21 months and all HELL is breaking loose!

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by [email protected], Sep 27, 2010.

  1. stacy.alderfer@yahoo.com

    [email protected] Well-Known Member

    I think the title pretty much says it all... My girls are 21 months, I am a SAHM and find myself nearly in tears at the end of the day. They are just SO needy, whiny, clingy, fussy. They want to be independent (so throw fits if I try to help them eat) but can't do it very well themselves, so they end up hungry and don't snack well. They are teething. They are starting to fight with each other. They throw absolute fits if I get on the phone. They are really defiant, especially if I tell them no or try to enforce a time-out. They scream and screech and fuss. They get bored and frustrated easily. I get very, very few fun/good times during the days lately. I'm sort of jealous of my DH, who is like the best thing since sliced bread when he gets home from work - he gets all the smiles and giggles. I understand, of course, but it is still hard.

    How do/did you survive this phase? I am so overwhelmed just trying to be a good mom to these two, and yet the "terrible twos" are lurking out there! I don't have any friends IRL who have older twins who have been through this phase. Is this all normal? Thanks for letting me vent! :)
  2. kingeomer

    kingeomer Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    This phase sounds perfectly normal. As hard as it was, I was consistent with my discipline no matter how defiant they were. With eating, I would let them eat their own food and cut it up into a size that they could manage. Hang in there, this does pass. :hug:
  3. sistersbeall

    sistersbeall Well-Known Member

    my girls are 18 months and have been at this stage for a lil over a month now. i understand. i have days where i am so fed up by the time my husband gets home i make him do just everything for them. apparently this is very normal....my friends with one have all taked about this stage and how awful it was, and listening to them makes me want to scream "you only have one to contend with. how hard could it have been?" i feel for you, and i with for all of us that there was some magic chill pill that we could give them.
  4. Danibell

    Danibell Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Yep, my ds has already jumped into the terrible two's. He throws the biggest temper tantrum's of all my kids, refuses to listen when I tell him no, and it just a general little 2 yr old! :lol:

    Try to take one GREAT BIG DEEP BREATH mama! :hug: Pick your battles. Let them feed themselves, kids are amazing self regulators at eating. Allow extra time for them to eat, and let them go to it. They'll eat until they are full. Even if it makes a mess ;) Try not to use the word "no" too often, we use a harsh sounding "EH EH EH" sound (really hard to describe in words), for when they are doing something they shouldn't but that isn't dangerous. I save "NO NO NO" for when it's dangerous. Try to let them do as much as they want to by themselves, within reason, even if it means gritting your teeth for awhile ;) They really aren't doing it to be horrible to you, they are testing their limits, testing their environment, realizing their little world is expanding from the inside of their crib, the inside of their house, into their yard, and out into public. Sometimes, it's just plain overwhelming for them, and the temper tantrums ensue. It's a phase....and like all phases eventually it will pass.

    Is there any way for you to get out of the house by yourself occasionally?? I have a school meeting once a month, a twins club meeting once a month, and a mom's night out once a month. Not only does it make a world of difference for me to get out, but it makes a difference for my kids! They actually ask for me when I'm gone....who knew?! :D It's kind of a nice feeling, being missed.....and it makes it seem like I really am making a difference, some days!
  5. Lynn76

    Lynn76 Well-Known Member

    Hugs to you!

    I am in the same boat. Mine are just shy of 21 mos and it's awful here too. I have a 5yr old to contend with too. They are all boys and I don't really exist in their world anymore. It's all about daddy and I am starting to get frustrated. I am just the maid, cook, chauffeur, butt wiper, and thats about it. Not very good for the self esteem, huh!

    Have you had a break from them lately? Time to get away and enjoy some time for yourself or with girlfriends? I try and do either one at least 1-2 times a week. Getting together with the girls is only once to every other week but I do get out a few times a week to either grocery shop, hit the library, Kohls, Borders etc. Great time to get a breath.

    Hugs again!
  6. tiff12080

    tiff12080 Well-Known Member

    :help: :gah: :hug: :drown: :rotflmbo: :headbang: :wine: ......sorry just felt like expressing all of the emoticons that fit the bill..ya i'm there now!!!!
  7. silver_stardust

    silver_stardust Well-Known Member

    I could have written most of your post myself .... :drown: In fact, I just got done ranting and crying to my DH about this very issue. This past week the boys have like morphed into, I don't know what to call it. But they are whiny and clingy and really whiny. sigh. I'm trying to be really consistent with discipline and in my reactions to things but find myself exhausted by the end of the day as well. I don't have any advice other than to hang in there and you are soooo not alone!

