Am I creating a problem?

Discussion in 'The First Year' started by jkendall, Apr 4, 2008.

  1. jkendall

    jkendall Well-Known Member

    I know that they are only 2 months old...

    Is it a problem, though, that my DS will not let me put him down at all? He has to be held constantly. If I even put him down to go to the bathroom, he screams. He can't take a nap without laying on me. I am worried that I am going to create a problem when I have to go to work again.

    Also, I feel bad because my DD is so independent. She usually just sits there and looks around. She hardly ever needs to be held. That makes me feel bad because she isn't getting as much attention.

    Should I be doing something different?
     
  2. Debbie F

    Debbie F Well-Known Member

    I do believe that all babies need to be held but you can over do it - Sounds like son is going to have real problems when you go back to work. I would start small and put him down for a few minutes at a time. You can't hold a child all the time. My neighbor is currently doing this and her daughter is 7 months already and you never see her not in her parents arm.

    You will drive yourself nuts and your son will never learn to self sooth if you carry him all day long - just my opinion though.
     
  3. HRE

    HRE Well-Known Member

    I believe it depends on you. I say hold that baby as much as you want to. If you feel it is too much, then work on finding ways to let him calm himself down (and a little crying never hurt anyone). Don't feel guilty about not holding your daughter as much, each child is different, and she obviously doesn't need it as much. I'm the person who will advocate for giving the child lots of tummy time, teaching them to self soothe, etc, but I also think that some just need more physical contact, and if it's what you WANT to do (not because of guilt or whatever, just because you want to hold him lots), then hold him.
     
  4. tishahodges

    tishahodges Member

    Thats how one of my boys was and the other one is just like your girl. I felt the same way you do. Like I gave Justin way more attention than I did Jacob. The thing is Justin needed my attention more than I guess Jacob felt he did. I have gotten Justin to the point where I can now put him down and he will coo and look around without crying. Now, there are some days he wants me more than others but he has gotten much better. I just started letting him cry and let him understand that mommy wasn't going to be holding him all the time and that he needed to try to soothe himself like his brother. Let me put it this way he was wanting me all the time before I went to work and now that I'm at work it has gotten him to the point where he doesn't need to hold him all the time while he is sleeping or even when he is wake. He is still very attached to me because when I pick him and his up from daycare and he see's me he gets this big smile on his face and then starts cooing. Where as Jacob doesn't even really make any eye contact or anything. So it all up to you and what you want to do. He will learn soon enough that mommy isn't always going to be around and that he has to learn to soothe himself. I hope that helped some.
     
  5. Joanna Smolko

    Joanna Smolko Well-Known Member

    I don't think you're creating a problem. Some kids are just more needy than others. I've read in many places that you can't spoil a baby that young. You can try short intervals of setting him down, and see how he reacts, as someone else suggested.

    That said, maybe you can find creative ways to hold him, like a swing--oops, I meant to type sling, but swings are terrific, too, so that you can hold your DD, too.
     
  6. Jayn

    Jayn Well-Known Member

    My oldest son was like that - - I just registered him for kindergarten yesterday. I wish I could get back one of those days when he wouldn't let me put him down :)
     
  7. excitedk

    excitedk Well-Known Member

    I also agree that -
    1. no, it is not creating a problem
    2. if it does not bother you don't change a thing
    3. if you need to find other ways to soothe him go ahead and try


    I have found they take turns being the needy one, rarely is there a time that no one is needy and luckily rarely is there a time they are both needy. Its like they sense to be cool while the other one gets what they need!!!
    My dd was my VERY needy one for the first 12 weeks (she had colic) and then for months ds was the one (major seperation anxiety) then dd again (major stranger anxiety)

    I believe you create independent children by letting them know you WILL always be there when you need them.
     
  8. ahmerl

    ahmerl Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(excitedk @ Apr 4 2008, 08:36 PM) [snapback]705309[/snapback]
    I also agree that -
    1. no, it is not creating a problem
    2. if it does not bother you don't change a thing
    3. if you need to find other ways to soothe him go ahead and try
    I have found they take turns being the needy one, rarely is there a time that no one is needy and luckily rarely is there a time they are both needy. Its like they sense to be cool while the other one gets what they need!!!
    My dd was my VERY needy one for the first 12 weeks (she had colic) and then for months ds was the one (major seperation anxiety) then dd again (major stranger anxiety)

    I believe you create independent children by letting them know you WILL always be there when you need them.



    I agree compeletely, hold away and love every minute of it!!!
     
  9. MichelleL

    MichelleL Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(HRE @ Apr 4 2008, 02:17 PM) [snapback]704965[/snapback]
    I believe it depends on you. I say hold that baby as much as you want to. If you feel it is too much, then work on finding ways to let him calm himself down (and a little crying never hurt anyone). Don't feel guilty about not holding your daughter as much, each child is different, and she obviously doesn't need it as much. I'm the person who will advocate for giving the child lots of tummy time, teaching them to self soothe, etc, but I also think that some just need more physical contact, and if it's what you WANT to do (not because of guilt or whatever, just because you want to hold him lots), then hold him.

    I think she said it perfectly!!

    My girls were like this. It would break my heart to see Lauren, the independent one, sitting there content just watching me soothe Emma, the fussier one. And now, Lauren is more clingy, like making up lost time.
     
  10. andiemc

    andiemc Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(MommaK @ Apr 4 2008, 11:37 AM) [snapback]704631[/snapback]
    I know that they are only 2 months old...

    Is it a problem, though, that my DS will not let me put him down at all? He has to be held constantly. If I even put him down to go to the bathroom, he screams. He can't take a nap without laying on me. I am worried that I am going to create a problem when I have to go to work again.

    Also, I feel bad because my DD is so independent. She usually just sits there and looks around. She hardly ever needs to be held. That makes me feel bad because she isn't getting as much attention.

    Should I be doing something different?


    I didn't read the other responses but my girls were like this. Annalise wanted to be held constantly and she screamed all the time. Evie was totally low key and just hung out!! They have now switched! Annalise is this giggly,happy independent little person while Evie is needy!! Go figure! I think with babies you can't hold them too much.Maybe he is uncomfortable? Reflux?
     
  11. andiemc

    andiemc Well-Known Member

    A friend told me that her grandmother always said,"You will never look back on your life and say, boy I held my baby too much!"
     
  12. snowmom

    snowmom Well-Known Member

    MommaK, give me back my babies!! LMAO!! Your two sound exactly like my son and daughter. Tyler is starting to learn to settle for Dad, and not just keep crying until my DH can't stand it anymore and hand him to me. Our daughter is so placid, content to be held or not by anyone. We're working on getting Tyler to settle himself now, letting him fuss for a bit before we pick him up. So far...????
     
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