10 y/o identical twins one "gifted" other not

Discussion in 'Childhood and Beyond (4+)' started by StephH, Apr 2, 2019.

  1. StephH

    StephH New Member

    My twin girls have always been very similar ability in everything. They're both lovely singers, good at public speaking, very well behaved at school, lots of friends, fast swimmers.....Basically little clones.

    However just this academic year, 1 girl is getting ahead of the other. They are both able and clever so it hasn't taken much for this one to become "gifted" according to the school CAT 4 test. So she is being selected for STEM team tournaments and in a higher group and all the things you would expect....also for first time ever got a higher rating in report card.

    I am really conflicted about this and of course am extrapolating out to imagine them having to make different choices ref uni, career etc. They've always been so "matched" and while they are definitely individuals we have all, I now realise, taken comfort from their closeness and similarity. No rivalry, no jealousy, none of the things many siblings argue about. They even shared the starring role in school play!

    Does anyone have words of wisdom from one who's been there? How do I praise one without appearing to slight the other? It's hard because neither has an interest in doing something alone, so it's not like I can say "you're great at French while your sister is great at science" if you see what I mean? Anything academic and one is just better than the other. And anything extra curricular they're both equally great at. I know this is a nice problem to have, please don't get me wrong. But I worry very much about the twin who is being left behind.
     
  2. kingeomer

    kingeomer Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    How is the twin who was not rated gifted handling things?
    I can only say that with my twins (who are 11) that at this age, they are showing strengths and weaknesses in different areas. My daughter is better in math than my son (she is in a advanced math class this year with three other classmates, my son is not one of them). He's better at public speaking, social studies. I've told them that everyone is not good at the same thing and you might be good at something but someone is going to better than you at it. I just stress that they both try their best and work hard in whatever it is that they chose to do and praise them for their individual achievements.
     

  3. I just saw this and wanted to respond. My identical girls just turned 21. They have the same academic interests and have always done very similarly in school and in athletics and all their extracurricular activities. It is very difficult to celebrate one's accomplishment when the other is smarting for not having the same achievement. Mine were very equal but there were always some differences.... one was put in a gifted math program and the other was only added later. One did slightly better in high school .... even scored 10 points higher on the SATs (out of 2400 so you can see how similar they are), but it was always the same one that did that much better. She was just a bit more determined. I always felt like it was my job "to even things out" and it can be very stressful. It is kind of ironic because they ended up going to the same college and the one who did slightly worse in high school is now doing slightly better in college. I wish someone had just told me to relax about all of it. It is okay to celebrate one's success without diminishing the other. I wouldn't go overboard with celebration but you can strike a balance so the one doesn't feel like her accomplishment is being ignored and the other doesn't feel like it is being rubbed in her face. I used to tell them (and still do), "you are 2 different people and even though you are technically identical you are not exact replicas of each other ... you are 2 unique individuals, and there are many reasons why one of you might excel at something today and the other one will excel at something another day. Also, you have different teachers and different classes ... one may have a harder teacher, etc." I found that they both ended up fine, they both have positive self esteems, and are best friends. I truly believe that they did better together than either would've done alone as they pushed each other to work harder and strive for success. I hope this is helpful. Also, please enjoy them... they grow up so fast and then leave the "nest" and you miss them so much!
     
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