Dirty looks in public

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by melissa8, Oct 21, 2012.

  1. melissa8

    melissa8 Member

    I guess I just want to know that I'm not alone in this terrible twos phase. The girls always seem to misbehave or scream when we are out, and people always seem to glare at us. I have three girls, the oldest is almost 5 and the twins are a few months away from turning 3. The oldest is fine, but the twins can sometimes be terrors. I partly think the issue is that they don't get enough individual attention. Anyway, we even got kicked out of an I ice cream store the other day b/c one of the twins wouldn't stop crying as she wanted more Oreo topping and I was standing firm, b/c I think giving in when they cry makes it worse. While I could avoid the dirty looks by staying home, I don't want to give in and not enjoy activities with the kids outside the home. Besides, many of the times the stares are at kid friendly places from moms who don't have three kids under 5... It's so annoying!!!
  2. ECUBitzy

    ECUBitzy Well-Known Member

    You were kicked out of an ice cream place?! Man, that would tick me off.

    My advice is just to keep practicing. We often go to Target on week nights (when it's less crowded) to get the girls used to shopping without a cart or a stroller. Our rule, though, is that a meltdown = leaving. Even if I have a full cart or we're in the middle of something, the screaming child is lifted and carried out immediately. I do pick my battles, though. If they want to carry a ball around the store, I let them. If they don't want to hold my hand but will stay close anyway, I allow it.

    I'm sorry it's stressful! It will get easier!
    6 people like this.
  3. Fran27

    Fran27 Well-Known Member

    I'd be pissed off too! You did the right thing! Although if my kids kept crying I would probably have got rid of the ice cream and left anyway... but it gets better, promise!
  4. MarchI

    MarchI Well-Known Member

    My advice is to start prepping them at home. Henry has had the melt down over toppings (toppings are good). So, before we went back to the yogurt store, we talked about the behavior that is expected and if they could not behave, we would have to leave. Make sure they understand what is expected and they will start behaving that way. I am sorry you got kicked out, that sounds terrible.
    2 people like this.
  5. NicoleLea

    NicoleLea Well-Known Member

    I feel your pain! My girls are 4 and this still happens. It makes me SO MAD. I think "Haven't you ever seen a crying child before?" And they look at you like you are a child abuser just because your kid is throwing a tantrum. UGH. We are also working on the tantrums and they are getting better so there is hope.
  6. dtomecko

    dtomecko Well-Known Member

    I was probably judmental before I had kids, but now I know better! I can't believe people with kids act that way. If I witnessed another kid's tantrum, and the mom was standing her ground and not giving in and doing what the kid wanted just to keep them quiet, I think they are being a great parent and gain so much respect from me.
    4 people like this.
  7. MrsWright

    MrsWright Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Yup not alone! Your in pretty good company I think;). I applaud you for standing your ground bc I'm a big pushover!:/. I will say by telling them repeatedly what I expect from them it does help their behavior a ton! We don't have public tantrum a lot more so mine can't seem to talk without yelling at the top of their lungs when we're out! All of Arby's knew jack had to poop yesterday bc I could hear them laughing at us hahaha:)
    Can I ask who kicked you out of an ice cream place? I mean was it some kind of fancy million dollar ice cream? If not, they're not getting mine....or my topping lover kids' business again! Ridiculous!
  8. w101ttd

    w101ttd Well-Known Member

    I totally understand. My kids used to be like that. But we stayed strong. We have the agreement that if they are nice through the weekdays, then we will go to places (playgrounds, soft place, bouncy, science museum,..) on the weekend. But if they misbehave, we go straight home right away. And we always have little talks why we have to go home. After couple trips back home and no fun, they learned. They are way well behave in public now. Same rules with food, misbehave, food goes straight to trash can. They threw out a storm of anger. But so what rules are rules

    Now, we only have behavior issue at their gym class. They just love it so much and got so excited and keep getting up and running around. Their teacher didn't like that. I totally understand. She has to keep like 15 kids (18 months - 3 yrs old) under control. So she always gives out warnings. If they reach the limits, no suckers at the end of the class. They got so upset. I mean really upset. But you know what, they got better at the class. I am so happy that teacher doesnt give them candy when they are bad.

    And talking about dirty looks, we got tons. When my kids got up and ran around, other kids did too. And ther parents gave me dirty looks. Some parents even moved their kids from next to my kids to the middle class. I felt bad about this. But I try the best I can to keep them under control. Many parents came and asked me if they were twins. I was not sure if it meant curious or bad (like oh that's why your kids out of control).

    It's a tiring battle. They got better. But still it's in progress. Good luck!
  9. Fran27

    Fran27 Well-Known Member

    Here's an article I read today about this! http://celebritybabies.people.com/2012/10/18/poppy-montgomery-blog-public-meltdowns/
  10. Robynsegg

    Robynsegg Well-Known Member

    Before I unbuckle the kids I tell them "if you are not on your best behaviour they will kick us out of the store" But I would keep on getting out there and getting your girls used to it all! I would stick to your guns and commit. I pick my battles as well...

    I have had it when one of my kids will throw a fit because I won't allow something and then they start crying "I want my Mama" (I'm mommy, my wife is Mama). I don't look like one to have a wife so people start staring at me as if I have abducted these children!! Its so embarassing!

    Hang in there though it will get better!
    3 people like this.
  11. ECUBitzy

    ECUBitzy Well-Known Member

    Oh, man, this got me laughing! That's a scenario I wouldn't even consider!

    My girls scream for grandma when they're good and mad. One of these days I'm going to reply, loudly and in public, "Mana can't save you!" and just wait for DSS to show up.
  12. melissa8

    melissa8 Member

    Thanks for all of the support everyone. The kids are so awesome and make my life so much more enjoyable, that I can usually get over it by knowing that my life is so much more fulfilled than some of these other people. However, there are times that I worry maybe I am doing something wrong. Unfortunately the ice cream store incident occurred when my husband went to grab the car, after we had walked two miles through an art fair, and I didn't have a way to just leave... The threats to "behave so we don't get kicked out" have worked a little bit since then. The last few days I have been better at rewarding good behavior "mommy is not going to pick you up unless you are a good girl, do you want to pick up that cookie you just threw on the floor like a good girl?" So far it's working, but not sure how long it will last ;)
  13. Heathermomof5

    Heathermomof5 Well-Known Member

    One day we were in a restaurant, the girls were acting awful so I decided to just get our food to go. As I was paying, an older woman came up to me and told me that I should be embarrassed of how the girls were acting. Out of nowhere my son Jared piped up and said "no one asked you, did they". I have never been so proud of my filter less teenager LOL! That is the stance I take on it now. I do my very best to control the situation with my kids and will take a child that is disturbing the peace out but in reality it is no one else's business and I could care less what they think. You are not doing anything wrong, even the most well mannered child has their moments. Childhood is a learning experience not only for the parents, but for the child. Every adult has been a child and NONE of us are perfect.
    2 people like this.
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