.

    To the OP - I can understand why you're a little suspicious, considering his reaction to the question and the fact that he admitted that everyone else there got one. But I don't think there's any way for you to find out for sure. Either you trust him or you don't. I know that sucks but honestly I don't see any other option - worrying about it just makes you feel like crap, and repeatedly asking him about it makes him feel like crap and that you don't trust him. All you can do is voice your opinion on the matter of lap dances and say how much you disapprove of them. You may want to phrase your opinion in a way that doesn't make him feel like you're his mom forbidding him from doing something - maybe tell him how the thought of him getting lap dances makes you feel (for instance, you might feel like it cheapens your marriage, makes you feel like you're not desirable enough for him, etc. - these are just examples). That might give him more food for thought the next time he's in a strip club.
  30. Christel

    Christel Well-Known Member

    This is me too I guess. Why would I be okay with my husband lusting after another woman?

    And I have to say that I'm surprised that so many of you know people who have bachelor parties with strippers even. Is this cause I live in the buckle of the Bible Belt, lol? DH has never gone (or been invited to) one bachelor party that involved naked women.

    To OP, I think for me, I would just have to ask myself if this issue is worth the fight. It could be that he did it but he was ashamed to admit it and now he's stuck in the lie. If it's not worth the stress to your marriage, it might be best to just not mention it again.
  31. jromkey

    jromkey Well-Known Member

    I think there's a big difference between looking and touching. I feel like watching naked chicks twirl around a metal pole is a lot different than having said naked chicks grind their a**es on my husband's pole. I don't think the latter is cool. Like I said in my first post (before I read yours) I don't have a problem with my husband watching porn which I think is essentially the same thing as watching strippers. By your logic, I should be fine with my husband getting a blow job or any other manner of sexual favour because I was fine with him going to a strip club in the first place. I don't follow your logic. And as I said before, I trust my husband implicitly so I know that me being fine with him going to a strip club (despite my own distaste for the practice) won't result in any sexual impropriety on his behalf. The no lap dances rule isn't because I don't trust him - it is because I don't want any other woman touching him in a sexual manner. I think that is going too far.
    1 person likes this.
  32. Mum2TwinBoys

    Mum2TwinBoys Well-Known Member

    I am not okay with it, my dh went for his bachelor party which I was NOT okay wit but he was not aware of it prior either. Now that we have a daughter his views have changed so I know that he is not one for strip clubs.
  33. AlphaBeta

    AlphaBeta Well-Known Member

    I would not have a problem with either DH going or getting a lapdance, as long as it's a once in a while/special occasion type of thing. If he started going every Tuesday, we'd have to have a chat, because that would mean something else was up. I also don't understand why you're making a stand on lap dances. It's not like he's going into a back room with the ladies, or as my DH called it, the champagne room. I'd let this go, just pestering him about his admittedly fishy answer will get you guys nowhere good. Should the issue come up again, I'd tell him to have a good time, you'd prefer he didn't get a lap dance, but whatever happens, you don't need to know the details as long as he comes home to you. If it is such a big deal, then ask that he doesn't go to strip clubs period. But putting him in the position where he knows he'll get in trouble no matter what (b/c being repeatedly interrogated will cause even the most innocent to start to appear guilty with their protestations), even though you say you're OK with him going, isn't fair, IMO.

    To Stacy - I agree that these women probably did not start out in life wanting to be a stripper. However, at this point, they are adults and this is the job they have chosen. Several likely have families to support, and from what I've read they do make good money, and many of them are not offering "favors" on the side. It's an over-generalization to say that you are paying to support someone's pain. That is likely true for some, but others choose to do this job for the money and because they like to dance and don't have the modesty issues of the majority. Would I be OK with my DD doing this? Would not be in my top 100 career choices for her, but as an adult, it's her life to live, and would hope I've taught her how to make sound decisions for herself, whatever makes her life fulfilled. Just being a stripper is not the worst thing she could do. Live and let live.
    3 people like this.
  34. MNTwinSquared

    MNTwinSquared Well-Known Member

    I don't like the idea of strip clubs period. If he did, I certainly would not be wanting to talk to him to see exactly what happened. If you look too hard, you are sure to find something to be angry/mad about. If you're going to accuse him of lying, you'd better have proof.
  35. lharrison1

    lharrison1 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    No, I am not okay with any of it. Yes, I have been and was pretty turned off.
    The guys there made me want to puke the way they were all staring and it just seemed wrong.
    Sorry, that probably makes me a prude.
    If the guys are single-fine, whatever.
    I am not cool with my husband giving some other women money to rub her boobs in his face.
    Its not okay when he isnt paying her (that would be an affair) so why does giving her our money to do it make it fine?
    This is just me and this is just how I feel, I have no judgement of what others do in their marriage.
    5 people like this.
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