    If I wasn't pregnant I'd be drowing in :wine: ..... mmmmm.
  8. tracylyn

    tracylyn Active Member

    I also could have written this post! My boys were just so hard to handle today. The sad thing is....mine are only 14.5 months old. It makes me worry what they are going to be like closer to 2!

    Hope things get better for you...I just keep reminding myself that it is just a stage and they will grow out of it. Every day when I wake up, I wonder what the day has in store for me!
  9. stacy.alderfer@yahoo.com

    [email protected] Well-Known Member

    Thanks for all your encouraging replies! They're in bed, I'm having a glass of wine, and also just thinking about what a sweet blessing they are, how much I appreciate their personalities and cuteness and how empty my life would be without them. Sometimes, we just have to trudge through these days one at a time. I'm so grateful for TS because I know you all understand how different it is with twins!
  10. lianyla

    lianyla Well-Known Member

    I remember 9 months and 21 22 months as the absolute WORST (after colic). Honestly, it will get better than THAT.. not great, but better!

    GL! I remember that time being SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO painful! Just get out of the house as much as you can. It helps.
  11. slugrad1998

    slugrad1998 Well-Known Member

    Mine are already like this at 15 months! I don't SAH, but I work mainly nights so really I am gone for 2 hrs before bedtime and get home an hour or so after they wake up. The days after I work are even worse; they cling to me, fight over me, cry if I put them down. They are jealous little creatures, to the point where while I am nursing my DS tries to use both sides to keep his sister away! The funny thing is that when I am gone they don't act that way for DH and he has been home with them from day 1. I think its something "special" they save just for mommy and I can't wait for them to grow out of it!!!
  12. AmberG

    AmberG Well-Known Member

    We are going through the same thing here. My twins are almost 21 months old. DS has had over a week of horrible tantrums and meltdowns. He has driven us out of Wal-mart and Target this week and ruined an afternoon of outings we had planned. He only wants "Da Da" and runs around in circles screaming for him. This can go on for 30 minutes or more. We are basically ignoring his tantrums. My DH is really frustrated with him. DS can go from sweet to horrible in just a few seconds.

    DD is better, but starting to get whiny. I am really getting nervous as to how this is going to work with 2 toddlers and a newborn.
  13. SC_Amy

    SC_Amy Well-Known Member

    I've struggled with this off and on for a VERY long time. My boys have good days and bad days, good weeks and bad weeks, but since they finally dropped their morning nap at 19 months, they have really been wearing me out!
  14. ronee75

    ronee75 Well-Known Member

    my girls are just about 20mos and can definitely be handfuls already...my main issue is that they fight with each other so much...lots of biting, hitting, scratching, and yelling go on...both like to throw the occasional fit, with one throwing herself on the ground if i don't understand her request, and the other jumps up and down crying until i "get it"...thankfully, they don't shove me aside for my dh yet when he gets home 'cause that would be pretty frustrating but other times i wish they would and give a break! from day 1 my girls have taken turns at being needy and clingy so i guess that's a good thing but they go for months at a time locked into their patterns and then one day they'll just switch roles! after reading all of these posts, i'm scared to think of what's next! and i know after experience with my oldest daughter that 2 isn't always the worst age...for her it was 3, so who knows what that will be like!
  15. jaclynkoehl

    jaclynkoehl Well-Known Member

    I've been trying tips from The Happiest Toddler on the Block and have had some success with using the toddler-ese to smooth out some of the fits. Unfortunately I haven't had any luck using it to get my DS to keep his pants/diaper on :-D
  16. miss_bossy18

    miss_bossy18 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    when my girls go through these phases, i find the best balm for my frayed nerves is to sneak into their room at night after they're asleep & just look at them for a minute or two. :laughing: then i remember that they can also be sweet & lovely. ;)

    :hug: it's hard when they get like this, but it will pass. sometimes when they're just being awful & nothing i'm doing is helping, i put them in their room & walk away for a few minutes to help get a grip on myself. sometimes, they just need to work it out for themselves. :hug:
  17. ilovemonkeys

    ilovemonkeys Well-Known Member

    I definitely know how you feel. The whining, crying, and tantrums grate on my nerves so much. The scary thing is that I keep hearing that the 3's are worse and that things don't really feel easier/better until they are 4. Seriously? 2 more years??? Yikes is all I have to say about that. :crazy:
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