Being mean to her brother

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by JennyR, Dec 5, 2010.

  1. JennyR

    JennyR Well-Known Member

    Hi ladies! I am in desperate need of some advice. My b/g twins are just over 3, and recently dd has become downright mean to ds. She says very hurtful things to him, and we frequently find him crying in the corner because his feelings have been hurt. Yesterday, she told him that she doesn't love him (he is very sweet and cuddly with her). Right now, she is sitting in time out for telling him that she was going to flush him down the toilet so that she doesn't have a brother anymore. I don't think that I give one more attention than the other, and I try very hard not to reward bad behavior with negative attention. Have any of you gone through this? What did you do to stop the behavior?

    Please, help! Its driving me nuts and really upsetting DH!

    -- Jenny
     
  2. nateandbrig

    nateandbrig Well-Known Member

    :hug: this is so hard! My dd can also be mean to ds. I'm not sure I have any advice other then to really praise her when she is nice. And to talk to her very calmly and nicely about how much mommy and daddy love her and how she loves you guys and how you love ds and how she loves ds. When my dd does this I feel the need to try to show my love to her more, it's more a gut instinct but I think it does help. Good luck :hug:
     
  3. tinalb

    tinalb Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    This is what I do as well. Of course, for really mean behavior I do give time outs, but mostly I try to encourage the love whenever I can. :hug: It is really hard to see them being mean to each other, I know.
     
  4. JennyR

    JennyR Well-Known Member

    It really is so hard to see. It probably wouldn't bother me as much if it didn't hurt his feelings so badly. Seeing him crying in the corner because of something she said to him just kills me. She is needier than he, so maybe she is just looking for more attention (though, I really can't imagine how to give her any more as she is glued to my side at all times). Thank you so much for the advice! Fingers crossed. . .
     
  5. Aeliza

    Aeliza Well-Known Member

    I don't have this problem as often as it sounds like you do, but when it does come up, I do explain how one's actions can hurt the feelings of his brother. I explain it's not a nice thing to say. I sometimes explain if his brother does something he doesn't like then tell him what he did or tell us. It actually seems to work for us. It doesn't work all the time, but they don't get in to it all the time. I also give more attention to the one getting yelled at by his brother. So for example, if Kiefer said something to Cameron or did something to him to make him cry, I'd go give Cameron a hug. That tells Kiefer that because he made his brother cry, he doesn't get the extra attention....his brother does. I still talk to Kiefer about his actions, but if it's attention from us he's looking for, he's not going to get it when he wants it the way he's trying to get it. If he is physical with Cameron to make him cry, I do send him to time out then request he give Cameron a hug when he's out of time out. That also seems to stop the aggressive behavior during the rest of the day. They don't act out much so it's not a constant thing I worry about, but it does come up. Of course, they are only 2-1/2, so there's going to be time for those bad days to appear I'm sure.
     
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