Center of attention (neg & pos)

Discussion in 'Childhood and Beyond (4+)' started by MNTwinSquared, Jan 7, 2014.

  1. MNTwinSquared

    MNTwinSquared Well-Known Member

    Ok, I had a very nicely written post here a few days ago but then it all got deleted before I could post.  :( 
    Basically, Clayton HAS TO BE the center of attention around here.  If daddy is wrestling with his little brother, Clayton needs to jump in, if I am hugging one of the kids, he has to join in and do a group hug.  It has gotten to the point where he is getting in trouble.  Lately he has had a need to be in the kitchen when I am cooking.  He will actually go and grab the (hot) pan/dish with his bare hands/fingers.  No matter how many times we tell him things are hot, or not to touch, or even him touching a hot pan, he still continues to go in the kitchen.  It is hard to work when the kids are around because if more than one person is in the kitchen, one is getting 'tripped' over.  In a matter of 5 minutes the other night I had to tell him 3 times to go away, get out or leave.  I'm waiting to have a hot pan of water that needs to be carried from one side to the other and have him trip me or something.  It has gotten that bad.  He gets told over and over to go sit down in his seat and he will be served his meal.  This siblings are not the best, but he is the worst at following that rule.  He told me the other day that he sometimes tries to get into trouble.  :headbang:
    I know that Audrey gets a lot of attention due to her hospitalization last year but I do give Clayton tons of praises and compliments.  He is the one, who if I ask, will do anything without arguing.  He is a HUGE helper.  He just doesn't seem to be able to listen very well.  He has been diagnosed at school as being on the autism spectrum. 
    It just astounded me that he purposefully tries to get into trouble, I'm  assuming for attention.  I know he struggles socially.  It saddens me that he only has one boy who he considers a friend.  I asked him about others and he sadly states: "I guess they didn't want to be friends with me anymore."  :(
    Advice?  With all the snow days he has just been climbing the walls, getting into trouble.  Academically he is very advanced.
  2. daisies

    daisies Well-Known Member

    Outsider looking in - it sounds like this line ^ sums up, both the problem and part of the solution.
    If he likes to help, can you create jobs for him to do while you are in the kitchen.. like set the table, fold the napkins, put cooking supplies things away, fold kitchen towels that are clean and need to be put away. You might have to get creative to keep him busy, or save things for him to do at that time.
    perhaps if he has an excuse to be close to you and participating he might be less under foot.  
    Praise and compliments may not feel the same to him as having your attention, especially undivided attention.  Can you make time for a mom/son date, or project? or take just him when you run an errand.  Even just a few minutes on a regular basis might make all the difference.
    1 person likes this.
  3. MNTwinSquared

    MNTwinSquared Well-Known Member

    I should say that Audrey gets attention because she always seems to need help with homework etc. .. probably doesn't have much to do with her hospitalization other than to get her to poop & take her meds.  He and I went shopping all by ourselves over the holidays, we play games together (he loves it) all the time. 
    Attention seeing is more how to describe his behavior.  He is always Mr. Speedy.  Give him homework and he gets it done in a minute.  Giving him 'chores' to do while I'm cooking is hard because then I'm divided.. have to figure out things for him to do and cook.  AND then he is reporting back to me when he is done in a minute... or else I have to go check on what he did.  Sorry, don't mean to make excuses.  I will certainly try the chores/things to help with while cooking. 
  4. Leighann

    Leighann Well-Known Member

     One thing that has worked for me when my girls are needing my attention (while I'm doing something else), is to use a timer and give them something to do with the instructions that they can come back and check on me after the timer goes off.  If they finish whatever they were doing, I tell them to keep themselves occupied until the timer goes off.  For one kid this usually means she'll grab her book to read, for the other kid she usually will go play with blocks.  
    I will admit the only time my girls really get to watch tv is while I'm making dinner though because they love to "help" and sometimes mommy is just not in the mood to accept their wonderful help (selfish mommy).
    2 people like this.
  5. MNTwinSquared

    MNTwinSquared Well-Known Member

    Ugh.. I Just turned off the song I was listening to so that I could listen to what Audrey had to say.  He went over to the iPad and turned the song back on.  Umm... I turned it off for a reason!  :headbang:
    Oh, and it is attention seeking before.  Whoops, gotta learn how to type.
    eta:  So, this is probably nit picking by me, but it is a repeat behavior.  I'm sorry.  I'm just ready for the kids to go back to school.  It's too cold to send the kids outside and they have had about enough of inside as they can handle.  This behavior I am talking about is not however only limited to days home from school. 
  6. tarcoulis

    tarcoulis Well-Known Member

    Have you tried a more complicated kitchen task?  My 8 year olds don't like the little jobs like setting the table but are happy to make pancakes on their own.  I'm in the kitchen doing something else while they measure, stir, adjust, grease, pour and flip.  The other day I gave one a recipe and told her to get out all the ingredients we needed (more to get her out of my hair than anything) while I did something else, and she did all of that as well as measuring stuff, bowls, trays and utensils.  They also love to chop vegetables into minute pieces.  It keeps them occupied for a long time in one place.  In other situations, I've told them outright "I know you're trying to get my attention but I'm doing XYZ right now and will give you attention when I'm finished."
    1 person likes this.
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